Not Like This
by Dasyy7
Summary: Meet SSA Jamie Carter. She's the newest addition to the BAU. When someone from Jamie's past is thrown into her present, life as they know it is bound to change. Will the two of them be able to leave their history behind or will circumstances from the past interfere with the now?
1. We Meet Again

**So, I had published this story back towards the end of 2016. I ultimately deleted this story because I was busy and kind of lost interest in it. I still want the same ending for this story as I did last time, I just need to rewrite some chapters and replan as I go since I was unhappy with the direction the story was going in during the last writing process. Also, looking back at how I was writing this story really made me cringe. It was pretty awful to say the least. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy and please review! Your insight on this fic will provide me with encouragement, which is greatly appreciated. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter One: We Meet Again**

 **April 21st, 2014**

"Alright, I just need you to sign here and then one last signature at the bottom."

There was a calm, but strange silence that entered the room for a moment, leaving just as quickly as it welcomed itself.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Agent Hotchner asked, eyebrows in a deep furrow as he stared into the girl before him.

"I was born ready." Jamie responded, maybe a little overconfident. She swiftly grabbed the black ball-point pen from the desk, clicked the top on her hand and signed her name, not once, but twice. One in neat print and the other in appealing cursive: Jamie A. Carter.

"Well, welcome to the team Agent Carter. We're lucky to have you/" Hotch offered his hand, standing as he did. Jamie followed action and stood as well, firmly taking the man's hand and shaking it.

Jamie felt a new sensation go through her body. Finally, she was able to hear the word "agent" in front of her name, which filled her with immense satisfaction. A little lost in her own world, she didn't realize that someone had entered the office. They didn't knock, maybe because the door was slightly cracked, or they simply felt comfortable without a warning.

"Oh, sorry Hotch. The door was open..." she tried to explain her reason for entry.

Jamie turned her attention to the woman and let her eyebrows raise in surprise. The woman had pink strips in her blonde hair and she was wearing an outfit that Jamie assumed reflected her personality. Her silk looking blue dress, paired with her beige cardigan that had birds, trees and what looked like cherry blossoms on the left side, complimented her black sheer tights. She was also wearing black heels, maybe five or six inches high and they were made from a velvet like material.

"It's fine, Garcia, please. This is Agent Carter, she's now a part of the BAU." Hotch motioned with his hand for her to come closer, introducing her to the new addition.

Garcia, as Jamie knew her, gasped with enthusiasm and questioned, "So, the rumors are true?"

Jamie shared a look of wonder with Hotch. She stepped forward to shake Garcia's hand and was met with a grip that was strong and confident within itself. "Jamie Carter, nice to meet you."

"Penelope Garcia," she courteously replied.

Garcia was obvious with her once over of Jamie, causing Jamie to let go of a small grin. She released her eyes from the new, taken aback agent, turning her attention to her unit chief. "Everyone is here, except for Reid. He called Morgan so he could let us know that he would be a few minutes late." she explained to Hotch.

"Okay, I'll be down in a few minutes with Agent Carter. Thank you, Garcia."

Garcia nodded at the both of them and turned to walk out the door, looking back slyly with a smile on her face.

Jamie let out a trivial laugh and crossed her arms over her chest. "She's quite a character." she joked playfully.

"Yes, but she's great. She seems to like you and I'm sure the other members of the team will also. Follow me, please." Hotch said without looking at Jamie, only eyeing the papers on his desk. Then, he started to move. Jamie followed him down a small, but wide hallway into the debriefing room.

Jamie felt a sudden tug of anxiety as she entered the room and saw all the surprised faces in the room. She wondered if her arrival was expected, considering the look of shock coming from those around her. They were all looking at her, not bothering to take their eyes away.

Finally, Hotch made the announcement. "Everyone, I know you've been curious about a new addition to our team since Agent Acosta left. This is Agent Carter. I've met with her a few times within the past month and she'll be a valuable part of our team."

Jamie gave her best, assertive smile and gave a sort of flimsy wave with her left hand.

 _"They're all profilers, they can probably smell your nervousness."_ she said in her mind.

As she tried her best to stay calm and collected, all of her new colleagues began to introduce themselves. The first was a beautiful blonde. "Hi, I'm Jennifer Jareau. You can call me JJ if you'd like."

"Nice to meet you," Jamie replied, moving onto the next person.

The next was another woman named Emily. "Agent Emily Prentiss. Nice to have you join us-"

"Yeah, we've been waiting to see who Hotch would bring in next."

Prentiss back-handed the muscular shoulder of the man next to her, who was rubbing his hands together. He seemed somewhat intimidating, but Jamie was used to that. Eventually, he reached out his hand to Jamie. "Derek Morgan."

"Pleasure," Jamie countered, a hint of sarcasm buried in it.

Now, Jamie thought Garcia's grip was strong, but holy mother of god.

The last person in the room who was still waiting to introduce himself stepped forward, extending his hand. "David Rossi. Pleased to meet you Agent Carter."

Jamie smiled as she recognized the man, but kept that to herself. In the moment, she felt a smidge pf awkwardness, considering that it was her first day and she was the center of attention.

"And you've already met Garcia. So, are we ready to debrief?" Hotch asked.

"Well, Spence still isn't here. He's usually never late." JJ mentioned.

"Maybe Boy-Wonder had a late night last night…you know." Agent Morgan said jokingly, but nobody seemed to be fazed by his banter.

As if on que, the sound of rapid footsteps made their echoes through the hallway and into the room. Jamie didn't look up right away. She was consumed in the content of her case file that had been handed to her by Hotch.

"Sorry I'm late everybody. I had a late night last night." the voice explained.

"My man!" Morgan shouts and small laughs filled the room.

At this point, Jamie moves her eyes from the file and looked around to see who had entered the room. His back was turned to her for a moment until someone mentioned the elephant in the room (Jamie). The sweater vest wearing individual turns around to introduce himself and to his own dismay and Jamie's, they need no introduction.

"…Jamie?" he questioned. His eyes were wide and his eyebrows narrowed.

Jamie let a tiny and hopefully undetected scoff escape her mouth. "Spencer Reid…" She delivered those words as if she had been waiting for this moment her whole life.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review! I would really appreciate it.


	2. First Day on the Job

**Hey all, I'm so glad there had been interest taken in this story. Thanks to those who have followed or favorite this story. So, as it seems like I'm committing to another fic, I am happy to tell you that I have the first twenty chapters or so planned out. When school starts again, I'm not sure how much free time I'll have to write, but I'll do my best to update. Also, I have a couple request for you readers. First, for this story I'm going to ask that you not follow the timeline of episodes from the show. I am jumping around from seasons, borrowing plots from several episodes to fit my story. Second, I am keeping these characters in my story: Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, Reid, JJ, Prentiss, and Garcia, along with my OC, of course. So, keep in mind that other team members from the past (Blake, Callahan, etc.) will not be in this story.**

 **With that said, i hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Two: First Day on the Job**

Those hazel eyes, that freshly cut chestnut hair. It was longer the last time Jamie saw him. The sight in front of her stunned her, not in a bad way, but in more of a "oh my lord" way. He had always been mature for his age, now though, his eyes seemed to be filled with wisdom and unfortunately, through the sudden shock, Jamie could swear there was a hint of upset buried inside him.

Jamie offered the young agent a grin and stepped forward, casually opening her arms to him. "Long time no see, huh?"

Spencer accepted her hug, taking her in his arms and hesitantly pulling her close. He didn't bother looking at his colleagues, who were staring at the pair with obvious, intense curiosity. "Wow, uh, Jamie. Wh-what are you doing here? I mean, how-how did you…?"

Jamie found the stuttering somewhat distracting, but she couldn't blame the guy. If you thought that you would never see someone ever again and then they suddenly showed up after ten years, wouldn't you be flustered and shaken, too? Jamie tucked a lock of her brown hair behind one ear and bit the inside of her cheek. "Well, I work here now. I think it's safe to assume that you do, too?"

Spencer was still taken aback, letting his eyes linger on a major part of his past; a part that had made the decision that nearly broke him. He turned his attention to his unit chief, a question on the tip of his tongue. "Hotch, you didn't tell us who you were bringing onto the team…"

"Do we ever know before they get here?" Morgan remarked.

Jamie could've sworn in that moment that Spencer was disappointed, even disconcerted by her unexpected presence; but she shook it off. She had no responsibility to tell him anything anymore. Was she aware of her past flame being employed with the FBI? Yes, but she wasn't in the loop about him being in the BAU. It was an honest coincidence, right?

Hotch looked at Spencer, deadpanned. "I wasn't aware that the two of you knew each other. It doesn't make a difference, though. So, please, we have a case to work." He gestured to the seats around the table, everyone following suit, taking one chair.

Jamie took a seat next to JJ and Morgan, across the table from Spencer. She attempted to slightly turn he head to get a quick glance at him, but to her dismay, he was already looking at her. Her head snapped back forward, eyes locking onto Garcia and the screen before her.

"Okay, crime fighters," Garcia began. "those of you who love a good mystery, you're going to love this one. Gary Ellard, Barry Deaver, Paul Hicks, and Terry Rodgers. Over the course of the last month-and-a-half, all four of these men have gotten into their cars in La grande, Oregon and drove straight into never-to-be-seen-agains-ville. The latest victim, Terry Rodgers disappeared twenty-four hours ago."

"Does forensic evidence point us anywhere?" JJ asked first.

"Point would imply there is evidence, and there is no evidence, at least for the first three victims."

Jamie shuffled through the papers in her file, her brain already working up to the magnitude that the job needed.

"No witnesses, no ransom demands, no forensics. Maybe these guys just voluntarily decided to hit the road?" Morgan offered.

"Four sudden disappearances in a community this small, I doubt this is about seeking greener pastures." Rossi jumped in.

"And based on last known sightings, we're dealing with a sizable geographical area." Hotch added.

"He's efficient and well organized. It's not easy to make four people vanish and stay that way." Morgan mentioned, shaking his head.

Jamie opened her mouth and was about the say something, conveniently at the same time as Spencer. It took them both by surprise. They stared at each other, wondering and silently telling the other to go ahead and be heard. Spencer broke that and gestured with his hand for Jamie to go ahead and speak.

"I was just going to mention that political kidnappings usually-actually _frequently_ request holding multiple adults simultaneously." She noticed the heads of her new colleagues, nodding, agreeing with comment.

"Or they're already dead. Nothing says 'can't be found' like a shallow grave in the middle of nowhere." Rossi added, almost in an obvious tone.

"Okay, assuming that they _are_ alive, how is this unsub controlling them?" Prentiss offered.

"And for what purpose?" Jamie thought out loud, her eyes focused on the bright screen in front of her.

"The time between abductions is shortening with each victim. Wheels up in thirty." Hotch gave a confirming nod to the team, standing from his seat and making his way into the hallway rather quickly.

Jamie noticed this and took her chance to chase him down, slightly anxious about what went down before the debriefing. Her boots clacked loudly on the tile flooring, making her attempt to catch him noticeable. "Excuse me, Agent Hotchner?" she called, slowing her pace as he stopped in front of her.

"Is there something you need to tell me, Agent Carter?"

 _"_ _Wow, straight to the point then."_ she thought quickly to herself before speaking out loud. "About Dr. Reid, I promise that I-"

"Look," he interrupted. "anything that you and Dr. Reid went through in the past, should stay in the past. I don't want to know and I don't need to know about it. As long as this does not affect the team or the way we work, you'll be fine."

Jamie nodded with stern acknowledgment and began making her way back to the debriefing room to grab her file from the table.

"Oh, and by the way," Hotch called her back. Jamie spun around, waiting for some possible discipline. "you can stop calling me Agent Hotchner. Hotch is fine" With that, he walked away, back to his office to prepare for the case.

Jamie let a grin sneak up on her face and proceeded to the briefing room. When she arrived, there was nobody in sight. She grabbed her file and strutted her way down to the bullpen. Upon arrival, she noticed the desk that was cleared out just for her. There was a shiny new name plate sitting on it. It made her feel ecstatic on the inside, but she was a master at keeping it calm on the outside. She sat down in the rolling chair and spun herself around one time. Her feet found their way onto the desk top, and she was glad there was nobody to witness her beaming with delight. Jamie heard footsteps behind her, so she swiftly took down her bootie covered feet and looked back where the noise was coming from.

It was JJ.

They offered one another a smile as she approached Jamie. When she stood by Jamie, her perfume filled the air. It was sweet, but not like candy. "That was quite a start to your first day, huh?"

Jamie shook her head, her green eyes meeting the blonde's blue ones. "I knew he worked for the FBI, but I had _no_ idea he was part of the BAU. I mean, we haven't spoken in years."

"Has to be a coincidence, right?"

Jamie sat in thought for a moment. Did she really believe in coincidences, that certain event might happen for a reason? She wouldn't even be able to answer that for herself. "Oh yeah, it was so meant to be." she remarked sarcastically, placing a hand over her heart.

JJ laughed. "Well, you know everyone is dying to know about it. Even Hotch wants to know. I heard what he said to you earlier. Even though he may not seem that interested, trust me, he's in the loop just as much as we are about these kinds of things."

 _"_ _Freaking fantastic."_ Jamie muttered internally. At the same time, though, she felt the environment shift. It was like JJ accepted that Jamie wasn't willing to share at the moment. She was grateful for that and she could tell that even though they just met, she could consider JJ a friend.

"Alright, well we better get going. Got a plane to catch." Jamie said, standing from her desk chair. She walked out the bullpen, JJ trailing not too far behind.

There was a new story to write with this new beginning, and Jamie knew-actually, she _hoped_ that it would look nothing like her past.

* * *

Stepping onto a private jet was a little exhilarating to Jamie. She took into account the leather seats, the mini kitchen, and the soothing neutral tones. Taking a seat by herself, she pulled out her case file. Before she knew it, everyone was on board and they were in midair. A ringing came from the laptop in front of Hotch and everybody's attention was given to it. It was Garcia, ready to provide any information she could on the victims.

Hotch started in right away. "Garcia, anything on the last victim, Terry Rodgers?"

Typing could be heard from their end of the call. "Only that he's unemployed and lives in a cabin in the woods. But primitive, like, no flushing toilet primitive."

"That doesn't fit the victimology of the other three. Ellard coaches track and field at a local college, Deaver's a small business owner, and Hicks is an attorney." Morgan mentioned.

"And they're all married with young families." JJ added.

"Another difference with the first three victims is that they were all born _and_ raised in La Grande. Rodgers only moved there a couple of months ago." Jamie provided her insight.

"Do we know where he moved from, Garcia?" Spencer asked.

"Rhode Island." she answered confidently. "Though, there is a five-month gap between Terry being in Rhode Island and then arriving in Oregon. Where he was and what he was doing, is a big fat blank."

"It says here that vomit was found in the vicinity of his abduction." Prentiss pointed out from the case file.

"Mm, thank you for reminding me of that disgusting detail." Garcia bantered. "Yes, the vomit has been collected and is being analyze as we speak, and I'm very grateful that I have this job and someone has that one that's _not_ me."

"Rodgers is obviously the anomaly of the four, but there's no apparent overlap between any of the victims." Spencer observed.

Jamie nodded her head in agreement. "It's almost like this unsub was selecting random targets."

"Okay, Prentiss, you and Morgan go talk to the families of the victims. See if there is anything that links them that isn't on paper. Rossi and I will go to the abduction sight. Reid, Carter and JJ, go to Terry Rodger's cabin. He's the one we know the least about. Maybe there's a reason he made himself obscure." Hotch instructed the team, followed by everyone doing their own reading over the case along with their file.

Jamie noticed without looking up all the way, that Spencer had gotten up to make some coffee. She decided to take the slight window of opportunity to go talk to him. She stood from her seat, placing her file down to replace her absence and walked back to the miniature kitchen. Arriving right beside him, she inhaled through her nose and exhaled slowly before she spoke. "…how are you?" she asked, mentally slapping herself for sounding too reluctant.

"I'm actually doing very well for myself. Sure didn't expect to see you again, let alone _here_ of all places. How did you even get this job?" The words poured out of his mouth at a fast pace, leaving Jamie to stare at him in concern. He made no effort to look at the girl, absent, mindlessly stirring his coffee as he produced his word vomit.

With his question still hanging in the air, Jamie jumped to defend herself. She let out a scoff and crossed her arms in defense. "First, I am _very_ qualified for this position and secondly, I was asked to meet with Hotch." she explained matter-of-factly. She stared right at Spencer, who still refused to meet her eyes. Although, at the same time, she could see Spencer ease up just a tad. His shoulders relaxed and the stern, narrowing look on his face softened. The man was not in the company of a stranger. As far as Jamie knew, he knew her better than she knew herself and she doubted that time had changed that.

Finally, hazel met green and lingered there for a moment. "This is crazy, Jamie. I-I just…"

"Glad to see I can still make you speechless after all this time." Jamie said, playfully. Then, she wondered if she was unintentionally flirting with him. Perhaps it was a given, but whether she wanted to or not, her words were delivered with minor coquetry.

Before Spencer could reject what she said, Morgan called to them. "You two making up for lost time back there or what?"

Jamie gave a half-hearted laugh. She looked up at Spencer one last time and decided to leave his bubble. Sitting back down in here seat, file in her hands, she opened it up and began analysis over her first case as SSA Jamie Carter.

* * *

Riding in the SUV with Spencer and JJ was anything but enjoyable. Jamie swore that JJ could easily feel the tension in the air all throughout her body, just as she felt it herself. Throughout her life, Jamie repeatedly reminded herself that the best thing she could do in certain situations was to not think, not wonder, not imagine, and not obsess. Eventually, everything works out for the best. She couldn't stress out about the things she wasn't able to control, whether or not those things affected her directly.

Arriving at the cabin provided Jamie with a feeling of release. She was sure that her colleagues wanted out of that air-tight box just as badly as she did. JJ brought the car to a halt, all three agents making their way out of the SUV. They were greeted by local police who showed them the basics of the cabin, which, in Jamie's opinion, wasn't too shabby. Entering the cabin, Jamie let her eyes roam over every visible object, every observable surface. She placed on her blue gloves and went to work.

"Okay, economics, philosophy, political theory. Not exactly breezy, take to the beach reading." JJ mentioned as she was going through piles of books.

"I'd do it, but I don't really like the beach." Spencer commented.

Jamie couldn't help the smirk that appeared on her face. She was glad her back was to the others.

"Oh yeah, and why is that?" JJ mused.

"Sandy food, sunburn, limited and unengaging topographies, but oh wait for it," Jamie teased, holding one finger in the air for dramatics. "the drug-resistant bacteria that is spread by seagull feces." She shared a look between JJ and Spencer, hoping that her clarification was decent enough for JJ.

JJ's eyes went back and forth between the two, amusement and faint concern written across her features. "Is that why?" she questioned Spencer.

He nodded his head, his lips going in a straight line. "Yeah, pretty much."

JJ laughed, then fixated her attention back on their work. "There's a lot of material here about global warming, overcrowding, the evils of technology."

"And there's also no phone, no television." Jamie pointed out. "What the heck does this guy do for fun? I'd go batty without my CW shows." Her witty remark earned a grin from her female coworker.

"I think I might've found the answer." Spencer pronounced, observing a small bag in his hands. His back was turned from the two female agents as he inspected for a second longer. When he turned around, he held up a snack sized bag…filled with marijuana.

Jamie's eyebrows went up in disbelief. "No way."

Spencer shrugged, allowing Jamie to take the bag and show it to JJ. After observing it for a quick minute, they placed it back where it was found and examined the cabin further. Deciding they had seen enough, the three of them went back out to the SUV.

"I'll drive." Jamie offered.

"Are you sure?" JJ asked.

Jamie nodded and took the keys that were being handed to her. She hopped in the front seat and started the engine. When everybody was in, she adjusted her review mirror, catching Spencer's eyes when she did. "You guys like music?"

"Uh, I don't mind." JJ responded.

"Don't tell me you're about to play classic rock." Spencer sounded from the back.

"Oh, you know me so well, Spencer." Jamie joked, driving out of the gravel driveway of the cabin.

"And some things never change." he muttered to himself, but Jamie heard it loud and clear.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.

If you like Supernatural, check out my work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	3. The Universal Truth

**Hey everyone, here is Chapter Three for those of you who enjoy this story. I'm hard at work right now making sure I write out quality chapters for you all. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Three: The Universal Truth**

Jamie turned off the radio as they arrived at the police station where the rest of the team was. All three got out of the SUV, making their way inside in an orderly fashion. Entering the conference room with their team setup, Rossi was quick to ask, "Did you learn anything?"

"Spencer doesn't like the beach." JJ joked.

That received an odd look from Rossi. He looked between the three of them, eyes finally landing on Jamie, as if he was waiting for her to explain.

"Seagull feces." she simply said, hoping that would be enough for the man as an explanation. Her face showed no comicalness in it, sending the message that she wasn't playing around.

"It's true." Spencer spoke up. "Terry Rodgers definitely wanted to live off the grid. There's a small generator for minimal electrical needs. There's no phone, no tv, no radio."

"Lots of material about the evils of technology, living healthy off the land, that sort of thing." JJ added.

"Sounds like the Unabomber." Rossi commented, looking at Hotch next to him.

"Spencer did find a small stash of marijuana that was hidden away." Jamie mentioned.

"Did you find any evidence that a baby lived there or visited there?" Hotch asked, looking between JJ and Jamie.

"Uh, no, why?" JJ pondered.

"I just got the list of things that he bought at the supermarket." Hotch took papers from the desk top, handing them over to JJ, who accepted them.

She read the list out loud. "Four jars of baby food…"

Before she could continue, the sheriff arrived in the room. "A body matching Rodgers' description was found in a river ten miles out of town."

All four agents in the room exchanged glances, rushing out to go to the river.

* * *

The body was being brought down onto the bridge, slow and steady. When it hit the ground, Jamie got a clear look. She bent down closer to the body, seeing every inch that was visible.

"A fisherman found him washed up on the bank." The Sheriff mentioned, eyes glued to the victim.

Morgan, who was right beside Jamie, spoke. "Well, other than the ligature marks on the wrist and ankles, there's no sign of violence or torture."

"A lot of care was taken with the killing _and_ the disposal of the body." Jamie concluded upon her own observations.

"Sedation and drowning." Morgan added.

"We may have to dramatically reassess who this unsub is." Hotch declared.

Jamie nodded her head and rose from the ground, standing straight up again.

"What do you mean?" The Sheriff questioned.

Jamie turned her attention to her. "We might be looking for a woman. Considering how woman are usually, uh, how do I put this?" Jamie wondered out loud.

"…cleaner?" Morgan offered.

"Exactly." Jamie replied. "As we said before, there was care that went into the killing and the disposal. Meaning that we have to take into consideration that this could be a woman unsub."

"Okay, I'll let my guys in on it." The Sheriff replied, leaving the three agents alone.

Jamie started walking back to the SUV she arrived in, disposing of her gloves as she walked. Morgan caught up to her side, Jamie turned and offered him a smile.

"Not bad, Carter." he joked, almost sounding impressed, as if he was expecting less of her.

"Believe it or not, I know a thing or two."

* * *

The drive back to the station felt like a lifetime to the girl. Sitting passenger with not a word said between her and Morgan, while Hotch took his own vehicle, was less than lovely. Jamie didn't mind the quiet, but the strain in the air was evident. She didn't know why, maybe her new coworker suspected the worst about her. It was getting late and Jamie was drained, but there was still work to be done.

Finally, they pulled into the parking lot and Morgan came to a steady stop. He shut off the engine and both agents hopped out and made their way inside.

Jamie beelined for the conference room, hoping to get a moment to herself. When she arrived, however, that's not what she got. There, sitting down at the conference table was Spencer. He was reading over the pile of papers that covered the table top. She was about the head back out the door when his voice sounded from behind her.

"Hey." was all he said. His tone was quiet, probably just as worn-out as she was.

Jamie took in a deep breath before turning around again. She gave Spencer a small, half grin and slowly started walking towards him, putting her hands in her back pockets. "Hey."

"What did you find out from the body?"

"What?"

Spencer gave a confused look. "…the body? Terry Rodgers down at the river?"

Jamie snapped out of whatever daze she had been in. She squeezed her eyes shut and moved her hands down her face. "Oh right, uh, we're thinking that we need to consider a woman as being the unsub."

"Makes sense. Looking at these photos, the killings and the disposals seem clean."

"Took the words right out of my mouth." Jamie sighed, standing awkwardly beside him.

"…are you going to sit?"

"…sure." Jamie sat down in one f the other black, wheeled chairs around the table and put her head in her hands. She stayed in that position for a minute or two, rubbing the palms of her hands over her eyes. When she looked back up, she noticed Spencer staring at her. No, not staring, more like _studying_ her. Jamie stared back for a moment, not as intensely, but her eyes met his. As weird as it was, she couldn't help it when she let out a breathy laugh, letting her eyes focus on anything but the man in front of her. "What is it, Spencer?"

"You still look the same."

Jamie's green eyes met with his deep hazel ones once more. Admittedly, his comment took her by surprise, but she laughed at it anyway, almost in a shy manner. "Well, I think I'll take that as a compliment."

He didn't respond.

The pair sat in silence as Spencer was once again reading over the paperwork. Jamie grabbed some herself, pretending to look interested at whatever she was looking at. Before she knew it, words started spilling out of her mouth.

"I'm sorry." she apologized, her face sincere.

Now, it was Spencer's turn to be surprised. He loosely let the papers fall from his hands. "For what?"

Jamie shrugged her should and let out a huff of air. "For showing up in your life like this. I didn't even know that you were in the BAU until you walked into that debriefing room this morning."

He gave her a jumbled look.

 _"_ _Rather that than the cold shoulder."_ she thought to herself.

"It's okay. Yes, it was completely unexpected, but that doesn't mean we can't be civilized with one another."

A wave of relief found itself being washed over Jamie. She released the clench of her muscles and relaxed a little more into her chair. "So, is it safe to assume that you don't hate me?" she asked, half kidding and half serious.

"Not anymore." Spencer answered honestly.

 _Ouch_.

Suddenly, the rest of the team was entering the room. Eyes fell on the two of them sitting at the table. Nothing was said about it, and Jamie was grateful. Rossi, Morgan, Prentiss, JJ all sat down around the table. Hotch made his way to the front of the room next to the board.

Hotch studied the board for a moment. "There's got to be something that links these victims together."

"They were all athletic." Rossi mention. "Ellard teaches track and field, Deavers has a martial arts studio, Hicks had tendonitis from playing competitive tennis."

"But Rodgers' trainer said he was out of shape." JJ pointed out.

"The medical examiner determined Rodgers' time of death?" Hotch wondered.

"Three hours from when he was found at the river." Prentiss clarified.

"So, the unsub kept Rodgers alive for the entire day before drowning him." Morgan noted.

Then, Hotch's phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket, pressing the button for voicemail. "Go ahead, Garcia."

"Okay, I've got something and its really bugging me. I can't figure out what Terry Rodgers was doing those missing five months. I mean, you can't sit on a park bench in this country and _not_ leave a paper trail."

"But you figured it out?" Rossi asked, hopeful.

"No." Garcia admitted. "This is me venting. What I did figure out was what Terry Rodgers was doing in Rhode Island before he went AWOL. Get this, he was married, divorced, then married again, currently _way_ behind on child support payments to wife number two, and that's all I know. So, if you'll excuse me, I have more digging to do."

The line went dead and the loud silence of grinding gears filled the room.

"Owning child support could explain why Rodgers vanished for five months." Jamie offered her opinion. "Also, why he decided to live off the grid, making him hard to find."

"That's what would link him to the other victims. They all fathered children." Hotch concluded. "We need to deliver the profile."

* * *

Hotch walked swiftly to the outside of the room, gathering the local police officers and the Sheriff. The rest of the group all stood up from their seats and made their way to the front of the room.

Jamie couldn't help but noticed ho Morgan and Spencer were whispering back and forth to the other. The expressions on their faces showed anything buy amusement. She was sure that it was just her being paranoid, but then again, she was causing quite the stir and it was only her first day.

JJ seemed to notice Jamie as she was shifting her gazes back and forth. "You alright?"

Jamie nodded her head, maybe a little too quickly. "Yep."

Hotch then entered the room., officers on his tail. "We believe that the unsub we're looking for is a woman who is highly organized, thorough, and she's patient."

"Based on the complexity and sophistication of the abductions, we think that she is most likely between the ages of thirty and forty." Spencer added.

"She's familiar with the rural area surrounding La Grande. Either a native or someone who has lived there for a long while." Rossi mentioned.

Next down the line, Morgan. "We think she's keeping her victims in isolation in the countryside, which means she has access to land or some sort of structure that's remote, hidden and private."

"She's abducting exceptionally healthy men, ideal specimens, if you will." Prentiss pointed out their thoughts.

That caught the attention of the Sherriff. " _Specimens_? For what?"

"Possible breeding…" Jamie answered.

"The ability to father children is something we think she is looking for in her victims. They're all age appropriate and they're all fathers." Hotch explained.

"But why kill the last victim then?' the Sheriff questioned.

"She may have seen him as being flawed. He was the least physically fit of the four and neglected to pay child support." JJ clarified.

"Which would make him undesirable" Prentiss added on.

"The victims may be surrogates for a man that she wants but can't have." Morgan commented.

"Because she killed the last victim, we have to consider the possibility that the unsub is engaged in some sort of elimination process." Rossi pointed out.

"Preselecting a handful of prime candidates and then knocking them down one by one until she has her _ideal_ breeding partner." said Jamie.

"And if this is the case, the killings just begun." Hotch concluded.

Signaling the end, the Sheriff gathered her people, having them comb through town to look for abandoned structure, things along those lines.

Jamie was feeling thirsty. She walked out of the conference room to the water cooler. Her eyes kept focused on the cold water coming down from the spout, into her cup. She pulled the cup to her lips, drinking the entire contents in three gulps. Was it refreshing? Yes, but it didn't help her nerves one bit. Throwing the cup away, Jamie started walking towards the bathroom. Not watching where she was going, she body bumped into Morgan. "Oh, shoot. Sorry, wasn't really paying attention." she apologized. Jamie looked up at Morgan, literally, since he was taller than her and the expression on his face was…intimidating and distressed to say the least.

He made his way past Jamie without a word.

Caught off guard by his demeanor and Jamie being herself, she chased him down. When she caught up to him, she grabbed his shoulder to turn him around.

"Uh, did I do something to offend you?" she questioned.

"No."

"…did I do something wrong then?"

"More like _who_ you did wrong."

 _"_ _God damn it."_ Jamie thought. That sentence was enough as his explanation, but Jamie played it off.

"What are you talking about?" she challenged him, crossing her arms over herself in defense. It was towards the end of her first day and she didn't want to believe that Morgan, or anyone else from the team already knew about her past with Spencer. This confrontation with Morgan was more of a _confirmation_ of that fear.

Morgan shifted his weight, licking his lips in thought. "Listen Carter, Reid is my best friend, more like my brother actually. And I'll admit that what he told me pissed me off. The kid deserves _so_ much better than that."

Was Jamie hearing his words correctly? Did she need to adjust her ears? Here she was, her dream job, the very first day and she was already stirring up drama. That was not her intention at all.

"When-what did he even tell you?" Jamie questioned, a little demand in her tone.

"Enough." Morgan tried walking away from the conversation but she wouldn't let him by.

"I _guarantee_ that you don't know everything. You were given _one_ side to the story. You don't know me, you don't know why I did what I did, what I _had_ to do." Jamie was nearly seething through her teeth. She was trying to keep her exterior calm in appearance, but she knew it wasn't really working. If life would allow her to go back in time and make a different decision, she wasn't sure if she would choose differently. The choice that she made paved the way for the life she now led, and she loved her life.

She scoffed and stepped aside, letting Morgan past here since he clearly wasn't going to say anything more. Her mind was going a million miles a minute and her chest was rising as her breathing became heavy. She assumed that her and Spencer had a silent agreement not to talk about their past, but apparently, she was mistaken.

Rapidly walking back to the conference room, forgetting about heading to the restroom. When she arrived, she made little effort to acknowledge the other body in the room.

Out of everybody it could be, of course, it was Spencer.

Jamie let her eyes look over towards the board he was pinning papers to. She didn't know why, but she would find out later. To say that Jamie was agitated, that was an understatement.

Spencer spun around, offering his old friend an approachable grin.

"You told _Morgan_?" Jamie spat out. It was like she wasn't in control, her anger getting the best of her now.

Spencer needed no explanation for her sudden question. He opened his mouth to speak, but Jamie cut in.

"Why, Spencer?" Her tone was stern and her face told a story of woe.

"It's complicated." he answered, not breaking eye contact with Jamie.

The newest agent's eyebrows shot up and her jaw dropped open a tad. She placed her hands on her hips, "…it's _complicated_? Are you serious right now?"

"Very."

"So, it's okay to let everybody know about what happened? You don't care _at all_ about how it makes either of us look?" Jamie scowled, her voice slightly raised.

"Don't you think it's better to just get it out of the way?" Now, Spencer was becoming defensive. It wasn't just about Jamie, it was also about Spencer. This was clearly going to affect their work, so maybe he was right.

Jamie didn't think so, though. "Oh, so what? You just needed to get it off your chest? You needed to go talk to your buddy about _our_ situation? I'm sorry, but that is not okay with me. And whatever the hell you told him, he's _so_ pissed at me." Jamie took a few forceful steps towards Spencer, who didn't falter when she moved forward. "This is my _first_ day at my _new_ job, a job that I have wanted my whole life and I highly doubt that you forgot that. Now, because of this, it's being compromised! You should've come to talk to _me_ about it. How could you be selfish like that?"

Spencer's face went from stoic to inconceivable. "Jamie, you do not want to get me started on who's the selfish one between the two of us."

What a slap in the face.

"…you have no right to use that against me." Jamie tried to say assuredly, but that was a low blow.

"I just did. And right now, I have a job to do and so do you." Spencer returned to his board and pins.

"Fine." Jamie said as she began to walk away, but she turned back around. "Can I ask one thing of you, though?"

"Go for it." Spencer replied, returning his attention to Jamie.

"I don't care if you tell everyone what I did to you. But please, don't forget to tell them about what _you_ did to _me_." Jamie gave him a smug expression and strutted out the room, leaving Spencer behind in his wroth state.

 _"…_ _don't forget to tell them about what you did to me."_ Those chilling words left a mark, even on Jamie. The whole ordeal with Spencer was beginning to look like she was the only one to blame and maybe in someone's eyes, she was. There's always two sides to every story, though. Her side hadn't been told yet, but now, she was sure it would be heard by everybody. Spencer was clearly holding a grudge and if Jamie was being honest with herself, she couldn't blame him for doing so. People hold grudges against others because they don't want to let the other off the hook that easy. In reality, who is the one on the hook? The person who has moved on, or the one who is holding the grudge?

Jamie could still easily dig up the heartache and the sorrow she felt back them. It never disappeared and she knew it never would. When it first happened, Jamie spent so much of her time over analyzing the circumstances and the choice she made, trying to justify what could or what would happen, but she left those pieces of her puzzle on the floor.

She moved on.

There is a universal truth that everybody must eventually face in their life. Whether you expect it, or whether you want it to or not, everything ends. Saying goodbye to what she was comfortable with, with that she was familiar with, it was hard; but at the same time, it was easy.

That's something she had always felt guilty for.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review! I would really appreciate it.

If you like Supernatural, check out my work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	4. It Isn't Easy

**Hey all, here is Chapter Four. I want to give a quick thank you to those of you who have followed this story. It means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Four: It Isn't Easy**

 **April 22nd, 2014**

The deafening alarm blared through the room as the clock struck five-thirty-a.m. Jamie rolled over hurriedly, grabbing her phone to end the noise. She tossed the phone onto the bed, throwing an arm over her eyes. Slowly, she managed to peel her eyes open. The neutral tones of the hotel room looked dark still because of the curtains. Jamie forced herself to sit up in the ever, oh so comfy, fluffy white bed. She sluggishly swung her legs over the edge of the bed, placing her feet onto the carpeted floor. Then, her mind went where it usually did when she woke up in the morning.

Coffee.

She pushed off the bed, dragging herself over towards the counter where the tiny coffee maker was. Carefully, she filled the filter with the ground beans, poured in some water and began the process. Her face scrunched together as she eyed the small, mediocre styrofoam cups that the hotel provided. Luckily, she always packed her favorite travel mug where ever she went. Jamie walked to her bag and pulled out the blue cup, placing it over next to the coffee maker. While that was taking its sweet time brewing, she decided to get ready for the day.

The girl did her business, washing her hands after and looking at herself in the mirror. She felt somewhat disappointed. Not just with herself, but with everything. Her new job was not going the way she thought it would. She had wanted this for so long, as long as she could remember and now she felt like it was all crumbling in her hands. With the events of the prior day still fresh in her mind, Jamie wasn't looking forward to seeing certain people. There was a mix of feelings about having a _certain_ someone back in her life, _complex_ feelings.

She shook herself out of it as her senses were overcome with the smell of coffee. Leaving she restroom, she went straight for the coffee machine, grabbing the pot and her cup, she poured every drop of the delicious, hot liquid into her favorite cup. She took the mug back to the bathroom with her, as she needed to get ready for the seven-a.m. call. Getting ready for work wasn't much of a hassle for her. Brush teeth, wash face, do makeup, do hair and get dressed. It was no more than a forty-five-minute process.

* * *

Seven o'clock rolled around and Jamie headed straight for the lobby to meet her fellow team members. Jamie was the second one there, right on the dot at seven. Morgan, who seemed to be avoiding contact, was the first one downstairs. Yes, it was awkward, but someone spoke up, breaking the silence.

"Carter, listen…" Morgan started, making Jamie focus her attention on him. "I shouldn't assume the worst, but I just wanted you to know that I look out for Spencer no matter what."

Jamie nodded. "I understand."

"So, we good?"

Jamie thought for a moment. If this was an apology, it was kind of half-assed in her opinion; but either way, she couldn't act otherwise. "Yeah, we're good."

While she finished her last word, JJ, Hotch, Emily, Spencer and Rossi made their way down to Morgan and Jamie.

"How come we didn't get group memo?" Morgan joked.

Jamie smiled and said good morning to everyone, even Spencer, as if yesterday didn't happen. The group made their way out the hotel, into their SUV's and headed straight for the station.

* * *

The team was gathered around the conference room table. Everyone had their own files, they had been filled with more information within the previous day and it was more than they had to begin with.

The group looked up from their papers as the Sheriff walked into the room. "So, I'm still waiting on that full examiner report on Rodgers. They said they want to retest some of their findings."

"Did they say why?" JJ questioned.

"No."

Rossi, being observant and intrigued, noticed Hotch and his familiar demeanor. "I recognize that scowl Aaron, what are you thinking?"

Hotch thought to himself for a moment, while having everyone's attention. "It's something that Garcia said yesterday, about not being able to sit on a park bench in this country without leaving a paper trail…"

"…and?" Morgan pushed.

"What if Rodgers wasn't in the country for those five months?" Hotch concluded.

"It wouldn't be the first time someone crossed the border to try and get out of some trouble." Jamie commented.

"Hey guys," Spencer spoke up. "There's something interesting about this grocery list. Read the items he bought in bulk."

Everyone took out the paper with the copied grocery list from their file.

"Garlic, green tea, ginger, vitamin D…" Prentiss read off.

"See, all of these items are specifically known to boost the immune system. What if Terry Rodgers was seriously ill?" Spencer figured.

"Oh…" Jamie let out. If they tried hard enough, her coworkers could probably see the gears grinding in her brain.

"Carter, what is it?" Hotch questioned.

"Chemotherapy." she simply said. Jamie put down the file on the table and stood up from her chair. "Think about it, a side effect of chemo is that patients can get sores in their mouth. So, that's why some doctors who treat chemo patients recommend that the patient should eat food with the consistency of baby food."

"Oh my god, there's two of them…" Morgan quipped.

Small and short lived laughter filled the room.

"That marijuana Spence found in the cabin could have been medicinal." JJ thought out loud.

"Okay, I'll have Garcia check medical facilities outside the country. And Reid, you and Carter go to the medical examiner have them look specifically for a pre-existing condition with Rodgers."

 _"_ _Of course…"_ Jamie thought to herself, the sarcasm not missing a beat. It only made sense though, she was the person who caught onto what Spencer was getting at.

She met his eyes for a moment before nodding her head. She grabbed her phone from the table and started walking out the door, Spencer right behind her.

* * *

"Hodgkin's Lymphoma." the medical examiner read.

"Were you able to find sedatives in his system?" Jamie questioned.

The examiner let out a small scoff. "The question is, what sedatives _didn't_ we find." The examiner handed Spencer the medical file. "Melatonin, valerian, marijuana, hops, catnip, kava-kava…"

"Bone meal and kelp." Spencer finished the list.

"Yep. Along with the materials in the victim's stomach that we're still retesting. Look down at the bottom."

Jamie read right next Spencer, maybe a little too close, seeing what the examiner was talking about. "Sawdust residue caked into the nostrils?"

"Not just any saw dust, though. Pure pinewood pellet sawdust." the examiner corrected.

"That stuff is usually imported from China." Spencer mentioned. "Was it a point-five-percent mixture by any chance?"

The medical examiner obviously wasn't expecting that question. His face turned to deep thought, "I don't know. Um, all I know is that it's not your everyday mess-on-the-floor sawdust."

"Okay, I think we have what we came for. Thank you." Jamie said, shaking the examiner's hand.

Spencer gave a nod of thanks and followed Jamie out the room. They both walked back to their black SUV and got in, Jamie in the driver's seat.

She took a moment to compose herself. Taking a deep breath, she started the car, giving Spencer a quick glance. "What're you thinking about?"

"Not sure yet." he answered, not bothering the look at her when he spoke.

"Ha, that's a first."

"Did you have to stand so close?" he questioned Jamie, his voice having a hint of irritation.

Jamie turned her head to face him and she narrowed her eyes, hard and pressing. "Grow up, Spencer."

He didn't respond to her, instead he pulled out his phone. Dialing a number and pressing the phone to his ear.

Jamie didn't bother to ask who he was calling, she already assumed it was someone from the team. Who else would it be?

"Rossi," Spencer spoke. "we just got done with the medical examiner."

Jamie listened as she drove, green eyes set on the pavement in front of her.

"Yeah, they found half a dozen natural sedatives in Rodgers' system and get this, they also found pinewood pellet sawdust. We're not sure either…okay. Yep, bye."

"They have anything else?" Jamie asked.

"If they did, he would've told me."

Jamie pulled over to the side of the road, a couple of cars honking at her as she did.

"What are you doing? We need to get back." Spencer pushed.

Jamie turned her full body in her seat so that she was facing Spencer. "Is this really how we're going to be towards each other?"

"What do you mean?"

"Spencer, don't play dumb. You're _too_ smart to play dumb…"

Spencer sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, clearly to wanting to talk to her about anything except for the job. "You need to elaborate for me."

"Well, for one, the hostility that's floating through the air right now. You know I _hate_ being in these situations, yet you're not making it any easier for me, for _either_ of us. Two, we can't keep ignoring each other over something that happened _ten_ _years_ ago. I've grown up and so have you, so I don't see why we can't respect one another enough to where we can talk about it like mature adults."

"I know." Spencer replied fairly quickly. "I get it and I am sorry for that, okay? But you know just as well as I do…"

Jamie waited for him to finish his sentence, but the ending didn't come that abruptly. "What do I know?"

"That this isn't easy."

Jamie let her facial expression soften and she faced forward again, driving off the side of the road, back to the station.

* * *

Jamie and Spencer both jumped out of the car as fast as they could. After their short conversation, neither one of them said anything further. The air in the car was stiff and very unwelcoming. There was no doubt that it was uncomfortable, but there wasn't anything they could do…or _wanted_ to do. They entered the precinct, finding their team back in the conference room.

Jamie let herself release a tad of the tension she was hanging onto when she saw Hotch. She knew she wasn't supposed to let her personal life affect her professional life. It could throw everything and everyone off balance. The newest agent could see that as a soon as her and Spencer entered the room, Morgan gave his friend a small head-tilt, one that asked if he was okay. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Spencer simply nod his head, joining the others in the group by the Sheriff.

"I don't get it." Morgan started. "The unsub is drugging the victims and trusting that they'll conk out in the right place at the right time. Why not use a pharmaceutical or poison?"

"That would be quicker and a lot more reliable." Prentiss noted.

"Natural elements look to be important to her. Maybe she has health issues of her own?" JJ offered her team.

Hotch nodded in agreement as his phone rang nice and loudly. "Go ahead, Garcia." he said as he put it on speaker phone.

"Oh! I just hit the trifecta, but with two things instead of three. Two missing vehicles that are _not_ missing anymore. Paul Hicks' car was found by some utility workers an hour ago. It rolled off into a ravine. And Gary Ellard's car was picked up on a speeding violation in Coeur D'Alene, Idaho."

"Idaho?" Morgan pondered.

"Yep. Stolen by some local kids ten days ago in La Grande. The car was just sitting by the side of the road, keys still in the ignition. They made a typically sound teenage decision and decided to take it on a cross-state joyride."

"Garcia, I need to know the exact spot where the vehicles were originally found." Hotch voiced as he walked away from the group.

Jamie stood by with her other team members. "Well, that was interesting." she mused.

As quickly as he left, Hotch was back, motion with his hand for the team to follow him. He stopped at the board where the map was, where Spencer had pinned papers the day prior.

"Okay, based on what Garcia just gave us, this is the revised best guess on the victim's routes the days that they were abducted."

"Two intersects here and the other two are here." Prentiss pointed out on the map.

"And this is where Rodgers bought his groceries." JJ added.

"Looks like Hicks might have gone there after his doctor's appointment."

"What was at the intersection where Deaver and Ellard crossed?" Jamie questioned.

"That's a shopping center with a dozen or so businesses. We're getting a list as we speak." Hotch clarified.

Suddenly, the Sheriff swung herself around the corner, peeking into the room. "One of our deputies sighted an abandoned car on the outskirts of town. There was a second set of tires tracks behind it that matched those found at Rodgers' abduction sight."

Hotch nodded, moving his sights to his team. "JJ, come with me to the site, the rest of you keep working."

The two agents left, leaving the rest of the team behind. Jamie walked over to the table, sitting down in front of all the paper work covering the table top. She couldn't help but notice Spencer and Morgan walk out of the room together. Even though she shouldn't be paranoid about it, the feeling overcame her and she let out a frustrated sighed, placing her head in her hands.

"Everything okay?" a female voice asked her. It was Emily.

Jamie looked up from her self-pity and shrugged her shoulders. "Depends on what you're talking about. If you're talking about the case, then no. If you're talking about…Spencer, then no. So, either way, nothing is really okay."

Emily sat down next to her, giving Jamie her full attention. "You want to talk about it for a minute?"

"I mean, there's really nothing to talk about. He hates me and I don't know what to do about it."

Emily tilted her head in sympathy and gave a small smile. "I guarantee that he doesn't hate you. I've known Reid for a while and I think I know just as well as you do that he's not the best at opening up about his feelings."

"You could say that again…"

"I'm sure things will turn around. I don't think you're going anywhere, so if you want my advice, wait it out. The job will provide somewhat of a distraction and the rest will fall in line."

"Thanks." Jamie said, almost in a whisper.

The fact that Emily took a moment of her valuable time to sit down and talk to Jamie, filled the girl with some hope. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all. She knew that they were all interested in her past with the genius, even though a couple of them never showed it. Then, she thought about Spencer, about how he might be feeling. She knew she couldn't know _exactly_ what he was going through, but he had a _pretty_ damn good idea. The ghost of everything they used to be, would be proud. They both carried an immense amount of light and fire between the both of them and one day, the light and the fire dimmed. Sure, he could try to push her away and not want to bring up their history, but it would always be there. A ghastly reminder of what could've been.

Spencer had always been her big "what if".

* * *

Thanks for reading and remember to review! I would really appreciate it.

If you like Supernatural, check out my work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	5. We Need to Talk

**Hey all, I hope you are enjoying this fic. I have some really insane ideas for this story, I just need to figure out how to weave them into the story. Once again, thank you to those that have followed this story. I hope it meets your expectations. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Five: We Need to Talk**

"That was Hotch." Rossi informed the team. "The doctor told him that the placenta was scrapped out of the victim's uterus. _Every_ last bit of it..."

Jamie visibly cringed at the information.

"Well, placenta does carry special significance in many cultures. In ancient Egypt, it had its own hieroglyph and the Ibo tribe in Nigeria considered it to be the child's dead twin." Spencer mentioned, fully confident in his facts.

"You're the only person I know who would know that off the top of their head." Jamie commented.

"And it would be helpful if this unsub was an ancient Egyptian or an Ibo tribeswoman…" JJ threw out. The light snark threw Jamie off. Sure, she had known the woman for about a day and a half, but she didn't expect that from her.

Jamie gave JJ a mini grin, then watching as Rossi was studying Spencer. "I think we can all hear the high-pitched whine from your I.Q. all the way over here."

Jamie and JJ laughed, looking towards Spencer for an explanation. The guy was clearly in deep thought, probably going over the mountains of information he had crammed in his brain.

"What is it, Spencer?" Jamie asked, her tone more serious now.

"It could be placentophagy."

"Oh, ew…" Jamie whined out loud, crossing her arms over herself in discomfort.

"I think you're going to have to explain to us folks who didn't attend CalTech." Rossi half joked.

"Consuming it..." Spencer started to explain. "In the wild, it's very common for animals to eat their own after birth."

"And it's _insanely_ rich in nutrients." Jamie added, earning a confirming nod from Spencer.

"Whoa, whoa. Wait, so you're saying that the unsub might have _harvested_ this last victim…for food?" Rossi questioned. He looked to both Spencer and Jamie who exchanged knowing looks. They both turned back to Rossi, nodding their heads as confirmation to his question.

As they were going on discussing the possibility, Hotch and the rest of the team walked in.

"Do you all have something?" he questioned, a knowing expression on his face.

"It's about food." Rossi answered. "Herbal sedatives, gruel, and now the placenta."

"And Garcia checked, there's nobody in La Grande who is buying the sawdust that the M.E. found." Prentiss added.

"We still need to figure out the unsub was able to drug these men." Morgan pushed.

"The southeast intersect doesn't get us much. The laundromat and the video rental store." Spencer pointed out standing by the map.

"And the other intersect is the supermarket, but we already know that none of the employees recognized Hicks." Jamie added. "He never even shopped there."

Hotch took out his phone, briskly dialing Garcia.

"Yes, sir?" she answered the call.

"Garcia, what day of the week were each of the victims abducted?"

"Give me a second…okay. Gary Ellard on a Monday, Barry Deaver on a Saturday, Terry Rodgers and Paul Hicks _both_ on a Thursday."

"Is there anything that's special within the vicinity of the market on Thursdays?"

"Uh…wow, have you done this before, Hotch?" Garcia joked. "Yes. There's a farmer's market across the street from the supermarket every Thursday morning."

"And where is it today?"

"Pendleton, about forty miles North on I84."

"I'm sending Prentiss and Carter." Hotch informed.

Jamie's eyes widened, her eyebrows narrowed as she was taken aback. Her boss was sending her out into the field, maybe because this was her first case, or maybe because he knew she was capable- _more_ than capable.

"Um, are you sure?" Jamie asked, hesitant.

"Carter, let's go." Prentiss instructed, motioning for the door.

Jamie complied, following Prentiss' footsteps.

* * *

The farmer's market was plenty busy. There were civilians everywhere, out and about, doing their normal activities. When Prentiss and Jamie arrived, they split up for a few minutes, scoping out the area, the people, watching for any suspicious activity. They met back up in the middle of one of the streets, surrounded by tents with product and people who were buying or selling.

"A lot of people work this market. I highly doubt that everybody knows everybody." Prentiss commented as she stood back next to Jamie.

The newest agent nodded in agreement, her black sunglasses covering her narrowing, green eyes. "I want to get a list of all the vendors and get Garcia on it, anyway."

"You can see how it could happen, though."

Jamie knew immediately what Prentiss was referring to. She turned her body the other way, sending her sights down the opposite directions. "Absolutely. Rodgers bought his groceries, went back to his car, grabbed some kind of power drink on his way home…"

"He drank it and then threw it away. The melatonin was in his system with _no_ evidence of where it came from."

"You think the unsub is here now?" Jamie asked, discreetly looking around.

"Maybe…"

"I say we go get that list of vendors and head back."

Nodding in agreement, Prentiss and Jamie walked off, leaving a possible victim pool behind them.

* * *

Back in the precinct with the rest of the team, everybody was gathered around the conference table.

"The Sheriff said that whoever performed that C-section might have done one before." Hotch voiced, pacing a little as he did.

"If they have, they don't have any proof that its happened before." JJ commented.

"Nothing has happened this like in La Grande, ever." the Sheriff spoke from the door frame.

'We can keep looking, expand the search radius to other nearby towns-" Morgan suggested, interrupted by JJ.

"What about a farm?" she asked. "My grandparents had a farm in Pennsylvania. Once, my grandmother had to deliver a calf by C-section to a cow that was in distress."

Hotch's phone rang, it was Penelope, of course. "Go ahead, Garcia."

"Emma Kerrigan." the analyst stated. "She runs a small juice and vegetable stand at the farmer's market _and_ she works part-time giving out free samples at the health food co-op. I'm sending you all her picture right now."

"That sounds like the unsub." Prentiss commented.

"Where does she lives, Garcia?"

"Piping Rock Farms, just west of town. It's like a hundred acres, belonged to her husband's family."

"Wait, she has a husband?" Morgan questioned.

"Uh, more like _had_. He died in a car accident a year and a half ago." Garcia explained. "He left her with their ten-year-old daughter."

"Thanks, Garcia." Hotch hung up his phone, shoving it back into his pocket. "Let's go."

* * *

It was a thrill. The SUV was speeding down the interstate, headed for the unsub. Jamie didn't want to sit still. It felt like they were moving faster, faster, and faster. Her senses were overcome with the feeling of euphoria.

"Here's more information on Emma Kerrigan." Garcia's voice broke through her thoughts.

"Kerrigan had made thirty E.R. visits within the past six months." Prentiss informed the car.

"Yep, big time hypochondriac. One coworker says that she didn't eat anything unless she grew it herself. To be fair here, she did actually have a skin disease a couple of years ago, Scleroderma."

"Garcia, did any of the visits to the E.R. coincide with the death of her husband?' Hotch asked.

"No. She was already sick with the Scleroderma when he died. It cleared up a few months later and the E.R. visits didn't start until the following year."

"That could easily be a trigger." Jamie suggested.

Hotch turned off the sirens, keeping the bright flashing blue and red lights on as they approached the property. The dust from the road kicked up, making the air around them foggy as they pulled onto the driveway. The whole team, from two different SUV's all exited in sync. With their guns in hand, they all started jogging to the residence.

Three members of the team, along with the Sheriff entered the house. That left the other four, including Jamie, to inspect the surrounding areas. They quietly made their way over to the large barn, slipping inside. Pulling out their flashlights, the began to observe everything in sight.

A large tarp caught Jamie's eye. She walked over to it, shining her light over it for a brief moment. Then, she pulled the blue tarp down, revealing a bloody wood chipper. Her eyes went wide with shock, but revulsion filled her just as swiftly. "JJ, I think you were right about the…human fertilizer…"

As they were still looking at the machine, the rest of the team came along. Prentiss, Morgan and Hotch all saw the chipper. Hotch motioned his head to the door, instructing his team to go along. They entered another barn. There were chains on the poles, some blood dripped onto the floor. It was obviously where the victims were held before being dumped. Then, outside the last barn, in the garden, they could easily see Emma Kerrigan. They all moved with stealth through the rows of the plants, silently approaching the unsub.

"Emma Kerrigan! FBI, put your hands where we can see them." Morgan shouted.

Guns were aimed and flashlights shined bright over the scene. Jamie approached closely, her light shining onto the victim, seeing a sharp, jagged knife being held to his unconscious body. "Emma, put the knife down." she instructed, not removing her gun from the woman.

"No." Kerrigan simply replied. "My daughter needs this. Just look at her."

"Put it down and we can get her the help she needs." Hotch informed.

"No! My daughter will be dead by then!" Kerrigan yelled, cries filling her voice.

Prentiss stepped up, lowering her gun as she did. 'I believe you, Emma. I can see how sick she is. I did talk to your doctor, by the way."

The unsub's eyes filled with unbelievable curiosity. "You did? You talked to Dr. Gourse?"

Prentiss nodded her head, eyes never leaving the woman in front of her. "Yes. He said that Lexy is very sick. She's _too_ sick for this to work. This man's blood is not going to do anything for her."

Kerrigan began to cry at the fake news Prentiss gave her. "But it has to work. Its-she's all I have left."

"No. What can cure your daughter is what cured you." Prentiss explained vaguely, putting her gun back in her holster.

Jamie watched carefully, her eyes darting back to the unsub and back to her now, unarmed fellow agent.

"Funeral homes are required by law to keep a portion of the remains of those that they cremate." Prentiss took about a small baggie from her jacket pocket. She bent down to level with Kerrigan and a smile came onto her face. "These are your husband's ashes. Only these will make your daughter well again."

Kerrigan became noticeably happier, like she couldn't believe what was right in front of her. "…those are his?"

Prentiss nodded and Kerrigan laughed with, what Jamie assumed was relief. The woman pulled the knife from the man's neck, causing Jamie to grip her gun tighter. As the knife was dropped to the ground and Kerrigan grabbed the bag, Morgan took action by retrieving the knife from the ground, and Hotch lifted Kerrigan away from her daughter and the victim as she was pouring the ashes over their bodies. Kerrigan was handed off to the Sheriff, who took her away from the scene.

Jamie lowered her gun and stepped forward. "That was crazy…" she spoke to herself, thankful nobody caught it.

"Not bad, Prentiss." Morgan voiced before he walked of.

Jamie got down to the ground, next to the daughter. She started scrapping the dirt around her with her hands. She tuned in as Prentiss spoke up.

"I saw the fireplace…took a chance."

Jamie looked up to her colleagues, thankful that they were a intelligent, but wondering what if she had been the one to take a huge risk like that.

* * *

When Jamie stepped onto the private jet, every ounce of her just wanted to fall over. After the span of two days, she had completed her first case as an FBI agent. She felt accomplished, but at the same time, a little stress-ridden. One thing that she did notice though, was that the drama with Spencer had been put on the back burner. She knew it wasn't done and over with, but for now, it was put away. Plopping herself down into a seat in the back, she yawned and ran her fingers through her long, brown hair.

Jamie knew she was lucky-no, _blessed_ to be able to work a job such as the one she did. She had been working towards this since she was a teenager, setting her sights on a far, but bright future. Throughout her teen years and her young adult years, the girl learned that no matter what happened in life, that no matter how bad the day might seem, life always goes on. That doesn't necessarily mean that you're guaranteed a tomorrow, but when you wake up, you can make the day what you want it to be. One of her goals in life was to never let the world make her bitter, don't let the actions of others turn her cold, don't let her mistakes define her. Certain things happen and maybe they happen for a reason, she was never sure about that; but she never let those worries make her who she _didn't_ want to be.

The plane was high in the sky, passing through clouds like they were nothing at all. Her green eyes focused solely on the blue that surrounded the plane, seeing nothing but openness. She had been sitting by herself for most of the flight, exchanging witty banter with the others every now and again. Her eyes shot to the seat in front of her as someone sat down in it. Jamie showed no facial expression, not knowing what to expect. She sat up straight, clearing her throat. "…yes?" she asked, hesitant in her question.

Spencer regarded her wary, but calm face before answering. "We need to talk."

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.

If you like Supernatural, check out my work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	6. Minor Breakthroughs

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. Again, I want to send a quick thank you to all of the people who have favorited and/or followed this story. It means a lot to me and I genuinely hope I am meeting your expectations. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Six: Minor Breakthroughs**

 _"_ _We need to talk."_

 _Jamie's eyes stayed glued to the pair of hazel ones in front of her. Her head slowly nodding, she made action to take off her jacket, placing it on her lap. "Okay."_

 _The pair sat in silence for what felt like more than ten minutes. Awkwardness quickly made itself welcome in the atmosphere, filling the cracks in the loud silence. Sometimes, all a person needs is thirty seconds of insane bravery. It's scary and it's risky, but nothing is going to fall into your lap._

 _"_ _We can't let this affect us the way it has been." Jamie spoke, sending the awkwardness back where it came from._

 _"_ _I agree." Spencer relied, folding his hands together on the small table that was separating them. "And I'm sorry."_

 _Jamie twisted her neck slightly to the side, making her curiosity obvious. "What do you have to be sorry for, Spencer?"_

 _"_ _I haven't exactly been the best welcoming party," he began. "but, I need you to understand that you showing up like this, after all these years, it-it's a lot to handle."_

 _"_ _No, trust me. I do understand that. I'm sorry, too. This isn't exactly how I imagined seeing you again."_

 _Jamie could tell that caught the guy off guard. "…you thought about that?" he questioned, his words quiet._

 _Jamie swallowed the lump that was building in her throat. "Yeah. It's always been more of a 'what could've been; feeling. You know?"_

 _"_ _Yeah."_

 _The two people having a small discussion were holding back. They both had loud minds, they weren't the type of people to shut down too easily._

 _"_ _I guess I just want to know why." Spencer stated._

 _Jamie didn't need an explanation. She slouched back into her seat and sighed. "You know why."_

 _"_ _Not really. I think I'm entitled to some kind of explanation here."_

 _Jamie scoffed, sending her eyes to look out the window. "I don't think this is the place to have the heart to heart you're looking for, Spencer."_

 _He rolled his eyes at that. "I'm not looking-one answer, Jamie. That's all I'm asking for."_

 _"_ _One answer to one question?"_

 _"_ _Yes.."_

 _Jamie sat forward, sitting closer to Spencer. "One question."_

 _Spencer wasted no time asking a question that Jamie thought he had ben harboring for years. "Why did you leave?"_

 _"_ _I wanted out."_

 _"_ _I don't believe you." he abruptly said._

 _"_ _Why not?"_

 _"_ _Because I know you. You can try to argue that it's been ten years and that I might not know you at all now, that you've changed. But you haven't…"_

 _"_ _Is that an insult or a compliment?" Jamie questioned, emotions starting to rise._

 _"_ _Take it whatever way you want. I just think we need to lay all of our card on the table. We work together, this cannot interfere with the job."_

 _"_ _You already know I feel the same way about that."_

 _"_ _But you're not talking about it, are you?"_

 _"_ _Did I not just answer your question?" Jamie tried to argue back, trying to keep her voice down as she spoke._

 _"_ _Yes, you did."_

 _"…_ _so?"_

 _"_ _I don't think you're being honest with me."_

 _"_ _Oh, please. Don't try and use your profiler tricks on me."_

 _"_ _I'm not trying anything." Spencer replied._

 _"_ _Fine. How do you want to do this?"_

 _"_ _I think it's going to take time, but eventually things will even themselves out. It'll be easier later on."_

 _"_ _So, maturity and professionalism?"_

 _"_ _It's a start."_

 _Jamie sat back in her seat, crossing her legs and her arms. "Well, Dr. Reid," she began, heavy mockery in her tone. "this should be fun."_

* * *

 **Three Weeks Later:**

 **May 13th, 2014**

Jamie was lucky, blessed, and she knew that. She was smart, engaged with her job and she took advantages in life whenever she could. Her hard work led her to the positions she currently held and nothing made her happier. She beamed at the beautiful sight of her dream job and her passion melting together. Every day, she got up and went to work, chasing down serial killers, people who do damage to the world. When she was younger, Jamie knew that her career would be a big part of her life. Even though some small and rather vast sacrifices had to be made, whether both parties liked it or not, the ambitious girl went through with her jagged path.

What happened was always lingering in the air when the two of them spoke, even when they were just in the same room as one another.

Leaving a certain chapter and a certain _someone_ behind, left an ache in Jamie's heart for a while. She understood that one of the hardest times in her life, would be transition from one person to the next. Jamie was never scared of the unexpected, she embraced it and all its chaotic glory. The unexpected lead her to places she had never planned to be, it challenged her to be a better version of herself and to adapt. For the times that her world seemed to be moving too fast, Jamie would stop and evaluate everything she came to face. She's be lying if she said that at times, she didn't feel lonely, but that was okay. Everything that is lonely, has its own company. Her mind would skip backwards, to the parts of her past that she didn't like to think about too much. She told herself that not everything is going to have a happy ending or turn out beautifully. People in your life are supposed to come and go, right? They show you the right, the wrong, the good, the bad and every piece in between.

It was time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings.

But that's hard to keep doing when ancient history knocks on your door.

* * *

Her eyes took a minute to adjust to the bright lights inside the jet. Being called into a case in the middle of the night was nothing new since she started a few weeks prior, but Jamie was still kind of getting used to it.

The team stepped onto the plane, files and tablets in hand. They all took their seats, ready for the debriefing that Garcia was about to provide them with.

"This young boy was found two hours ago, in the middle of nowhere. Technically, he was found outside of Crawford, Arizona. The point is, that this poor kid has clearly been the hell and back, escaping some sort of captivity." Garcia explained.

Jamie was from Arizona, so naturally, it hooked her attention even more than usual.

"How do we know he wasn't just dropped off there?" Morgan asked, observing the pictures in his file.

"The boy has fresh cuts on the bottoms of his feet from the cactus fields, and that's away from any of the through roads. His skin is rubbed raw around his ankles from chains."

"He must've had a chance to escape and took it."

 _"_ _Pretty brave if you ask me."_ Jamie thought to herself. She pulled several pictures from her file, flipping through them, her eyes catching one in particular, while breaking her heart into pieces. "Look at his eyes. Jaundiced, who knows how long it's been since he's seen daylight."

"And all of the scars…" Prentiss pointed out.

"Those are just the ones that you can see, too."

"Hard to tell for certain, but he looks to be maybe about thirteen?" JJ wondered.

"Garcia, are there any missing children in that area?" Spencer asked.

"None until now, but, you probably have more information than I do." Garcia replied.

"Yes. Earlier tonight, another boy was reported missing in Flagstaff." Hotch informed.

"That's not that far from Crawford. I doubt that's a coincidence." Rossi spoke up, shaking his head.

Jamie cleared her throat. "It actually could be a coincidence. Arizona has the lowest abduction rate in the country, but the chances of these two cases _not_ being related is…slim."

"Have you been back to Arizona?" Spencer questioned Jamie, looking curious to know.

Jamie shook her head. "Nope. Not since before college."

"What part?" Morgan questioned.

"Phoenix., Scottsdale area."

"Yeah, so Child Abduction Rapid Deployment will meet you when you all land." Garcia informed.

"The Flagstaff abduction is Billy Henderson, he's thirteen." Hotch provided. "His parents say he was coming home from a friend's house after dinner and he never made it."

"They've set up road blocks, but the unsub has a head start."

"Right now, our best chance at finding Billy Henderson is to figure out what the first victim knows." JJ pointed out.

"Exactly. Carter and JJ, I want you two to go to the hospital, see if you can get through to him. The rest of us will set up at the police station." Hotch instructed. "Losing victims like this enrages unsubs, there's no telling what they'll do to Billy."

* * *

Arriving at the hospital, Jamie didn't know what to expect. Just from the pictures alone, she knew that her and JJ would have a rough time getting through to the boy.

The two agents walked up to a nurse's station, flashing the badges. "I'm SSA Carter, this SSA Jareau. We're with the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit. We were called in about a boy that was brought here."

The nurse knew exactly who they were referring to. She called the boy's doctor down, meeting with the agents. They began walking, discussing the nature of the child's injuries.

"You should know that I haven't been able to get close enough to examine his scars or any other injury he has." The doctor informed. "He has the most severe case of C.E.R. I've ever seen."

"That's so much worse than PTSD." Jamie voiced, concern growing in her voice.

"The adrenaline rush helped him escape, but coming down from it is going to be just as extreme."

"And he's sensitive to light and sound, correct?" JJ questioned.

"Yes. We're keeping it as dark and as quiet as we possibly can for him. He's also been somewhere very cramped. His legs show signs of advanced arthritis."

"Any idea how old he is?"

"It's hard to tell since his growth has been stunted." the doctor informed. "He's got major tooth and skin decay, a clear vitamin D deficiency."

"What's your best guess?" JJ pushed, halting her walk in front of the doctor as they approached the room.

"…maybe sixteen?"

JJ and Jamie nodded, showing their badges to the on-guard officer. They slowly entered the room together, seeing it looked empty. The curtains were closed, making the room dark, just as the doctor had warned. They walked in a little further, careful not to scare the boy as they saw him hiding under a table in the corner.

Jamie pulled her shirt over her gun, not knowing if the object would give the boy a heart attack. The two female agents took a few more steps closer, bending down to get a closer look at the boy. They shared a quick glance, Jamie taking the lead.

"Hi." She spoke in a soft, sweet voice. "My name is Jamie and this is my friend Jennifer."

"You're safe here." JJ said, her voice just as gentle as Jamie's.

The boy ignored them, pushing himself farther into the corner.

"The doctor told us you haven't been eating much." JJ continued. "Are you thirsty?" she asked, grabbing the water bottle from the tray next to her. She took the bottle and carefully extended it to the boy. Immediately, he slapped it out of her hand, causing Jamie and JJ to jump at the action.

"Okay, okay." JJ said, rushed but calm. "It's okay."

Jamie stared at the boy, she couldn't help it. "JJ, this is _years_ of conditioning." she whispered. "We need Garcia go back all the way to two-thousand for missing children."

"Okay." The blonde agent agreed, sparing one last glance at the traumatized boy. She stood up and made her way out of the room.

Jamie sighed, positioning herself in a more comfortable place on the ground. Her green eyes didn't leave the boy as he stayed in his corner. She rubbed her eyes after minutes of complete silence, and she was ready to try again. "I know you're scared and you probably think that whoever did this to you, can get to you again. That they'll come back for you, but I can promise you right now, that's not true. He'd have to go through a lot of trouble to do that, and my friend and I wouldn't let that happen."

She kept her eyes on the boy, who to her surprise, looked in her direction. She offered him a small smile, trying to be reassuring to the boy. Jamie could see that he let go of some of the tension in his body, his limbs stretching out beyond the borders of the shadow from the table.

"I work for the FBI." Jamie started, hoping to build some sort of trust. "Ever since I could remember, that's all I wanted to do." She laughed to herself, thinking about her younger years. "I guess I could blame those cliché cop shows or the movies, but it's nothing like that. We help people- _real_ people, like you."

The boy looked at her, his gloomy eyes meeting hers. A hint of hope sprang through her body.

 _"_ _Should I push further?"_ she wondered.

"Aren't you a little crowed over there?" Jamie made her voice and her expressions were as easy-going as possible. "You can come out, you know. Nothing's going to hurt you anymore."

One minute

Two

Three

Four

Five minutes

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

If Jamie wasn't sure about her approach to the boy, she was now. After ten dragging minutes, the boy started to slowly inch his way out of the table. He slid slowly and hesitantly across the floor, placing himself against the wall.

Jamie couldn't help but smile at him. "That's good." she whispered to him. "I'm going to stay right here, you move wherever you want to, okay?"

The boy responded with a nod.

Jaime readjusted herself on the floor, sitting up straighter. Her eyes wondered around the room, taking in the dullness. She didn't want to push too far, scared that the boy could scower back to the corner if she made a wrong move. Jamie was aware of the boy's limits, so she left the heavy lifting to herself. He was clearly listening to what she was saying and in her book, that was a win. Offering another smile, this time bigger, she said looked at the boy and asked, "Want to hear a funny story?"

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.

If you like _Supernatural_ , check out my work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	7. Angel's Guardian

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. I'll be honest, this chapter isn't the most exciting, but it's necessary. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Seven: Angel's Guardian**

"…and I swear, that was only _after_ I fell face first in front of the whole school."

A smile.

Jamie had managed to gain a smile from the boy. When she saw this, she couldn't help but smile back, in satisfaction and also glee. This is what Jamie lived for; helping those who have walked through the flames of hell. By helping them, she felt that she was voluntarily committing to a service for the world around her.

The smile didn't last for long, but at least it gave away that the boy was listening to her.

Before Jamie could say another word, JJ began to enter the room again. She watched hesitantly as she walked through the door, grinning when she saw that Jamie had gotten the frightened boy to come out from hiding. Her arrival startled the him, as he started to crawl back under the table.

"Hey, hey, hey." Jamie spoke, not wanting her effort to be forgotten. She held out one hand for him to come back out into the open. "It's okay. Remember my friend? Her name is Jennifer. She's one of the good guys, I _promise_." Jamie held out her hand, waiting for the boy to trust that she was telling the truth and when he did, she felt major relief flood her. Jamie sat still in her spot on the hard floor and JJ sat behind her in a chair, cautiously.

"Did Garcia find anything?" Jamie asked, turning to JJ.

"She widened her search, but there's nothing that matches his description."

Jamie sighed and shook her head slightly. "Well, he has to be missing from _somewhere_." She looked back at JJ and grinned. "I got him to smile a little bit. I told him a _really_ embarrassing story that usually gets people cracking jokes in my direction wherever I go, but-it's something, you know?"

"That's a start." JJ commented, a small grin on her face.

"Other than that, there hasn't been anything more."

"Did you ask for his name?"

Jamie nodded, combing back her hair with one hand. "Of course, I did."

"What about in Spanish?"

Jamie rose her eyebrow. "No, but the language won't matter if he doesn't want to talk to us, JJ." Jamie exhaled a long breath and sat up straighter. "I'll try again."

"You know Spanish?" JJ questioned.

"Enough to put it on a resume." Jamie quipped. Jamie set her eyes on the boy again, beginning to string together small sentences to start with. "Mi nombre es Jamie. Ésta es mi amiga Jennifer." She waited a moment, letting the words flow to the boy. "¿Cómo te llamas?"

The boy just stared at Jamie and JJ. They stayed in the silence for a minute, until he began to point on his back. He was tapping on the shoulder blades, over and over again.

"Your back?" JJ questioned. "Is your back hurting?"

The boy shook his head. He took his hands and hooked his thumbs together, waving the others simultaneously. Then, his hands moved back to his shoulders.

"A bird?" Jamie asked. "Wings?"

The boy nodded his head.

"Wings on your back…I don't-wait a minute." Jamie stopped, she looked at JJ quickly, smiling with a glimmer of water in her eyes. She looked back at the boy and smiled. "Is your name Angel?"

There it was, another grin from the boy-Angel.

Jamie huffed out a laugh and smiled brightly. "I'll take that as a yes." Her phone began to ring, making Angel jump a little bit. Jamie held out her hand, telling him was okay. She stood up from the floor and being to walk out the door when she got back down to ground level. "Is it okay if I step out for minute? Jennifer is happy to wait here with you."

Angel down casted his eyes and Jamie felt a tinge of guilt. "Hey, Angel, I promise you I'll be back okay? I'll be right outside that door, you can see me through the window."

Angel nodded in response.

Jamie pulled out her cellphone from her pocket, still ringing. "Garcia, please tell me you worked some magic here." she spoke, halfway out the door. Jamie shut the door softly behind her and peaked inside the window at JJ and Angel.

"I wish I could, but Jamie, there's not a single child in the tri-state area who's named Angel and has been reported missing. I even did a nationwide search and there's still nothing."

That baffled Jamie. "Why would nobody report him missing, though?"

"You tell me, Carter…"

Jamie tilted her head back and forth in though. "Well, there are undocumented workers in Arizona, no doubt about it."

"Already on that. I've pulled harvest schedules earlier."

"Okay, what about school registrations?"

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone. "Uh, I have a database match of over _four-thousand_ Angels in the school districts."

"We can still work with that." Jamie reassured. "We think Angel's been held for a while. Go back to at least two-thousand-and-four and search for any child who dropped out in elementary school."

Typing noises could be heard over the line. "Angel Suarez, second grade."

Jamie perked up at the result. 'Do you have a picture?"

"Yes," Garcia confirmed. "and if I run the stimulation software to age the boy by eight years…"

"…Garcia?"

"It's him, Jamie. He's the boy with you and JJ."

Jamie sighed a dramatically. "Garcia, you are so amazing. Thank you, oh and can you-"

"Send his mother's contact information? Already done."

"Penelope Garcia, you are _the_ best."

Jamie hung up her phone as the doctor made his way to her.

"Good news I assume?" he pondered.

Jamie nodded. "Yes, sir. I just need to call Angel's mother." She looked back to the window, seeing Angel still on the floor with JJ. "He's been responding. It took time, but we managed to get enough and it shouldn't be long before he starts talking."

The doctor nodded in acknowledgement. "You think it's time to try this again?"

"…just try to appear non-threatening."

"Of course." The doctor took one of the scrub nurses and walked towards Angel's room. Jamie entered first, eyes automatically going to Angel.

"Angel, the doctor is here again. He still needs to examine you, make sure you're-" Jamie stopped herself. She was about the say that the doctor needed to make sure that he was okay. Of course, the kid wasn't okay. He had endured years of physical, emotional, and mental abuse. Nobody in their right mind would be _okay_.

JJ caught this and spoke up for Jamie. "Do you want us to be here with you?"

Angel shook his head, which gave Jamie and JJ a hint of hope that he was warming more to people around him.

* * *

Jamie couldn't pass a thought she was constantly having throughout the day. "Do you think Angel blames himself for what happened to him?"

JJ looked at Jamie, a tinge of sympathy filling her features. "It's always possible." she admitted. "Trauma survivors often believe that they brought it upon themselves. The reality of it is hard to grasp I'm sure.

Jamie nodded, looking ahead at the traffic of nurses that was coming and going. "Maybe we shouldn't have called his mom as quickly as we-or _I_ did." She motioned her head towards the room, walking back to Angel.

"Why would you wait?"

"Seeing her for the first time since he was a kid, after what he's been through, it might not go so well."

"Okay, I agree with that. And his mother is going to need to understand that Angel might not want to see her for a while."

"Exactly and I'm sure there's some sort of shame he-Angel! _No!_ " Jamie yelled as she and JJ entered the room. She jumped forwards toward the boy, who was cutting his wrist with a blade. Where he got it, she didn't know. Holding Angel back by his arms as he was struggling to keep harming himself, his hands were still going wild and the blade reached far enough to cut Jamie on her arm. "God, JJ grab that!"

JJ grabbed the sharp blade, pressing the call button for the nurses as she did. She took some towels from the bed-table and pressed them down on Angel's cuts, the blood soaking through quickly.

Jamie sat on the bed with Angel, holding him close as he was still panicking, but he was calming down nonetheless. "You are _safe_ , Angel. It's going to be alright…I promise you that." Her eyes were focused on the wall in front of her, her mind elsewhere than the sensation of warm blood trickling down her forearm.

There had been a lot of promise on Jamie's part to the boy. Promises that she would be next to him, promises that everything would be okay, even if she knew that it might not be. Her goal was to comfort the boy, to let him know that he was safe where he was. She thought she had succeeded in that, but walking in and seeing Angel cutting his own skin…it sent a rush of terror though her body. If she was honest with herself and even honest with Angel, she would tell him that she couldn't even begin to imagine what he's going through. She could use her words to make him feel better for a moment, but that hurt of what he endured would always be with him.

* * *

The cut wasn't too deep, but it was deep enough to where blood was continuously dripping from the wound. Jamie felt numb to the pain, especially since she told herself that she didn't deserve to feel sorry for herself. Sitting on the exam table, Jamie was silent as a nurse patched put her arm and cleaned the blood that had dried there. Angel had been given a shot to sedate him and so the doctor and nurses could exam his arms as well. The young agent felt a tinge of guilt for leaving him alone in the room. If she had stayed there, maybe he wouldn't have tried to hurt himself. Now, that didn't matter, because what's was done, is done.

Jamie sighed in relief and mild frustration as the nurse gave her the okay to get back to work. She left the exam room, walking down the spick-and-span hallway back to Angel. When she arrived, she was stopped in her tracks. There was an older woman there with JJ, who was evidently very emotional. JJ was trying her best to calm down the woman and explain to her the current situation. Jamie cleared her throat and tried to compose herself of any emotion she was feeling.

"Mrs. Suarez?" Jamie asked softly, approaching the woman.

"Yes?"

"I'm Agent Carter. I was the one who called you about your son, Angel." Jamie responded, holding out her hand to greet Angel's mother.

"I have to see him." Mrs. Suarez cried. She was trying to make her way past the agents, into her son's room. "I thought he was…gone. Don't you understand? I need to see him!"

Jamie rushed around the woman, gently placing her hands on the woman's arms. "Okay, Mrs. Suarez, _please_ listen to us." Jamie exchanged looks with JJ, giving the okay to explain.

"Your son hasn't been held in a very long time. There were things that he went through that…" JJ trailed off, not knowing how to finish the sentence; and Jamie didn't blame her for that.

"Angel-he's going to have a rough time at first. He might not respond the way you want him to and that's to be expected." Jamie clarified.

"Mrs. Suarez, why don't you come with me and we can talk for a little while about how to approach this?" JJ asked the woman. Angel's mother complied with JJ as she walked away with the woman.

Jamie watched them disappear around the corner. Her heart was heavy with sorrow for the boy and his mother. Before starting in the BAU, Jamie was warned of the gruesome nature of the job. She insisted that she was strong enough to leave it where it belonged, not to get emotionally invested in the victims; but this one hit her where the sun never shined. Walking to Angel's room, Jamie popped her head around the door frame, seeing Angel still sleeping from the sedative. She took that as a que to go in and sit down at his bedside.

It wasn't hard for her to find herself wondering how he survived, how he overcame such trauma. He was strong in her eyes, to endure what he did and come out the other side; even if it would take a while for things to look up, he made it out. Jamie reached for his hand, holding it lightly in her own. The tears were coming to the surface even though she didn't want them to. Taking a deep, shaky breath, Jamie spoke to him.

"I can't…being to imagine the things you've seen, the things you've been through in the past eight years. And I know you're scared and I know that you don't understand. Neither do I, but I can tell you, without a doubt, that this is _not_ going to happen to you-or to anyone else. We are going to get the bastard that's responsible for this…"

She wiped her fallen tears with her free hand. Her hand rested in the boy's for a moment longer, until she decided to go clean herself up. Getting up from the seat, Jamie felt a tug on her hand when she tried to remove it from its position. Her eyes went to Angel, who's eyes were still closed. Then, Jamie knew that he had heard her.

"Okay, I won't go anywhere." she whispered.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.

If you like _Supernatural_ , check out my other work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	8. The Risk Worth Taking

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. I just wanted to say how amazed I am by the attention that this story is getting. I never imagined that this many people would be interested in it, but to all of you who read this story, thank you. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review! Happy reading. x**

 **P.S.: We're getting closer to the more...interesting (to say the least) chapters. I'm so excited for you all to read them, so stay tuned!**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Eight: The Risk Worth Taking**

"…Jamie?"

The young agent's green eyes opened at the soft call of her name. Looking at Angel, Jamie saw he was awake, responsive, and talking. He was talking, talking to her and it made Jamie smile. She sat up closer to the boy, but still regarded his wariness.

"How are you feeling?' Jamie asked, hoping he wouldn't shut down before she could try to get anything from him.

Angel looked at Jamie, adjusting himself in the bed. "…fine."

 _"_ _Three syllables so far…that's a start."_ she told herself. Nodding her head, Jamie sat back in her seat. She didn't ask other questions for a moment, until she remembered that the boy could shut down again without a warning.

"Angel, my team and I-" Jamie started, but she didn't want to come off a unsensitive. "We need your help. The person that took you, has taken another boy and we need to find him. Can you help us do that?"

There was no response from the boy. He looked away from Jamie and the guilt hit her like a brick. Jamie ran her hands down her face, silently scolding herself for the exact thing she didn't want to happen. Clearing her throat, Jamie looked back over to Angel. "I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry that this happened to you. I wish we knew why, but right now we don't. But you, Angel, you can help us to make sure that this man doesn't hurt anybody else." There they were, the unshed tears she was holding in. "You don't need to feel shameful or like this is your fault, because it's _not_. But I can tell that it's not good for nobody to keep their pain buried inside of them. Pain can destroy a person. You can't let this guy beat you, let him get the best of you. Please, don't give him that. We can take away what he took from you-what he values the most, and that's his _own_ freedom; but I need your help to do that."

Jamie's watery, green eyes watched Angel as he seemed to be studying her. She wasn't purposely trying to put on a show for the boy, but watching him trying to cut his wrist, sent her over the edge.

"Okay." Angel replied silently. Then, his eyes went behind Jamie, letting her know that someone was standing behind her.

"Angel," JJ said, approaching the boy. "Can you tell us if any of these men look familiar?"

Jamie gave JJ a look that told her it might not be the best idea, especially since she just got him to speak to her. JJ looked back at her, telling her they needed to do it.

Jamie looked back at Angel, who's own eyes were now watery. He observed the tablet with the male's pictures on it and eventually said, "No. It was always too dark to see." Angel's eyes shifted back to Jamie. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." Jamie reassured him. She looked back at JJ, who knew exactly where the conversation had to turn. It would be dark and unpleasant, but it had to be done. "Angel, we know that you don't want to talk about this, but it's very important that you tell us…what happened to you." Jamie cleared her throat, already feeling uncomfortable. "What did he do?"

Angel gave no answer, his eyes looking blankly at Jamie. He swallowed the big lump that was in his throat. "He-he used to bite me. He hasn't for a while, though. A-and he did other things…"

"Will you let the doctor take a look?" JJ questioned.

"Yes."

Jamie gave Angel a reassuring look as her phone rang from her pocket. "I'll be right outside, okay?"

Angel nodded, watching Jamie take her call outside.

"Carter." she answered.

"Carter, is Angel's mother still at the hospital?" Hotch asked.

Jamie looked in the waiting area of the floor. Mrs. Suarez hadn't left that spot ever since they told her she would eventually get to talk to her son. "She's still here. She wants to talk to her son…"

"We know, but we need you to ask her if Angel had a puppy the day he was taken."

"Okay, give me one second." Jamie walked towards Angel's mother. "Hotch, I'm putting you on speaker, okay?"

"Hi, Mrs. Suarez." Jamie greeted. "I'm on the phone with the rest of my team and they think they might have a valid clue. Did Angel have a puppy when he was younger? One that might've went missing when he did?"

"I, uh…" Mrs. Suarez shook her head, not immediately remembering any dog. Then, the lightbulb went off in her head. "Oh, that's right." she spoke. "Some of our neighbors had a litter and were giving them away that day. I wouldn't let the boys keep one…"

Jamie held the phone up to her mouth. "Hotch, did you get that?"

"Yeah, thanks, Jamie."

"Hey, wait. Hotch…" Jamie called before he could hang up. She took the phone off speaker, dismissing herself politely from Angel's mother. Turning her back, she put the phone to her ear. "I need to be a part of this."

"What do you mean?" Hotch questioned, but Jamie knew that _he_ knew what she meant.

"I need to be out there when we take this son-of-a-bitch down."

"Carter, you-"

"Please, Hotch. I told Angel that I would get this guy…I promised him. I have to be out there when we do."

The line was silent for a minute, all except some shuffling on the other end. She heard a sigh and then, "Can you be at the precinct in ten?"

Jamie held back her grin as she replied, "Make it nine." She rushed back to Angel's room, seeing him and JJ talking to one another.

"JJ, can I talk to you for a second?"

The coworker nodded, following Jamie outside the room. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I got the okay from Hotch to join the other's in the field."

"Wait, really?"

Jamie nodded. "Yeah, I just need to tell Angel."

The two agents went back into the room. Jamie sat down in the chair by Angel's bed. She held out her hand, offering it to the boy. He accepted, looking at Jamie.

"I made you a promise," she began. "and now it's time for me to keep that promise. I need to go for a while, but JJ will be here with you. There's nothing to worry about. Okay?" Jamie's eyes were soft, but her voice was stern, without seeming too alarming.

Angel nodded and so did Jamie, understanding that he knew she was doing her job.

So, Jamie stood up from the seat and gave both other occupants a smile. She walked out the hospital, on her way to get justice and to save another young boy from the trauma one had already faced.

* * *

Red and blue lights were no joke. Once the cars were off to the side, Jamie was able to race her way down any road. She arrived to the precinct, hopping out of the SUV within record speed. Entering the building, she was met with the sight of her team already on their way out the door. Her eyes met with Hotch's and she knew she made it just in time. They all went back out the building, piling into their SUVs.

The dark of the night made Jamie's anger for the man that had done this to Angel overwhelm her. There was no need to remind her to not be emotionally invested in the case, because it was too late for that. She was going to be the one to take down the son-of-a-bitch, whether she got hurt in the process of not.

With Hotch in the driver's seat, he made a call on speaker to JJ. "We're all on our way to Allen's house." he informed her.

"You're thinking he has a secondary location?"

"He could, but guys like this one tend to keep their victims close." Rossi added. "We're going to search every inch of his property."

"Keep me posted." JJ said, ending the call.

Jamie shifted uncomfortable in her seat. Her bullet-proof vest felt like it was squeezing her. She assumed it was her breathing pattern, it was heavy and quick. Luckily, J.B. Allen's house was not that far, they were practically there since they used their lights to get around traffic.

When the SUV came to a stop, Jamie was the first to jump out. Her gun was already in her hand, ready to find the unsub. The rest of the team followed, along with officers from the station. They all walked forward to the house, guns at the ready. Upon the steps, Rossi was the one to open the door to the possible cage for victims. Entering with guns at the ready, the agents and officers searched the house with stealth. Their flashlights shined on anything visible, their eyes observing every noticeable surface. When the rooms in the house were cleared, they made their way down to the basement.

Hotch, Rossi, and then Jamie made their way down the old stairs. The drill was the same as the first floor. Lights, eyes, search, observe. There wasn't anything that pointed to Allen keeping his victims in the basement.

Jamie stood between the two older agents and said, "Angel told me and JJ that it was always dark."

"So, he must've had him underground somewhere." Hotch concluded.

"It's a big property, so let's keep looking." Rossi said.

They left the basement, their legs taking them to th outside of the house again, to the back side. There were sketchy sheds back there. You couldn't miss them even if you tried. Exchanging looks for the ready, the door was kicked open to a cloud of dust. Hotch and Jamie entered at the same time, their flashlights and gun never faltering. When her foot landed on an unfamiliar surface, Jamie pointed her light down, noticing the tarp on the ground.

"Hotch…"

Hotch acknowledge her call, his eyes meeting the same sight her eyes were fixed on. He bent down and pulled the tarp away, revealing a door with a lock on the outside. A light was turned on from above, thanks to one of the helping officers. When Hotch opened up the door, Jamie felt sick to her stomach.

"Jesus…" she whispered.

Hotch went down into the hole, searching both ends before he cleared it.

"His truck is still here, so maybe he is, too." Rossi offered.

"He better god damn well be…" Jamie seethed, lowering her gun. Rossi gave her a look and she knew, she knew that things had gone too far.

"No, he wouldn't risk that. He has to have another vehicle." Hotch pointed out. "I'll get the road blocks back up."

"Any idea where he would go?" one of the officer's asked.

"Someplace that feels like home to him. Let's get going."

* * *

Once again in the SUV, Jamie sat in the back. Her mind was racing, thinking about what it would be like to get her hands around Allen's throat. Of course, if she had voiced the thoughts out loud, she would be in some deep waters; but her mind was a safe place for the dark thoughts that swirled around up there. There's demons that live within every person on the planet. They mess with your brain, they mock your reflection, make you doubt yourself. Then, there are the ones that turn people into monsters. How they have that sort of power, nobody knows; except for the one who gives it a home.

Breaking her from her own daze, Jamie heard the phone ring from the front of the car.

"We found his target-rich environment." the voice informed, Jamie identifying it as Emily.

"The construction sights?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah."

"Ask Sam if she remembers a specific one. It would be one that he frequently took her to."

"Just one place?" Emily questioned.

"He keeps his victims for years. So, the burial sites would be someplace he sees as special, giving him a reason to revisit the site."

Jamie listened intently the chatter on the other end of the line. Emily was trying to get Allen's daughter to remember things she didn't know that she remembered.

"…he said it's the place that changed everything for him. It set the foundation." Sam finished.

"Hotch, did you get that?" Emily asked.

"Yes."

It felt like a lifetime before they got to the site, but Jamie and the other members of her team made it there just in time. Her eyes locked onto the big machinery that was being operated, seeing Allen trying to take off before he could be caught. Before the SUV even came to a complete stop, Jamie was out of the car, running with everything she had towards the unsub. It wasn't that hard to catch up to him, considering he was older, but Jamie didn't dare put it past him. When she was close enough, she dove at him as he made his way down a ditch. They both rolled around in it, trying to get the upper hand on the other. Her injury from earlier where Angel had accidentally cut her arm with a blade, began to bleed through its bandages and the blood trickled down her arm. Even though Jamie had a height disadvantage, her strength came through when it mattered the most. The intense fire of anger that had been burning in her body now had the source of its creation.

She ended up over him, taking his jacket by the shoulders and throwing his head to the ground. Jamie didn't hold back, either. She delivered a punch straight to the guy's face.

Then another, and another, and then another one. Her hits were fueled with force, enough to ask herself is she had broken her own hand. She didn't want to stop. In her mind, anything else that the bastard got as a punishment would be _too_ easy for him.

"Carter, stop! That's enough! That's enough!" Hotch called to her.

But she didn't stop.

 _"_ _Carter!"_ Hotch had to take her by her toros and lift her off Allen, who was clearly knocked the hell out. She shook herself loose from Hotch's grip, looking up to him as he eyed her with concern. She looked down to her right hand and saw the blood and the broken skin of her knuckles. Seeing that Rossi had taken care of Allen, Jamie shook some of the dripping blood from her hand and walked away from a disgusting sight.

At the ambulance, while her hand and arm was being worked on, Jamie watched as Allen was being put into the back seat. She winced as the bandage was being put around her skin, shrugging off the medic's apology. Then, she caught sight of her unit chief stalking towards her.

"Can we have a minute?" Hotch asked the medic, even though it wasn't really a question.

The medic nodded, leaving the two agents alone to speak. Jamie was waiting for Hotch to scold her, but he didn't say anything, he just stared at her and she stared back.

"He got _less_ than what he deserves." Jamie finally spoke up.

Hotch exhaled a breath he was holding. "I know that, but that was risky, what you did."

"I know"

"This isn't the place for rogue agents, Carter. I understand that this case got the better of your emotions, but something like this…it can't happen again. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Jamie replied, standing to her feet. She knew she was taking another risk with her next statement, but she need to do it. "I'm going to get a ride back to the hospital with one of the officer's, if that's okay, of course."

Hotch nodded once, not giving a verbal response. He left Jamie by the ambulance, momentarily questioning her own sanity.

* * *

Arriving back at the hospital, Jamie swiftly made her way through the security on the floor where Angel was staying. Before she dared to enter his room, she took a minute to compose herself. What would she say to him? What if Angel asked about her hand? Deciding to cross that bridge when they came to it, Jamie walked a normal pace to the familiar hospital room. She stopped at the door, knocking before she came inside. Jamie smiled at JJ and Angel, taking her stand at the end of the bed.

"Your hand…" Angel voiced, concern evident for the young agent.

Jamie held her injured hand in front of her. There was some blood seeping through the bandaging, but nothing to worry about. She waved her hand in a dismissive manner. "It's nothing. I'm okay."

She looked to JJ, telling her that she was going to let Angel know that Allen had been caught.

"Angel…it's done. The man that did this to you, who took that other boy, we got him. It's over." Her voice cracked as she spoke, giving away her stoic front she was playing for the boy.

Jamie's eyes weren't the only pair that had shine to them. Angel shed a couple of tears himself. To hear that the man who had held him for years and abused him so many ways, was finally captured, of course it had an emotional effect.

Jamie composed herself, sniffling her nose. "Um, I don't know if you're ready, but there is someone who has been waiting to see you."

"Angel, your mom is here." JJ informed the boy.

He looked between the two agents, nodding his head slightly. Turing over is covers from the bed, he grabbed onto the monitor that also had his IV's. JJ was by him, right by his side if he needed help. When he was standing steady, all three of them made their way out into the hallway.

"I'll go get her." JJ told them.

Jamie and Angel stood there, side by side, watching as JJ made her way to his mother.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

Angel looked at Jamie, then back towards the end of the hall where his mother would come from. "Yeah."

It took her by surprise, but when she realized when Angel ha wrapped her in a hug, she couldn't help the tears that were rolling down her cheeks. She hugged him back, hesitantly at first, but her arms eventually wrapped around the boy. When she opened her eyes again, she saw JJ and Mrs. Suarez standing at the end of the hall, watching them.

"Hey, look over there." Jamie told Angel.

He released her from the hug, looking to where she was motioning with her head. There was his mother, waiting to once again hold her baby. Angel gave Jamie one last questioning look, as if he was asking her if he should go.

"It's okay." Jamie reassured him, eyes rimmed with red.

Angel started walking slowly towards his mother with the monitor in his hand. Mrs. Suarez did the same, but as they got closer to one another, her crying was more clear and she engulfed her son in a hug.

JJ walked back over to Jamie and gave her a small smile. The two female agents watched as the reunited duo hugged in front of them.

"You know that he's never going to forget you, right?" JJ asked Jamie.

Jamie looked at her teammate, grinning half-heartedly. She was happy that Angel was safe and that Allen was caught, but she couldn't shake a bad feeling. "You don't think I'll just be another reminder of the worst thing to ever happen to him?"

"Absolutely not." JJ assured. "You gave him some hope, promises you kept. Don't sell yourself short for doing your job."

Jamie nodded, eyes still focused on the two people in front of her. This was a happy ending in her book. A family reunited, a child abductor in custody with a little blood on his face. This was the job she lived for, no matter how much it hurt and no matter how much she gave into the darkness. Delivering justice to those who deserved it, gave Jamie more hope that maybe one day, things wouldn't be so terrible.

* * *

The flight back to Quantico was quiet. Everybody on the team was doing their own thing. Some were sleeping, some were listening to music, another reading, and one in particular couldn't let her mind rest.

Jamie readjusted herself in the seat of the jet, leaning her head against the window. Her eyes danced around, looking at the different lights from the cities below her. She had another victory under her belt, so why was she beating herself up about the whole thing? Perhaps it's because she still felt sad for Angel, but she left him in good hands and they had parted on good terms.

"Hey…" Spencer greeted her softly, sitting in the seat opposite of her.

Jamie jumped a little when he spoke, calming when she realized it was just Spencer.

"Didn't mean to scare you."

Jamie rubbed her eyes and sat up straighter in her seat. "No, it's okay. What's up?"

"I, uh, just heard Hotch and Rossi talking earlier."

Jamie knew exactly what he was referring to. "Are you here to scold me or something?" she joked.

"Nope. Just want to know what happened."

The young, female agent sighed, meeting the hazel eyes in front of her. "I lost it. I saw Allen there trying to run off…and after everything that Angel had told us from earlier, everything we learned about him…I wanted to hurt him.

Spencer didn't respond, he just stared at her, waiting for her to continue.

"That's how I hurt my myself." she told him, holding up her bandaged hand.

"What about the one on your arm?" he questioned, pointing to the bandage there.

Jamie lifted her arm, eyeing the big, white cover up on her forearm. "It was just an accident..."

Spencer nodded in understanding, yet, he was still focused on getting what he wanted from the person in front of him. Jamie could see that and she tried to come up with the best possible explanation as to why she did what she did.

She shrugged her shoulders, mouth twisting a little. "I don't know, Spencer. I don't know why this one hit me harder than the others."

"It's probably because it involved a child and you felt for him. It happens…"

"Yeah, but…I've never been the person who lets my thoughts or emotions get the best of me, especially with work. It's been what-three, almost four weeks since I started and this one case, I cried more tears than I have in years." Jamie scoffed at herself, silently berating her own emotions. "What does that make me?"

"…it makes you human." Spencer told her.

Jamie offered him a small grin, sitting back in her seat. She yawned and looked back at Spencer, who had already gotten up to leave her alone. The two of them hadn't really spoke a lot since their "discussion" after her first case. The only times they spoke to one another was either the occasional hello or bye they said to each other as the day began and ended, or when they were working on cases.

Jamie never thought too much about them possibly being friends, but more like civilized, co-existing teammates who kicked ass and hunted down serial killers. She didn't know if she could be the kind of person who could sit across from someone who at one time, meant the world to her and have everything feel normal. She wasn't sure how they could have a normal, everyday conversation without things going south or opening up old wounds. Then, he had to come along and practically tell her that it was normal for her to feel the way she did.

Would that change things?

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review! I would really appreciate it.

If you like _Supernatural_ , check out my other work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	9. Breakfast & Silent Judgment

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. I just wanted to let you all know that I am moving back to college this week and classes also start next Monday. With that, I will still update this story, but I cant guarantee that the updates will be weekly like they have been. In regard to my story, I don't know if I would say this is necessarily an AU, but not everything is the same as in the show. So, I'm asking that anything you read that does not fit in with the usual Criminal Minds world, please remember that this is a story and it's just what my mind came up with. I say this, because in this chapter, Jamie runs into Diana (Spencer's mom) and she is not sick. I also wanted to give another thank you to everyone who has followed/favorited this story. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Nine: Breakfast & Silent Judgement **

**May 17th, 2014**

Through her closed eyes, Jamie could see the light shining through her partially open window. The sun was clearly already above the horizon and Jamie wanted nothing more than to turn off the sky. She threw her arms over her eyes, desperately wanting to fall back into a decent night's rest. Of course, though, she had no such luck. After a frustrated sigh, Jamie opened her eyes and tossed her arms around her white, fluffy bed, looking for her phone. When she found it, the time on the screen read seven-twenty-three. Sleeping past seven was actually considered "sleeping in" with the job Jamie held.

With no hope of resting for a little while longer, Jamie sat up in bed. The past couple of days had been draining for the girl. The cases she worked with her team were local, but sort of gruesome. The stress made her wary and if Jamie had any say at all, she would grant everyone in the BAU one month of vacation- _paid_ vacation, actually. They all deserved it, but Jamie would have to be grateful for the first weekend she had off since starting with the bureau. Rubbing the sleep from her face, she got out of bed and sleepily, made her way into the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, washed her face and threw her hair up into a messy ponytail. When she was finished in the bathroom, she walked over to her dresser, pulling out some workout clothes _._ "Might as well be productive." she muttered to herself. So, she slipped on the tight clothing and put on her best, most comfortable running shoes. Jamie grabbed her keys and her phone, walking down the steps to leave her home.

Stepping outside into the crisp and warm sun without a bad guy to chase, felt kind of foreign to the girl. Her eyes wandered her street, seeing regular folk going about their morning, drinking coffee, enjoying the morning paper and walking their pets. She locked the door behind herself and began with a slow jog towards the local park. The park in her neighborhood had a nice path to follow and on the plus side, it was safe, which was the most important thing. Since being fit was a big part of her job, she told herself not to be grumpy about being up early and doing something besides laying around in bed. As she ran, her speed picked up, her feet hitting the concrete harder and her breathing becoming heavier. It's not like she could help it, but Jamie let her thoughts run wild. Grocery shopping, serial killers, paper work, cleaning the house, Spencer…

 _"_ _No, no, no. Topic not allowed, Carter."_ she told herself. In the month that she had been with the BAU, being around Spencer again was something she had to get used to. Ten years is a long time not to speak to someone who you once spent every waking moment with. Jamie knew that it was hard on him too, but the old flames had managed to keep professional with one another. Sure, there was the awkward eye contact and the accidental hand touching when they both reached for the coffee pot at work, but that didn't mean anything…right? Of course, it didn't, that stuff was high school at best. The girl had a tough habit of reading too much into every situation she tried to analyze. There wasn't a mutual understanding between her and her brain as to why she read so much into every little thing that happened between them, even if it was as simple as asking him where another team member ran off to. Maybe it would be better to learn how to be content with not knowing certain things and be at peace with the fact that not everything needs an explanation.

As she was running, her cellphone started to ring in the pocket of her shorts. Coming to a slow stop, Jamie grabbed the device and looked at the screen to see that it was JJ calling. Jamie attempted to slow down her breathing before answer. "Hello?" she answered, still evening out her breaths.

"Hey, Jamie." JJ's chipper voice sounded on the other end. She gave a small laugh before asking, "Is everything okay?"

Jamie nodded, as if her coworker could see her through the phone. "Yeah, I'm just out on a run right now. What's up?" Then, her mind racked up an answer she prayed wouldn't be true. "Oh no, we have a case, don't we?"

JJ laughed again on her end of the call. "No, it's not a case, but don't jinx it! I was just wondering if you wanted to join me, Garcia and Emily for some breakfast later."

"Oh, sure. That sounds good. What time?"

"How does ten sound?"

"Sounds perfect." Jamie replied, swiping away the sweat beads from her forehead. "Where should I meet you guys?"

"We all don't live that far from each other, we can pick you up."

"Okay, I'll see at ten."

"Bye, see you."

Jamie ended the call and looked around at her surroundings. She hadn't gone out with the team yet, but she had heard them talk about getting drinks or grabbing dinner before; they just never had time to do so due to their work. Now, here she was, being brought into the plans. It made her feel good, accepted, but she also felt kind of nervous. There wasn't a lot of moments for girl bonding time during cases, so now was the chance. The clock on her phone read eight-thirty-five. So, Jamie decided to run back to her apartment and grab a shower before her fresh, morning plans.

* * *

Jamie had always been a cold shower person (not for the reason you're thinking, so get your mind out of the gutter). Even during the winter when it was thirty below, she would turn the water to the blue side, letting the chilly stream pour down on her. Yes, she made sure she was efficiently clean, never missing a spot on her olive-toned body while she let the water wake her up and wash away her mood. Something that she also liked to do when showering, was listen to music. Music had always been a thing Jamie could turn to like any other human being. When she wanted to cry, she listened to sad songs and when she was in any other mood, classic rock always filled her ears. Anything from Journey, Pearl Jam, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, AD/DC, and a lot more could be found in her music library. The music made her mood better by a landslide. So, as she was getting ready for the day, guitar riffs and drum beats filled her apartment.

Jamie brushed through her long, brown hair as it was still drying. Since it was naturally straight, she didn't plan on doing much to it. She decided to apply her regular makeup, which consisted of some concealer, powder, mascara, and a little bit of eyeliner. Once she was satisfied with the person staring back at her in the mirror, she walked over to her closet with a little pep in her step (oh, the magic of music). Pulling out a pair of dark blue jeans, she grabbed a plain white t-shirt to go along with it. She knew she could never go wrong with the basics since they practically went with everything. Throwing on her chosen outfit, she decided a pair of cute black booties and her purse would complete her overall look. She hardly ever wore her regular clothing since she was usually dressed in her work attire, so it was nice for a change.

Then, there was a knock at the door downstairs. Jamie looked at her phone, seeing the time was nine-fifty-five. Jamie shut off her music, wondering if it could be heard from outside and quickly went to open the door. The tall, red door opened, revealing each of her female coworkers. The women exchanged various greeting as Jamie stepped back, allowing them inside her home.

"Ooo, Jamie, you're looking pretty sweet, if you know what I mean." Garcia teased, sending a flirting wink Jamie's way.

"Why, thank you. And you too look rather dashing, if I do say so myself." Jamie played along. "Okay, so I just need to go and grab my purse and then we can go."

"Sounds good." JJ said.

Jamie went back upstairs to her room, swinging in on the door frame. She shut off any unnecessary lighting and grabbed her purse. Checking that she had her wallet, her badge and her phone, Jamie made her way back downstairs.

"Nice place, Jamie." Emily complimented.

"Thanks. I just barely got the last of my boxes about a week ago, so I still have some stuff to put away. But it feels like home."

"We ready to go?" JJ asked the group. They all nodded and were out the door in no time, Jamie locking up behind herself.

* * *

JJ had driven the group to a nice little café downtown. It was easy to get a table and the off-duty agents were sitting down reading along in their menus.

"I have no clue where to start." Garcia voiced, eyes wandering every inch of the large menu.

"I can tell you where I'm starting." Jamie flipped her menu around, her manicured finger pointing to the picture. "This mimosa is calling my name."

The others laughed, still reading over their menus. By the time they had all decided on what they wanted, they ordered and were engaged in a nice conversation when it took a sharp, but expected turn.

Emily cleared her throat dramatically, catching everyone's attention. "So, Jamie…"

Jamie narrowed her eyes in a suspicious, teasing manner. "Yes, Emily?"

"We've all been working together for, what? About a month now? I still think we're all dying to know…"

"Oh my gosh, yes!" Garcia yelled out, very enthusiastically.

Jamie threw her head back, laughing slightly. She knew exactly where they were going with this conversation. They were all having a great time and if she was being honest with herself, she didn't mind discussing little details of her past they all wanted to dig up. Her green eyes wandered around the table, catching each of the women's expecting, eager faces. The smile on her face wouldn't drop as she licked her lips in thought. "Ask away…" she told them, waving one hand in the air.

"Oh, this is really happening." JJ commented, sipping on her drink.

"I guess so." Jamie responded, sitting back and waiting for their questions to hit her like bricks.

"Oh, oh, okay. I'll start you off easy. Where did you and boy-genius first meet?" Garcia questioned.

 _"_ _Okay, not too bad."_ Jamie said to herself. "Spencer and I first met at CalTech. It was orientation day and we were in the same group. We were both a little, I don't know…socially awkward, I guess?" Jamie tried to explain, earning laughs and smiles from the others. "Then, later we had a class together, we recognized each other from orientation day. And it wasn't long before we became friends."

"What about being 'special friends'?" Garcia tried to push.

"Yeah, don't press your luck here, Garcia."

"How long were you two together?" JJ asked.

Jamie raised one eyebrow, combing back through her memory. "Four-almost four and a half years. We hit it off pretty fast and eventually…it took a different direction."

"Is it weird, having to work together?" Emily wondered. "I remember the look on his face when he first saw you that day you started."

"It was-it is, actually. But we talked it out, decided that we couldn't let our past interfere with the now and our work. I think we've done a pretty good job staying civil with one another." Jamie nodded mostly to herself as she thought about her own words.

"Oh yeah? What about the staring and the hesitation before asking each other innocent questions?" Garcia taunted.

"Uh, what do you mean?"

"Oh please, everybody sees it. You two are too obvious. The guy can't ask you for a pen without sweat dripping down his face."

Jamie adjusted herself in her seat. She looked around at each of her teammates, giving them perplexed glances. Could they see something she couldn't? "That is so not true…"

"Yes, it is." JJ confirmed, smiling at Jamie.

"Is not!"

"No, they're right. And I'm sure if you asked any of the other _aside_ from Spencer, they would agree." Emily mentioned.

Jamie scoffed, rolling her eyes in a playful manner. "Well, how would you guys feel if one day, you show up at your new job and oh, look, your ex-boyfriend of almost four and a half years, who you haven't seen or spoken to in ten years is suddenly right in front of you. And not only does he look at you like you're some sort of foreign creature, but he works in the same department as you and you have to see each other pretty much every day of the week?"

The three women stared at Jamie as they let her small rant run through their minds.

"Touché…" Garcia said.

Jamie made the motion of tipping an invisible hat, grinning at each of her coworkers. "So, any more questions?"

"I think we're good…" Emily responded.

"Sure, for now." Garcia threw back, receiving a smile from Jamie.

As if on que, their waitress had made her way to their table with their meals. All four of the women enjoyed their food and each other's company. Jamie felt comfortable and embraced the free time she had to spend with them. They shared plenty of laughs and chattered away about almost anything. Going into her new job, Jamie understood from word of mouth that the BAU team had been together for quite some time. So, coming into a place where a family had already been built, had been intimidating. Yet, here she was a month later, having breakfast with people who she could call friends.

Jamie was happy and that was fundamental.

* * *

Once they were all done with their meals and the bill had been paid, all four women were on their way out the door when a voice called Jamie's name. Jamie turned around, seeing who had called her. Her eyes went wide for a moment and she was positive that her feet were frozen to the ground. The woman approached her, a familiar warm smile on her face.

"Jamie, that's really you, isn't it?" the woman asked, sounding a little surprised.

It was like a rock was stuck in her throat. Jamie was stunned into silence as she muster up two word or even on syllable. She had no clue if this woman felt hatred for her and if she did, Jamie wouldn't blame her. The woman before her had always been nothing but good to Jamie and how did she repay her? By breaking the heart of the one person she loved the most. Finally, Jamie cleared her throat, realizing everyone was standing in an awkward silence.

"Diana…um, hi."

 _"_ _Hi?" Seriously, what is wrong with you?"_ Jamie silently scolded herself. When she woke up this morning, she had no idea that the day would turn to this. It had to be some kind of crazy coincidence, because Jamie doubted that Spencer would tell his mother that she was around. Jamie hadn't spoken to Diana for as long as she and Spencer had been out of touch. Though, when she and Spencer were together, Diana was always so welcoming and would always tell Spencer, in front of Jamie how much she adored her future daughter-in-law. That felt like a lifetime ago, though. There was no way Diana would feel the same way towards Jamie. The girl had broken her son's heart, probably into shattered, little unfixable pieces.

"Jamie, what a surprise." Diana regarded Jamie, not attempting to hide her once-over of the girl. Then, she fixed her eyes on the other three women behind Jamie. "Jennifer, Emily, Penelope, how are you girls?"

"We're doing great, Mrs. Reid." JJ answered for them.

"Jamie, are you coming with us?" Emily asked her.

There it was, the way out. "Yes, absolut-" Jamie tried to say.

"Oh, no. Jamie, I'd love if you could join me for a cup of coffee." Diana told her.

"Uh, I don't know if-"

"I can drive you back home, too, if you'd like."

 _"_ _Crap."_ Jamie was trapped. She turned to her fellow teammates and said, "I'll get a ride home with Diana." The rest of the group nodded, saying various goodbyes to both Jamie and Diana.

When it was just Jamie and Diana left standing, Diana asked for a small table so the two of them could catch up with one another. Sitting at the table, Jamie felt a wave of discomfort, but also some shame. There wasn't necessarily a reason for Jamie to feel uncomfortable, besides the fact that Diana could rip her a new one is she wanted to. The two women sat across from each other, silence ensuing before any conversation, whatsoever. A waitress came by, asking for their orders and both just ordered a coffee.

"So," Jamie broke the silence, dragging out the "o" sound. "how have you been, Diana?" Deep down, Jamie really wanted to hear that she had been doing well. There wasn't a part of her that had wished ill upon her or Spencer.

"I'm doing just fine, thank you." Diana answered as the waitress brought their coffees to the table. "How about you? It's been a long time."

Jamie nervously tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Yeah, it has. I'm doing quite well, actually. Um, I didn't know you had moved to D.C…"

"How would you? We haven't spoken in years, ten years to be exact."

 _Ouch._

Jamie sighed, holding her coffee cup as a kind of security blanket. "Diana, if you want to talk about…what happened, I'm not going to hold anything back from you. You don't deserve that."

Diana drank from her mug, eyes focused on Jamie as she did. "I appreciate that, I really do. And believe me, I know that I'm the last person you thought you'd run into today."

"Huh, you're not wrong."

"How is working at the BAU?"

"…he told you?" Jamie questioned. Apparently, she was wrong when she told herself Spencer would keep his trap shut.

"He did."

"Well, I mean, its…a lot of work. But, uh, it's that dream job I always talked about."

"I remember." Diana told her with a small smile, which Jamie returned. "Tell me one thing, Jamie. Are you and Spencer alright, being around one another? I only ask because I imagine he wasn't too…excited to have you show up."

"Okay, Diana." Jamie spoke, her voice more serious, the nervousness gone. "I'm sure you have some sort of, buried hatred for me and maybe you wouldn't mind if a bus hit me on the way out of the café, but Spencer and I have discussed this whole situation. We both agreed to be professional and refined around one another. So, if there's something you need to say to me, whatever you've been holding in for ten years, let's hear it."

Diana didn't respond right away. She sat across from Jamie, hands folded on the table. Her eyes matched the same intensity as Jamie's, neither of them backing down. "What happened, Jamie?"

"…pardon?"

"With you and my son."

Jamie filled with disbelief. "I'm sure he told you what happened."

"Of course he did, but that was _his_ side of the story. I want to hear yours-I've wanted to hear yours for the past ten years, but you were gone before we could talk."

"So, you're holding some sort of grudge against me?'

"Not at all, but like I said. I'd like to hear your side."

Jamie sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She looked at the window next to her, watching the traffic of cars and mild-mannered people. Shrugging her shoulder, her mouth opened and closed, her mind searching for a reason good enough. " _Life_ happened."

"Elaborate a little for me, won't you?"

"I don't-I mean, there were several circumstances that played into that final decision."

"But if I recall, that final decision was made by _you_ …" Diana remarked.

"Fine, yes. _I_ called it off, but…for good reason."

"Would you change it?" Diana questioned, her eyes never leaving Jamie.

"…no." And that was the honest truth. If Jamie hadn't of called off their relationship at the four-and-a-half-year mark, who knows if she would've ended up where she was now. "And I don't think it's fair of you to basically corner me in public and sit there, silently judging me. Yes, I hurt Spencer and that has been with me since I left. So, if you want me to feel bad, congratulations, because I do and I _always_ have." Jamie stood up from her seat and dug her wallet out of her purse. She took out a ten-dollar bill, letting it fly down to the table as she let it go. "Coffee's on me. Now, if you don't mind, I think I'll walk home. It was nice to see you, Diana."

Jamie walked away from the small table, leaving Diana to watch her leave. The day been going to well, then disaster struck. Her exchange with Diana could've gone the other way, if it didn't seem like Spencer's lovely mother was trying to shame her. Her walk down the streets back to her apartment wasn't too bad. She had to weave her way through the sidewalks, through the traffic stops, but eventually made it back to her place. A small part of her wanted to call Spencer and tell him about his mother; but she knew it wouldn't make the situation any better.

Jamie Carter may have not always taken the selfless high-road and she may have stepped on people along the way, but she looked at herself in the mirror every day and told herself she did the right thing and she wasn't going to hate herself for it.

It was too late for that.

Ten years too late.

* * *

Thank you for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.

If you like _Supernatural_ , check out my other work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	10. Casual Sunday

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. I have some extra time on my hands at the moment, so I figured why not give the next update? Again, I just want to remind you all that not everything (such as story lines, characters, etc.) is going to match the show. This is a work of fiction and personally, I think it's great to see different sides of the characters that we love. Also, remember that we are getting closer to the more interesting chapters, so stay tuned! With that being said, I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Ten: Casual Sunday**

 **May 18th, 2014**

It was early afternoon and Jamie had spent her last free day doing what she did best: lounging around in sweats and oversized t-shirts, watching unconvincing crime television shows and stuffing her face with different kinds of chips. It had been an ideal weekend, beside from the unfortunate encounter with a blast from the past. Jamie hadn't thought much of it after the incident, she simply brushed it off, considering it as something she had coming. So, laying around on her couches and boring her green eyes into a bright, flat screen was something she was indulging in, because without realizing it, things were going to get crazy.

A knock at her door stole her attention from the television. She placed her bag of half-eaten chips on her coffee table and took herself away from her warm spot on the couch. Before she opened the door, she looked through the peephole, just in case a psycho was on the loose. When she recognized the person the other side of the door to _not_ be a psycho, her eyes narrowed in confusion. Jamie hesitated before she opened the door, bracing herself for anything to come.

"Spencer…" she said, dragging out the last letter of his name.

"Hey, can we talk for a second?" he asked, no hesitation in his voice whatsoever. He was standing in her doorway, dressed unusually casual than she remembered, his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets.

Jamie shrugged and stepped back from the entry, motioning for Spencer to enter her home. "Welcome to my humble abode."

Spencer let a small grin flash across his face. "It's nice."

"Um, where-how did you know where I lived?"

There was no need for a verbal explanation. The look that Spencer provided Jamie said it all. She was surprised she didn't think of it before asking.

"…Garcia. Right." she slowly realized. She watched Spencer as he looked around her apartment more, eyes glancing from wall to wall. "Go ahead and take a seat. Do you want something to drink?" she offered.

"No, I'm good."

Jamie nodded, taking her own seat across from him on the same couch. "So, I think it's safe to assume you didn't come here to hang out with an old friend, right?

Spencer glanced at her, his head shaking lightly. "I was talking to my mom yesterday…"

"Oh, no…"

"Oh, yes." he responded. "Want to tell me what happened?"

Jamie regarded Spencer for a moment. She wondered if he would believe her, considering their messy situation. Maybe if she had left the café one minute earlier, even by thirty-seconds, she wouldn't be in this mess. "What do you want to know?"

"I mean, I know how my mom is." he chuckled low, making himself more comfortable on the couch. "So…just, what did she say to you?"

Jamie huffed out a laugh, crossing her arms and legs on the couch. "Well, she's definitely not the Diana _I_ remember."

"Yeah, a lot changes in ten years."

"She's holding a grudge against me, Spencer. I don't blame her, I guess. I didn't even talk to her about anything back then-when we were going through everything. I told her if she wanted an explanation, I would give her one, but I don't think she buys into anything. She still blames me…"

Spencer shifted his gaze from Jamie, looking at anything other than the slightly hurt girl in front of him. "I'm sure I used some…choice words back then when I told her you'd left. I was mad, she was mad, it was chaos."

"I'm sorry. I-"

"Jamie, don't." His interruption didn't sound mad, but more understanding. "You don't need to apologize. We've both moved on and I think things are looking up, if I'm being honest with you."

Jamie gave him a half grin. "I'm glad to hear that." She uncrossed herself, moving so her legs were pulled up to her chest. "You know, after our conversation on the plane, after my first case, I didn't think we'd be so…I don't know how to put it…" she laughed quietly.

"Friendly?" Spencer finished for her.

"Yeah."

"Me either, but it's for the best. Believe it or not I think we're working well together."

"We kind of have to, though, right? Otherwise it wouldn't be working out as well as it has."

"True, but we both know you'd be there regardless, whether we were friends or not."

Jamie nodded, accepting his words. They two of them sat in a silence for a moment, both wondering if they should say anything else.

"I should get going." Spencer spoke, standing up from the couch. "Sorry for just dropping by."

Jamie stood up also, stretching her muscles as she followed him to the door. "It's fine, really." Jamie opened the door for him, leaning back on it before she spoke. "Look, I know you said not to apologize anymore, but I really am sorry. I know I'm not the best person in the world and your mom hates me, but I'm not going to do or say anything to make it worse."

"I appreciate that." Spencer accepted. "So, um, I'll see you at work tomorrow, then." he spoke as he left through her doorway.

"Yep. See you then." Jamie said, closing the door behind him. Her hand lingered on the door knob for a moment. She was about to do something risky, but she wouldn't be Jamie Carter if she didn't take risk. Then, she opened the door back up and stepped out on the mat with her bare feet. Her eyes looked for Spencer and she saw him walking to his car down the long driveway. "Spencer!" she yelled. She didn't know why, but she was all for jogging out into the open with her bum appearance.

Spencer looked at her with wide and curious eyes. "…yeah?"

Jamie came to a stop in front of him and put her hands on her hips. "Do you want to stay for dinner?" she asked, knowing damn well she might be pushing it. "I was thinking of ordering Chinese, or I could cook something." Jamie and Spencer stood in front of one another, not a word spoken for what seemed like hours.

Spencer shifted his weight as he stared at Jamie, clearly considering her offer. He tilted his head and his mouth opened as if he was going to say something, but no words came out.

Then, Jamie came to her senses. "Oh god, you obviously…don't have to. You don't have to answer, I'll just…go back inside." Jamie was frazzled. She turned away, slowly walking back up the driveway to her apartment.

"Jamie!" Spencer's voice shouted from behind.

Jamie turned back around, her eyes squinting from the sunlight. "Yes?"

Spencer walked with a quick pace to where she stood, stopping in front of her. "I'm in as long as you're not cooking." he joked.

A smile came across Jamie's face and she motioned with her head for him to follow her back inside. "I've never been a bad cook." she defended, looking back at the man behind her.

"I bed to differ." Spencer replied as they entered the apartment once again. "Remember how the inside of the oven set on fire when you tried to cook your own Thanksgiving turkey?"

Jamie laughed, closing the door behind her. "Okay, that is not a testament to my cooking abilities. The oven was _way_ too hot _and_ it was my first time trying to cook an eight-pound bird."

"Fine, I'll give you that one."

"Here, give me your jacket." Jamie told Spencer.

He shed the top layer, handing it over to Jamie. She went to the closet next to the door, hanging it up on a hanger inside. Then, she made her way over to her kitchen island, opening a drawer and pulling out various take out menus. "So, we have several options here. Chinese, Italian-which Rossi would shake his head at no doubt, um, pizza, Mexican, take your pick, genius."

Spencer met here at the island, leaning down on his arms. His eyes scanned the menus, looking as if he was studying their food through the paper. Then, his hand reached for the pizza menu and handed it to Jamie. "It's been a while since I had some pizza."

"Let me guess, you want olives on it, right?"

Spencer gave her a small smile, laughing low. "You didn't forget…"

Jamie scoffed, opening the menu to look over the prices. "How could I? That's all you ever ate on your pizza and I _still_ hate them, in case you were wondering." she informed him playfully.

"How about the Chinese then?"

"Hm, or," Jamie began, pulling out the pizza and Chinese menus together. "we can have the best of both worlds?"

"Sounds good to me." As he said that, his phone beeped, signaling a text message.

Jamie noticed his face when he read the message. It was a look that was conflicted over a decision. "What is it?" she questioned.

"It's Morgan. He wants to know if I want to go get drinks tonight."

Jamie's face lit up from amusement. "Spencer Reid in a bar? That's something I _have_ to see."

"I'm already here, so-"

"Spencer," Jamie said, pushing the menus aside. "go if you want to, you're not my prisoner."

He gave her a half-hearted smile, placing his phone on the island top. "It's okay. I'm good here."

Jamie let her eyes study her old friend for a moment. "Invite him here." she suggested, not thinking twice about it.

"What?"

"He wants to hang out, so invite him here. We'll still order food and have some beers. It'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Spencer asked, eyeing her with uncertainty.

"Yes, Spencer. I don't see why the three of us cant…"

"…can't what?"

Jamie sat for a moment, pondering her own thought. "Why don't we invite everybody? If they can come, that is. Hotch can bring Jack, JJ can bring her family, so on and so forth."

"That's a good idea, actually."

Jamie smiled, digging for her phone in her pocket. "I'm full of good ideas, Dr. Reid." she teased. "I can send out the text right now and then we can see who can be here before we order anything."

Spencer nodded in acknowledgment, reaching for the pile of menus.

 **To: A. Hotchner, D. Morgan, J. Jareau, P. Garcia, D. Rossi, E. Prentiss**

 **5:42 P.M.: Hey guys, Spencer and I were just about to order some takeout. Feel free to come by my place to join the epic party. Also, JJ and Hotch, if you decide to join, please bring your family. The more the merrier.**

"Okay, I just sent the text, so hopefully we'll hear back from some of them soon." Jamie explained. When she looked up, she noticed that Spencer was looking at her. It was the same kind of stare that he had given her the first day she joined the team.

"Um, earth to Spencer." she sang, waving a hand in his face.

He flinched when her hand went in front of his face. He rubbed his hand over his face and looked back at Jamie, kind of embarrassed. "Sorry…"

"You alright there?"

"Yeah."

Jamie's phone rang twice, signaling double messages.

 **From: D. Morgan**

 **5:45 P.M.: Count me in**

 **From: P. Garcia**

 **5:45 P.M: I'm so there! Leaving as I type this message!**

Jamie laughed, holding up her phone for Spencer to see. "We've got two out of the six so far."

"I'm surprised Garcia didn't reply as soon as your thumb pressed send." he joked.

"She's something else…" Jamie leaned down on the counter top, absent-mindedly scratching her nose. "Hey, you want a quick tour of my palace?" she quipped.

"That'd be great." Spencer replied with a hint of laughter.

"Okay, so this is the kitchen." Jamie began, her arms stretched out to show Spencer what he could already see. She moved over the living room, standing in the middle of the floor. "This is the living room, but don't be fooled by the neutrality of it. This baby has high-definition surround sound." Her voice was tinged with proudness and Spencer watched her with amusement on his face. Jamie's phone rang again, another double.

 **From: E. Prentiss**

 **5:51 P.M.: I'll be there!**

 **From: J. Jareau**

 **5:52 P.M.: We'll be there. Thanks for the invite.**

"Four down, two to go." Jamie spoke, making her way to the stairs. "Up we go."

Jamie marched up the stair, Spencer following behind her. The walked through a long hallway, the walls lined with pictures. "Okay, here we have bedroom number one." Jamie spoke in a hosting voice, gesturing with her arm towards the room. The both popped their heads in, but there wasn't much to see. "And down here is my room and the bathroom. I know, not much to see, but it works."

"No, it's a great place." Spencer commented. He walked towards some of the photos hanging on the wall. The pictures were covered by frames of all shapes and four-sided-sizes. There were pictures of Jamie in college with her friends, of her and her parents, of when she studied abroad in London and other people who Spencer didn't recognize. Then, one particular caught his sight. He recognized that immediately, sending a wave of flashes through his mind. He pointed to the picture, smiling just a tad. "You still have this one?"

Jamie walked over to where he was standing. She observed the photo he mentioned and a big smile crossed her face. "Of course, I do. How could I let it go after we almost died jumping off that bridge?" The picture had Jamie and Spencer standing in the middle between several of their college friends on each side of them. They were standing on a bridge, bungee cords attached to their bodies.

Spencer laughed and scratched his head. "Yeah, even I have to admit that was pretty insane."

"But it was a great day. I never felt like I couldn't have that picture out, you know?"

Their eyes met for a moment, green and hazel. Jamie wondered if she had said the wrong thing, but it was the truth. There was a great memory inside that photograph and she never cared that it sometimes would remind her of something painful-painful but wonderful. Thankfully, their gaze had broken when her cellphone rang again.

 **From: D. Rossi**

 **6:01 P.M.: No can do. Out of town for the night, I'll catch you all next time.**

Jamie frowned a little. "It's a no-go for Rossi, says he's out of town." And as if on que, the last text message she was waiting for came through.

 **From: A. Hotchner**

 **6:02 P.M.: Jack and I are having dinner with Jessica tonight, but thank you for offering. See you in the office tomorrow.**

"That one Hotch?" Spencer asked.

"Yep. It's a no-go for him, too, but we have the other's coming. It'll be fun." Jamie declared, moving back to the doorway of her room. "I'm going to change into something more…clean looking. I'll meet you back downstairs."

"Alright." Spencer responded.

Jamie shut her door and mentally slapped herself for being an idiot. She didn't mean to make the atmosphere awkward, but maybe it was a given when you had your ex-boyfriend staying over for dinner. The night could go one of two ways: it could either burn down in flames or it could go smoothly and everybody would have a good time. Shaking her head, Jamie went to her closet. She searched through the clothes, taking out a pair of blue jeans and a basic, black t-shirt. Throwing them on, she moved into the bathroom, seeing herself look awful in the mirror. Maybe Spencer didn't care, he had seen her like that before, anyway; but Jamie wasn't about to expose that side of her to her coworkers. Grabbing a brush, she quickly ran it through her long hair, smoothing down the crazy fly-aways. She swiped her mascara from the counter, covering her lashes in the black substance. Then, she heard a heavy knock at her door and Spencer shouting that he'd get it from the floor below her.

She looked at herself in the mirror again, mentally preparing herself for anything that could be brought up from any of her teammates. Feeling satisfied, Jamie shut off her bathroom light and exited her bedroom, making her way downstairs. Her walk down the steps was quiet, as she wasn't wearing any shoes, just socks. When she hit the bottom of the steps, she stopped before she could round the corner. Familiar voices sounded from her kitchen, one belonged to Spencer and the other belonged to Morgan. Jamie listened as the spoke, attempting to keep their voices low.

"Dinner with Jamie? Really, kid?" Morgan questioned, a little bit of judgment in his voice.

"What's wrong with that?" Spencer remarked.

"Nothing, nothing. Just didn't expect to see this happen so soon."

"And what's happening exactly?"

"You two aren't…trying to start things up again, are you?" Morgan pressed.

"What? No way. I came by to talk to her about something and before I left, she asked me if I wanted to stay for dinner. Plus, it was her idea to invite everyone else."

"Look man, I just don't want to see you get hurt? Know what I mean?"

"Yeah, thanks."

There was another knock at the door, causing Jamie to jump as she was hidden behind the wall of the stair. Without thinking about it, she left her spot along the wall and looked through the peephole before answering. When she opened the door, she greeted her guest with a big smile. "Two for one, huh?" she laughed. "Come on in."

Garcia and Emily both entered her apartment., taking their jackets off.

"Here, I can hang those up for you guys." Jamie offered, taking the jackets and putting them on hangers in the closet.

"This was a good idea, Jamie." Garcia commented.

"Seriously, I would've been laid up on my couch for the rest of the night." Emily stated, humor coming through in her words.

"It's us, Morgan, Reid, and JJ is bringing her family. Hotch and Rossi couldn't make it, but that gives us an excuse to have dinner again sometime."

"Where is my Chocolate Thunder?"

Jamie huffed a laugh. "He's over in the kitchen with Reid. Come on." She led the other two women to the kitchen, being greeted by smiles from the two males.

"Well, well, well…" Morgan teased, rubbing his hands together in a playful manner.

"Good to see you, too, Morgan." Emily greeted, sarcasm in her tone.

"Where'd the beer come from?" Jamie asked as she noticed the drinks on the counter top.

"Morgan brought it." Spencer answered.

Jamie nodded, taking it from the counter and over to the fridge. "Well, we will have children in our vicinity tonight, so, be cautious."

There was another knock at the door and Jamie zipped through the kitchen, already feeling the heavy-weight of the night down on her chest. She opened the door without checking to see who it was first, coming face to face with a beautiful JJ and her husband. "Hey guys, come on in!" she greeted them happily. JJ and her husband entered the apartment, eyes wandering around.

"Jamie, this is my husband, Will." JJ introduced.

Jamie smiled at the man, silently giving JJ props for snagging such a looker. She extended her hand for a shake. "Jamie Carter, it's so nice to meet you."

"Will LaMontagne, Jr. Nice to meet you, too. Thanks for the invite."

"Not a problem, it's my pleasure." Jamie insisted. "You guys didn't bring the kids?"

"I asked my mom to keep an eye on them for a while, which she was happy to do." JJ answered.

"I can hang your guys' coats if you want to head on into the kitchen. Everyone else is there."

"Thank you." JJ handed Jamie her and Will's jacket, walking to the kitchen where laughter could be heard.

With the jackets, all in a neat row inside the closet, Jamie shut its door and started walking back into the kitchen.

"Break out that beer, Carter. I don't think there'll be any kids here tonight." Morgan joked.

"As you wish." Jamie pulled the beverages from the fridge, placing them in front of the guest.

"No Hotch or Rossi?" JJ wondered.

"Rossi's out of town and Hotch is…" Spencer tried to explain, looking to Jamie for an answer.

"Oh, Hotch said he and Jack were having dinner with Jessica."

"Well, I'm starving so I say we order ASAP." Emily mentioned.

"Okay, whatever you guys want, it's on me." Jamie offered.

"Pizza is sounding like heaven right now." Garcia commented.

"Spencer was thinking pizza, but he wants to cover it in olives."

"Don't hate." the genius quipped.

"We're good with pizza." JJ spoke for her and Will.

"Same here." Emily voiced.

Jamie clapped her hands together and grabbed her cellphone. "Pizza it is, then. What kind do we want? I usually order from Gioni's"

"Get a meat-lovers here for my Chocolate Thunder." Garcia teased, sending a wink to Morgan.

Jamie smiled, watching the exchange and shaking her head with amusement. "Okay, one…meat-lovers, what else?"

"That barbeque pizza they have is pretty good." Will mentioned.

Jamie dramatically nodded her head with approval. "Yes, I like him, JJ." she razzed. "Okay, so one meat-lovers, a barbeque and one cheese and pepperoni with olives. Let me call this in really quick." She stepped away, calling and ordering the three, large pizzas. When the call ended, she listened for a minute to the sound of laughter and chatter coming from her kitchen. It had been too long since she had been in this environment. It was a nice change. Walking back into the kitchen, she was being handed a beer.

"Come on, Carter. Have fun a little." Morgan told her.

Jamie took the beer from him, twisting open the top and drinking it. "I have lot of fun, just so you know." Her voice was mocking, but playful nonetheless.

"What does Jamie Carter do for fun?" he asked.

Jamie's mouth gaped as she tried to figure out a decent answer. "I…catch serial killers."

"Then we all have fun...every day." Emily commented, earning laughs from those around her.

"You guys know just as well as I do that days like this are pretty rare."

"I second that." JJ declared, holding her drink in the air.

"What'd you do before the BAU, Jamie?" Will asked her.

Jamie finished her gulp of beer before answering. "I was with the NCAVA, National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crimes." She took another sip of her beer. "Believe it or not, it was mostly a desk job with little field work, but I held that desk job for seven years. I even went through the courses and training that they do in Quantico. So, I put in my application for the opening in the BAU, went through the interviews and here I am."

"To the penthouse." Garcia joked.

"Ha, if you say so."

"How did you know I worked for the FBI?" Spencer spoke up, genuine curiosity in his voice.

"What?" Jamie threw back, a little too quickly.

"You said before that you knew I worked for the FBI, but you didn't know it was the BAU."

"Oh, funny story…"

"We're all for funny stories, Carter." Morgan stated.

Jamie rubbed her hand over her chin, trying to find the words to say. "Um, okay. So, one day, I'm at work, browsing the news. When I was younger, I used to _live_ for those gossip sites, you know? So, when I saw the headline that read something along the lines of: "Lila Archer and Her New Mystery Man", my curiosity got the better of me." Jamie moved her eyes around the room, glancing at each of the people looking back at her. When she looked at Spencer, she knew that _he_ knew where the story was going. "I click on the link and a picture loads in the middle of the article. I'm staring at the picture, seeing the girl, obviously, Lila Archer and she's kissing some guy. I look closer at the picture and then _ding, ding, ding_. It's none other than our very own Dr. Spencer Reid." Jamie took another sip of her beer, letting her bomb sink into everyone.

"How did that give away that he was an agent?" Emily questioned.

"Google can reveal a lot of information if you know where to look."

Spencer was visibly red and he tried to not look at anyone. "In my defense, she kissed me."

"Jealous, Jamie?" Garcia winked.

Jamie kept a smile back from her face. "No, I wasn't and I'm not. It's none of my business."

"Why would she be jealous?" Will wondered, taking a sip from his own beer.

"She's referring to the fact that Spencer and I dated." Jamie answered, nonchalant.

"Wait, you two?"

Jamie nodded. "Yep." She moved to Spencer, patting him on the shoulder. "Four crazy years with this guy."

"Four-and-a-half." Spencer corrected.

"Right, sorry."

"How did that happen?" Will continued.

"Ooo, orientation, class and then the rest is history!" Garcia answered for them.

Jamie laughed and nodded her head, her arms still resting on Spencer. "What she said."

"I think we need to know what Reid was like in college." Emily said.

That seemed to change the whole mood of the room from somewhat calm, to somewhat crazy.

"Oh my gosh, we need some stories!" JJ laughed.

"Don't hold back either, Carter!" Morgan joked.

"Okay, no." Spencer started, standing up straighter. He turned to Jamie, his face showing that he had something on her, too. "You can't ask the girl who spent her junior year doing keg stands."

The room burst into gasps and laugher. Jamie looked at Spencer, letting her jaw drop in genuine surprise. Her eyes were wide, but she played it off with fake offense. "Well, I _still_ got my degree with a 4.3 GPA, didn't I? Besides, you can't trust _anything_ that comes from the guy who used to sing Springsteen karaoke after _one_ beer."

The kitchen came alive with heavy laughter and hand clapping, and it even made Spencer laugh. Jamie looked at him and shook her head. "He couldn't get Glory Days out of his head for days after that."

Then, there was a knock at the door, signaling that their food was there.

"That's my que." Spencer spoke through the laughter still going through the kitchen. He left the island, walking towards the door.

Jamie followed him, grabbing her cash from the table next to the couch. "Here's the cash, tell him to just keep the change."

Spencer took the money, paying for the pizzas. He carried them back to the kitchen, Jamie by his side. "Time to eat!" she yelled through the apartment.

They placed the pizzas in front of everybody and they all began to enjoy a simple meal together. If Jamie was still worried about the night going wrong, she didn't feel it anymore. She enjoyed swapping stories with her friends and hearing some that they had of their time as a team, or from simply being around one another.

They were a family and Jamie was a part of that family.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.

If you like _Supernatural_ , check out my other work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	11. No Peace

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. Isn't it funny when you write something so long ago and then the next time you look at it, you surprise yourself with what you wrote, because you don't remember it? Yeah, I feel the same. Anyway, I haven't wrote anything for this story for about two weeks and that's because I'm not too sure about where I took the story. One half of me likes it, but the other half says that it's not right. So, I'm not really sure where to go from here. I've written about ten chapters ahead of where we are now, so don't worry about updates...for now. Also, I just wanted to mention that this chapter is the start of...something great. I'll just leave it at that. With that said, I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Eleven: No Peace**

 **Six months later:**

 **November 21, 2014**

 _"_ _FBI drop your weapon!"_ Jamie bellowed into the house. Her gun was trained steady and ready to fire at a moment's notice.

Morgan, who was her partner with this particular take-down, carried away the screaming mother who was yelling at her son. Her son was the unsub, who had been murdering woman, clear surrogates for who he really wanted. The boy had his kid sister by gripping her throat, holding a knife on her.

"Don't do this Kyle!" Jamie shouted, warning in her voice. "Put that knife down!" Her gun never faltered, her eyes focused solely on the teenager with his crying sister in front of her. The boy was staring at her with what seemed like humor in his eyes, like he didn't believe that Jamie wouldn't dare put a bullet between his eyes. "Kyle, do you want to die today?"

Kyle laughed out of mockery. "You won't shoot me. Not when I've got mommy's _favorite_ by the throat."

"Yes or no!?" Jamie pushed, irritation coming to her surface fast. The job had hardened her, not just physically, but emotionally as well.

"I'll cut the bitch's neck open! I know how to do it!" Kyle threatened. "I've been practicing..."

"I'm not going to ask you again, damn it! "

"You can't shoot a kid, you wouldn't dare…" he challenged.

"That's where you're wrong. I wouldn't be shooting a kid, I'd be putting down a serial killer." Jamie set her facial features into a hard, narrowing position. "Kyle, please, don't do this. Look at what you're doing to your sister, to your mother."

"Screw them! My own mother hates me, so why shouldn't I take the one thing she loves?!"

"Kyle, I swear to god if I see that knife move-"

"Yeah, yeah, you're going to shoot me! I get it!"

Kyle had the knife by his side now, still holding his sister by her hair. His eyes were going back and forth from Jamie, to Morgan and his mother. Jamie could see he was internally debating his decision. Whatever it was, Jamie would be ready.

Kyle sighed, letting his stern face fall a little. "…if I let her go-"

"No, there is no _if_ in this situation, Kyle." Jamie warned, gun still trained on the boy.

"I hate you Kyle! Even when you were inside me I knew what you were!" his mother shouted.

"Morgan, get her the hell out of here!" Jamie yelled over her shoulder, never taking her eyes from the threat. Jamie didn't know if it was pure hatred for her son, or the fear of losing her daughter, but the outburst from the sobbing woman wouldn't help defuse the situation. Her cries could still be heard as Morgan practically carried her out the door, leaving Jamie to face Kyle.

Kyle was clearly aggravated. His face was red and his nose was flaring. "See?! I honestly would love nothing more than to kill this piece of trash right here!" he bellowed, grabbing a tighter hold on his little sister's throat. The cries coming from the girl became louder, irritating her killer brother. "Shut up!" he shouted at her.

"Kyle, I'm not going to keep doing this. Either put the knife down or I'll make you put it down."

Kyle laughed once more, craning his neck. "I don't care anymore. I'm done with this, with _everything_!"

It felt like a single second when Jamie saw his arm attempt to move upward towards his sister. There was no hesitation, no more wariness. Jamie put a bullet right between Kyle's eyes and he didn't think twice about it. The kid was on the ground as Jamie lowered her gun.

"Carter!" Morgan ran in, seeing the scene before him. Blood was splattered on the wall in front of her and blood pooled around Kyle's head. His sister was in shock, not moving from her spot in the room.

"…I told him not to move the knife." Jamie said to Morgan, but not looking at him. She put her gun in her holster and walked towards the little girl. "Let's go see your mom." She pulled away the fearful girl from the horrid scene, walking her outside into the sun. There were several police officers there, including more of her team members. She could see Spencer and Hotch watching her as she led the girl to her mother. They wrapped each other in hugs, crying as they were escorted away from the home.

Jamie stood there in the open, not moving. _"That's where you're wrong. I wouldn't be shooting a kid, I'd be putting down a serial killer."_ She did her job and she did it correctly. Kyle was warned what would happen if he moved the knife, yet, he still did it. So, why did she have the feeling of bitter self-reproach?

The footsteps approaching her took her out of her strange daze, but she didn't look at the person who was now standing next to her.

"You alright?" It was Spencer, seeing his friend having an internal battle within herself.

Jamie watched as the medics wheeled out Kyle's body in a body-bag on their gurney. She shook her head and crossed her arms, sighing. "I told him not to move the knife..."

* * *

In the seven months that Jamie had been with BAU, things had dramatically changed. They didn't change in an unsatisfactory way, but in the most optimal way. Working on cases, catching and chasing down serial killers was the ultimate adrenaline rush; even considering when she was put in the line of fire once or twice. Her relationship with the team was solid, despite the rocky beginning. Each of her relationships with the members as individuals was at an all-time high. Jamie, JJ, Penelope, and Prentiss all fell in line as close friends, who went out when they had a moment to themselves. They became sister's in Jamie's eyes, people who she could talk to about anything. Jamie looked to Rossi as a mentor, along with Hotch. Morgan became like a big brother, warming up in no time to the newest member. Then, there was Spencer. After their conversation on the plane and even the impromptu dinner at her place with some of the others, their relationship, as strange as it was, fell into a place of serenity. They both seemed to embrace having one another around. Towards the end of the second month, the apprehension and uneasiness surrounding the two youngest agents melted away. It was like they fell back into a familiar rhythm. Both were smart as hell, so naturally, they both tried to spit out facts every now and again, earning strange looks from their teammates. They shrugged it off, knowing the other would appreciate the true facts.

It's an amazing feeling when things work out and you find where you belong. Jamie was in love with her life and she felt at home there in Quantico. She had a great job, loving friends-more of a _family_ , actually, and she settled into the life quiet well. Jamie was grateful and felt at peace, with all of it.

Too bad peace is often short lived.

* * *

Jamie arrived on the elevator. When the doors opened, she dragged her feet out the exit and walked into the bullpen. She was immediately hit with the sight of her fellow teammates, gathered around in a small circle that consisted of JJ, Rossi, Spencer, Morgan and Penelope.

"…and you guys know the rest." JJ finished as Jamie walked up to them.

"Trying to dust off the old cobwebs." Morgan joked, sending a few of the others into laughter. Upon seeing Jamie enter the room, she was greeted with various hellos.

Jamie sighed. "Hey. Do you guys know what this case is about?"

"Not yet. Hotch called everybody and said to drop everything and get here _ASAP_." Rossi replied.

Jamie blew a raspberry, setting her purse down on another table. "It's so late" she whined.

"Oh, come on Carter. The job got you feeling wasted already?" Morgan asked.

Jamie scoffed. "The only _wasted_ I want to be is-"

"Is that Cruz?" JJ interrupted, sending everyone's attention to the upper deck of the bullpen. "It is him."

Then, Jamie saw Hotch with another older man, whose name was apparently Cruz. They walked out together, carrying files in their hands. "Let's get started." Hotch called down to them all.

The team wasted no time following through with the order. They walked straight to the debriefing room, gathering around the table.

Entered Cruz and Hotch.

Cruz walked to Jamie, offering her a hand shake and a smile. "Matt Cruz. I've heard a lot about you, Agent Carter."

Jamie shook his hand with a strong grip. "Good things I hope." she quipped with a smile on her face.

"Nothing but the best." he informed. "Ms. Garcia," Cruz started. "I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of having a much less talented version of you in my office load the case details." He took the remote from Garcia, who looked less than pleased.

"…no problem." she said softly.

"Okay. A good friend of mine, Sheriff Peter Coleman, down in Briscoe Country, Texas, reached out to me about a possible case. He's a former Texas Ranger, all around good guy."

"He read about our work on the Silencer case two years ago. He's sked for a consult." Hotch added.

"What do we have then?" Prentiss asked the two men.

Cruz turned to the screen in the front, pressing buttons on the remote. "Abigail Jones, prostitute. She was found in a dumpster last night." Pictures of the girl filled the screen. A mug shot, the M.E. photos, the crime scene where her body was found.

"What is that on her wrist?" Jamie pointed out.

"Good eyes, Agent Carter. It's rope burns and they go hand-in-hand with the lacerations on her back."

"And there's a GSW to the back of her head, execution style." JJ mentioned, looking down at her file.

"That's a conflict in M.O." Spencer spoke. "The cutting and the restraints point to sexual sadism, but the gunshot wound would end the torture too quickly for a sadist."

"Is that the only victim?" Rossi asked.

"There's Hannah Kelly, another prostitute who was killed over six months ago. She was dumped one jurisdiction over." Cruz informed as new pictures filled the screen.

"A forensic countermeasure. The unsub is smart enough to _try_ and separate the victims so they can't be tied together." Jamie commented, a pen between her lips.

"And it's practical, too. Her body was left on Hooker Row where they pick up men, which brings us to our first victim, Lucas Wagner." The screen changed once more, showing pictures of a male this time. "He was killed eleven months ago, had multiple arrest for soliciting a prostitute. His body was found outside of a crack house where some of the prostitutes lived." Cruz informed them.

"He takes a paying customer and drops them off where the girls live. That sends the message that nobody is safe." Morgan concluded.

Hotch nodded at his team, ready to send them on their way to Texas. He turned to Cruz, "Tell Sheriff Coleman we're on our way. Wheels up in thirty."

* * *

On the jet and on their way to Texas, the team was indulged in their files. They were going over every possible detail they were provided.

"So, ballistics matched one gun to all three of the shootings." JJ confirmed. "The same unsub killed Lucas, Hannah, and Abigail."

One John and two prostitutes. He's keeping it in the family." Rossi pointed out.

"What if the John was a friend of the unsub? Could've been someone he was in business with or maybe they picked up prostitutes together?" Prentiss wondered.

"Well, once he kills his friend, it would make it easier to kill the prostitutes." Morgan mentioned.

"Jami placed her filed down on her lap, clearing her throat. "That could explain why there's no sexual evidence on the victims. It's about torture with the unsub, not being sexual with them."

Morgan nodded, hearing Jamie's suggestions. "That works, but I just feel like there's something missing here, though."

"We don't know whether this unsub is a sadist or not." Spencer told them.

"The gunshot to the back of the head throws everything off, though." Rossi spoke. "We're presuming that he's using the gun to end things-"

"But it could play a role in the psychological torture." Hotch finished.

"I'm going to cut you and if you even flinch, _bang._ "

Jamie looked at Spencer while he spoke, using emphasis on bang. She narrowed her eyes, sending him a confused look. She held her hands up in front of her, signaling for him to hold on for a minute. "Wait, okay, so let's go with this for a second." Jamie stood up, ready to empty her thought to her team. Grabbing her file, she leafed through the papers. "There were _five_ cuts on Wagner, _nine_ on Hannah, and _twelve_ on Abigail."

"He's escalating the torture, which we all know sadist do." Prentiss mentioned.

"And the cuts got deeper with each victim." Hotch noted.

"Rights, so the first cuts were to experiment and the later ones were about inflicting as much pain as possible." Jamie concluded.

"Could this be vigilantism?" JJ asked, looking around the plane at her teammates. "Punishing the women and their Johns, cleaning up the streets?"

"Sure, but why would he take so long to do it?" Rossi questioned.

"Three victims in eleven months? That's quite a substantial cooling-off period." Morgan said.

"Morgan, you and Reid go talk to anyone working the streets last night and see if they saw something useful. Rossi, Prentiss, go to the coroner's office, see what you can learn there. JJ, Carter and I will go to the station with the Sheriff to start interviewing the friends and family." Hotch instructed.

* * *

Arriving to the station, Hotch, JJ, and Jamie were greeted by the Sheriff. "Sheriff Coleman, thank you for coming." he greeted, shaking each member's hand.

"Glad to help. This is SSA Carter and SAA Jareau." Hotch introduced. The agents then followed the Sheriff into a conference, being handed files of the case. "How do you know Matt Cruz, Sheriff?"

"Cruz and I worked a few cases together when he was working from the Dallas field office.

"FBI Agents, cool." an eager female officer said, approaching the small group. "So, which serial killer that you caught was the scariest?"

Jamie exchanged a look with JJ, silently saying what the hell.

"Vicky, please…" Coleman began, slightly embarrassed.

"It's okay. You know, I think cases that involve kids are the toughest." JJ explained kindly.

"Oh. Yeah, of course. I can see that."

"Um, Sheriff Coleman, where would you like us to set up?" Jamie spoke up, hoping to leave the vicinity of Vicky.

"Right. So, you can set up right here." He pointed to the tables and the busy boards behind him. "We've got the boards set up, but feel free to make another."

Jamie walked towards the two, full boards. Her eyes went from corner to corner, observing every clue or trace that the precinct had pieced together. "This is…a lot."

Sheriff Coleman gave a small laugh, tucking his fingers into his work-belt. "Yeah, the whole force wanted to work on it."

"We've had some bad people down here, but we've never seen anything close to this." Vicky jumped in.

"Of course, my officers will be following your lead on this one. Your whole teams is welcome to our best men, agents. So, how can we help?" Coleman asked.

"Have any of the victim's family members come in yet?" JJ questioned.

"Uh, Carrie Lawson. She's Abigail's sister. I told her to come in at noon, but she's been here since eight." All the agents and the two officers looked back at a sad looking woman, sitting on a bench. "She hasn't moved for hours."

Vicky leaned into Jamie, trying to whisper into her ear. "She hasn't even gone to the bathroom yet."

Jamie cringed just a little bit. If there was a line not to cross with this woman, Jamie didn't know where it was. Vicky seemed unprofessional and too eager to work on the case. It set off an alarm in Jamie. She kept her face stoic, though.

"Okay, I'll go talk to her." JJ said to Hotch and Jamie.

"Oh, can I sit in? I promise I won't say a word." Vicky hoped.

Jamie stepped up, already feeling annoyed with this woman. "It might be better, more comfortable for Carrie if Agent Jareau speaks to her alone." Her tone was stern and her body language was authoritative.

Vicky looked at Jamie, slightly narrowing her eyes. "Right, well let me show you to the interview room, Agent Jareau." Vicky led JJ way, taking her and Carrie to the interview room.

"She's enthusiastic." Hotch pointed out.

"A little too much…" Jamie muttered.

"Yes, but she means well." Coleman assured. "I've been the Sheriff here for only a year, but this is the biggest case we've ever worked."

"Okay, let's get to work." Hotch said.

"Right away." Coleman nodded. "I just need to grab a few more files from my desk for you all."

"Absolutely."

Coleman smiled at Jamie and Hotch before turning away to retrieve his papers.

Jamie walked next to Hotch, her arms crossed over herself. "Please tell me I'm not the only one who got a weird vibe from what just happened."

"It'll be fine, Carter." Hotch assured her with a half-hearted grin. He turned his back, looking at the busy boards behind them.

"Whatever you say, boss…"

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.

If you like _Supernatural_ , check out my other work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	12. Trust Your Gut

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. I'm still in a bit of a rut with this story, but don't worry, we have plenty of updates ahead of us. Also, I'd like to give a quick thank you to everyone who has followed and/or favorited this story. Your support means so much and I'm grateful to each one of you. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review! Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Twelve: Trust Your Gut**

Going over the files and notes that the precinct had already collects, Jamie sat and wondered just how many officers they had working on the case. There were several notes that were the same and accounted for a similar event, but there were also notes that referred to the same event, but those notes were different. There was a mix up of perspectives and Jamie was feeling nauseous from the different handwritings.

As if things, couldn't get any worse, Vicky came back into the conference room, Giving Jamie an eager grin. "How are things going, agent?"

Jamie looked up from her papers, offering Vicky a fake smile in return. "It's going…"

"If I can help at all, and I mean with _anything_ , just give me a call."

"I'll do that." Jamie gave another smile, holding her papers in the air. "I should really get back to this."

"Oh, of course, sorry." Vicky left Jamie, walking confidently away from the area.

Jamie couldn't put her finger on it, but there was something wrong about the way Vicky held herself. Then, Jamie saw JJ enter the room, strolling in with her papers from the interview.

"Hey, is Hotch around?" JJ asked.

"Yeah, he's speaking with some of the other officers. He should be back any second. How did the interview go?"

JJ tilted her head, giving a sympathetic look. "There's definitely something there, but I'll wait for Hotch to tell you guys everything she told me."

"Hey, what do you think of Vicky?" Jamie questioned, standing up from her seat.

"She's something else, that's for sure."

"I just-I don't know, JJ. I have a really strange vibe right now and it won't go away."

"I'm sure it's just the profiler in you. It happens to all of us." JJ tried to reassure.

"Has it ever been wrong?"

JJ opened her mouth to answer, but before she could, Hotch came back into the room. "JJ, did you get anything from the interview with Carrie?"

"Yeah, actually." JJ laid down the papers she had on the table in front of all three of them. "Carrie told me that Abigail said she had one chance left to set things right…and that _they_ were coming to get her."

"They?" Jamie questioned, clearly confused. Here, she thought they were looking for _one_ unsub. "Are you thinking that this could be a team that's doing the killing?"

"Carrie insist that Abigail said "they" when they last spoke to each other."

"The signature of the cutting on the body is too specific." Hotch pointed out, looking down at the pictures of the victims. "And nothing about the crime scene indicated that there was a partner or multiple partners."

"There's a fear in this community." A deep voice sounded from behind the three agents. They all turned back to look, seeing Vicky walking with an older man. "It's seeping into their souls, making them submissive."

"Aren't the submissive ones inheriting the earth, preacher?" Vicky asked, clearly indulged in the words coming from the preacher.

Jamie watched as they approached her and her teammates. She eyed the papers and pictures on the table, quickly moving to close the file. That information wasn't for civilian eyes. Hotch nodded approval to Jamie, then going back to watching the strange man.

"Yes, but not until it's their time." he insisted.

"Agent Jareau, Agent Carter, SSA Hotchner, I'd like you all to meet Preacher Mills." Vicky introduced. "He runs the local ministry."

Mills shook hands with each BAU member, looking each of them intently in their eyes. "If you're all in town long enough, you should stop by and hear my word." he recommended. He pulled out a flyer from his jacket pocket, handing it to Jamie.

She reached out for it slowly, glancing at Mills. "Um, thanks." Jamie looked at the paper, front and back, her strange feeling not shying away.

"Preacher has some information he thinks might help the case." Vicky mentioned.

"It's regarding Lucas Wagner, the male victim." Mills noted.

"Okay." Hotch acknowledged. "Carter, will you interview preacher Mills here, then report back?"

 _"_ _Son of a bitch."_ Jamie though. Never in her time at the BAU had she felt this uncomfortable during a job. This was a new feeling for her. "Right away, sir. Preacher Mills, if you'll follow me…" Jamie left her teammates behind, leading Mills back into the interview room.

They both entered the chilly room, Mills sitting down in the chair in front of Jamie. She didn't sit down, because she thought it would make her feel vulnerable.

"Okay, just begin with what you have." Jamie instructed.

Mills smiled at her, folding his hands on the table. "Do you want to know how my congregation got started, agent?"

"No, not really." Jamie told him, crossing her arms over herself as she stood in from of Mils. "That's not why we're here."

"What? Are you supposed to be the bad cop?"

Jamie shook her head. "No, but I don't take this case lightly, and you shouldn't either. So, please tell me what you know."

"Well, my congregation started as a single thought-or, actually it was more like a dream." Mills began, making Jamie refrain from rolling her eyes. "I imagined a place where people could go and hear the truth without the fear of being judged, and I didn't care whether you subscribed to the old testament or the new one. My one requirement was that there be love in their hearts."

"How noble of you…"

Mills caught onto Jamie's sarcastic tone, which he didn't seem to appreciate. "Look, I don't judge or devalue, I _embrace_. And when I hug my flock…they whisper.

"And what exactly do they whisper?"

"Their secrets." Mills answered, shrugging his shoulder as if this was no big deal. "They tell me about…things. The things that are killing their souls. They tell me about the affairs they've taken action in, the money they've stolen, the lascivious thought that permeate their disgusting minds."

Jamie nodded, listening to Mills in full. "Okay, so did Wagner have secrets?"

"Of course, he did. Everyone does…and let me tell you, his secrets weigh heavy on my heart." Mills' face became harder, and he seemed to become a little more defensive with his explanations. "His daddy lost his job, his mother became gravely ill. So, in order to help them out, the boy took to the streets…with the other girls, so to speak."

Jamie looked at Mills with narrowed and confused eyes. "Wait, so you're saying that Lucas was a male prostitute?"

Mills nodded his head, looking Jamie right in her eyes. "And the boy didn't discriminate with the clientele."

"But why was he arrested for soliciting?"

"Oh, because the judge for his cases liked his parent. He wanted to save their family the embarrassment." Mills let out a small, breathy laugh. "You see, agent, we all walk through life pretending to be one thing, but we're really something else entirely."

"And what does that mean?" Jamie questioned.

"It means be honest with yourself when you look into the mirror. And like the opposing sides of any fight, the truth is a magnet for all. There's no avoiding His truth or His law."

"I'll keep that in mind." Jamie told him. She moved forward, laying her hands down on the table. "So, has a little birdy told you anything about someone named Mack the Knife?"

"Nope, that name means nothing to me."

"Really? Because you seem a little… _too_ sure. What happened to not being able to avoid His truth, Mills?"

The preacher gave no response, he just glared at Jamie, then offered her a grin.

"Well, thank you for your information. It's very helpful."

"I had to counsel Lucas' mother before. She felt terribly guilty about his death, said his wounds ran fairly deep." Mills continued.

"She's right…"

"So, can you tell me what they look like?"

Jamie tiled her head in wonder. "I can tell you that the wounds were deep, nothing more. So, please, if you hear anything else, please don't hesitate to come by."

"Of course," Mills said, standing from his seat. "If we're unable to find the answers, believe me when I tell you…He will." Mills insisted, pointing to the ceiling.

Jamie let Mills show himself out, not moving from her spot in the interview room. The girl, for the life of her, could not shake her feeling that something was wrong in that town. Shady preachers, excited police officers, what else should she expect?

Jamie composed herself, straightening her blazer. She walked out of the room, making her way back to the conference area. JJ and Hotch were still there, going over more of the files.

"How did it go?" JJ asked her.

"Hotch, I know you sad that things would be fine, but I really can't shake this feeling."

Hotch gave her a stern look. "It's part of the job, Carter. I can tell you that there's nothing to worry about."

"…but?"

"There is no 'but'. We came here to help with this job and we're taking all the help they can give us."

Jamie didn't say anything further, she just received a sympathetic smile from JJ. She walked away, retreating to another area of the station. In an empty room, she sat herself down in a chair, laying her head in her hands. Jamie was sulking, and she didn't necessarily know why. She was there to do a job and sometimes that job required you to deal with uncomfortable situations.

"Hey, what's wrong?" a familiar voice sounded from the doorway.

Jamie looked up, seeing Spencer watching her. "When did you get here?" she asked him.

"Not too long ago. You alright?"

Jamie sighed, standing from sitting. "Yeah, just…being paranoid, I guess."

"Anything I can help with?" Spencer questioned.

Jamie offered him a small smile. "I don't think so, but thank you. We should, uh, probably go back with the others." Jamie made it past Spencer, with him following behind her. As they entered the middle of the precinct, she stopped in her tracks when she spotted Mills speaking to Carrie.

"If you ever need to talk, you know my door is always open." she heard him say. Carrie was crying, Mills was softly touching her hair. It sent a chill through Jamie. "God bless, Carrie."

* * *

The team was gathered in place within the precinct. They had been going over the information they had collected, along with what they already knew from their reports.

"So, even though we've ruled out rape for the victims, the M.E. still didn't run a rape kit?" Morgan questioned.

"He claims that just because she was a hooker, it was obvious." Rossi lightly explained. "We asked him about it being torture, and he thought nothing about the clean cuts on the victims."

"And he accounts for those clean cuts as being the result of drug use." Prentiss added.

"They found drugs in the toxicology screening and autopsy?" Jamie wondered.

"Here's the thing, the M.E. didn't order any of those reports due to the fact that the cause of death was the gunshot wound to the head." Rossi told them.

"What the hell is this guy thinking?" Jamie thought out loud.

"Now that we know of Lucas Wagner being a male prostitute, the M.O. makes more sense now." Spencer spoke up. "This more than likely wasn't torture…more like consensual S&M-"

"That ended with a gunshot wound to the head." JJ finished.

"Now _we_ have to do the work that the M.E. neglected to do." Hotch noted.

"Yep. And it's going to take up more time." Morgan threw in, tone noticeably irritated.

The whole team was clearly exhausted, from being all over the city to going back and forth from place to place. They knew it was their job, but that didn't mean they weren't allowed to be tired.

"Okay, we've all had a long day. We can all head back to the hotel, get some rest and be up early to continue this tomorrow." Hotch instructed.

The whole team complied, gathering up their files and belongings, ready to leave the precinct.

When Jamie was on her way out, she was met with Vicky standing in front of her. "Oh, excuse me."

"Everything alright, agent?" Vicky asked her.

Jamie couldn't help the small shiver that ran through her body. No matter what she did and no matter what she was told, her mind wouldn't let go of that bad feeling. There's a saying out there and it goes: "When something feels off, it is."

"Yeah, we're just headed out for the night. But we'll be back bright and early."

Vicky gave Jamie a wide smile, not helping the skeevy feeling up and down her skin. "Good to know. Goodnight, Agent Carter."

Jamie nodded her goodbye, walking a little faster than normal to get out of the precinct. She was the last one to meet the team outside, who were waiting to split up in the SUV. There were three vehicles, seven agents.

"I'll take one." Morgan stated.

"Me, too." JJ called.

"I'll get the last one. We're all going to the same place anyway." Jamie spoke out. She parted ways with her teammates. When she thought she would be the only one to ride in the SUV, she was met with the sight of Spencer approaching the passenger side.

She gave him a slightly, but playful addled look. "Not riding with the boys, Dr. Reid?"

"Do you mind?"

Jamie grinned. "Not at all. Hop in."

Both agents got into the vehicle, buckling their belts. Jamie started the car, the radio automatically playing. She reached out, turning it off, which usually wasn't like her.

When she began driving, she could see Spencer look at her from the corner of her eye. "Something catch your eye or…?"

"Are you doing okay?" he asked her.

Jamie spared a glance at the passenger, quickly looking back to the road. "Why do you ask?"

"You usually never turn the radio off and you've been kind of, I don't know, tense today."

Jamie sighed, turning on her blinker to make a right turn. "I know. Earlier today, when me, Hotch and JJ arrived to the station, we met with the Sheriff and one of his officers, right? So, we're discussing what they have on the case and the officer, her name is Vicky and she gave me a really strange feeling. I don't even know if 'strange' is the right word for it."

"I thought it was because of Mills…"

Jamie shook her head, a little dramatically. "Him, too. Especially when I had to interview him alone. Just the way he looked at me…something is not right in this town."

"I'm sure everything's going to be okay." Spencer tried to reassure.

Jamie scoffed, finally pulling into the hotel parking lot behind her other team's vehicles. "As if I haven't heard that one before…"

The SUV came to a stop next to the others and the team exited their vehicles. When they got into the building, the team had split into two groups to take different elevators. The ride to the third floor was quick and Jamie was ready to crash for the night.

She said goodnight to her teammates and made her walk down the hall to room three-o-seven. Taking out her key-card, she held it to the door, waiting for it to open. Instead of clicking and turning green for entry, it buzzed and turned red. Jamie frowned and attempted to try it again, but it buzzed and went red.

"You're holding it backwards." a voice said from behind.

Jamie looked up slightly, seeing Spencer laughing a little at her misfortune. "Well, that would explain it." She took the key-card, holding it the other way around. When it still didn't work, she looked at Spencer, slightly embarrassed.

He chuckled lightly, holding out his hand. "Here, let me try."

Jamie handed him the card and stepped aside to give him some room. When he opened it on the first try, she shook her head in amusement. "I guess you just have the magic touch." she joked.

Spencer gave her a grin, handing back her key-card. "Goodnight, Jamie."

"Goodnight, Spencer." she said back, disappearing behind the door.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.

If you like _Supernatural_ , check out my other work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	13. Catastrophe

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. I know that I usually wait about a week to post new updates, but in all honesty, I couldn't resist posting this for you all. I sincerely hope that I took this in the direction that you were _not_ expecting, because it goes very nicely with the next chapter! Also, I thought you'd like to know that this story has progressed and I am no longer questioning my creative side (for now). Oh my gosh, I'm so excited to post these next couple of chapters, I want to cry. One last note, the chapter that follows this one, will be up within a week (I want to give you time to simmer in it). With all of that said, I hope you enjoy and please remember to review! Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Thirteen: Catastrophe**

 **November 22nd, 2014**

The next morning, Jamie was woken up from her ringtone, rather than her alarm. With the discovery of another body, she had minimal time to get dressed and be out the door. She met with the rest of the team down in the lobby and immediately ventured out to the SUV's. Half of them going to the scene, the other half going back to the precinct. Jamie was glad she had been in the vehicle that was going to the crime scene. She wasn't sure if she wanted to deal with creepy Vicky that early in the morning.

When Jamie, Spencer, and Morgan arrived at the scene, they saw a group of officers standing around the victim. She was visibly tied to a tree and had multiple lacerations on her back. What they saw next, only had Jamie questioning everything she knew about this police force. Before the car could even come to a complete stop, Jamie jumped out of the vehicle, rushing to the group of officers who were about to contaminate everything they had to get from the scene. "Hey! Do _not_ touch her!" Jamie yelled at them. Her tone was authoritative and almost threatening as she ran up on the officers.

"You can't disturb the crime scene!" Morgan shouted at them, right behind Jamie.

"We already took a whole lot of picture like we were told to." one officer told the agents.

"And who told you to do that?" Spencer questioned.

"The Sheriff did."

"Okay, but I doubt that he told you to touch the victim, or am I mistaken?" Jamie pressed. Her hands were positioned on her hips and her eyes boring into the officer. When he didn't respond verbally, Jamie got noticeably upset. "Okay, just…back away. We need to analyze this just how it is and you can't be standing right on the damn crime scene!"

The officer moved, pushing his men back as well. Jamie glanced at her team members, seeing them watching. She shrugged her shoulder at them, turning her attention back to the victim. Spencer came up behind her, bending down to level with the girl tied to the tree.

"He's definitely gone bigger with the cuts." Morgan noted.

Spencer nodded in a agreement. "Not only that, but this cutting was done postmortem. This gunshot wound is what killed her."

"How can you tell that just by looking at her?" the lead officer wondered.

"There's a lack of blood flow and the scar tissue is bright." Jamie told him. "If that was done when she was alive, her back would be covered in _way_ more blood."

"Which means that this wasn't some sort of S&M, its more symbolic than that." Spencer added.

"Symbolic of what?" another officer questioned.

"We're not sure yet." Morgan answered, sternly.

"Can you guys smell that?" Spencer asked.

Jamie sniffed the air, noticing a familiar smell. "It smells like lavender."

"Lavender doesn't grow in these parts." an officer informed them.

Spencer observed the victim more closely, pointing to her limbs. "It's mainly coming from her legs."

"Why would the killer do that?"

"Don't know yet." Jamie said, shaking her head.

"Get the CSI team out here, have them take care of this and _do_ _not_ touch anything." Morgan told the lead officer.

"We need to get back, because we need to deliver this profile." Spencer told his teammates.

They agreed, taking leave from the scene. As much as she didn't want to, it hurt Jamie to leave the victim there with the officer team. She didn't understand how their heads were working. There were strict protocols that all officers knew, that were the same wherever they went; but here, these people seemed to be in their own strange world.

* * *

"We believe the unsub we're looking for is a white male in his early thirties. While his M.O. is that of a sadist, we think there is an underlying pathology of what we call a wound collector." Hotch explained to the officers standing before the team.

"What's a wound collector?" one of the officers asked.

"A wound collector is someone who uses a lifetime of slights, grievances and wrongs as their justification for violence." Spencer informed.

"An example would be a large-scale as that of Hitler, scapegoating the Jewish for the Holocaust. Or it can be as simple as an abusive husband blaming his wife for something as an excuse to beat her." Jamie noted.

"This unsub is low-key, almost submissive in public. He has to be attracted to prostitutes, but his real nature will be revealed in the safety of isolation." Rossi added.

"This is the type of man who would anonymously express himself online by raging against how these women are filled with diseases and filth, how they all deserve what's coming to them." Prentiss mentioned.

"And its more than likely the cause of rejection from a woman or a spouse that he believes did him wrong." Morgan incorporated.

"Which means the unsub probably has a working-class, or a part-time job. It's able to give him enough time to plan and execute these murders." JJ

"This unsub is strong and works well with his hands. More than likely he drives a work vehicle of some sort or a large truck. That allows him to transport bodies and also carry his tools for his executions." Jamie told the group.

"We found Tabitha Ryerson this morning. By the looks of her wounds, we can see that the unsub is starting to lose control. He managed to kill her in her home and then he moved her body into the woods, which is where he mutilated her postmortem." Morgan explained.

"The public display of her body was a message-" Spencer began, cut off by an officer.

"To who?"

"To us," Jamie said, her eyes hard on the group in front of her. "This is a very small town and he knows for a fact that the FBI is here investigating his murders. He believes that he's showing us that he's smarter than we are."

"He's also showing us _his_ wounds." Hotch added. "There's a part to this unsub that wants us to stop and punish him for his crimes." As he finished his sentence, his cell phone rang. Hotch excused himself, signaling for the briefing to end.

The officers dispersed and the team stayed up front with one another. "Do you guys think this is going to escalate? Like, get _worse_ before it gets even starts to get better?" Jamie questioned.

"You really are paranoid, aren't you?" Morgan asked her, joking lightly.

Jamie sighed, shaking her head a little. "You guys might think it's funny, but when something blows out of proportion, I'll be the one to say I told you so."

"Carter, we all know that with this job, we never know what to expect…" Prentiss tried to console her.

Jamie shrugged it off, "I want to believe you guys…"

"Garcia found something interesting. I need two of you to go to the local elementary school and speak to someone named McIntyre." Hotch informed the team, walking back into the conference room.

"I'll go." Jamie piped up, wanting to distance herself some.

"I'll drive." Rossi told her, motioning for her to follow.

She complied, crossing her arms over her chest as she stalked out of the room. It wasn't that she didn't believe that her teammates thought she was overreacting, her body wouldn't let up, it held onto a terrible feeling that was making her warier.

* * *

Arriving to the school didn't take too long, as it was only about a fifteen-minute drive from the station. Jamie and Rossi walked the halls, turning every corner, following the directions they were given. When they turned another corner, they could clearly hear shouting some ways down the hall. The two agents exchanged looks, still listening as they sped up their walking. They looked inside the room where to commotion was coming from.

"…who come face to face with their own failings as stewards of the community!" the man yelled in the face of a child, grabbing onto his sweater. Then, he grabbed the child by the neck, forcing his face down into the desk top.

Jamie stepped in, hurriedly, she had seen enough. "Hey! McIntyre!" she yelled into the classroom.

"Who the hell are you?" Principle McIntyre asked, looking as though he wasn't expecting any company…which he wasn't.

Jamie snatched her badge from her pocket, walking right up to McIntyre. "We're with the FBI and you're going to release this child and come with us."

"You can't just walk in here like that. I'm the principal of this school-"

"Yeah? Well, we need to talk about Mack the Knife." Jamie knew she had the guy when his face of authority fell by one little mention of some dumb nickname.

"Let the child go, McIntyre." Rossi told him.

Upon being released, the child rushed out of the room, disappearing to who knows where. Principal McIntyre's eyes went from Jamie to Rossi a few times before he complied with their "request". They lead him to teacher's lounge, all three of them sitting down at the table inside.

"Go ahead and tell us about Mack the Knife." Rossi began.

"How about this?" Jamie backtracked. "Do you know of an Abigail Jones, Hannah Kelly, or Tabitha Ryerson? Hell, I'll even throw in Lucas Wagner, I don't judge."

McIntyre had noticeable beads of sweat on his face, but he was also attempting to play things cool. He straightened up in his seat, sighing. It didn't take much for him to crack. "Look," he began. "yes, I knew them. I had sessions with them, _not_ with Lucas Wagner, I don't know who that is." he claimed. "And sure, maybe some money changed hands here and there, but it was just for their time."

"Yeah, we read the disclaimers on the escort website, too." Rossi told him.

"How about you walk us through all the different prostitutes you hired, Mr. McIntyre." Jamie requested.

McIntyre scoffed. "Sado-masochism isn't a crime the last time I checked. It's legal, as long as I don't have sex with any of them." His nervousness was coming to the surface. His hands kept moving from the table to his lap, and his eyes were going back and forth from Jamie to Rossi. "You can't tell anyone about this. I'm entitled to my privacy jut as much as the next person…and I have kids."

"You're not here because of the S&M." Rossi informed him. "You're here because of the murders."

"What? What murders?"

"Tabitha Ryerson." Jamie stated, the name automatically sparking something in McIntyre.

"…she's dead?" he asked, his eyes going wide. "I was supposed to meet with her for the first time tomorrow."

"Yeah? It's obviously not happening now, so now it's your turn. It's _your_ turn to give _us_ names." Jamie pronounced.

"Um, okay, okay." McIntyre started. "Uh, Hannah Kelly, Carol Rodgers, and Abigail Jones." He looked as if he was thinking about his next words. "Abigail's my favorite."

"What about the men?" Rossi questioned,

McIntyre looked down in what Jamie only assumed was some sort of shame. "…you know about that, too?"

 _"_ _Bingo!"_ Jamie said to herself. "Mr. McIntyre, I'd suggest that you assume we know _everything_ there is know. It'll be a whole lot smoother for all of us that way." Jamie studied the person in front of her. The way he was mildly fidgeting, the way his eyes were darting from place to place. She sat back in her chair, crossing her arms with a smug look on her face. "You did know Lucas Wagner, didn't you?"

"It was just him." McIntyre admitted.

"So, you lied to us?" Jamie questioned him, her voice raising in the small room.

"I-I didn't think you'd bring it up…"

Jamie leaned forward into the table, laying her hands on the top of it. "I'll tell you again. It's safer for you to assume that we know everything."

"Now, they don't call you Mack the Knife for nothing. Do you still have the knife you used on them?" Rossi asked.

"What do you mean?" McIntyre looked confused, as if he didn't know what they were talking about.

"The knife you used to cut them. You did cut them, didn't you?"

"What? God no, you-you don't understand." McIntyre told them as he stood up from his seat, the speed of his actions playing on Jamie's instincts.

She stood up from her seat, too, ready to take anything from the man.

McIntyre held his hands up in surrender. "No, no, no. I promise I'm not being threatening." He said, his hands moving to the inside of his jacket pocket, or so Jamie thought. "I just need to show you what I mean." He unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his bare chest. It was covered in cuts all over the skin. Jamie and Rossi exchanged stunned looks. This was not in the profile and now they needed to go back, see if there was something they missed.

* * *

It was turning into another long night. After the discovery of McIntyre, Jamie didn't know what to think, any more. There was never a case where she had been thrown off this much and the recent discovery, was going to set back their time on the case. Jamie and Rossi arrived back to the precinct, meeting the others from the team in the same room.

"Hey, you guys need to listen to this." Jamie told them a she rushed towards them. There were also several officers surrounding the room, but it was best that they heard it too.

"What is it?" Hotch asked her, sending her a look of mild confusion.

"It's not McIntyre." Jamie claimed. "He's not he unsub."

"What do you mean?" Morgan pressed.

"He admitted to having session with each of the victims, but here's the thing. Even though he's called 'Mack the Knife', he doesn't use the knife on the victims-" Rossi explained.

"They use the knife on him." JJ finished.

"What do you mean he's not the unsub?" one officer asked, clearly disagreeing with their findings. "He's had session with each of the victims, you said so yourself."

"We've profiled that this unsub would be submissive in public and dominant with the prostitutes, and McIntyre is the opposite of that." Hotch explained to the officers.

"McIntyre takes the submissive role in the S&M play most likely, because he's so dominant," Morgan added. "He's the principal at his parochial school-"

"So, we're basically back to our starting point?" the officer interrupted.

"Our best bet is still to talk to some of the girls." JJ told him. "Tabitha's death might scare some of them into talking to us."

Jamie's attention was distracted when she saw a distraught looking Carrie enter the station. "Hotch…" she called to her boss, motion her head in the direction of the woman. Carrie was moving past one of the officers who was trying to calm her, but she stalked over to Hotch.

"Have you spoken to Preacher Mills?" she asked Hotch.

"No, not since yesterday." he told her. "Why?"

"We were talking at the church and one of the girls, I think her name is Belinda, she came in crying and begging for help. Preacher Mills said he was going to tell you what he saw and get an update on the case, but he never came back."

As the others around Jamie were discussing the information that she and Rossi discovered, her attention was solely focused on the words coming from Carrie's mouth.

"When was this?" Hotch questioned her.

"It was this morning."

"No, we haven't seen him."

Carrie looked utterly confused and upset. "What do you mean? She said the same exact thing as my sister. She said 'they' were coming for her. What the hell is going on here?!"

"Okay, just-please excuse me for a moment." Hotch excused himself, coming back to the group as Spencer came back with a discovery.

"I think I know what the lavender is being used for." he said. "Have any of you ever heard of Spikenard?"

"Nope." one officer spoke.

"No clue…" another added.

"It's a perfume." Jamie told them. "It's mentioned over in the Gospels."

Spencer nodded to her, confirming her words. "It's derived from lavender. It's what Mary Magdalene used to wash Jesus' feet, which tells us that this unsub's message is obviously religious in its nature."

"Maybe Mills came forward to volunteer his information?" Morgan offered.

"But yesterday he told me that he'd come forward if he had any more useful information, and it's obvious he isn't doing that." Jamie pointed out.

"He fits the profile." Prentiss mentioned. "He's morally rigorous, submissive in public…"

"So, we put an APB out for him." the Sheriff said.

"Morgan and Reid, I want you two to go to the church, see if Mills is there now." Hotch instructed.

Jamie glanced at Spencer, sending him a wary grin. As he walked past her, he landed his hand on her shoulder, letting it linger there until he needed to take it away.

There would be a point in time where Jamie would realize, there's more to this than they _all_ realized.

"I don't get this, at all." one of the officers on the case said. He was clearly agitated with the newest information. Nobody was really sure how to piece it together. "If the Preacher has something to do with this, then why had he been so helpful?"

"Unsubs usually like to insert themselves into the investigations. They enjoy the chase, that feeling of power and the thought that they're smarter than us." Jamie replied, looking at Vicky who was standing just a little bit too close for her liking.

"They also tend to keep tabs on the case. In this instance, he wants to know how close we are to catching him." Hotch added. At that moment, his cellphone rang. "Go ahead, Garcia." He told her, putting her on speaker for all to hear.

"Sir, I got the backhoe going into this um, not-so-clean Preacher. I haven't found his present wear abouts yet, but just by looking at his bank account, I can tell you he doesn't adhere to the 'give all your money to the poor' model."

"Any clue where the money is coming from?"

"No, not yet, but it's mostly cash, and we're talking six-figures, here."

"Hotch, what about sex-trafficking?" Jamie suggested. "This unsub is able to get these prostitutes to let their guard down long enough for him to kill them."

"So, they're somebody he knows?" an officer questioned. "I though your team said our killer was a John."

Jamie shook her head. "No, because prostitutes would either rat out the John or kill him themselves, but they wouldn't go against their own pimp."

"Garcia, take everything we know about Mills and run it up against any and all pandering and procuring charges." Hotch instructed. "This isn't the first time he's done this."

"You got it." Garcia said, typing away on her keyboard. "Got it."

"That was quick." Jamie spoke towards the phone.

"Oh, sweetie, do you not know me at all? Anyway, did you know that the charge of being a pimp, when all gussied up, is 'procuring and pandering?' So, Hotch was right. Preacher Mills _is_ familiar with this charge and let me tell you why. Before he was Justin Mills, he was Gordon Borell, and he was arrested for cutting one of the ladies that worked for him."

"Where did he cut her?" Jamie questioned.

"On her back." Garcia answered. "And when he was questioned…oh god, okay, I'm going to need to look at baby animal videos after this-Mills claimed he was marking his property."

"You're kidding, right?" the Sheriff asked a loud. It sounded like more of a though.

Then, a though rang in Jamie's mind, something from her interview with Mills. "That's why he asked me about the wounds on the victims…"

Hotch looked at her with mild confusion. "When did he ask you that?"

"Um, yesterday when you had me interview him."

"And it didn't occur to you to let me know?"

"It honestly just slipped my mind, until now. I-he must've known we'd-

"He knew we'd find out about his past." Hotch interrupted.

Jamie was feeling like a failure. She had Mills at her fingertips, but one small mishap could've cost them their case. Mills was in the wind and Hotch had their team members out there looking for him. He could be anywhere, or he could be targeting the team to try and hide his tracks.

"But wait," Jamie called out, shaking her head. "why are we digging this up now? Wouldn't this have been useful earlier?" Her self-defense was manifesting.

"Well, he changed his name when he crossed the border." Garcia told her. "The Northern border, to be exact. Mills, Nee Borell, is from Tees, Alberta. And let me tell you, those damn Canadians seem so sweet and innocent, but when they turn to the dark side, say hello to Darth Vader."

"He came here to start over and took on the mantel of the collar for his cover in the sex trade?" Jamie cross-examined. She was still angry over the fact that she hadn't told Hotch everything about the interview with Mills.

"No one in this town would question a man of God." Hotch noted.

"But now we've got the smoking gun that we need on this guy." the Sheriff said to the group.

"Garcia, was there an attempted murder charge for Mills?"

"No, there isn't. In fact, she said he wanted her to go back out and start working _after_ he was done cutting on her."

"He's not our unsub." Hotch concluded within a second of hearing Garcia.

* * *

When Reid and Spencer were back at the station, Spencer let Jamie in on the fact that Mills was missing. That just pushed her fear farther upstream. She considered that she was simply overthinking everything, but there was a part of her that wouldn't shake off that familiar feeling of dread.

Jamie, the rest of the BAU team, Sheriff Coleman and other officers gathered around a table. They still had to work out their kinks in finding this unsub.

"This guy fits to a 'T'. How can we rule him out?" Coleman asked.

"Criminally, pimps tend to follow the same behavioral pattern as drug dealer." Rossi explained.

"Prostitutes are his revenue stream." JJ added.

"This unsub would only kill them as a last resort." Spencer pointed out.

"That would explain why the cutting in Canada was a _punishment_ , not a religious punishment, but one for not getting the job done." Jamie mentioned.

"So, he comes here to start a new life and sets up a new business." Prentiss said, making the connection.

"And that's when somebody finds out about his past. He uses it as a forensic countermeasure to throw us off track by framing him." JJ continued.

"That's why the girls kept saying 'they're' after us. There wasn't a team of unsubs, but one sadist copying the behavior of another." Hotch pointed out.

"That would also explain the change with Tabitha, the escalation and the perfume on her feet." Spencer added.

"But you said the unsub wanted us to catch him and punish him." said Coleman.

Jamie shook her head, standing from her seat, because she couldn't sit anymore. "No, what he really wanted was for us to catch Mills."

"So, basically, _whoever_ this guy is, he's got us all fooled, and we've got nothing when it comes to the profile…"

"That's not true." Hotch defended. "This unsub chose Mills for a reason, and Mills can still lead us to the unsub. We'll have Agent Morgan and the deputies start at his house."

Morgan agreed, standing from his seat and leaving right away with the deputies.

* * *

A while later, during the night, Morgan called the team with information from his trip to Mills' house.

"So, we just searched through the Preacher's house and no one's in there. But I did find cocaine in a hidden compartment."

"How much?" Rossi asked.

"A kilo. And with that amount, he's not just using it, he's selling it, too."

"If that's the case, then the suspect pool of whoever is framing him just got a whole lot bigger." Hotch concluded, receiving nods from the remainder of his team, which included Jamie. The Sheriff was also in company.

"Well, JJ's headed to the bar to see if Dinah's seen him."

As if on que, JJ was calling on Hotch's cell. "Hey, Hotch?"

"JJ, any luck?"

"No, Mills isn't here either."

"I've got the roadblocks set up on every corner." Coleman informed them. "They're in and out of town, so he won't be able to get far."

"JJ, help canvass the area and we'll dig deeper here, see if we can figure out where he's going."

"Got it."

Then, they heard a call over the Sheriff's radio. It was Vicky. "Sheriff, be advised, I've got the suspect headed into El Lobito's Diner. Repeat, I've got the suspect headed into El Lobito's Diner."

"Copy Deputy, we're on our way."

"Okay," Hotch began. "Carter, you and Reid go ahead with the Sheriff. Dave, Prentiss and I will coordinate all responses here."

"Yes, sir." Jamie complied, following out Coleman out the door alongside Spencer.

* * *

From the back of the police vehicle, Spencer was attempting to get ahold of the Preacher. Which, of course, wasn't happening. The phone rang and rang, still no answer.

"He's not answering."

"Keep trying, though." Jamie told him from the front. "We need to tell him that we know he _isn't_ responsible for this."

Spencer tried again and again…and another time. No such luck for the team. The sirens were blaring as they drove down the road, reaching the diner in what felt like no time at all. They pulled into the lot, seeing Vicky's vehicle still on the scene. Stepping out of the Sheriff's SUV, they heard Vicky speaking.

"He's been in there a good five-minutes at least. I haven't seen any movement." she informed them all.

"Any patrons?" Spencer asked, strapping on his bullet-proof vest.

"Um, it's closed for the night, agent."

"Okay, and how many entrances do we have?" Jamie questioned, observing the building.

"It looks like only two."

"And the million-dollar question is, is he alone in there." Jamie watched the diner, watching for any sigh of movement in the bright window of the place. Somebody else spotted it before she did, though.

"Hey, I've got movement." one of the responding officers yelled. "We should move in now, Sheriff."

"We're better of establishing a perimeter, first." Spencer told him. "That way we can open up a line of communication."

"Absolutely." agreed the Sherriff. "Okay, we need to get around-"

It was like things were happening in slow motion. Before her brain could register what was happening in the exact moment, Jamie watched as Sheriff Coleman fell to the ground, bleeding from a gunshot wound.

 _"_ _Shots fired! Shots fired!"_ the words rang through her ears as she took cover behind one of the doors of the SUV.

There were gun shots going off everywhere, then another officer was down. It just didn't make any sense. Sure, Mills believed he would be taken in for the crimes, but they never got the chance to tell him that they knew it wasn't him. He was now shooting at those who wanted to help him. More officers arrived on the scene. Jamie looked back for a moment, seeing Morgan exiting a vehicle and taking cover. When she turned back around, Jamie flinched as another officer fell right in front of her. Was she in shock? If she was, it wasn't the best time to be, so she shook it off, letting the ringing of the multiple bullets hitting the car metal take her out of her daze. It wasn't in her to leave a fellow officer of the law in the line of fire. Jamie moved out in front, not even ten steps from her current position.

There was a stinging in her upper chest where the vest didn't cover, just below her collar bone. The young agent didn't have time to respond with any bodily action.

She fell to the pavement, hearing her name being bellowed through the commotion.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.

If you like _Supernatural_ , check out my other work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	14. Memories from the Guilt Ridden

**I have been waiting to post this chapter ever since I wrote it (which was a couple of months ago) and now I finally can. This is by far, my favorite chapter I have written so far and I'm so freaking excited for you all to read it. I was going to wait to post for a couple more days, but I have time on my hands and what better thing to do than give this to you. With that said, I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

 **P.S.: Post your theory as to why Jamie left in a review! I'm excited to hear your thoughts!**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Fourteen: Memories from the Guilt Ridden**

Jamie could recognize the sensations around her. There was the blasting of gunfire vibrating the ground, the sound of glass breaking and shattering to the pavement, the feeling that she was being carried and put back down. The concrete below her body was hard and wet. The hands that were holding her upright when she wanted to fall over were cold. The heart in her chest felt heavy with every slow breath. Beads of sweat covered her skin, every visible speck of it. A sticky patch felt warm on her chest. Despite having a bullet-proof vest, she still managed to get injured. Consciousness was coming and going. When she attempted to open her eyes, nothing seemed right. Colors were warped, figures looked as if they were doubled…or was she seeing things?

That face in front of her, though, she could never mistake that face for anything or anyone other than who it was.

"We need a medic! _Right now!_ " Spencer yelled behind him. "She's losing too much blood!"

Jamie couldn't keep herself upright. Her head wanted to fall over and her body felt hot. The cold hands moved down to her chest, unstrapping the velcro of the vest. As it came off, it seemed to take away a million-and-one-pounds from her chest. Jamie sucked in a deep breath, possibly too deep and she started to cough. With that cough, came blood.

Hands were now pressed to the bloody wound on her chest. The pressure hurt like hell, but it had to happen.

"Jamie, hey, no, no, no. I need you to keep your eyes open."

She was trying, she really was.

"You're going to be fine…you're going to be fine."

Spencer's voice sounded like a buzzing in her ears. She opened her eyes lightly, enough to see her old friend in front of her, covered in her blood. Jamie mustered up a slight smile and attempted to speak, only sending her into another violent coughing fit. The metallic taste in her mouth was unpleasant and it didn't seem to stop.

"Jamie! Hey, keep your eyes open, okay?" He had one hand pressing down on her chest, another holding her face steady under her chin. Never in a million year would either of them thought they'd be in this situation.

Jamie gulped harshly, spitting up more blood as she did. It pushed past her lips, drawing red lines down her chin and out the corners of her mouth. The little effort that she was giving towards keeping her eyes open and holding her head up, seemed to evaporate all at once. Her green eyes rolled back and her head slumped to the side, out of Spencer's grasp.

"Jamie! _Jamie!_ No, please, hey! Not like this…it can't happen like this."

* * *

 ** _June 17, 2004_**

No words had been spoken. The time ticking between shared voices was hostile and neither of them wanted to be the one to break it. That point in time would have to come eventually, though. In the prior days, there was an obvious tension that wanted to be avoided. How long they could actually avoid it, though, didn't last too long. Their love was strong, it had always been, but was it the wrong time for their relationship? Everything had worked out perfectly, maybe too perfectly. Was it inevitable that their good thing would eventually come crashing down? The endless "I love you's", the priceless moments captured on film, the heartwarming memories forever etched into their mind...it was all crashing down, right in front of their eyes.

One of the hardest parts in life-in _anyone's_ life, is deciding whether to walk away or to try harder. It was more than going on amazing dates, or holding each other's hand, or sharing sweet kisses. It was how they accepted one another that set their relationship in stone. All the flaws and the weirdness they endured from the other, it led both of them to finding their happiness. It was a happiness that they found within each other. They chose one another, over and over again. Without hesitation, without wondering if it was all worth it, because it was.

But all good things must come to an end, right?

Secrets, that was another thing. They didn't keep them from each other, at least not until now. The secret was looked at as burdensome, and pushed aside until it couldn't be pushed any longer. There wasn't much time left to act and the decision had already been made.

As they were sitting on the opposite ends of the worn couch, the world seemed to be moving on without them. Jamie sat with her knees to her chest, biting her fingernails, eyes glued to the floor. Her body still shook with the left over cries she was keeping inside. She didn't dare look at him, no way. If she did, the tears would start and she didn't know if they would stop. Everything had been going so well, so why did one little situation put everything in jeopardy? Jamie was scared, a type of scared that she had never experienced before. When she thought about it, panic set in and it wouldn't diminish for hours. The two of them had graduated and had major plans for their future together. Now, all of it was being held together by a thread.

A sigh came from the other end of the couch. Spencer leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees, rubbing the tiredness and emotion from his face. He sniffed a few times, then he was brave enough to look over at his girlfriend. He thought she looked beautiful the way she tied her long, brown hair on a messy pile on top of her head. Her grey sweat pants and her white tank top fit all the right places and the simplicity of it all made him wonder how he got so lucky. Going into his college career, Spencer never imagined this happening. He never imagined finding the girl he thought he's spend the rest of his life with, the person who showed him another side to life that was filled with brightness and exhilaration. Yet, here she was and he couldn't seem to find that girl anywhere in the body sitting next to him.

"...Jamie," he spoke softly. He didn't look at her, his head was still on his hands.

There was no reply from the girl.

"Jamie, come on." he pleaded. "We can't-we can't do this."

"We already are..." she whispered back. Her eyes were still bored into the floor, her nails bitten down to a nub.

Spencer turned his head towards her, his tired, wary hazel eyes silently asking her why. "I just don't understand..."

"It's really not that hard..."

"It is, actually. This is coming out of nowhere."

Then, Jamie swiftly turned her head, taking her fingers from her mouth to look at her boyfriend. "It's not coming from 'nowhere', Spencer. "

"Then where is it coming from?"

Jamie shook her head, not wanting to have the whole conversation all over again; but that seemed to be happening every day since it began. "What? Did you expect us to be the perfect couple forever?"

Her words stung him to the core. They weren't always "picture perfect", but it was perfect in his eyes, he hoped it was in hers, too. "I just-I can't wrap my head around this..."

"I'm sorry..."

"You've been saying that. Soon it'll start to lose its meaning."

"What do you want from me, Spencer?" Jamie asked, throwing her hands in the air.

"I want the reason why-"

"I gave you the reason!" she shouted, getting up from her seat on the couch. She paced back and forth in the living room, hands placed solidly on her hips.

"I don't think you're being honest with me, Jamie."

"Oh my god, no. It's the fact that you don't want this to happen. You're trying to come up with some logical explanation of your own!"

"So, you're telling me that you just want to leave? Just like that?"

Jamie stopped pacing and looked at Spencer, her face filled with raw emotion. "I told you. I want something else, something away from here! I need to move on and if that doesn't involve you, then..."

"...then what?"

The tears were coming down her face now. She knew her own "logical explanation" was complete bullshit. She didn't want to leave, but she had to go. "I can't talk about this again. I feel sick, physically sick to my stomach right now." Jamie marched away from the living area, leaving a sad Spencer behind to watch. She made her way into the kitchen, grabbing a glass from the cabinet and filling it with water. The liquid ran down her throat and into her body, as she hoped it would calm the feeling growing inside of her.

Spencer came around the corner, leaning himself back against the door frame. He watched her with red eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked, referring to the mentioning of her feeling sick.

"No," she replied. "No, I'm not okay. Are _you_ okay?"

"No."

"I told you, I don't want to talk about this, I don't want to argue."

"Then let's not argue. We can talk this out like mature adults and-"

Before Spencer could even finish his sentence, Jamie rushed past him, holding a hand over her mouth.

She rushed up the stairs, hating the swirling feeling erupting in her stomach. The sensation reminded her of being on a boat, even though she never got sea sick. Pushing open the bathroom door with her free hand, Jamie barely made it to the toilet in time. The contents of her stomach emptied out, but it wasn't much. There was so much stress going through her that she wasn't even eating properly. Yet, she knew it wasn't because of the malnutrition. She dry heaved a couple of times, holding her hair that fell above her head with one hand while the other was gripping into the ceramic structure. Her attention was quickly brought to the footsteps coming up the stairs. She got up from kneeling on the floor and swiftly slammed the door shut. It made her feel horrible, treating him like that. He was so in the dark and she didn't have the heart to tell him.

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door. "Jamie?"

"...I'm fine, Spencer."

"No, you're not."

Jamie hit the bathroom door with the flat bottom of her hand. "I said I'm fine! Just-just stop, okay?" Her voice was cracking and her throat hurt from the crying, the vomiting. She let herself slide down the door, meeting the cold floor as she sat down.

It was never supposed to be like this. Maybe it would happen eventually, but it couldn't happen now. She had plans and those plans wouldn't happen if she was in this situation. Making the decision to leave took everything out of her. She was sure that it would permanently scar her, scar the one she loved. He deserved so much better than what he was getting, but she couldn't give it to him, not any more. She had to let it go; let go of the way he held her at night, the way they kissed while watching the sunset, the way he smiled at her, the way he would pull her in closer by her waist and send shivers through her body. It had to be left behind, and he didn't even know the reason why. There was the part of her that was constantly feeling guilty, scorning her for lying to him, but the other part of her wanted to go through with it. She wasn't ready and she didn't want to hear that he was.

Jamie stood up from the bathroom floor, flushing the toilet and standing in front of the mirror. Her reflection looked awful. The bags under her eyes were very noticeable, the purple coloring had been there for days, too. She turned on the faucet, flashing herself with cold water and washing her mouth out. The sound of the running water filled her ears, drowned out the racing thoughts that never left her alone.

 _"You're wrong for doing this."_

 _"You're a terrible person."_

 _"How could you do this to him?"_

 _"You were never good enough for him, anyway."_

 _"He deserves so much better than you."_

Jamie shut off the water with force. She felt nauseous again, but she was positive that there wasn't anything left in her stomach. Her hand reached for the doorknob, not even thinking of her actions. She was met face to face with Spencer. He didn't say anything to her, just watched her with those sad, hazel eyes.

Jamie walked quickly to their bedroom, not bothering to shut the door behind her, because she knew he would follow her anyway. She went to the closet, pulling out her biggest suitcase. Her eyes didn't dare to look over at Spencer, because if she did, she wouldn't be able to go through with what she was about to do. The clothes that were hanging in the closet made their way into the floor, missing the suitcase by a decent amount of space.

"...what are you doing?" Spencer's voice broke through her wall, sounding even more heartbroken than it already was.

Jamie ignored him, continuing to pull down her clothes. She moved over to her drawers, taking out the smaller piece of clothing in piles, setting them on the bed.

"Jamie..."

Still no response.

"Jamie!"

It was enough to make her jump. He didn't raise his voice like that, that wasn't the type of man he was. The girl kept working, bundling up clothes to fit into the travel gear.

"Jamie, where are you going?!"

"I don't know!"

"You can't just leave! You can't do this!"

"But I am!" she yelled back. "I already told you, it's happening!"

"No, you can't do this to me."

"You actually think that I want to do this, Spencer?!" Jamie was crying now, her voice coming out in short, breathy sobs. "We can't have what we want, not if I stay here!"

"I don't-"

"Don't you dare say that you don't understand! I've explained it enough for you to wrap your head around it, now just deal with it!"

Clothes were being thrown angrily into the suitcase on the floor. Jamie took handfuls of her belongings, shoving them down wherever they would fit. The tears made her vision too blurry and they wouldn't stop. On her knees, she quit throwing items into the suitcase and began to bawl. She hugged herself, her cries being heard throughout the whole apartment.

It was like he couldn't help himself. Even though the girl in front of him was breaking his heart, permanently impairing it, he got down next to her and wrapped her into right his embrace. It didn't surprise him when he felt his own tears rolling down his face. He pulled Jamie closer to him, holding her as they both sat on the floor in her mess of clothes. She didn't move away, she let him hold her close, because she was sure that this would be the last time he would be able to do that.

He kissed her head, brushing her loose hair away from her face. "Don't go...please."

* * *

A coward.

That's what she was and she wasn't going to deny it. As she moved through the darkness of the room, she kept her footsteps as light as possible. There was no longer a mess on the floor, her necessities all packed away, ready to be moved. She changed her clothes, dressed herself into a pair of jeans and a light sweatshirt with the CalTech logo on it. Jamie grabbed the large suitcase from the floor, careful to be light and steady with it. Glancing around the room one last time, she tried so hard to not look at the sleeping figure on the bed.

But she couldn't help it.

They had fallen asleep together, wrapped in each other's arms. Jamie woke first, realizing that what she was about to do would crush him. He might never forgive her, and she understood that. If he knew the truth, they would never go back to what they had now. They probably never would. She thought about the possibility of them seeing each other again one day, one day in the future when everything would be okay. She would be okay, and so would he...eventually.

Jamie stepped softly over to his sleeping form, running her hand lightly over his face. Her eyes threatened to spill more tears as she gave him one last kiss on his forehead. He was so exhausted and she knew that. Her green eyes lingered for a moment before she tore them away, grabbing her suitcase and carrying it out and down the stairs. When her feet hit the first floor, she took pictures in her mind, even though she knew she would never forget. Grabbing her keys from the counter, before she didn't have the will to leave, Jamie took her suitcase and exited the apartment. The door shut quietly and she locked it behind her.

Her car was waiting for her where she left it. She popped open the trunk, placing her heavy suitcase inside and closing the top. It was happening, she was actually going through with it. Jamie started the car and put it into drive. Pulling out of the parking garage went smoothly. She was able to do it without letting her emotions get the best of her. The money in her pocket was enough to get her a bus ticket to wherever she was planning to go; but she didn't even know herself where she was headed. The drive was silent. No music played in the background, not even a hum escaped her lips.

There's no reset button. Even if there was, there would be no forgetting the actions she was taking now. Her selfish decision would cost not only her, but the person she loved, devastating heartache. They would both be left to clean up the pieces and deal with the consequences themselves. It wasn't fair, not in the slightest. It didn't matter how good she was to him, or how much he loved her, this wound wouldn't heal with time.

When she got to the bus station, Jamie parked her car, knowing it would be the last time she saw that car. She got out, took her suitcase from the trunk and started walking towards the office to buy a ticket. There was no line, so Jamie stepped right up to the teller.

"Hi, uh..."

"Honey, are you alright?" The woman asked her from behind the glass

Jamie gave a humorless laugh as she shook her head. "No, not at all, but I need a ticket."

The woman nodded, eyeing Jamie warily. "Okay, what can I get for you?"

Jamie stood there for a moment, shifting her weight from leg to leg. She didn't know, she didn't know where she was supposed to go.

It didn't matter, though.

"What's the cheapest ticket you have out of California?"

Trying to move on was a constant battle. Just thinking about what she did, how she left him…and how she made a drastic decision, beat on her mind. It was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. No matter how hard she fought back, she was haunted by the feelings and the memories. At night, when she would lay in her bed in complete darkness, she felt weak. When she closed her tired, green eyes, all she saw were hazel ones staring back at her. She was alone, but she blamed nobody, except herself. The longing for a familiar body to embrace her stayed with her wherever she went. There were times when she thought she'd be brave enough to pick up the phone and dial his number. One call, maybe that's all it would take; but it never happened. It wouldn't do them any good, it would just trudge up unwanted emotions.

Then, somewhere along the way, life got easier. It didn't happen all at once, of course, but slowly and surely, it wasn't as hard to sleep at night. She felt guilty at times, but what can you do? There was a time when her mind and her heart told her that her life was over without him. That she couldn't ever be as happy as she was back then. For a long while, it felt like her world had stopped spinning, but everyone and everything else kept moving. The future scared her, even though she knew where she wanted to go. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months and months turned to years. Eventually, Jamie found that her world had started to spin again. One day she came to her senses and realized that the world didn't stop spinning, she stopped _her_ world from spinning. It was gradual and messy, but it became constant. A newfound outlook on life led her to great things.

Jamie just never expected it to lead her back to him.

* * *

 **November 23rd, 2014**

Living through it once was terrible enough, but having to watch it happen again and again, it was the work of something evil. Either that, or the buried guilt that Jamie felt was coming back to the surface. It all seemed so much worse while she was unconscious, all too vivid. The booming voices and the slamming doors, her footsteps out the door coming back to haunt her.

The voices, she could hear them. They weren't always clear, but they were there. It was like a vibration into her mind. Familiar wavelengths bouncing in and out of her ears.

"How is she doing?" JJ asked. Her voice was low, but it still sounding as sweet as ever.

"Doctor says she'll be fine. She lost a lot of blood, though, says she's lucky she got here when she did..."

Jamie felt like she couldn't move, like she was being restrained. The voices were carrying themselves to her, flowing into her mind. She needed to see who they were, where they were coming from.

"You shouldn't blame yourself, Spence. It's not your fault, it's not her fault, either."

He gave no response. His head dropped down into his hands and he released a sigh. JJ walked over to him, resting her hand lightly on his shoulder.

"It should've been me…" he said in a whisper.

"Spence…" JJ wasn't sure how to console her friend. Members of their team had been injured before, but this time it was just different. "You shouldn't talk like that. You heard the doctor, she's going to be okay."

"JJ, if it had been one more centimeter over, I never would get to tell her-" He stopped himself from rambling, from admitting out loud what he had felt for a while. There was anger within him, anger that blamed himself, even though he knew it wasn't his fault.

"…tell her what, Spence?"

"That I forgive her. That I forgave her a long time ago."

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review! I would really appreciate it

If you like _Supernatural_ , check out my other work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	15. Two Days Later

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. It's not very long, but it's something. I got a lot of great feedback on the last chapter, so I wanted to thank you all for liking this story. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This:**

 **Chapter Fifteen: Two Days Later**

 **November 24th, 2014**

Even though her eyelids were closed, Jamie could see light shining behind them. Consciousness came to her slowly, letting her senses figure out their surroundings. There was the distinct smell of cleaner through the air, that stuffy, almost stale smell that most hospitals carried. She could hear the beeping of multiple machines next to her bed. She could feel the IV in her forearm and it ached. Her eyes squeezed shut tightly, kind of like they usually did right before she woke up from a night's rest.

When she opened her eyes, Jamie immediately knew where she was. She didn't have that moment that you see in the movies where the patient panics and has no idea where they are. There was no wondering what happened, or how she ended up there, either, because she remembered. The light from the ceiling hurt her eyes, as she was still trying to adjust them to the newfound brightness. Her eyes glanced round the unadorned hospital room. It was gloomy and the white and grey colors spread throughout didn't help at all. When her eyes came across a sleeping figure in an uncomfortable plastic chair on the other side of her bed, she tried to speak. Her voice was hoarse and then all at once, her chest started to throb. She moved her hand to the source of the pain, feeling it throbbing inside and out.

When she was about to call out the Spencer laying in the chair, somebody else entered the room. By the look on their face, Jamie knew they didn't expect to see her awake. She waved her hand for Morgan to go in, he complied in a hurry.

Trying to speak, but failing miserably, Jamie had to settled for hand movements. She made her hand into a circle, putting it back and forth to her mouth.

"Water?" Morgan asked.

Jamie nodded, feeling relieved. She was handed the water, which she downed in ten seconds. When she was finished, she couldn't help the cough that came along. The taste of leftover blood filled her mouth and she cringed as she had to swallow it back down. Her body visibly shivered and she covered her mouth with her hand, because the taste was so awful. When the feeling passed, she turned her attention back to Spencer. Her small coughing fit hadn't woken him, and Jamie was grateful for that.

"How long has he been here?" she whispered to Morgan.

He tilted his head at her, as if he was telling her it wasn't even a question. "Carter, he's been here the whole time."

She looked again towards Spencer, feeling somewhat guilty that he probably hadn't had a decent night's rest since she was checked in.

"You want me to wake him?" Morgan asked, his voice just as quiet as hers.

Jamie shook her head, maybe a little too hard, because she felt nauseous after.

"Why not?"

"He looks exhausted…" Jamie thought to herself for a moment, and her hand found itself back on her bandaged wound. She looked at Morgan, her eyes narrowed. "How long have I been asleep?"

"About two days."

Jamie sighed in relief, leaning back further into her hospital bed. "I swear, I thought you were going to say like, three months…" Her and Morgan shared a quiet laugh, Jamie putting it on hold due to her injury aching.

They were silent for a moment, the sound of Spencer breathing filling the cracks. Even though she remembered how she got shot, Jamie couldn't wrap her head around everything.

"Please tell me you guys solved the case." she said, her voice wary.

Morgan nodded. "Yeah, we did. We found who was really behind the operation. Owen McGregor was the one behind it all. He was there at the diner, we think he's the one who shot you. Coleman's dead, along with three other officers…"

The bed-ridden agent could tell there was something else. It wasn't that Morgan wasn'ttrying to keep himself stoic, but the way he trailed off from finishing his sentence gave it away. "What are you not telling me?"

"Carter, you were right about Vicky. She was in on everything, the whole ring."

Jamie laughed to herself, shaking her head. She looked at Morgan and as much as she wanted to say "I told you so" right then and then, she didn't. "Where's everybody else?"

Morgan gave her a smile. "Everybody's been in and out of here, said they'd come back in a little while. And like I said, henever left."

The stirring from the chair next to the bed caused the other two agents to turn their attention away from one another. They saw Spencer rubbing his tired eyes, opening them slowly as he looked around.

"Hey, sleeping beauty…" Jamie spoke quietly.

Spencer's went wide as he realized Jamie was looking right at him. "Jamie!"

The shout made Jamie and Morgan jump a little. They exchanged small laughs, Spencer rushing out from his seat to get closer to Jamie.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her.

Jamie shifted some in her bed, pointing to her chest. "I feel like I got shot," she laughed to herself, "but the pain isn't too bad right now."

"Did you just wake up?"

Jamie nodded. "A little while ago, then I saw Morgan. I didn't want to wake up, you looked tired."

"It's okay."

"So, I'll give you guys a minute." Morgan told Jamie and Spencer, sending a suggestive smirk their way. He left the room, closing the heavy door behind him.

Jamie's mind automatically went to the conversation she could hear while she was sleeping. Would it be right to ask him about it, or was that something he had said to JJ in a fit of unreal guilt? "Did you even go back to the case?" Jamie questioned instead.

Spencer shook his head. "Hotch told me I could stay here, but I think he wants to talk to you."

"Why? Because I was right?" Jamie said, humor found in her voice. "You know what they say about going with your gut feeling…" She tried to sit up, but the pain from trying to use her left arm shot an unpleasant sensation through her body.

"Do you need me to call a nurse?" Spencer wondered.

"What did the doctor tell you?" Jamie pressed, her face was filled with more than just curiosity. "Spencer, I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have made it out of this. I mean, look at where I was shot."

Spencer sighed, scratching the back of his neck. He sat down in the plastic chair once more, pulling it closer to the bed.

"Oh, that bad, huh?" Jamie tried to joke.

"You lost a lotof blood, and when I say a lot, that's probably an understatement..."

Jamie inhaled and exhaled a big breath. She thought back to when she felt the bullet go through her, remembering falling to the ground and hearing her name being called through all the noise.

"Other than that, he said you're going to be just fine."

"…I didn't mean to get shot, you know."

Spencer let out a half-hearted chuckle. "I don't think anybody ever means to get shot, Jamie."

Jamie looked at Spencer, giving him a grin. "You know you don't have to be here, right?"

"Oh, I know that. But I wasn't just going to leave you here by yourself."

Jamie pushed herself upright in bed, this time only using her right arm. "Spencer, go home with the rest of the team, okay?"

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to." he remarked.

"You're here because you feel bad about mebeing shot."

"I'm here, because I watched my friend get shot and then I held her in my arms as she started to bleed out…"

Jamie felt like an ass, now. "I remember…" she told him, rubbing the memories from her tired eyes. It was still vivid in her mind and she was sure there wouldn't be a time when it wasn't.

"How much?"

"All of it," she admitted. "I stepped out into the line of fire to grab that officer, then I felt a piercing pain go through my chest. I remember falling and hearing my name being called…really loudly, too. And I could feel and hear everythinggoing on around me, but I felt so weak." Jamie thought back, thought about seeing a panicked Spencer, his hands covered in her blood. He did all he could for her while they waited for a medic. She shook the memory away, letting it rest, for now anyway. "You need to go back to Quantico."

"Jamie-"

"Spencer…"

The knock at the door interrupted their almost argument, and Jamie was surprised when it was the rest of the team. Hotch, Rossi, JJ, Emily, Garcia, and even Morgan went back in. Garcia was holding balloons and she looked like she wanted to cry.

"Penelope, don't cry…" Jamie told her, tilting her head in a sympathetic way.

The tech analyst shook her head, trying to keep her emotions at bay. "I'm just really glad you're okay."

"We all are." Hotch spoke up. "And I think I owe you an apology…"

Jamie laughed. "I mean, as much as I want to say I told you so, I won't. I'm just happy it's solved. No apology necessary, boss."

Hotch nodded at her, probably feeling a sense of awkwardness in the crowd.

"When can you be discharged?" Emily asked.

Jamie looked to Spencer, hoping he would have the answers. "I actually don't know. I haven't seen a doctor, yet."

"Oh, I will go grab him. The sooner you're out of here, the sooner we're allout of here." Garcia remarked, feeling the room.

"How's the wound feeling?" JJ questioned.

"It kind of hurts when I laugh…or move my left shoulder, but apparently, I was lucky."

"Indeed, you were." A male voice came from the doorway In stepped an older man, clearly, he was the doctor. With his clipboard in hand, he leafed through the pages, containing all of Jamie's information. "Nice to finally see you awake, I'm Dr. Stephens. So, Ms. Carter, you received a GSW to the upper quadrant of your chest. It was through and through, so we didn't have to dig out any particles from that. I don't know if you were told, but it was close. You lost a significant amount of your blood. If your team hadn't of gotten you here when they did, its more than likely you wouldn't be here right now."

"So, I'm verylucky, then…"

Dr. Stephens nodded, checking her states on the machines. "Yes, but from the looks of everything here and your checkups on your wound from the nurse, you seem to be good to go. You can be out of here as soon as tonight."

"That sounds amazing, thank you, Dr. Stephens."

"You're welcome, and might I add that you've got a great support system here. They're certainly keepers."

"Don't I know it…"

* * *

 **November 25th, 2014**

Jamie waited until the next day to be released. She wanted to make sure that she was truly ready to be discharged. When it came time for her to leave, the whole team showed up to the hospital, ready to get their friend out of there.

JJ had been kind enough to collect Jamie's belongings from her hotel room and bring them to her. It felt good to get out of that breezy hospital gown and into some normal clothing. Getting her bottoms on was no problem, but when it came to the shirt, there was a little trouble. Even though she had been taking pain medication, it still hurt to move her left arm, but she didn't have a choice, except to push through the pain and deal with it. When she checked herself out of the hospital, she was glad to hear that they were going home. Besides, the next day was Thanksgiving and Jamie didn't want her friends to miss out with their families just for her sake.

Stepping onto the jet felt like a new world to Jamie. Maybe it was just the fact that she had been in a hospital for almost three days, but either way, she loved siting down on the jet's plushy leather seats. Jamie settled into her seat, yawning from the early morning hours. It didn't take long for the plane to leave the Texas ground and find itself high in the sky. The colors from the sun mixing with the clouds, gave Jamie a sense of calm. There was no danger where she was, yet, she wasn't oblivious to the fact that there would be more serial killers they had to catch. She had been in the line of fire before, but this was the first time she had actually been hit; and she was okay with that. It could've happened eventually, but apparently, her time was now.

Then, a strange thought came to her mind. "What if things go wrong, because they would've turned out worseif they had gone right?"

* * *

Thank you for reading and please remember to review! I would really appreciate it.

If you like _Supernatural_ , check out my other work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shots_


	16. Back in the Game

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. How about that S13 premiere? Personally, I thought it was pretty great. Also, when I wrote this chapter, I had a lot of characters to keep track of, so I wrote one of them out (I'll leave it to you to read who is away from the BAU). I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

 **P.S. The timeline for Jamie being injured and returning to work might be causing people to question the writing, but trust me, everything is not what it seems.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Sixteen: Back in the Game**

 **Three Weeks Later:**

 **December 16th, 2014**

"Hello, my little crime fighter!" a happy Penelope Garcia greeted Jamie as she walked into the bullpen.

"Good morning to you, too." Jamie said back, smiling at her eager team member. Jamie tried to hold back a big yawn that was working its way over her, but she failed. She took another sip of her coffee, hoping for its effect to take over soon.

"Looks like somebody didn't get enough sleep."

"That's why the good lord created coffee!" Jamie remarked, holding her travel mug high in the sky. Meeting her desk, Jamie dropped her bag beside it and sat down promptly in her chair.

"Are you good to go back into the field yet?" Garcia wondered, sitting on the edge of Jamie's desk.

Jamie nodded, pulling out stacks of papers room her bag. "Yes, ma'am. I have one report to finish from the case in New Jersey last week, but I'm good to go as of yesterday afternoon."

"Good morning, guys." Spencer greeted the two women as he entered the bullpen, walking to his own desk.

"Good morning, smarty-pants!" Garcia bantered.

"Morning, Reid." Jamie slipped out, her attention held by the papers she was organizing. When she looked back up to her coworkers, she noticed the slight surprised expressions on their faces. She eyed them, hesitantly and confused. "What?"

"Did you just call me Reid?"

Jamie's eyes switched between Penelope and Spencer. When she realized that she had, in fact, called him Reid, her eyebrows knitted and she was muddled by her own words. "I think so…" Jamie nodded with confirmation. She shrugged, "I guess it's the job." Jamie opened her almost empty coffee cup, eyeing the lukewarm liquid at the bottom. Standing from her seat, she turned back to Spencer, who was going over his own paperwork. "You want some coffee?"

"Yes please, and can you-"

"Can I bring back the sugar for you? Yes, I can do that." Jamie smiled at him, making her way over to the coffee. Luckily, she was met with a fresh pot and another one of her team mates.

"Hey, Morgan." she greeted, pouring coffee into a cup for Spencer and her own. Another yawn came to her and she did nothing to stop it. It was seven o'clock in the morning, but paperwork was a bitch and Jamie had needed to get it done-well, the majority of it.

"Late night, Carter?" Morgan teased, sending Jamie a wink.

"Oh yeah," Jamie played along as she made her coffee. "me and the paperwork were so _wild_ last night. You should've been there. We were all over my bedroom…" Now, it was Jamie's turn to send him a wink, but her's was filled with sarcasm. She picked up the sugar and the two cups of coffee, leaving Morgan hanging with her words over her head while he followed her down to the floor.

"Here, Spencer." she called, handing him his coffee and the sugar.

"Thank you."

Then, just as Jamie sat back down in her seat, JJ came striding into the room. "Debriefing in fifteen guys." she told them, walking up the catwalk to Hotch's office.

Jamie noticed the others kind of sulking. "Oh stop," she spat at them. "You guys knew what you were signing up for."

"You only feel that way because you've been out of the field for three weeks. I wouldn't be surprised if you got your ass handed to you by an elderly lady on the street." Morgan jested, causing the others to laugh.

Jamie dropped her jaw with fake offense and stood up, ready to defend herself. "One, I was told to stay out of the field and two, I wouldn't fight an old lady even on my worst day."

Whatever you say, sweetheart."

"Whatever you say, sweetheart." Jamie mocked in a high-pitched voice, following her teammates to the debriefing room.

* * *

In the briefing room, all were there except for Emily. Her mother had called her for her assistant with a case for a family friend from Europe. So, that left the remaining seven while she was overseas.

"Good morning, everybody." Hotch spoke as he entered the room, handing out files to his agents. He handed the last one to Jamie, "Good to have you back in the field, Agent Carter."

Jamie nodded at his words, taking the folder. "Thank you, sir."

"Go ahead, Garcia."

The screen in front of the group lit up brightly with pictures of a woman. "This is Vanessa Holden, age twenty-five. Last Friday night, she was out clubbing with her sister. A stranger, roughly her age, a white male, picked her up. The two left the club around one in the morning, went back to her place…" Garcia looked back at the woman's picture behind her and visibly took in a long breath before continuing. "He forced her on her hands and knees," Another picture popped up on the screen. It was Vanessa, dead on the floor. "then he cut her open, below her stomach."

Jamie observed the violent images before her. She shook her head, wondering what the hell would drive a person to commit an act such as this one; but that's something they would eventually learn.

"Gutting causes the intestines to spill out of the body. You can actually survive a few hours, even days." Spencer mentioned.

"Postmortem indicates that he slit her throat around five in the morning." Garcia added.

"So, he disemboweled her, but he didn't actually kill her until four hours later?" Jamie asked out loud, exasperated.

"He could be a sexual sadist." JJ offered.

"Yeah, apparently great minds think alike." Garcia handed the team more files. "These are reports sent from the precinct of similar priors from one year ago, prostitutes in motel rooms."

"Okay, so, how do they think this is the same unsub?" Morgan wondered.

Garcia turned back to the screen, bringing up more pictures, this time of different victims. "In Vanessa Holden's apartment, the following items were discovered. Bleach, ammonia, trash bags-and all of them were placed in a triangular pattern. Here we have one year ago, the motel rooms…more bleach, more ammonia, more trash bags, same triangular pattern."

"Perhaps he's attempting to cover his tracks." Rossi added.

"What about a sign of remorse?" Jamie suggested, eyes still focused on the screen. "He's apologizing for the murder by trying to clean up after himself."

"There's also one more commonality," Garcia mentioned. "and that's that both bleach and ammonia were found under the victim's fingernails."

"He's making them clean up their own murder…" JJ concluded.

"It's the same unsub." Hotch spoke. "Wheels up in an hour." With that, everyone gathered their files and began exiting he room. As Jamie was about to move her leg past the threshold, her name could her heard from behind. "Carter," Hotch called out.

Jamie turned to face him, walking slowly towards her boss. Her face had confusion written on it. "Yeah, Hotch?"

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked her.

Jamie stared at the serious looks on his face, silently wondering what the heck he was talking about. Then, it hit her. A soft scoff escaped her mouth and she let the tenseness in her shoulders fall. "Are you asking if I'm going to be okay because I've been out of the field for three weeks or because I was shot and practically almost died in Spencer's arms?"

"Both." Hotch replied bluntly.

Jamie nodded, understanding where it was coming from. "Look, I'm fine." she claimed, placing one hand over her left shoulder where she had her injury. "Sure, I was on the brink of death, but I'm fine."

Hotch tilted his head slightly, not even a note of humor in his face. "You went through the evaluations and passed, but that doesn't always mean an agent is ready to return. If you have to stay out for this one, you'll still travel with us, you just won't-"

"I am ready, Hotch. I've been ready and like I said, I'm fine."

Hotch gathered his files from the table, collecting them in his arm. "One more time and I'll believe you." He said nothing further, leaving Jamie in the debriefing room alone.

Was she really "fine"? What does that even mean, anyway? She was right, she was on the brink of death and maybe in Hotch's mind, she was accepting what had happened to her better than he expected. There was no hesitation to get back to work, no wariness in holding her own gun. She didn't have a hard time sleeping and when she closed her eyes at night, she wasn't haunted by the scene where a bullet pierced her body. In Jamie's mind, there was nothing to be concerned about and she was, in fact, just fine.

* * *

"This unsub changed his victimology, so does that count as organized or disorganized?" JJ wondered.

"The prostitutes point one way and the club points to another."

Jamie scooted further onto the edge of her seat, going through the crime scene photos. "Look at the cleaning supplies," she told the team, her eyebrows very narrowed as she did so. "It's the way that they're organized. The bleach, ammonia, and the roll of garbage bags are placed in the same spots, even though they're different murders, one year apart."

"OCD?" Hotch suggested, sending Jamie a curious look. She returned with a nod of confirmation.

"Could've been institutionalized at one point." JJ said.

"I think we're missing something here." Rossi spoke up. "This unsub started with prostitutes-as we all know that's high-risk victimology. He took a year off, came back and killed a socialite."

"There's no forced entry, no coercion of any kind, either." Spencer added.

"There you go. So, how does this guy go from a nobody, to somebody that can pick up girls at a club?"

"Something must've happened between the last prostitute and Vanessa Holden to make the change in the victimology." Hotch stated.

"Could this unsub have known Vanessa?" Jamie questioned.

From the corner of her eyes, she could see Spencer shaking his head and clearing his throat. "That's unlikely, since sexual sadist attack their victims anonymously. They sever the connection to see their victims as objects to perpetrate this level of torture."

Jamie sent him a complex look and shifted in her seat. "Right, maybe I'm just… _rusty_." She took his reply as a personal blow, suggesting that he provided an explanation to her answer, because she had been in the office instead of out and about with the team.

"So, we build two profile, then?" Morgan asked.

"One for the unsub who killed the prostitutes and another for the unsub who killed Vanessa Holden." Hotch clarified. "This victimology is too different. We need to see what overlaps here. Reid, work up the geographical profile and focus on the location of the murders. JJ and Rossi, concentrate on the prostitutes, figure out what you can there. Carter, Morgan and I will go deal with Vanessa Holden."

"We've never done that before, make two profiles." Rossi mentioned.

"There's a first time for everything." Jamie remarked, making her way to the back of the plane. She shuffled through the seats, meeting the tiny counter in back. The last thing she needed was more caffeine, but it was the only thing she could think of that would provide her some sense of security at the moment. Of course, as she could see it in her mind before she even left the group, Spencer was walking towards her.

"Hey." he said quietly.

Jamie didn't look up at him. Her focus was solely on how much sugar she was fixing into her coffee. "Do you need something?"

"Are you alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be alright?"

"You just seem sort of on edge back there." Spencer explained, leaning against the wall of the plane. "If what I said bothered you, I didn't mean to insult your intelligence. You know, if you need anything, you-"

Jamie drank from her cup, finally meeting Spencer's eyes. "Let me guess, you're wondering if I'm doing 'alright', because I was shot, right? Well, I'm here to tell you that I'm fine and no, you didn't insult my intelligence."

Spencer opened his mouth, as if he were going to say something else, but decided not to. Instead, he turned to walk away, only to be called back by Jamie. He turned back around to face her, hands tucked safely in his pockets.

"You don't need to coddle me, Spencer, okay?" Jamie's tone had softened, realizing that she was being too hard.

"Okay…"

* * *

Arriving at Atlanta Metro, the team met with the lead detective on the case and to set up their own little headquarters in a conference room.

"Detective Harding," Hotch greeted the woman as they entered the room. He extended his hand to the her, who accepted it graciously. "I'm SSA Hotchner. This is my team, SSA Carter, Morgan and Dr. Reid."

"Thank you for coming." Harding said, as she shook hands. "I thought you had more members."

"We have two other agents, Jareau and Rossi out in the field as of right now." Jamie responded.

"Do you have a DNA match between the unsub and the prostitutes?" Spencer questioned. "We can run it though ViCAP just in case."

Harding sighed, "Um, there's no DNA at all. We have no prints, not even fibers of any sort. Just like with Holden, everything gets cleaned up."

"Pretty effective countermeasure." Morgan remarked.

"Tell me about it. We do, however, have a sketch for you." Harding stated, handing over a sketch with minimal details to Hotch.

"So, you have witnesses?" Jamie assumed.

"Oh yeah, lots of people."

"This sketch is a little vague." Spencer noticed, analyzing the work.

"Yeah, and that's because of the guy's other countermeasure." Harding explained. "Come take a look at this," The screen in the room lit up with security camera footage from the night club. "This guy right here," she pointed on the screen, "he's our killer."

"That looks like a fedora." Spencer noted.

"So, he's drawing attention to his face, while also obscuring it."

"It's what's known as peacocking." Jamie explained to them. "It's the embellishment of some flashy object or effect to try and distract those around him, the potential witnesses."

"Then none of your witness statements match, then?" Morgan asked the detective.

Harding looked down at her files in hand, flipping through the papers quickly. "He had a gap between his teeth, there was no gap between his teeth. He had long hair, he had a receding hairline..."

"Yeah, that doesn't do us any good."

"Detective, we're going to need to sit down with Ashley Holden. She got the best look at the unsub." Hotch told her.

"Well, I wish I could make that happen, but unfortunately, the family has decided to stop cooperating with us."

"Why's that?"

"They won't tell us. I swear, yesterday the mother would've moved heaven and hell to help find Vanessa's killer. Today, there's no way." Harding said.

"Detective Harding, where can we set up?" Spencer asked.

"Of course, right this way." she led Spencer to an empty room across the way.

"We should get to the crime scene." Hotch stated, more to Morgan than anyone else, and Jamie didn't miss it.

She sighed and crossed her arms. "You want me to stay here, don't you?"

"Work on the geographical profile with Reid and before you even ask, no, this is not because I'm worried about your injury."

"Then why are you making me stay here?"

"Get to work, Agent Carter." Hotch instructed before exiting with Morgan, once again leaving Jamie in an empty room by herself.

Jamie couldn't stop the eyeroll that came after Hotch left the room. "Sure thing, boss." she sassed. There must've been something that she was missing, because she honestly had no clue why he asked her to stay behind at the precinct. Hotch provided her with no explanation, but Jamie figured he didn't necessarily have to.

She began walking to the room where Detective Harding had taken Spencer. The big whiteboard captured her attention first. It was covered with pictures and detailed notes, pins and the cliché strings that you see in movies. Spencer must've not have heard her enter the room, as he was still faced towards the board, studying it intensely.

"There doesn't seem to be any connection between these victims." Jamie suggested, stepping further into the room. She sighed, leaning on a wall next to her. Spencer looked at her, face full of curiosity since he wasn't expecting her. "I mean, the different facial features, their socioeconomic statuses, where they were picked up, it wouldn't surprise me if they never even crossed paths."

"I thought you were going with Hotch and Morgan."

Jamie nodded, taking herself from the wall and sitting down at the table in the room. "I did, too. I'm on geo-duty, now. Do you mind?"

"Not at all," Spencer replied, turning back to the board. "According to what we have from Garcia and the records from the department, the unsub killed these prostitutes in separate pay-by-the-hour motels in Fulton County. That's one of the poorer neighborhoods in the area."

"It wouldn't be too hard to guess that a girl like Vanessa Holden wouldn't be caught in a place like that." Jamie added, drumming her fingers on the table top.

"Exactly, and Vanessa's apartment was in the Peachtree District, where there's a lot of big money."

Jamie stood from her seat, meeting Spencer side-by-side at the board. "So, he isn't just changing his victimology, he's changing his whole tax bracket?"

"And the high profile of Vanessa Holden would justify those actions. By killing her, the unsub probably believes that he's climbing some sort of social ladder."

Jamie scoffed, "Then he has a long way to go."

"I'm sure the team will come back with more."

Nodding, Jamie spared a side glance at Spencer. "I'm sorry, for earlier on the jet."

Spencer faced her, eyebrows slightly narrowed. "What do you mean?"

Jamie slumped her shoulders and tilted her head in a way that suggested he knew what she was referring to. She turned her whole body towards him, idly scratching her nose and tucking some hair behind her ear. "I was snappy and you don't deserve that. So, I'm sorry." She moved, sitting back down at the large table.

"You want to talk about it?" Spencer offered, following her to the table.

Jamie shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. "There's nothing to talk about." she tried to reassure. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't ready, right?"

"I suppose."

"But I meant what I said earlier, too."

"No coddling, got it."

"Happy to see we're on the same page, doctor." Jamie joked, standing up to smooth out her clothing and walk out the room.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.

If you like _Supernatural_ , check out my other work(s): _The Unforeseeable Life of Alexandra Winchester_ & _Alexandra Winchester: One-Shot_


	17. Repainted Trauma with a Side of Lies

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. Thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited, or reviewed my story; it means a lot to me! I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character**

 **P.S.: I currently have a poll open in my profile that is related to this story. I don't know if you're able to access the poll on mobile, but it's for sure accessible on a computer. If you could take a minute and vote on it, that would help me out a tremendous amount!**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Seventeen: Repainted Trauma with a Side of Lies**

The whole team was back at the station, brainstorming ideas about their ever-changing unsub.

"Look at the ads here," Rossi prompted, holding the advertisements in his hands. "Two of the victims are listed here. Look at their pictures…" He handed the paper to the outstretched hands of Morgan.

"Subservient positions, as if they're asking for a dominant."

JJ nodded in agreement, "Them promising to come to you? That automatically cuts out any social interactions of meeting on a street corner or by chance."

"That's a long way from a self-assured unsub, though. Especially one who feels comfortable hitting the clubs late at night."

"Except he took a year off between these murders." Hotch injected. "Maybe he took that time to change himself."

Jamie shook her head, "That's impossible."

"Why's that?" Hotch questioned, all seriousness.

"You're talking about a complete three-sixty, a _complete_ transformation. Take into consideration the way someone speaks, the way they hold themselves, the clothes they wear. Even the way that people think of themselves."

"It would be difficult, but not impossible."

"He had already started killing," Rossi stated. "There has to be some sort of secondary trigger that served as motivation to change who he was."

"So, if you were going to transform yourself, how would you do it?" JJ thought out loud.

"Create and follow a steady diet, self-help books, maybe?" Morgan offered. "Start going to the gym?"

"You need to learn how to read people." Spencer stated. "I mean, a pick-up is basically just a profile."

Jamie looked a Spencer, nodding in agreement. "Okay, so, _decoding_ cues of any and all interest and _recoding_ similar ones."

"Being too obvious turns off the target."

"If you're oblivious, your target moves onto a better profiler."

"That doesn't sound like something he could do on his own, though." Hotch noted.

"No, he'd have to learn it from somewhere." Rossi remarked.

"A self-help class, maybe?"

Morgan stood on his feet, clearly thinking through things they weren't. "Wait a minute, now. We have an unsub who kills prostitutes. Is the guy seriously going to be thinking about signing up for a Tony Robbins seminar?"

"He would if he found one." JJ spoke, pointing to the paper in her hands. "Especially if he found it in the same place he found his victims."

There was an ad that had a big, bold headline: " _Learn How to Pick Up Chicks_ ".

"Agents," Detective Harding came into the room in a rush. "there's been another murder."

"Let's go." Hotch instructed, the team leaving the safety of the precinct.

* * *

There was a sizable pool of blood in the middle of a sidewalk when the team arrived at the scene. They were handed latex gloves by the CSI team as they approached the spot, for caution. Jamie slid on her gloves and was standing near the blood with Morgan, Rossi and Spencer.

"I'm guessing either she jumped or…" Jamie started, but knew she didn't need to finish her sentence.

"The preliminary autopsy came back." Morgan said.

"And?"

"The victim's name is Becky Williams."

"Was she disemboweled?" Rossi asked.

"Nope," Spencer answered. "What's strange about it, too, is that all of the cleaning supplies were left out, but there's no trace of it anywhere on the victim."

"Now, why would this unsub alter his signature and push Becky out of an eighth-story window?" Jamie wondered, looking up at the place where she could see officers and more CSI personnel. Her mind played through different scenarios, but she could never really know what actually happened. Jamie looked back down at the pool of blood by her feet and crouched down to get a closer look. The blood was bright and it stood out against the grey concrete. There were fragments of what Jamie could only assume was pieces of the victim's skull, splayed out in the sticky substance.

It was like she couldn't help herself, like her hand had a mind of her own. As her gaze was extremely focused on the scene before her, Jamie reached out her gloved hand, dipping her finger tips into the blood. She brought it back to her face, letting herself get a better look, and never letting her eyes tear away. The thick liquid trailed down her covered fingers and Jamie found herself trapped, unable to escape the pull of her own mind.

 _"Jamie, hey, no, no, no. I need you to keep your eyes open."_

 _She was trying._

 _"You're going to be fine…you're going to be fine."_

 _Jamie gulped harshly, spitting up more blood as she did. It pushed past her lips, drawing red lines down her chin and out the corners of her mouth. The little effort that she was giving towards keeping her eyes open and holding her head up, seemed to evaporate all at once. Her green eyes rolled back and her head slumped to the side, out of Spencer's grasp._

 _"Jamie! Jamie! No, please, hey! Not like this…it can't happen like this."_

"Carter!" Morgan yelled, placing a hand on Jamie's shoulder.

She jumped at the touch, finally releasing her eyes from the crimson liquid drying on her glove. Looking up, she switched glances between the three of her male coworkers. "What?" she asked them, a bit of bite to her tone.

"What do you mean 'what'?" Morgan pressed. "We've been here trying to talk to you while you dead-stare at the blood."

Jamie glanced back down at her glove, rubbing her fingers against her palm, breaking the lines of blood. Standing back up, Jamie looked around her instead of at her teammates. "What did you say?"

Rossi adjusted his stance, taking his hands from his pockets and facing Jamie. "You alright, kid?"

"I'm fine!" Jamie snapped. When she realized what she had done, she instantly regretted it. She sighed and took off her gloves. Her hands were very sweaty inside the gloves and it was making her uncomfortable. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you." she apologized. She balled up the pair of gloves and held them in one hand. "What did you guys say before?"

"We were talking about how there weren't any surveillance cameras at the club." Morgan responded.

Jamie nodded, trying to gain back her composure.

"Becky's friends say she was talking to some guy with sunglasses. Maybe we could get the sketch out to Garcia. She could try to run it through facial recognition."

"Wait, sunglasses?" Spencer questioned, receiving a nod of confirmation from Morgan.

"Sure, but none of that explains why he pulled out his cleaning supplies and then decided not to use them." Rossi said.

"Yeah, sounds good, guys." Jamie said, focusing on anything other than the words coming from her teammates. Her eyes trailed up to the eighth story and she stepped forward. "I'm going to find Hotch." she declared, leaving the others behind, wondering what the hell just happened.

When she reached the eighth floor, Jamie wasted no time making way to the other part of the crime scene. She entered the room after flashing her badge, moving under the yellow tape.

"He's struck two Friday's in a row and if his routine is being interrupted, it might compel him to strike again." Hotch spoke to JJ.

"It's Saturday night," JJ said matter-of-factly. "the clubs will be packed."

"Take a look at the classes the unsub might have taken. We need to generate a suspect pool as soon as possible."

"Got it." JJ replied, sending Jamie a small smile as she walked past her.

"Did you need something, Carter?" Hotch questioned.

 _"You should tell him."_ Jamie thought to herself. Then again, if she told her boss about the freaky flashback she just had downstairs, he would surely take her off the case. She would probably be sent back to Quantico and would have no idea where to go from there. So, she went in another direction. "Uh, can we get Detective Harding to send a copy of the sketch to Garcia?"

Hotch didn't answer her. His face held a very deep look, one that said he was thinking of something they hadn't thought of. "Did you find anything outside?"

Jamie wasn't expecting that. She had been overcome with bloody flashbacks when she was supposed to be discussing the scene with the other three. "Um, I-I don't, I-"

"There might be a new pattern coming up, Hotch." Morgan suggested, walking through the room.

Hotch nodded, sending one last glance out the window. "Okay, we need to get that sketch out to Garcia and head back to the station." Without another word, Hotch left the room. He didn't mention Jamie's stuttering, but that doesn't mean he didn't notice it. They had a serial killer to catch, Jamie's episode could wait.

Jamie tried to follow Hotch out the room, past Morgan, when she felt a hand on her arm. She didn't even attempt to get out of the grip, instead, she froze in place, waiting to hear some sort of lecture.

"Carter, what's going on?"

She spared no glance to him, keeping her body turned away. Swallowing the lump in her throat and shaking her head, Jamie answered, "Don't worry about it." Her arm shook loose of Morgan's grip and she exited the building, the same way she entered.

* * *

After retreating to the precinct, Spencer was able to turn out a brilliant theory with the help of Garcia, of how the unsub was most likely using accessories to hide an identifier. JJ was instructed to give out the new sketch the public, one that showed the unsub's identifying mark. She held the press conference, while the rest of the team separated. Jamie had stayed behind at the station, declaring that she was going to look further into the geographical profile since they had a new location.

While she was in the conference room, Jamie did nothing to the geo-profile like she said she would. She sat at the table, drumming her fingers on the table-top, ignoring the world around her. Okay, so maybe she was wrong, she wasn't "fine". Her near-death-experience, if you could call it that, was starting to affect her mentally. The flashback that she had at the latest crime scene was so vivid and it was loud, as if it were happening in that exact moment. The worse thing about it, per Jamie, was that she didn't even realize she had been sucked into the daze until Morgan called her out.

It was costing her clarity and her focus, two important qualities to have for this job. During the three weeks where she had stayed behind in the office, Jamie swore to herself that she couldn't wait to get back into the field. She was itching for that familiar feeling of using her brain to spin out theories to catch unsubs, of working alongside her team, she even admitted to herself that she missed the jet. Instead, all of it was put on hold, thanks to her being hit by a stray bullet. It was just her luck that it had hit her in one of the worst possible spots, almost costing her the one life she had. That night, sitting on the pavement, being held upright by Spencer, it seemed sort of unreal. Yet, she could comprehend everything around her and now, she could remember it like the back of her hand. Almost losing her life would be something that haunted her, no doubt in her mind. It was like having a bad disease, having a strong memory. Then again, she kept letting her mind drag her back to that place, in that hurtful direction. It was just a matter of time before she let her emotions rise, before she experienced the details in full consciousness. She never asked for this and she knew the risk when she took the job, but she never asked for painful, painted memories.

Jamie stood on her feet, sighing. Observing the big whiteboard in front of her, she walked over to it. Picking up a red marker, she pulled the cap off, ready to draw lines onto the map; but before she could do that, JJ stuck her head into the room.

"Hey, Jamie, we need to give the profile."

"Okay, I'm coming." Jamie replied, replacing the cap on the marker. She met JJ at the door, the two of them strolling into the room where the rest of the team had arrived, along with officers and Detective Harding.

Hotch stepped in to begin the delivery of the profile. "This unsub is a white, confident alpha male. He's between the ages of twenty-five and thirty. He's in excellent physical shape. It helps him overpower woman and it also feeds his self-image."

"He is obsessed with cleaning." Rossi added. "He probably works in the service industry, probably cleaning up after others, and convinced that people look down on him."

"The change in his victimology and in himself reflects that." Jamie noted, going down the line.

"This is the kind of guy who wants to stand out in large crowds. He's taken a class on how to pick up woman. So, more than likely he'll attempt to repeat a series of well-rehearsed lines and mind games." Morgan explained.

"He may be uneducated, but do not be fooled. This unsub is by no means stupid. Taking this class has given him the ability to read verbal cues and body language." JJ mentioned.

"Also," Spencer spoke up. "one classic routine Viper promotes is called the "push-pull". He'll insert himself in between two women and immediately after complimenting one of them, he'll deliver a subtle insult and pay attention to the other." Spencer walked over to JJ, grabbing her hand and holding it in front of his face. "That's a nice ring."

JJ smiled at the "compliment" and gave a small laugh. "Thank you."

"My grandmother used to wear a lot of fake diamonds, too." Spencer insulted, releasing her hands and walking away. He had demonstrated the technique he just described and even though it was serious, it earned a few laughs from the audience.

"Ignoring the one woman puts her in direct competition with her friend and causes the other to pursue more aggressively." he concluded.

It was Harding's turn to speak to her officers. "We've mapped all of his hotspots and he frequently hits the same clubs that Viper does, so we're going to need eyes and ears in every single one of them."

"Make sure to circulate the sketch we have a widely as possible." Hotch added. "We need everyone aware that there's a killer out there. Thank you," he said, ending the meeting and the officers all going their own ways.

"You know, I think I might just stay here tonight and man the tip-line tonight. I-well, clubs aren't really my thing." Spencer claimed, looking to Hotch.

"Woah, not a chance, kid." Morgan stepped in. "I need my wingman."

"Actually, there's another angle we need to go by here." Rossi mentioned.

"We still don't know what made the unsub change his victimology." Hotch stated. "What made him stop killing prostitutes and move into the clubs?"

"That answer might be somewhere in Viper's class, but to figure that out, we need to profile the teacher."

"So, we have to bait him, then. Give him someone he would see as a challenge." Morgan suggested.

"Study his style up close and personal." Spencer noted. "It's going to take someone that he's already attracted to." Spencer shifted his gaze towards JJ, along with the rest of the team.

JJ knew instantly what they were suggesting. She shook her head and crossed her arms, "This should be fun…"

"Why bait him with _one_ when we have _two_." Morgan stated, turning his gaze to Jamie as she was standing right by JJ.

Her eyes went wide and she let out a scoff. When she was about to open her mouth to speak, she was stopped by someone voicing what she considered concern.

"Wait, what?" Spencer wondered out loud. The tone in his voice wasn't normal and everyone could sense it.

Jamie stepped forward, completely ignoring Spencer's outburst. She looked around at her team, kind of at a loss for words. "You're serious, aren't you?"

"We know he likes to put himself between pairs and if this is what it takes to catch him-" Hotch began to explain.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Spencer interrupted.

Jamie turned her attention to Spencer now. "Why?" she lifted one eyebrow, waiting for his justification.

"I just-you don't-I…"

Morgan chuckled and clapped him on the back. "Don't worry Pretty Boy, your girl will be safe. She'll have eyes on her at all times."

Jamie rolled her eyes slightly, looking back at JJ. "So, what do you feel like wearing tonight?"

* * *

The two female agents were in the locker room of the police station. Jamie sat in front of a mirror, applying a makeup look that she never thought would see the light of day, ever again.

"I'm actually kind of glad I won't have to face this guy alone." JJ spoke up, dressing herself in the provided outfit.

"Ha, I used to love places like this in college. Every chance I got, I would hit some club with my friends."

"Really? What about Spencer?"

Jamie laughed again, putting the finishing touches on herself. "It wasn't his most favorite thing to do. I mean, you know him pretty well, you know that he'd rather sit at home and read _War and Peace_ for the four-hundredth time; but don't fool yourself, Jareau. The guy knows how to have a good time."

They laughed and heard a knock at the door. "JJ, Jamie?"

"You can come in!" JJ shouted.

Hotch entered the locker room, greeting then with a nod. "Are you both okay with this?"

"I'm good to go." Jamie assured.

"Me, too."

"Okay," Hotch replied. "just remember what we discussed and we'll all be there if you need help." He gave a slight smile before leaving.

When the door shut all the way, Jamie looked over at JJ. "Did he just smile?"

JJ nodded and smiled a little herself. "It's a rare sight, I tell ya'." she joked. "Get dressed, we should be there soon."

"Right." Jamie acknowledged. She grabbed her dress from the garment bag and took it out of the cover. It was a simple black dress, yet very alluring. "Wow…"

JJ looked over her shoulder, then looked own at her own dress. "If it gets us this unsub, then I say flaunt it."

When Jamie had her dress on, she checked herself in the mirror one more times. She grabbed her purse and strapped on her heels. "Let's get going."

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.


	18. Chemical Reactions & Inner Confrontation

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. I got a lot of good feedback on my poll (if you want to see the results, they are available on my profile!), so thank you to those of you who voted. I will take your PM's, votes, and reviews to heart. With that being said, I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Eighteen: Chemical Reactions & Inner Confrontation**

While JJ had positioned herself in Viper's line of sight, Jamie had ventured through the busy club. Her slick movement helped her be free from constant elbows and wild limbs being thrown her way on the floor. The room was heavy with heat and the music pulsed from the walls as she walked up to the bar. Even though she was working a case, she still needed to blend in with the crowd and at the moment, she was kind of enjoying it. At one end of the bar, she sent her eyes around to scan the people surrounding her and to her surprise, there was someone familiar at the other end of the long counter. There was Spencer and he was talking to the bartender, the cute femalekind of bartender. Jamie narrowed her eyebrows and watched from a far, even though it sort of felt wrong. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but she could see the bartender flashing her toothy smile towards Spencer. When she pulled a card from her hair, Jamie knew that Spencer had used his "magic" on her and it obviously worked. Jamie scoffed slightly and faced around front. She waved down on of the other bartenders, a cute male one, to finally ordering her drink.

"Can I get and rum and coke, please?" she asked, still glancing back down the counter at the pretty bartender.

"Sure, you want a side of jealousy with that?"

Jamie snapped her head back around, and slightly dropped her jaw. "Excuse me?"

The bartender placed a glass and grabbed a bottle from the shelf, filling her cup. "I saw how you watched Jen and that FBI guy down there."

"And?"

"And jealousy is an ugly color." he replied, sliding her the finished drink.

Jamie grabbed the glass and brought it to her lips, but didn't drink from it. "Is that so?"

The bartender gave her a smile, a reallyattractive smile. "Oh yeah, plus, you're too beautiful to be jealous of that guy."

 _"And that's my que..."_ Jamie thought to herself. She rolled her eyes at the guy and sighed, "It's kind of hard not to be, especially when he's my ex-boyfriend."

The bartender looked at Jamie, clearly at a loss for words.

Jamie sent him a sarcastic grin and placed a ten-dollar bill on the counter, leaving the bar to go find JJ. With the full drink in her hand, Jamie weaved her way through the dancing bodies once more. She spotted JJ in the distance and she was chatting it up with a man whose wardrobe made Jamie wonder if Halloween was coming early this year. Jamie quickened her pace back to JJ and fronted with a fake smile as she approached them at the table. While it looked like Viper was about to make a move on JJ, Jamie stepped in just in time.

"Oh, this is the guy you were telling me about, right?" Jamie asked in a giddy way, holding her drink near her chest.

JJ looked over her shoulder and nodded. Viper looked intrigued, sending his eyes between the two female agents. His nonexistent smile became existent as he locked his eyes onto Jamie.

"Viper, I'd like you to meet SSA Jamie Carter from the BAU." JJ introduced.

Jamie kept her smile on, extending her hand out to Viper. "Nice to meet you…Viper." Jamie sipped her drink flirtatiously, never letting her eyes fall from Viper's.

"Viper here is God's gift to woman." JJ mused.

"Hm," Jamie began, obviously giving Viper a one over. "then God has a strange sense of humor, doesn't he?"

The cocky smile that he was sporting faded and he laughed weakly. He turned to JJ and narrowed his eyes. "So, you brought a friend."

"Hey, remember you said that if I met you on your turf, you'd show me something special, right?" JJ reminded him. "So, here I am and I'm waiting."

"Yeah, Viper." Jamie cut in, leaning onto the table top. "Whose getting pushed and whose getting pulled tonight?"

Viper began to confidently demonstrate some of his bogus, signature, female-companion guaranteed moves. When he insisted that the eyes were the door into the soul and that it only took approximately fifteen seconds for a response to take place, Jamie found herself becoming uninterested. Her somewhat tired hazel eyes wandered the club, landing on one person in particular. There was Spencer, standing in the middle of the floor with Morgan, being watchful. Then, he saw Jamie and they held contact for a moment. Jamie grinned at him and he sent one back. It seemed like only a second until she was being pulled back into reality.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"See?" Viper said, pointing to Jamie's face. "What did I tell you? The eyes say everything."

"What do you mean?"

"Eye contact is a very powerful gauge. Your pupils dilate when you look at someone you're attracted to."

JJ laughed slightly and looked behind Jamie, instantly capturing what Jamie had been seeing. Turning back to Viper, she said, "So, what about me?"

"Um, Agent Carter if you would be so kind as to time for the fifteen seconds?" Viper asked.

"...sure." Jamie said flatly, clearly over his whole charade. She looked down at her watch and waited for the minute to start over. "...and go."

It physically hurt Jamie to sit there and watch JJ stare into the eyes of the quack of a man before them.

Viper raised his eyebrows, sending JJ a sultry grin. He kept his own lust filled eyes trained on JJ, letting them wander down every now and again. "I can see your eyes and I'm thinking they see what they like."

JJ playfully rolled her eyes. "Don't flatter yourself." She ever let her eyes falter, keeping them bored into the mild-mannered man's instead.

"The eyes don't lie," he insisted. "They dilate due to a chemical response that we can't control."

"Okay, your fifteen seconds are up." Jamie told them, slightly irritated by the guy's overall presence.

"What do you see?" JJ asked her, letting Jamie observe her blue eyes.

Jamie tilted her head and gave Viper a dramatic frown. "Sorry, but there's nothing. No chance, no dilation."

Viper leaned in closer to JJ, giving her a grin. "That just means we're not a chemical match." Then, he turned to Jamie. "You on the other hand, your pupils are telling another story."

Jamie scoffed, tucking hair behind her ears. "Oh please, it's too dark in here to see my pupils."

Viper shook a finger one of his fat fingers at her. "It's because you have someone on your mind, am I right?"

Jamie forced out a laugh and sipped more of her drink. "Not even close."

"You see, once that happens, the attraction center in the brain shuts down." He raised his eyebrows, looking between Jamie and JJ. JJ turned to face Jamie, who was obviously trying to avoid JJ's eyes, as she knew she was practically trapped.

"You know," Jamie started, placing her now empty glass on the table top. "I just can't figure out what our unsub could've possibly learned from _you_."

Viper's confident expression fell. He got visibly defensive and stood up straighter, "What do you mean? He took my look, my words, everything that makes me successful with the opposite sex."

"Oh, really?" JJ questioned, sarcasm evident in her tone. "Because that guy can get beautiful woman into his apartment and I wouldn't even let your number into my contact list."

"Hey! I gave that guy the routines that made him what he is!"

"It must all be in the salesmanship, then."

"And believe me when I tell you, we've been watching all the woman in the club," Jamie claimed. "And not oneof them has even taken a minute out of their lives to look at you."

"So, who do you go home with Paul?" JJ pressed. "Or do you usually end up alone?"

Viper was clearly nervous and shifting. He laughed nervously, "That's a really good routine, ladies. Do you think I don't know why you're really here? One of my students copies my moves and you're here to get inside this beautiful mind of mine."

Jamie scoffed and wanted to deck the guy so badly.

"I confronted my queen-bee a long time ago." he continued.

"What's a queen-bee?" JJ questioned.

"You are and so is every other confident girl in this building. The ones who are drunk and loud. Every student who has every taken my class has had one in their life. The first exercise I teach, is to confront your queen-bee. It could be as simple as someone who stood you up, or the prom date who kept you waiting all night long and never showed up. But when you find them, you destroy them…"

Jamie and JJ exchanged knowing looks and quickly left Viper behind, leaving to a quieter area of the club. When they reached a small seated area, JJ dialed Hotch. "Vanessa Holden knew the unsub." she told him as soon as he picked up.

"How do you know?"

"It's Viper's first confidence exercise he teaches. You find the source of your rejection and make her pay for it."

"That's why he stopped with the prostitutes," Jamie put in. "He took Viper's class and decided to confront Vanessa."

"Okay, we need to talk to the family again," Hotch said over the lines. "Good work you two." With that, the line went dead and JJ and Jamie were walking back into the dance floor.

Jamie slouched and looked at her empty glass. "I know we're working, but I'm going to get another drink. Want anything?" she asked JJ.

"No, I'm good. I'll just go meet the others wherever they are."

"Okay, I'll be a few minutes." Jamie said, leaving to make her way back to the bar. Just as she was coming up to the counter, one of the bartenders yelled for last call. Jamie waved one down and as if it were her lucky day, it was the bartender that had Spencer smiling earlier that night.

"What can I get for you?' she politely asked.

"Um, rum and coke, please." Jamie replied, holding her tongue. She thought back to what the other bartender had told her earlier. Did she really seem jealous? If she was, she had no right to be. Then again, feelings don't disappear overnight.

The bartender handed over the drink and Jamie nodded her thanks, taking a healthy gulp from the glass. Then, there was a tapping on her shoulder. She looked over and saw a rather attractive man looking down on her.

"Can I help you?" she questioned.

"Sorry," he told her. "but you're very beautiful."

Jamie smiled at the compliment and sipped on her drink. "Well, thank you." She had been hit on in clubs before, but now it felt different especially since she was supposed to be working.

"How come you're here by yourself tonight?"

"Oh," Jamie began, kind of at a loss for words. "I'm not. My boyfriend is here, just don't know-" Her words froze on her tongue. She studied the face of the man in front of her. Past his cocky smile and his obnoxious shiny, black wardrobe, she couldn't help but notice the distinguishing mark on his face…just above his eyebrow.

"May I read your palm?" he asked Jamie.

She shook herself out of her daze and smiled at him. "Sure, go ahead." Jamie held out her hand and watched the unsub grab her arm and trail his fingers down to her hand.

"Very beautiful," he said. "Your love line isn't broken."

"What does that mean?"

"You see, if you have a broken love line, that means you haven't met your soulmate yet."

Jamie didn't believe it for a second. He was using one of Viper's tricks and she knew it. "Oh, so you're telling me that I've met my perfect match?"

"Perhaps. Why don't we go somewhere a little quieter, get to know each other better?" he suggested, letting his hand wander up Jamie's arm. Jamie's eyes went across the room, and it was just her luck that she spotted Spencer nearly in the same spot that he had been before.

It sent chills through her body and they weren't the good kind. She pulled her arm from him slowly and smiled. "Remember what I said about my boyfriend being here somewhere?"

"Mhm, but I don't see him anywhere and I don't know why he would leave such an amazing woman alone by herself in a place like this."

"I should probably go find him," Jamie got up from her seat and gave one last look behind her shoulder as she was walking away. Her walk wasn't too fast, as she didn't want to seem spooked, but her feet wanted to run at Spencer. She knew the unsub was watching her and it took everything she had to not fall from the feeling of his wicked eyes piercing her back.

Finally, she reached Spencer and she swung her arms around his neck in a sultry manner. "Pretend you're my boyfriend, okay?" she said, making their bodies sway along to the music in the club.

Instantly, Spencer caught onto her plan and placed his hands on her waist. He brought his face down the level with her ear and whispered, "What's wrong?"

Jamie gave into his movement, hopefully making their appearance not to played out. She moved her face closer to his, eyes wandering behind him, keeping an eye on the unsub who had moved to another girl. "There's a guy at the bar whose dressed in all black. Spencer, he's the unsub."

Spencer's grip on Jamie's waist got tighter. "Are you sure? Are you okay?"

Jamie nodded into his neck, "He has the scar."

Spencer lifted his head from its lowered position and used one hand to take out his phone. With the other, he kept a protective grip on Jamie's waist, careful not to let their act go. "Morgan, the unsub is in the building. He's at the bar." he said into the phone. He started to push Jamie towards the exit, where JJ was standing with Morgan.

"He was really at the bar?" she asked Jamie, watching Spencer and Morgan go through the crowd.

Jamie nodded her head and sighed, "Yep, he even read my palm and everything."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

As the sounds of people's gasp and feet pattering towards the exit caught their attention, Jamie and JJ sped off towards the other members of their team. In classic Morgan fashion, the unsub was pinned to the ground with Morgan on top of him, slamming the handcuffs over his wrist. He pulled him up, leading the unsub outside where the backup officers were stationed.

Jamie followed them out, alongside JJ and Spencer, rubbing her exposed arms from the chill of the night. It was almost two in the morning and she was just glad that they had caught the unsub, meaning that they could go home. The slight breeze nipped at her skin through her dress and she shivered involuntarily. She walked towards Spencer, who was speaking to Hotch and Rossi who had arrived on the scene.

"Good work, Carter." Hotch offered with a nod.

"Thank you."

"You two should get into an SUV. We can be out of here in a few minutes."

Jamie and Spencer nodded, Hotch and Rossi leaving their vicinity to speak with Morgan.

"Listen," Jamie started, looking at Spencer. "I hope you don't feel weird about what I did in there."

"It's not a big deal, honest."

Jamie laughed lightly, "Okay, I just don't want things to be awkward." Her arms covered her chest as she made her way to the next available SUV. Before she could reach for the door handle herself, Spencer had already taken it upon himself to open the door for her.

"Thanks, Spencer."

* * *

Once Jamie was able to shed that tight dress, she felt free. Changing into her casual clothing felt amazing and she was hoping to be able to get some sleep on the flight back to Quantico. She left the restroom with her go-bag, bumping into seats as she went to the back of the plane for an open seat. She sat herself down, kicking her bag under it and resting into the soft leather. There wasn't a lot of time before someone had joined her in the seat across from her.

"Carter, we need to discuss some things." Hotch stated.

Jamie tensed slightly and sat up straighter in front of her boss. "I don't really like the sound of that…"

"I want you to tell me what happened at the crime scene with the blood."

Jamie turned her face towards the window, letting out a huff of air. "Who told you?"

"That doesn't matter. I need to know what happened."

She shook her head slowly, running a rough hand over her tired face. "Flashback…"

"A flashback of?"

Jamie faced forward again, tilting her head a little. "I saw the blood and I-I couldn't get out of this weird daze I was in. I saw the night I got shot…the shootout. There was so much blood. Spencer, he-he was…covered in myblood, Hotch."

Hotch nodded his head, understanding what she was trying to get across. "I'm going to order another psychological evaluation."

Jamie locked stern eyes with his for a moment, then faltered. She shrugged, "Okay. I mean, I'm not going to argue with you about it, that wouldn't get me anywhere."

"Okay, then. As soon as we're back, I'll put in the paperwork."

"…can't wait" Jamie said, turning away from him to face the window. From the corner of her eye, she could she Hotch return to his seat.

Jamie sighed and wondered how far her injury would push her. She had gone through something traumatic, something that she would have never been involved in if she didn't work for the BAU. There was the possibility that the event of her being shot would affect her ability to cope with the world around her, and Jamie didn't know how far it would go. Her mind didn't flood with overwhelming emotion before returning to the field, she just wanted to get back to the action. Now, it all seemed so different, somehow harder to do the job. She had heard stories of how her teammates had been hit by a bullet once or twice and she listened to them in awe.

She could feel her heart beating in her chest as she was sitting in her seat. Her fingers nails took a rough beating as she bit away bits of the grown nails. The thought of having to go through another psychological evaluation worried her. During the first evaluation, the questions were easy and her answers seemed to flow naturally. This time, though, Jamie was anxious that there was an underlying distress that hadn't been conjured until she was back in the field. If that was the case, how was she supposed to do her job?

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Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.


	19. The Diagnosis

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. For this chapter, I decided to take a chance and write out a diagnosis for our beloved Jamie. Keep in mind, that I am not a doctor in any shape or form; so, if you feel like nit-picking this chapter, by all means...go for it. I think it is a nice addition to the story and helps moves things along. Also, I know in the show that they said PTSD was changed to PTSS, but I didn't change it here, because I wrote this a while ago and I think it's fine the way it is. Phew, now, I hope you enjoy and please review! Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Nineteen: The Diagnosis**

 **December 18th, 2014**

The clock on the wall was abnormally loud. The ticking seemed to get deeper with every stroke of the hands and along with the constant tapping of Jamie's heeled boot, she felt as if she would go crazy. It had been two days since the team had gotten back from Atlanta and much to Jamie's protest, she had been put back on desk duty, courtesy of Hotch. The team was away on a local case, but even then, Jamie felt as though she was missing out. She never thought that being hit by a single bullet would have this much of a negative impact on her. Sure, she had read and heard stories about the effects it had on others, but _she_ wasn't _them_. Being her own person, Jamie felt the need to show that she could overcome the setback, even if it was taking its toll on her mental health.

The clock was still going and her boot was still tapping. Jamie sat in a cushioned seat in an empty hallway, waiting to be called in for her evaluation. Her surroundings were bleak and it only added to her anxiety. She knew that she wouldn't be asked the same questions as before, so she couldn't prepare any answers beforehand. Her eyes moved down to her watch, seeing the hands placed at three-twenty-four. Six minutes to go and it felt like a lifetime. Her hands rested in her lap, thumbs twirling around one another. The echo of somebody's footsteps from down the long hallway registered through her ears, but they didn't distract her from her thoughts. There were several moments within the past couple of days where Jamie considered skipping her appointment, but she knew better than that. If she skipped out on her evaluation, she would be in deep trouble and she wouldn't be able to return to the field. There was no telling what she would be screened for, but she had an itch.

The door to the office opened and a woman popped her head around the corner, looking the opposite way before turning in Jamie's direction. "Agent Carter, I'm ready for you."

Jamie nodded and stood to her feet, smoothing her jeans before walking into the room. It was the same room as she was in before. The walls were red and the furniture was different shades of brown. Jamie sat on the couch, across from the large chair where the woman would sit and ask her a variety of questions. When the door shut, Jamie could hear her heartbeat in her ears.

"Agent Carter, my name is Dr. Ross. I'll be performing your evaluation today." The woman smiled, stepping around the table to shake Jamie's hand.

Jamie shook Dr. Ross's hand and gave a small smile, "Please, just call me Jamie."

"If you insist," Dr. Ross collected papers and a clipboard from her desk, stacking the papers neatly. She sat down the in chair across from Jamie and let out a small breath. "So, are you ready to begin?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"You seem nervous."

Jamie shifted on the cushion and licked her lips. She shrugged one shoulder, "I just don't know what you're going to ask me, that's all."

Dr. Ross nodded and took out her pen, clicking the top and writing something down on her clipboard. "Okay, why don't you tell me why you came in for another evaluation."

"Um, it wasn't my idea, really. My boss, Agent Hotchner told me that he would put in a request for another evaluation, so…here I am."

Dr. Ross's pen wrote quickly on the clipboard and Jamie couldn't help but wonder what she was writing. She hadn't even been in the office for five minutes yet.

"That's not what I mean necessarily," Dr. Ross began to clarify. "There had to of been some sort of event or reason that brought you back for another _psychological_ evaluation."

Jamie chuckled lightly and bit the inside of her cheek, "There's a lot of emphasis on the word _psychological_ there, doctor."

"Why don't you tell me why you're here, Jamie."

Jamie crossed her legs and cleared her throat. She sat in front of the slightly intimidating doctor, asking herself where she should even begin with her explanation. "My team and I, we were on a case in Atlanta and we had to go to a crime scene. There at the crime scene, there was this, uh, pool of blood in the middle of the sidewalk. Um, I was one of the people to observe that particular portion of the crime scene along with three other agents..."

Dr. Ross nodded as Jamie spoke, also noticing her hesitation as she stopped explaining. "Go on..."

"So, we're looking at the pool of blood and we were given gloves by the medics, just for precaution, you know? We all had our gloves on, but I couldn't help but stare at the victim's blood on the ground." Jamie rubbed one hand over her face, exhaling as she did so. "I bent down to the ground, to get closer and when I did that, I took my fingers and I dipped them in the blood."

"And why did you do that?"

Jamie shrugged and narrowed her eyes, "I don't know. There was just…something about it that I couldn't let go of. When I brought my hand back to see the blood, it was like my eyes couldn't tear themselves away from the sight. You know, I-I remember sitting there and watching the blood trickle down my fingers and it was like I was trapped in some flashback."

"Okay," Dr. Ross said, writing down notes on her clipboard. "tell me about the flashback."

Jamie kept eye contact with her for a moment as she scratched her neck. "It was a flashback of when I was shot. We were on a case in Texas and there was a major shootout. I stepped into the line of fire to pull an officer away and…it backfired."

"Tell me more about it."

"I think you're going to need to be a little more specific for me."

"Tell me more about your injury," Dr. Ross told her. "Tell me about how it felt, what did you see, smell, hear, tell me everything."

"I knew I was hit when I felt a pain in my left shoulder. It hit right under my collarbone," Jamie gestured with her hand to her place of in jury. "and then it felt really…almost white-hot and then I remember hearing my name being shouted through everything-the constant gun fire, the shouting, the police sirens..."

"And who was calling your name?"

Jamie rubbed her hands together, combing back through her memory. "Spencer-excuse me, Dr. Reid. He's part of the BAU team as well."

"What happened after that?"

"I was carried away from everything."

"By Spencer, correct?"

Jamie nodded, tucking hair behind her ear. "He carried me away and then he put me on the ground. It was cold and it was wet and I remember seeing his face…the look on his face."

"What did it say?"

"It said panic," Jamie responded quickly. "There was a lot of blood. He was trying to stop the bleeding, but it kept coming through. I was spitting it up and it kept running down his hands. It was all over…then everything just went black."

"Do you think that was the trigger for your flashback at the crime scene?"

"I do believe so, yes."

"Okay, now I need to ask some more specific questions, Agent Carter. They're made to be simple yes or no questions, but if we need to go further than that, we will." Dr. Ross flipped through her papers and came across a new one, replacing the one she had previously written her notes on. "Have you experienced or witnessed a life-threatening event that caused intense fear, helplessness, or horror?"

Jamie gave a confused expression, "Um, I think we just discussed that. Did we not?"

"We did, but you need to come to terms with the event you were partaken in."

"…yes. I've experienced a life-threatening event."

"Does the past event cause you emotional or physical distress when you are exposed to elements that remind you of that event?"

Jamie though for a moment, then shook her head. "No, I don't think so."

"That doesn't sound too sure, Agent Carter."

"You don't have to keep calling me Agent Carter," Jamie insisted. "Um, okay, I guess a little emotional distress? I was kind of snappy towards some of my teammates while in Atlanta."

"So, that's a yes?"

"Yes."

"How about actions or feeling as if the event were happening all over again?"

Jamie scoffed lightly, "You mean…a _flashback_?"

"Yes, I mean a flashback."

"Then, yes. You already know that."

Dr. Ross regarded Jamie's tone, then wrote down more notes on her other paper. "Have you been avoiding thoughts, or feelings, or any conversation about the specific event?"

"I suppose, if I'm being completely honest with you. I felt like I was being coddled and I told my teammates to knock it off, not to worry about me, because there was nothing to worry about."

" _Was_?"

Jamie was taken aback by Dr. Ross's single word. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You said there was nothing to worry about. Does that mean there is something now?"

Jamie moved her head from side to side, thinking about what Dr. Ross had just said. Well, I wouldn't be here if there wasn't something to worry about. So, to answer your questions, yes. I do avoid talking about it."

"Do you avoid activities, places, or particular people who remind you of that event?"

Jamie shook her head abruptly, "No, not at all. That would mean avoiding my job, avoiding my teammates who are good friends of mine. So, no, I don't."

"How about your emotions? Do you feel that they're restricted?"

"I mean, I've never been one to be all mushy-gushy about my feeling, but they're expressed when they need to be."

The pen met the paper on Dr. Ross's clipboard once again. "So, you feel confident that you're able to let others know how you feel when it comes to what you experienced?"

"I haven't talked about it, to anyone."

"So, your emotions _are_ restricted?"

"Only because I make it that way…" Jamie slouched back onto the couch. Closing her eyes as Dr. Ross continued.

"Do you have problems sleeping?"

"No."

"Irritability or outburst of anger?"

"No."

"Are you sure?" Dr. Ross questioned. "You mentioned earlier that you were snappy with some of your fellow team members…and as of right now, the tone I'm hearing sounds a little short-tempered."

Jamie opened her eyes and stared into the white ceiling above her. "I wouldn't call it an _outburst_ of anger, really. I was just tired of _everyone_ asking me if I was doing alright. As for what you're hearing in this very moment, I am a tad irritated."

"How come?"

Jamie sighed deeply, making sure to let Dr. Ross know she was grumpy. "For starters, you asked me questions you already know the answers to."

Scrawling could be heard throughout the room, indicating more mysterious notes from Dr. Ross. "Back to your team members now, you were quick to become irritated, would you say?"

"Yes…" Jamie said, her tone harder now. "Yes, I was made irritable fairly quickly."

"Do you have problems concentrating?"

Jamie's eyes stayed glued to the ceiling. With that question, her mind went back to the night at the club when Viper was blabbing on and on about chemical connections. She had let her eyes wander the room, eventually spying Spencer who wasn't too far away from where she had been. They shared smiles, but she had to be brought back into reality.

"…Jamie?"

"Yes, I have trouble concentrating."

"What about an exaggerated startle response?"

"Yes."

"Any changes within your sleeping or eating habits?"

"No."

"More days than not, do you feel depressed?"

Jamie laughed to herself and sat up on the couch, moving her hair back with her hand. "My whole job is depressing," she claimed. "The things that I've _seen_ , most people only see that crap in the movies."

"I need a yes or a no answer."

"I say no."

"Alright, how about being disinterested in life?"

"No. I know I just told you that my job is depressing as hell, but I've been working towards this pretty much my whole life."

More pen to paper. "Have you been using any substances?"

Jamie scoffed, loudly this time. "…no. I work for the _FBI_ , Dr. Ross. If I was abusing any kind of substance, I would be terminated. I'd never be able to work for the bureau again."

"Okay, now I want you to go back to the night of the shootout, one more time."

"Wha-why?"

"Agent Carter, it's essential as the last part of the evaluation. So, please, allow your mind to go back to that night."

"…fine." Jamie sat still, hands clasped together on her lap. "What do else do you need to know?"

"What was the last thing you remember seeing before you lost consciousness?"

"It was Spencer," Jamie thought bac, confident with her words. "He was covered in my blood."

"And who is Dr. Spencer Reid to you, Jamie?" Dr. Ross questioned.

"Uh, what do you mean?"

"It's simple, really. The last thing that you saw before you fell under was Spencer and he was covered in _your_ blood, correct?"

"Yes, I _just_ told you that."

"So, in that moment, how were you feeling?"

Jamie scooted to the edge of her seat and didn't hesitate to give the doctor a hard look. "I felt like I was _dying_."

"What about Spencer?"

"What about him? What does he have to do with this?"

"Agent Carter, I'm going to ask you this question and I need you to answer it honestly. Do you feel a tinge of guilt for putting your colleague in that situation?"

"Are you serious?" Jamie asked her, voice flooding with irritation. "What are you suggesting here, Dr. Ross?"

"Answer the question, please."

"It's not like I got shot on purpose!" Jamie shouted, not bothering to contain her attitude any longer. "Spencer just happened to be the one by my side and carry me away from the shooting! I feel guilty, because he shouldn't have had to go through that, not after what I _already_ put him through!" Jamie was on her feet now, chest heaving and eyes wide. She had wanted to defend herself against whatever suggestions Dr. Rodd had been making, but something else came to the surface. When she realized what she had said, Jamie's face fell and she felt like an ass for yelling at someone who was only there to help her. Coming to terms with something that she didn't even knew lied underneath all of her other baggage, hit her like a brick. She sat back down, slowly, letting her head drop into her hands.

"Have you spoken to him about this?" Dr. Ross questioned.

Jamie shook her head, her face hidden by the curtain of brown hair. "…no."

"I take it you didn't even know that you felt that way? You buried it under all of the other stressors you're feeling."

Jamie lifted her head to look at Dr. Ross, "Sure, whatever you say." She put her head back into her hands, rubbing along her hairline. The noise of the pen being dragged along the paper could be heard and Jamie didn't even care what Dr. Ross was writing anymore.

"Okay, that's all I needed from you today, Agent Carter."

Jamie stood up and attempted to fix her composure. She wore a fake grin as she shook Dr. Ross's hand and thanked her for her help. When she left the room, a heavy weight lifted off of her chest, but she didn't feel better in the slightest. Jamie walked back down the long hallway, down to the bullpen so she could gather her belongings and leave. She could finish her work at home, she didn't need to be in the office setting to write out reports.

Entering the bullpen, Jamie walked casually to her desk. It was covered in paperwork, which she scooped into her hands and placed the crook of her arm. She grabbed her purse from her drawer and dug out her keys. Leaving the bullpen, she could've sworn she felt eyes on her, but she knew better than that. She felt paranoid, exposed after her evaluation. The elevator come quickly and Jamie stepped on, closing the doors before anybody could stop it. The ride down to the parking garage felt long, but in less than a minute, Jamie was making her way to her car. When she reached her car, Jamie got into the driver's seat and let her stack of paper spill over into the passenger's side. Keys in hand, she didn't start the engine, she just sat there.

In the dark of the parking garage, Jamie Carter felt lost. A part of her wasn't sure who she was anymore. She had always felt so confident (or at least she played it that way) and sure of everything she did. She wasn't a big believer in "everything happens for a reason", but now, she had no clue. Jamie knew she would be okay, eventually. Feeling lost and unsure is just a part of life and finding your path, right? She was positive that she would get past whatever it was she was going through. Except, she knew exactly what she was going though. She didn't want to ask during the evaluation, but it was easy to catch on to. The questions she was being asked, the kinds of responses she had been giving, it all pointed to one thing.

She was being screened for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

* * *

Later that night, Jamie sat on her couch, accompanied by a glass of red wine that she barely touched and piles of reports. She hadn't attempted to go anywhere or speak to anyone, especially since she was still on edge from her evaluation. When she got back home, all of her attention was put into focusing on her reports and making sure they were up to good standards. She had breezed through them, finishing all eight of them. Now, she sat back on the couch, no noise to disrupt her self-pity-party. It was around eight o'clock and Jamie was going to wind down, turn in early for the night. Then, to her dismay, her phone lit up, sounding its ringtone.

It was Hotch.

Jamie grabbed the phone and looked at the screen, seeing her boss's name on its bright surface. If she didn't pick up, it would cause her more trouble than it was worth. Sighing, she answered the call, pressing the phone to her ear.

"This is Carter."

"Carter, I know it's getting late. I hope I didn't disturb you."

Jamie laughed silently to herself, looking at her reports. "No, I was just finishing my reports."

"Do you mind coming down to my office?"

"Um, right now?"

"Yes. I would prefer if we discussed this now instead of waiting."

"Okay," Jamie agreed, getting up from her position on the couch. "I can be there in about fifteen."

"See you then." Hotch said, ending the call on his end.

She picked up her coat from the closet, sliding it on and grabbing her purse. The reports were collected, ready to be turned in and she got her keys from her kitchen counter. Leaving her apartment, Jamie locked up behind herself and got into her car, gently placing the neatly organized reports on the passenger's side. The ride to the office wasn't far for her, so she knew she would be there sooner than fifteen minutes. She only said that to give herself more time. When she arrived at the security check, she scanned her badge, allowing her entry into the parking garage. She pulled her car into a parking space on the ground floor and cut the engine. With the reports in her hands and her purse on her arm, Jamie walked into the field office, went to the elevator and pressed the number six.

The elevator opened and Jamie was greeted with the smell of coffee and printed papers before even stepping foot into the bullpen. She reached the glass doors, opening it with a hard tug and walking through the threshold. On her way to her desk, she smiled and made eye contact with a few other agents who were no doubt staying late to finish their reports. At her desk, Jamie dumped off her reports and her eyes wandered over to Hotch's office. The light was on and the door was ajar. There could be anything waiting for her on the other side of that door, the worst being termination, but that was unlikely. Slowly at first, Jamie began walking up the catwalk to the office, attempting to get her nerves under control, her pace picking up to normal. When she reached his office, Jamie knocked lightly, popping her head around the corner to show it was her.

"Jamie, come in." Hotch said, gesturing with his hand for her to enter. "Close the door, please."

Jamie entered, her back to the door as she closed it. When she heard it click, she approached his desk and stood there.

Hotch didn't look up from his paperwork when he spoke to her. "Sit, please."

That sent a tinge of worry through Jamie and she sat down, placing her bag on the floor and wondering why he couldn't wait until tomorrow to speak to her. She knew it was about of evaluation, she just didn't know how bad it was.

"I take it you want to speak to me regarding my evaluation?" Jamie asked, keeping her eyes on her boss to show she wasn't nervous, when indeed, she was.

"Yes," Hotch answered, digging though papers to pull a black file from the stack. "These are Dr. Ross's notes and she provided you with a diagnosis as well."

"Let me guess, I'm suffering from a mild case of PTSD, right?" Jamie tried to joke, but received no such expression from Hotch.

"Here," Hotch said, handing her the folder. "take a look at that."

Jamie took the folder, eyes still on Hotch as she opened the file. When she looked down at Dr. Ross's handwriting, she noticed her scrawl penmanship. Her eyes went over the notes that said she was self-ware, but anxious, easily irritable and defensive, things of that nature. Turning over a few pages, Jamie came to the final page and her eyes immediately went to the bottom of the paper, where Dr. Ross had given her diagnosis.

 _"I, Dr. Elise Ross, the consulting expert on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in the case of Jamie A. Carter, have come to a diagnosis. Currently, Ms. Carter suffers from an acute case of PTSD in the light of recent events. It would be in her best interest to continue working, but to be aware of not only what is going on around her, but also be aware and very attentive to herself. I do not recommend that she stays clear of any or all field activity, but Ms. Carter should not indulge all at once. I consulted the previous doctor, Dr. Wyatt, who gave Ms. Carter her first psychological evaluation, and we both agree that she did not show any immediate signs of PTSD due to her wishing of returning to the field, only three weeks after being released from the hospital. I advise Ms. Carter to be vigilant and to be open with those around her when she is feeling overwhelmed to help attempt to minimize any flashbacks."_

Jamie looked up from the file, seeing Hotch staring at her as she read. Biting her lip, she closed the folder and handed it back to Hotch. He took it, burying it back under his current work.

"…jokes on me, right?" Jamie asked, regarding her crack at her possible diagnosis only moments earlier.

"I had asked you before we went to Atlanta if you were ready for a case."

"I know. I was and I _still_ _am_ ," Jamie tried to reassure him. "I took time off from the field, because you asked me to. I complied without any argument. What do you want me to do, Hotch? Sit at my desk and write up your guys' reports for another three weeks? You might as well add on more weeks, then."

Hotch folded his hands on top of his desk and gave Jamie a stern look. "I could give you more time away from the field," he began, sending slight dread through the agent in front of him. "but we both read the report and that's not what's being recommended."

"So, I can join the team on the next case?"

"Yes, but I need you to start being honest with me. If something feels off, if you feel like you cannot handle it, I need you to tell me."

Jamie nodded, "I understand, but you and I both know that this isn't going to go away instantly."

"I'm very aware and I'll be here to help you see it through…we all will."

Jamie released a sigh, "Thank you, Hotch."

"You're welcome. Now, go home and get some sleep. I expect to see you to be at your best tomorrow, ready to go wherever the next case takes us."

"Absolutely," Jamie picked up her purse and rose from her seat, exiting Hotch's office. She stood on the catwalk for a moment, staring down at her everyday surroundings. This was it, this was what she wanted. There might be a bump in the road and there would certainly be more in the future, but here and now, Jamie knew she would make her way over the first of many.

Oh boy, was she in for a bumpy ride.

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Thanks for reading and please remember to review! I would really appreciate it.


	20. Here's to Twenty-fifteen

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. As usual, I want to give a big thank you to those of who you have favorited and/or followed this story. I honestly never imagined having this many people like this story. Also, I'm in a bit of a rough spot with this story, meaning that I don't know how to write what I want to deliver. The current arc that I'm working on, I have everything planned out, but I just don't know how to write it out; but don't worry, that wont stop chapters coming for you all. I have some great original cases that are being worked out at the moment, with the help of my friend Darcy.**

 **I haven't gotten a lot of feedback from the last couple of chapters, so if some of you could take the time to write me about how you think the story is going, things you might expect to see, or scenarios you may want to see, leave it in a review-or even PM me! I enjoy talking with you all! I hope you enjoy and please review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Twenty: Here's to Twenty-fifteen**

December 31, 2014

Jamie had been getting ready in her apartment for the past two hours. It was New Year's Eve and some of the members of the team had made plans to go out to a local bar. Jamie was so down for the idea, she couldn't contain herself. It had been a rough couple of weeks since she returned to the field and she was in need of a good time. The whole "going out" plan came from none other, than the wild mind of one Penelope Garcia and she managed to wrangle up Morgan, JJ, Jamie and possibly Spencer.

The dress that Jamie decided to wear never saw the light of day except for one other time, a time that she wasn't to fond of. Now, it was perfect for the occasion. It was fitting and simple, just her style. Her hair was flowing and her makeup was a little more than usual, but that was okay. It was almost ten o'clock and that's when the others said they would be at the bar. So, Jamie strapped on her heels and rushed out the door, grabbing her keys and a small purse before she left. Locking the door behind her, Jamie strolled down the long driveway, approaching her car. She hopped in the driver's seat, turning the engine and began driving downtown on the sleek, black roads. The radio played some pop song, filling Jamie's ears with beats and electronic sounds. Her fingers tapped on the steering wheel as she drove along the busy roads and she kept her eye out for a parking place as she arrived at her destination.

When she found a parking space, she quickly parked her car and grabbed her bag, exiting her vehicle. Her heels sounded on the rocky pavement as she strutted towards the entrance. There, she was met with the friendly, familiar faces of her friends as they were waiting for her arrival. A smile grew on her face as they saw her approaching and she threw her arms open, engulfing each of them in a hug.

"You look so good!" Penelope told her, using Jamie's arm to twirl her around.

"You do, too!"

"Carter, you ready for tonight, sweetheart?" Morgan asked her, rubbing his hands together and smiling.

"Oh, I'm so ready! I think we all deserve this."

"Let's get going then," JJ said, waving her arm at them to follow her into the bar.

"Wait, no Spencer tonight?" Jamie wondered, sending her eyes searching, hoping she would see him coming around the corner.

"I don't know," Penelope replied. "He just said he'll see."

Jamie felt a tinge of disappointment, but it was on Spencer if he missed out on a good time. The group of four entered the bar, instantly being hit with the smell of booze and the sound of laugher tangled with the music. The bar's name was Red Derby and it certainly lived up to its name. Even through the dimly lit atmosphere, the red décor and furniture stood out against everything. There were people downing drinks and slamming their glasses down on the bar, others in New Year's attire, crazy hats and bead necklaces. Bodies consumed the other side of the building, dancing along to the beat of the music. Luckily, they found a free table and sat down in some chairs, still absorbing the new surroundings. Just as they settled, a bartender, of the male variety, came over to take their orders. Jamie perked up, biting her lip as she sent Garcia a raised eyebrow.

"Hey, what can I get for you folks?" he asked around, smiling at the ladies.

Jamie smiled back and turned more to face the attractive individual. "Do you guys have a special drink tonight?"

"We sure do. It's called Tickled Pink and its champagne, pomegranate juice and some lime. It's a big seller for the ladies, such as yourselves."

"Oh, I want one of those!" Penelope told him.

"I'll take one, too." Jamie told the bartender, keeping her smile on.

"Okay, two specials and how about you two?" he asked, looking at JJ and Morgan.

"Nothing for me," JJ told him. "I'm a DD tonight."

"Let's do a shot of Smirnoff and a coke."

The bartender wrote down the order and nodded, "I'll have those out shortly."

When he walked away, Jamie watched him disappear into the crowd. "Ugh, where can I get one of those?"

"I bet there's some ripe for the picking." Penelope told her, pointing her finger around the bar.

"I'm so glad we have the night off."

"You're telling me," Morgan mused. "This'll probably be it for a while."

Jamie slapped him playfully on the arm, "Don't jinx it!"

The cute bartender brought their drinks quickly and placed them in front of their rightful owners. "Okay, is that all for you guys?"

Jamie pulled a wad of cash from her purse and asked, "How much?"

"That comes out to seventeen-fifty." he replied, writing something down on his notepad.

Jamie pulled a twenty from her hand and handed it over, just as she was being handed what looked like her receipt.

"Have a good night." the bartender said, leaving Jamie with a smile.

She wanted to melt into his arms and as she looked down at the paper in her hand, her eyes lit up as she saw what was written on it. He had written down his number and signed his name, Daniel. Jamie waved the paper in the air as she drank from her glass. "I got his number!"

"Let me see!" Penelope shouted, taking the paper from Jamie's hand. "Oh my god, you did!"

The girls squealed, sending JJ and Morgan into laughter.

"JJ, where's Will tonight?" Jamie wondered.

"He's at home with the boys. He was practically falling asleep on the couch when I asked him if he wanted to go, told him my mom could stay with the boys."

"Aw," Jamie teased. "dad life." She downed the rest of her drink, earning a variety of looks from her teammates. "What?"

"You had that drink for like three minutes."

Jamie shrugged, removing herself from her seat. "Hey, I don't plan on going home sober tonight." She fixed her dress and grabbed her purse, "I'm going to the bar, you guys want anything else?"

"I think we're good," Morgan laughed, along with the others.

"Suit yourselves," Jamie began maneuvering her way through the crowd, finding it a little difficult to reach her destination. As she came up to the bar counter, her eyes wandered through the rowdy crowd. It had been a while since she had this kind of fun and she was loving the feeling. The warmth from strange bodies covered her skin and there was an almost musky smell going through the air. When her eyes met with the entrance, she was met with a sight that she didn't think was real for a minute. She left the bar counter, once again weaving in and around patrons, coming to a stop in front of a familiar face. "Oh my god, Spencer!" she yelled, wrapping him in an unexpected hug.

"Hey, Jamie." he said calmly.

"We weren't sure that you were coming!"

Spencer scratched the side of his head, obviously unnerved by the chaotic surroundings. "Yeah, I wasn't either, but I figured why not?"

Jamie gave him a big, warm smile. It filled her body with warmth knowing that he decided to ring in the new year with his friends. "Come back to the bar with me so I can grab a drink, then we'll go back to the table." Jamie took his hand in hers and began walking, Spencer trailing right behind her. At the bar, Jamie waved down a bartender, who took immediate attention to her.

"What can I get for you?" the bartender asked Jamie, a glimmer of lust in his eyes.

Jamie laughed to herself and leaned closer to him on the counter, "Can I get two shots of Jameson, please?" She turned to Spencer, who looked so out of his element. "Do you want anything?"

"No, I'm good."

"That's it then."

The flirty bartender took two shot glasses from beneath the counter, placing them in front of Jamie. With the bottle of whiskey, he filled them to the rim, keeping his eyes on Jamie as he did. He slid them closer to her, "Here you go, beautiful."

"Thank you," Jamie replied, pulling out her money, but she was stopped by the bartender.

"These are on me." he told her, sending her a wink.

Jamie got chills and grabbed her drinks, giving the bartender a smirk. "I'll probably be back later."

"Can't wait."

Jamie gestured with her head for Spencer to follow her. They walked back to the table where Garcia, JJ, and Morgan were talking happily amongst themselves. "You guys, look who I found!" Jamie shouted, placing her shots on the table.

"My man!" Morgan greeted, a big smile on his face. He clapped Spencer on the back, offering him his seat.

"Thanks."

"So, you decided to venture out of your bubble tonight, huh?" Penelope questioned him, drinking on another glass of champagne.

"I wasn't doing anything anyways."

"We're glad you came out," JJ told him, rubbing his shoulder.

Jamie threw back one of her shots, cringing at the taste. "Woah," she shook her head, looking back at Spencer. "Are you sure you don't want anything?"

"Yeah, I don't plan on drinking."

"If Carter can't handle her alcohol, Pretty Boy here can take her home." Morgan teased, returning with another chair. He sat it down, placing himself next to JJ and Spencer.

"Oh please, I like to think I have a high tolerance."

"That's what you think"

Jamie scoffed playfully, "You've never even seen me drink anything harder than a couple of beers, Morgan."

His face lit up with a smile and he laughed, "Oh, what's that thing you say? There's a first time for everything?"

Jamie lifted her last shot into the air, "Damn right." She threw it back, taking it better than the first. "Twenty-fifteen is going to be amazing, guys. I know it."

"Cheers!" Penelope yelled, clinking shot glasses with Jamie and Morgan. At the same time, they all drank their shot, placing the glass upside down on the table.

"Woo!" Jamie shouted, clapping her cheeks frantically with her hands. There was no doubt in her mind that she was past tipsy, along with Penelope, though, who had a few less shots than her. It was like they just kept coming to her, either she made her way to buy more, or they were sent to her by other people. She didn't always know who, but that didn't matter, they were free drinks. Spencer and JJ laughed at their drinking friends, sometimes have to help Jamie or Penelope from their seats. Stories were passed around and laughs were shared through the night, and Jamie wouldn't want it any other way.

"Did you drink like that in college, Jamie?" JJ wondered, amused by the idea.

"Um, I never-" she hiccupped in between her words, confused on how to answer her question. She looked to Spencer, hoping he would fill her in. "Spencer, did I do that?"

He looked slightly amused, but a little uncomfortable as well. "Not always, but you knew your limits."

"Oh, so I was a good girl?"

"I suppose so."

Then, Jamie grabbed Spencer's left wrist, shoving his watch in her face. "Guys, it's eleven-forty-seven!" The fact that Jamie could even tell time, surprised her. She released Spencer's arm, throwing it back onto the table.

"I think we need to dance!" Penelope said, dragging Morgan away from the table. They left to the dance floor and from the table, Jamie could see Morgan and how he couldn't keep the laughs from escaping him.

"Oh, that looks like fun!" Jamie exclaimed. "Spencer, come on, let's go dance!"

Spencer laughed nervously, "I think you know that I don't dance, Jamie."

Jamie made a pouty face and to everyone's surprise, even her own, her drunk mind told her it was okay to sit herself down on his lap. She felt him tense up, but thought nothing of it. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she rested her head on his shoulder. "Why don't you want to dance?"

"I, uh, we can't leave JJ here by herself." he told her.

Across the table, JJ was trying to keep her laughs on the inside, but was failing. "Oh, I think I can handle myself, Spence."

Jamie perked up and her jaw dropped, "See?!" she yelled, pointing her finger at JJ, but looking at Spencer. "She can handle herself, she even said so!"

"I just don't think it's a good idea." Spencer tried to justify.

Jamie looked him in his hazel eyes, letting her green ones see into him. She grinned at him, "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"No, no, um-"

"I'll take that as a yes," Jamie concluded, getting herself off of his lap. "I'm going to go find the bathroom."

"I'll go with you," JJ said, leading a slightly stumbling Jamie to the restroom. As they were walking, Jamie stopped JJ and got serious. "I'm messing it up, aren't I?"

"What do you mean?" JJ asked, shaking her head in confusion.

"I'm a drunk slob tonight and I'm throwing myself all over Spencer. I want to be friends, but sometimes it's just hard."

"I know," JJ told her, rubbing her shoulder. "but after tonight, I'm sure your newfound friendship will still be intact."

Through the music and the loud conversation, a voice boomed through the bar. "Five minutes until we hit twenty-fifteen, everybody!" People cheered and made noises with their party favors.

Forgetting the restroom Jamie smiled and took JJ by the hand, leading her back to the table. Morgan and Penelope were back, talking to Spencer about something that Jamie couldn't quite make out.

"Jamie," Penelope sang out. "who's your NYE kiss going to be?"

A kiss? In all honesty, Jamie hadn't even thought about it. Jamie shrugged, sending her eyes about in the crowd. "I don't know, but I'm not worried about it."

"Oh, got someone in mind?" Morgan joked.

Jamie scoffed, sending him an irritated, but playful look. " _No_ , but I don't see anyone lined up to get their mack on with you now; or have I gone blind within the past two hours?"

"Ouch, that hurt, Carter."

"You have to kiss someone!" Penelope pushed.

"Two minutes ladies and gentleman!" the same voice from earlier yelled throughout the bar.

"What about Spencer?" Jamie gestured to the man. "He isn't going to kiss anyone…" She turned her head in a slow movement to look at him, giving him a suspect look. "…or are you?"

Spencer shook his head, "No, I'm not going to kiss anyone."

"One minute!"

"Ah!" Jamie yelled, causing laughs to come from some of her friends at the table.

"Reid, we can find you a nice lady in the next minute." Morgan claimed.

Jamie pointed her index finger in his direction, "Don't you dare."

"Oh, how come?" JJ asked her, her eyebrows rising.

Jamie's mind had a hard time coming to a reason as to why she had told Morgan to back off, but as the countdown entered her ears, she dropped it.

"Ten…nine…"

"I have myself a nice sir waiting for me at that table, right over there." Garcia rushed to the table, leaving the others behind. Morgan did the same, taking a woman by her waist that he had been talking to earlier in the night. Everyone in the bar was counting down and cheering. "three…two…one…"

"Happy New Year!"

The bar erupted in cheers and confetti fell from the ceiling. Jamie looked up in the mess of falling paper, her eyes following it down onto her body. She grinned to herself, her eyes coming back up to see Spencer. There was a part of her that wanted to grab him and plant a nice kiss on him, but even in her inebriated state, she knew that it wasn't a good idea. Instead, she offered him a smile and said, "Happy New Year!"

"You too, Jamie!" he yelled through the shouting crowd.

Jamie rubbed her temple, now feeling a little lightheaded from the noise and the amount of alcohol she consumed within the past two hours.

"Maybe we should get you home." she heard Spencer say in her ear.

"…what?"

"Let me take you home."

Jamie gazed at him for a moment, processing his words. When they went through, she nodded her head. "Okay, my uh, keys are…" Jamie turned her head left and right, looking for her keys. "I don't know where they are, actually."

"Her keys are here," JJ said, handing Spencer her purse.

He took it and grabbed her car keys from the inside, "You'll be okay with Garcia and Morgan?"

JJ nodded confidently, "Morgan isn't too bad, but he will need to help me with Garcia."

"Okay, I'll see you guys."

"Bye Spence, bye Jamie." JJ said, using a sing-song voice.

Before she left, Jamie snaked around the table, grabbing JJ and hugging her tightly. "I love you Jennifer Jareau!"

JJ laughed, hugging Jamie back equally tight. "I love you too, now go get some rest, okay?"

"Got it," Jamie walked back over to Spencer, knocking into a chair as she did. Spencer grabbed her by the hand and guided her towards the exit.

* * *

As Spencer unlocked the door to Jamie's apartment, she stumbled through the threshold, automatically kicking off her heels in any direction she pleased. "Spencer, you don't have to stay here."

He walked in the apartment, closing the door behind him. "It's okay, don't worry about it."

Jamie shrugged her shoulder, plopping herself down on the couch in the living room. She stretched out her limbs and laid her head on a pillow. Her heavy eyes watched Spencer as he sat down on the opposite end of the couch. "Hey…" she spoke as if she was greeting him.

"Hi..."

"I probably won't remember anything tomorrow."

"You did drink a good amount tonight."

Jamie chuckled and sat up, scratching her head. "Can you do me another favor?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Upstairs in my bedroom, there's a black chair and it has a t-shirt and some black shorts on top of it. Can you get them for me? I'd do it myself, but I don't feel like falling down the stairs right now."

Spencer nodded and got up from his seat, "Yeah, give me a minute."

"Okay," Jamie listened as Spencer climbed her stairs. Even in her current state, her brain was working in overdrive and she began thinking about deep, buried thoughts. She couldn't really help herself and if she decided to be brave tonight, hopefully she wouldn't remember it the next day. Her attention was drawn back into reality by Spencer coming back down the stairs. He walked up next to her and handed her the clothing. "Thanks."

"No problem. I'll get you some water," He left her alone in the living room, disappearing into her kitchen.

Jamie, with the clothes in her hands, stood from the couch and started undressing right there. She slipped off her dress, leaving her in her undergarments. She grabbed her t-shirt and began fumbling it around it her hands, trying to find the right hole for her head.

"Oh, Sorry…" Spencer said, coming back into the living room with a glass of water and her bottle of Advil.

"Relax," Jamie told him, finally putting on her shirt. "It's not like you haven't seen it before…" She didn't think through her words as she finished dressing herself. Walking up to Spencer, who was no doubt a tad tense in his current situation, she grabbed the glass of water from his hand and drank from it.

"Here's some Advil, too."

"Thanks," Jamie accepted the medication, popping two into her mouth and finishing her water. She sat back down onto the couch and looked at Spencer, "Come sit with me." she told him, patting the cushion next to her.

Hesitant, Spencer slowly stepped towards her, taking the seat she had patted down. The pair sat in silence for a moment. It was a little awkward, but it didn't feel too bad.

"Remember how I said I probably wouldn't remember anything tomorrow?" Jamie asked, then she laughed at herself. "Of course you do, who am I kidding?"

"What about it, though?"

Jamie cleared her throat and turned her body towards him, crossing her legs. "I'm going to be honest with you, okay?"

Spencer snickered and nodded his head, rubbing his chin. "You always were an honest drunk."

"Ha, ha, ha, very funny. I'm being serious."

"Okay," Spencer said. "what is it?"

"I've been wanting to talk to you about this, but there was never a right time. So, in my intoxicated state, I'm being brave and taking that chance now so I have something to blame if it doesn't turn out the way I hope it does."

"You're kind of scarring me…"

Jamie shook her head, "No need to be scared."

"Tell me."

"When I was sleeping in the hospital…I heard things."

Spencer noticeably stiffened at her statement, "What things?"

Jamie sighed and grabbed a pillow from behind her, placing in on her lap. "I heard you and JJ. Spencer, I know what you said."

"…what did I say?"

Jamie scoffed and rolled her eyes, "You know exactly what you said. You can't pretend that you don't remember..." They held eye contact for a long minute, until Jamie finally broke the silence. "You said that you forgive me…"

"Yeah…"

"Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"Spencer, I did something _awful_ to you. Sure, it's been a while, but I don't understand how you can just…forgive what I did."

Spencer shrugged, clearing his throat. "It had been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

"…that's a quote from Rose Kennedy." Jamie said, seeming unamused.

"I know, but it's one that I kept going back to."

"I feel like saying sorry another time will mean nothing."

"You've said it enough."

Before she could say another word, Jamie shot up from the couch and ran into her kitchen. At the sink, she had to let go of whatever contents she had in her stomach, the alcohol now catching up to her. She leaned over the sink, heaving for a few moments, trying to multitask and turn on the faucet. Her eyes went to the corner of the kitchen, seeing Spencer and she knew that he was debating coming to her side. So, she held one hand back towards him, telling him to not come any closer. "Trust me, it's not pretty." she mumbled.

"I believe you."

Jamie sloshed some water in her mouth and cleaned out the sink, watching her vomit go down the drain. She sniffed and grabbed some paper towels, wiping her mouth and the counter around her. "Hopefully that's the first and the _last_ time that happens tonight."

"Are you going to be okay?"

Jamie nodded, placing her hand on Spencer's shoulder as she passed him to go back into the living room. "Yeah, I'll be okay." She placed herself down on the couch again, same position she was in before. "Hey, Spencer…"

"Yeah?"

"I need to tell you something else."

He joined her on the couch again, showing her, he was all ears.

"I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I'm sorry for…getting shot and…just putting you in that position that night."

"Jamie, are you serious right now?" he asked, incredulous.

"Uh, yeah, that's why I'm saying it." Jamie sat on her feet now, moving closer to Spencer. "When I went to my evaluation a couple of weeks ago, these words just came out of my mouth and I realized that I felt guilty for-"

"You have _nothing_ to feel guilty for." he interrupted her, a bit of bite in his tone.

"Okay, you say that, but you weren't the one who was shot, because you decided to step into the line of fire like an idiot."

"No, but I wasn't just going to leave you there on the ground, Jamie." He positioned himself on the seat so he was facing her more, sighing.

Jamie could feel the emotions flooding her mind and tears were springing from her eyes. "I don't understand why you don't hate me!" she cried, the alcohol in her system clearly evident. "I'm a horrible person and if I were you, I wouldn't like me very much."

"You're not a horrible person," he tried to assure her. "Jamie…feelings, like the ones I had for you, don't just go away."

"Wh-what?"

Realizing his own words, Spencer shot himself from his seat. "I think we should get you to bed," He took Jamie by the hand, gently, telling her to stand up and go with him.

She complied, but she was still confused by his words. "What did you just say?"

"We should get you to bed."

"No, no, that's not what you said, Spencer!"

Without replying to her claim, Spencer led her up the stairs, taking a few minutes longer than it should have taken. Jamie slipped on one step, causing her to cry even more and by the time they made it to her bedroom, she was ready to crash.

She walked to her bed, landing face first on the mattress, burying her face in the pillows. Rolling around and trying to get comfortable, Jamie got herself under the covers. As awkward as it might be the next day, she didn't want her old friend to have to worry about driving home in the middle of the night. "You can stay here tonight if you want to…" she told him, sleepily and a little jumbled.

Without responding to what she said, he held back a small grin he had forming on his face. "Goodnight, Jamie." he said quietly. He didn't expect a response, as she had clearly fallen asleep. He turned off her light and left the room, closing her door. He walked down the stairs quietly, contemplating the words that had left his mouth only moments earlier. What did they mean and why did he say them? If he was being honest with himself, he couldn't answer it for a million dollars. In her living room, Spencer stood there and thought to himself, wondering if he should just take Jamie's car home, or stay like she had told him he could. There would be no doubt that it would be a weird situation come morning, but it was late and they actually had to be at work in about six hours. So, he decided to stay. Making himself comfortable on the couch with the pillows and the throw blanket, Spencer let the silence take over and he let his busy mind rest for a while.

 _"We need a medic! Right now!" Spencer yelled behind him. "She's losing too much blood!"_

 _Jamie couldn't keep herself upright. Her head wanted to fall over and her body felt hot. The cold hands moved down to her chest, unstrapping the velcro of the vest. As it came off, it seemed to take away a million-and-one-pounds from her chest. Jamie sucked in a deep breath, possibly too deep and she started to cough. With that cough, came blood._

 _Hands were now pressed to the bloody wound on her chest. The pressure hurt like hell, but it had to happen._

 _"Jamie, hey, no, no, no. I need you to keep your eyes open."_

 _She was trying._

 _"You're going to be fine…you're going to be fine."_

 _Spencer's voice sounded like a buzzing in her ears. She opened her eyes lightly, enough to see her old friend in front of her, covered in her blood. Jamie mustered up a slight smile and attempted to speak, only sending her into another violent coughing fit. The metallic taste in her mouth was unpleasant, but it didn't seem to stop._

 _"Jamie! Hey, keep your eyes open, okay?" He had one hand pressing down on her chest, another holding her face steady under her chin. Never in a million year would either of them though they'd be in this situation._

 _Jamie gulped harshly, spitting up more blood as she did. It pushed past her lips, drawing red lines down her chin and out the corners of her mouth. The little effort that she was giving towards keeping her eyes open and holding her head up, seemed to evaporate all at once. Her green eyes rolled back and her head slumped to the side, out of Spencer's grasp._

 _"Jamie! Jamie! No, please, hey! Not like this…it can't happen like this."_

Jamie jolted awake, her breathing heavy as the dream ran through her mind. She could feel the beads of cold sweat rolling down her skin and it felt disgusting. Her eyes drifted to the nightstand where her phone had been placed. Picking it up, she pressed the home button, lighting up the screen and seeing the time, four-o-five. She groaned, feeling like she needed to make a trip to her bathroom, but she didn't want to leave her bed. Jamie felt scared and for once, in a long time, she felt alone.

There was no telling how long that night would haunt her.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review! I would really appreciate it.


	21. The Very Next Day

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. I think this is a fun chapter and I hope you like it. There is a small part in here where I attempt (key word, here) to create an FBI case report; so if it seems confusing or it just looks like a bunch of nonsense, you can skip it (it's not vital to understanding the story). I just thought that it added extra flair to the chapter. Also, another thank you to those of you who have followed and/or favorited this story. It means a lot to me that you've stuck around to read Jamie's story. With that being said, I hope you enjoy and please remember to review! Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Twenty-One: The Very Next Day**

 **January 1st, 2015**

At this very moment in her life, Jamie Carter despised her five-thirty alarm. Upon hearing the ringing from her phone, the world felt like it was spinning, even though her eyes hadn't opened yet. Her hand reached for the device with the blaring noise and luckily stopped it one the first try. _"If I move too fast, I will vomit…"_ she thought to herself. So, very carefully, Jamie sat herself up and threw her legs over the edge of her bed. The aching pounding in her head was hard at work, making her regret her decision to have a little (maybe a little _too_ much) fun. Through her befuddled brain, she could vaguely remember events from the night before. There was the drinking, the dancing, the drinking, the wondering if she should kiss someone and, oh yeah, the drinking. Even making herself comb through what she could remember made her stomach turn, and she knew that she needed to reach her bathroom. Without making herself even more sick, Jamie rushed to the bathroom and hunched over her toilet. She held back her hair in one hand and clenched the side of the toilet bowl with the other. The sickly feeling protested in her stomach and as it came up, it made her want to never drink again. In the moment, she could only focus on the biter, vile tang in her mouth and thinking how bad it would be if she called into work. She felt achy, extremely thirsty, and her eyes hurt as the lights shined down on her, but it wouldn't be okay if she skipped out on work.

When she was done upchucking, Jamie started a hot shower for herself. Dropping her pajamas onto the tile floor, she stepped into the shower, letting the hot water and steam fix what it could. She stood under the showerhead, resting her eyes just a tad longer before she would even attempt to be fully alert for the day. The ailing feeling in her stomach was still present and she knew from experience, that it wouldn't go away until later in the day. _"Advil…and some coffee…"_ she said to herself, washing herself thoroughly. The shower was quick, but it helped her feel somewhat refreshed. Stepping out of the shower, Jamie dried herself off and wrapped her towel around her body. She grabbed her phone, checking the time to make sure she hadtime to make herself somewhat presentable for the day. She did have the time, so, with her phone in her hand, Jamie made her way down the stairs and into her kitchen.

At least…that's what she had wanted to do.

When she came down the stairs, her eyes caught immediate sight of a familiar figure crashed out on her couch. Jamie froze in her place at the bottom of the steps and stared…just stared. There were no words and no actions taken to figure out why he was there, just racing thoughts. She was able to recall drinking at the bar with the others and talking with Spencer…but, what happened after?

Jamie scratched at her wet head of hair and shook it off. Assuming that if anything had happened, she wouldn't have been fully clothed and he wouldn't have been sleeping on the couch. So, very carefully with light steps, Jamie walked towards a sleeping Spencer and poked with quickly on the shoulder with one finger. It was like she was a child, poking at the scary monster to check if it was still alive. When it didn't work the first time, she tried it again, this time with more force. No luck that time, so, Jamie had to take a different approach. She placed her hand on his shoulder and shook him, "Spencer…" she whispered, afraid to speak any louder due to her hangover. "Hey, wake up…"

Spencer rolled over a bit, his eyelids fluttering as he was being woken up. He came to and the first thing he saw was Jamie looking down on him, her wet hair and her body wrapped in a towel. "Um, hi?"

Jamie was confused and scoffed a little bit, "What do you mean _'hi'_?" she asked, "What are you doing here?"

He rubbed his eyes and sat himself up on the couch, "You told me last night and I quote: 'You can stay here tonight if you want to…'."

"…I did?"

"Yes, but I'm not surprised that you don't remember it. You drank a lot last night."

Jamie stared at him, still in awe that she had found him sleeping on her couch. "…right." She looked around her living room, making sure there weren't any other surprise visitors. "I was going to make some coffee. You want some?"

Spencer nodded and looked back up at Jamie, but swiftly looked away. "I can do it," he assured her, "…maybe you should go put on some…clothes?"

Jamie turned her head down, seeing what had the guy ruffled. " _Oh_ …" she let out, nodding her head. Without another word, Jamie made her way back upstairs and into her bedroom. She towel-dried her hair once more and dropped her towel, letting it land wherever on the floor. She grabbed her undergarments and pulled those on and from her closet, she pulled out a pair of dark jeans and a basic black t-shirt. It was casual, yet still appropriate for work. Pulling on her clothing, Jamie walked into her bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. What she was wasn't too pretty, but it was nothing a little (or a lot) of makeup couldn't fix. She threw on her usual products and brushed her hair so it was tangle free, then threw it up in a damp ponytail. Even though it wasn't her best look ever, it was satisfying enough to where it looked like she wasn't strolling the "walk of shame" every time she entered or left a room. Leaving her bedroom, she walked down the steps again, feeling a hard pounding against her skull with every hard step she took.

Entering the kitchen, she was met with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and a rattling sound that told her Spencer had dug out the Advil. He handed her the bottle of pills and a cup of coffee, which she graciously accepted. She took out two Advil and popped them into her mouth, swallowing them down with a healthy gulp of hot coffee.

"How are you feeling?" Spencer asked her, drinking from his own coffee.

Jamie shrugged, placing down her mug and walking towards one of her cabinets. "I feel like I'm hungover…" she answered, pulling a drinking glass and filling it with water. Downing the water, she went back to her savior, coffee, drinking it and feeling it's warmth on her face. Her eyes met Spencer, who seemed to be off in his own little world. "Spencer…"

That caught his attention. He met her eyes, "Yeah?"

It was awkward and she didn't quite know how to go about asking. She grabbed her ponytail from the back of her head and draped it over her left shoulder. "…last night…" she began, unsure of how to proceed.

"…yes?"

"I know I drank a lot…"

Spencer put his coffee down on the counter and a serious look took over his face, "What about it?"

It didn't have to be this complicated. She was an adult and so was he, therefore, if anything had occurred between the two of them, she had the right to know. Jamie shook her head and drank from her mug, stalling her question. She turned her mouth in different directions, letting her tired, green eyes wander anywhere and everywhere.

Spencer stood up straighter and crossed his arms over his chest, "Jamie?"

 _"Did we have sex?"_ she spit out rapidly, her eyes wide and her heart pounding in her chest.

Spencer looked taken aback by the question and no doubt a little uncomfortable, "No, we didn't."

"…really?"

"Jamie, considering the copious amount of alcohol you consumed last night and me being sober…"

"Okay, okay," Jamie said, waving a hand in front of her. "I get it, it didn't happen. It's just…you understand why I had to ask, right?"

"Don't worry about it."

"I'm not…" Jamie cleared her throat, finishing what was left in her mug. "Um, you can use the shower if you want to. We still have a little time before we have to be at the office."

Spencer shook his head, also finishing his coffee. "It's okay. I have my go-bag in my desk, so I'll just use the facilities at the office."

"Sure," Jamie replied, placing her now empty mug in the chrome sink. "So, what about your car?"

"That's right…" Spencer said, rubbing a hand over his face. "Uh, can you take me back to the bar after work to get it?"

Jamie tilted her head at him, basically telling him that it was dumb of him to ask. "Of course, I will," Jamie pulled her phone from her back pocket and looked at the screen, "I usually leave in about fifteen minutes, but if you want to leave now so you can change and stuff…"

Nodding in agreement, Spencer patted down his pockets, confirming he had everything with him. "That sounds like a good idea."

"Okay, just let me grab my keys and some shoes," Jamie said, but spinning back around on her heels. "Unless…you want to drive since I'm, you know, hungover?" The face Jamie was giving Spencer said she was asking nicely if he would drive instead.

Spencer chuckled a little and walked towards her, "Yes, I will drive. Go get your shoes." He couldn't help but smile as one grew on Jamie's face as well. She left him downstairs, rushing to go grab some boots from her floor. Making her way back down the stairs, Jamie shoved her feet into her black boots, grabbed a jacket from her closet, her purse and nodded her head at Spencer, confirming she was ready to leave.

With her keys in hand, Jamie left Spencer out the door first, locking up behind herself. The sun wasn't visible in the sky since it was covered by grey clouds, but at the same time, it was still somehow bright as ever. Groaning, Jamie dug through her purse and pulled out her black sunglasses, providing herself with enough darkness to walk twenty feet to her car.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Jamie and Spencer hadn't shared many words since leaving her apartment; but as they stepped onto the elevator, one initial thought came to Jamie's mind. She turned to Spencer, eyes wide under the black sunglasses she never bothered to remove.

"You know we're going to get crap for showing up together, don't you?"

"My thoughts exactly," Spencer replied, licking his lips nervously. "Maybe nobody else will be here."

Jamie faced forward again and sighed, ready to embrace whatever teasing the rest of the team would throw at them. "…we'll see."

Coming up on the sixth floor, the elevator doors opened and the two stepped out onto the floor. They walked side by side up to the glass doors, Spencer stepping in front to open the door for Jamie. She thanked him, walking into the bullpen and letting her covered eyes watch for any ambush that could come towards them. Thankfully, there was nobody from their team in sight and Jamie could hear Spencer sigh in relief, as well as herself. Each of them made their way to their own desk, Jamie sitting at hers and Spencer digging out his go bag from his.

"Have fun," Jamie called out to Spencer, seeing him walking away to go change.

Jamie looked at the clock on the wall, feeling the lights from above pierce through the black frames of her glasses. It read six-fifty-eight, so she was a couple of minutes early; she was defiantly going to rub it in the other's faces when she saw them. The fact that she had shown up early after a wild night before any of the others, amused her. She laughed quietly to herself and decided to go make a fresh pot of coffee.

The brew dripped slowly, running the patience out of the young agent. Her fingertips taped against the counter and her eyes, still shielded from the light, watched the brown liquid fall into the small pot. While she could've been doing anything while she waited, her brain was simply uninterested in going straight to case reports from the previous week. There was a few that she had to finish and on top of that, there would more than likely be a new case for the team to take up. Jamie knew that no matter what, it would be a busy day and she would have to power through it. From her spot, over by the coffee machine, she could hear another person's steps on the BAU floor as they walked closer towards her. She faced forward, pretending not to hear and kept herself from looking at the one who'd just arrived. The coffee seemed to be taking days to brew, as it was barely half way done. Her fingertips kept their rhythm on the counter top and Jamie's attention was focused on staying to herself until she absolutely needed to face another colleague.

"You're actually here today," the voice said behind her.

Without facing them, Jamie rolled her eyes under her sunglasses. "And why wouldn't I show up to _my job_?"

The voice laughed, clearly amused by Jamie in the moment. "Well, for starters, you were all kinds of messed-up last night."

"I do recall some…stuff." Jamie shrugged, still watching the coffee pot drip.

"What about those sunglasses, Carter?"

"What about them?"

"…you're indoors."

Jamie sighed and turned to face to eager individual. Her hand reached up and slowly pulled off her sunglasses. "You see _this_?" Jamie asked, motioning to her own face with a finger. " _This_ is not going to be putting up with your crap today, Morgan."

"Wow, you sure do look-"

"Ah! No, no, no!" Jamie stopped him, "Not another word…"

Morgan laughed, maneuvering his way around Jamie to grab the finished coffee. "I'm just saying," he started, pouring two cups of fresh brew. "you look like you had a fun night last night."

Jamie groaned and rubbed her face, "You drank just as much as me. How come you're not all…ugly looking?"

"That's easy, because I'm Derek Morgan."

"Oh, ha ha…" Jamie mocked, taking the cup of coffee that was being handed to her. With her coffee in hand, Jamie began to make her way back down to her desk, with Morgan following behind her.

"You go home with some unlucky lady last night?" Jamie teased, sipping her beverage as she sat in her desk chair.

Morgan scoffed, sitting on the edge of Jamie's desk. "No, I was a responsible friend for your information." he told her smugly.

"Oh," Jamie drew out, "interesting. Also, I don't believe you."

"Say what you want, but I remember everything. Unlike someone else over here…" he teased. Morgan drank from his cup, eyes darting around the bullpen. "Reid is usually here before anybody."

That caught Jamie's attention quick, "What?"

"Reid's usually here doing work before any of us."

Jamie shrugged, acting like she didn't know Spencer's whereabouts. "Hm, maybe he…is running late?" Her attempt to cover herself and Spencer, wasn't the greatest. Jamie could see the suspicion rise in Morgan's eyes as he watched her. "…you better not be trying to profile me."

"Sweetheart, it doesn't take a profiler to know that you're flustered over something." Then, within less than a minute, a big smirk took over his face. "You, uh, have something you want to share with the class?"

Jamie kicked her feet up on her desk, rolling her eyes dramatically as she did. "No," she told him, "And I don't know what you're referring to anyway."

"Sure…" Morgan played along for a second, "So, that wasn't you who I saw giving googly eyes to Reid last night at the bar?"

"Who was giving googly eyes?" a different voice asked, walking towards Jamie and Morgan.

Jamie turned her chair, seeing Penelope in her bright wardrobe. "It's nothing."

"Oh, no," Penelope said, holding up a finger. "I for one, need to hear some NYE aftermath." Penelope turned to Morgan, knowing he wouldn't hold back from the teasing, especially if she was involved. "Spill!"

"At the bar, last night, I swear it looked like Carter wanted to scoop up Boy Genius."

Penelope gasped and turned to Jamie, "Did you?"

Jamie held out her arm, telling them it was ridiculous. "Did I _what_?"

"Jamie and Spencer, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"I swear, you two are children," Jamie told them, wagging her finger at them both.

Penelope and Morgan laughed a bit, then upon seeing the resident genius enter the room, things took a turn.

"Hey, there's my man!" Morgan called, earning a glare from Jamie.

"Morning, guys," Spencer said, sitting down at his own desk next to Jamie's.

"Why are you all wet?" Penelope asked him.

"It looks like he took a shower," Jamie answered, drinking from her coffee.

"Well, duh. But why wouldn't you take one before coming to work? You never do that."

"How would you know?" Spencer was quick to defend.

Then, Penelope must've come to a realization as she began to hit Morgan on the chest with the back or her hand. "He didn't go home last night!"

"Wh-what? Of course, I did!"

"No way," Penelope told him. "Either you went home with someone else after you dropped off Jamie or…"

All of the attention was focused in on the two red-faced agents sitting at their desk. They knew that this would happen. This stuff always had a way of getting out, even if they didn't mean it to.

Jamie looked at Spencer, her eyes fully open and her mind less groggy as their teammates came closer to the truth. She turned back around, taking her feet from her desktop. "Look," she began, "nothing happened."

"Oh!" Morgan shouted, seeming happy. "I knew it!"

"You knew nothing!" Jamie told him.

"This is crazy!" Penelope squealed.

"It really isn't," Spencer chimed in, "I took her home and since it was already late, she told me I could stay. So, I slept on the _couch_."

"Whatever you say, man…" Morgan said, getting up and walking away from the group. He left with a smile on his face, one that Jamie wanted to rip off him.

"I have to go, too, but I want details!" Penelope declared, walking away in her heeled shoes.

"There's no details to tell!" Jamie called out. She slumped back in her seat and turned to Spencer, "I don't think we'll survive today."

"Look on the bright side. There's no case today."

"Seriously?"

"You didn't get the email?"

Jamie shook her head and opened her computer, "I haven't checked it yet." She typed away on her laptop, scrolling her way through her emails until she found the one she was looking for. It pleased her, knowing that they wouldn't have to leave for a day or two. As she was reading, another topic came to her mind. "Oh, hey, when did you want to go get your car?"

"Um, after work is fine."

"Okay," Jamie agreed. She faced him, giving him a small smile with wagging eyebrows, "Maybe today will be our kind of nine-to-five."

* * *

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION

DATE OF TRANSCIPTION: 1/1/2015

FD-307 (RE. #177-208)

CARLY SESSNA (CS) was interviewed by properly identified Special Agents of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. SESSNA provided the following information about SR. RAYMOND SESSNA (SRS) as well as information not included in this document.

On December (12) fourth (4) twenty-fourteen (2014), the SESSNA Family consisted of approximately thirty-four (34) formally inducted members. CARLY SESSNA, Boss of JARED LANGLY (JL), also known as (a/k/a) "JAREY LANG", Underboss of the SESSA Family were both incarcerated on November (11) fifteenth (15) twenty-fourteen (2014). CARLY SESSNA, two (2) years prior, chose SR. RAYMOND SESSNA to be the acting boss. SR. RAYMOND SESSNA had chosen JARED LANGLY to be the underboss of the operation. RAYMOND SESSNA JR. son to SR. RAYMOND SESSNA and brother to CARLY SESSNA, incarcerated at the time of JARED LANGLY, was to assume control of the operation upon his release from prison.

The captains in the family, who were not presently incarcerated, were: WILLIAM ZAMBARDO (WZ) (a/k/a) "WILLY ZAM", ROBERT ZAMBARDO (RZ) (a/k/a) "BOBBY ZAM"; RICHARD SESSNA (RS), DEDRICK SESSNA (DS) (a/k/a) "DODGE"; ALEXANDER MARK (AM) (a/k/a) "MARKSMAN"; LESLIE RUSSO (LR) (a/k/a) "LIL R", SAMANTHA RUSSO (SR) (a/k/a) "BIG R".

CARLY SESSNA'S (CS) crew consisted of uncles: RICHARD SESSNA and DEDRICK SESSNA (a/k/a) "DODGE". Along with ALEXANDER MARK (a/k/a) "MARKSMAN"; LESLIE RUSSO (a/k/a) "LIL R" and SAMANTHA RUSSO (a/k/a) "BIG R"

SR. RAYMOND SESSNA'S (SRS) crew consisted son: RAYMOND SESSNA JR. Along with WILLIAM ZAMBARDO (a/k/a) "WILLY ZAM" and ROBERT ZAMBARDO (a/k/a) "BOBBY ZAM".

JARED LANGLY (a/k/a) "JAREY LANG" was co-operating both sides from the SESSNA residence in BOSTON, MA.

Investigation through: November (11) fourth (04) twenty-fourteen (2014) – December (12) twenty-sixth (26) twenty-fourteen (2014).

FILE: 201S-MA-62945

Date disclosed: 1/1/2015

Jamie's hands were tired from all the typing she had done throughout the day. There never seemed to be a time where the team didn't have to write up case reports. Regardless, paperwork was a part of the job whether she liked it or not. Although, she had just finished her last report for the day and she was finally caught up on her paperwork, which made Jamie feel (almost) free. Sitting back in her chair with her hands behind her head, Jamie closed her eyes, wishing she could be at home in bed. Through her resting eyes, the light could be seen, but when a shadow overcame the light, Jamie's eyes flew open. What she saw, made her jump a tad, but she didn't even scramble to make it look like she was working hard.

"Carter, I need you to hand in those reports by tonight." Hotch informed her.

Composing herself, Jamie scrolled along in her computer and gave Hotch a knowing smile. "I just finished the last one a few moments ago. So, I'll definitely have the hard copies on your desk before I go."

"Perfect. Go home and get some rest. I expect to see everybody here tomorrow for the next case."

Jamie nodded, sending her report to her printer as she did. "Will do, boss. Have a good night."

With that, Hotch walked back to his office, never looking back at anyone around him. Jamie sighed, she was relieved the day was over. She looked at the clock on the wall and it wasn't even that late. It was nearly seven o'clock and Jamie was starving. As her printer produced the pages of her long report, Jamie looked around for Spencer. She hadn't forgotten about driving him back to the bar to retrieve his own car. While she didn't see him anywhere in the bullpen, she decided to text him.

 **TO: S. REID**

 **6:57 P.M.: Hey, are you ready to go soon? I just finished my last report.**

Sending the message, Jamie collected the finished printed report in her hands. She shuffled them neatly together and placed them in the prongs of an official FBI case report folder. Taking the report in hand, along with the older ones she had stuffed in her desk, Jamie walked up the catwalk and over to Hotch's office. She knocked before she entered, but when she didn't hear a reply, she peered her head around the corner. Hotch wasn't in his office, so Jamie walked in quickly and placed her fresh report and the others on his desk. While she made her way out, her phone buzzed in the back pocket of her jeans.

 **FROM: S. REID**

 **7:01 P.M.: Down on the fourth floor. Give me five.**

That satisfied Jamie. They were both getting out at a decent time and the sooner Jamie got home, the better. On her way, down to her desk, she saw JJ heading out across the floor. "Hey, JJ!" she called, walking quicker to catch her blonde teammate.

JJ spun around, smiling at Jamie as they stood in the middle of the bullpen. "Hey. Looks like we get an early one tonight, huh?"

Jamie sighed dramatically and pretending to wipe sweat off her forehead. "I know, but I think we deserve it. We've been buried in these reports all day."

JJ nodded in agreement, looking around her. "Another day, another dollar, right?"

"Not enough dollars," Jamie joked along. She placed her hand on JJ's shoulder, offering her a smile as they walked down the floor. Before they got all the way to Jamie's desk, they both spotted Spencer walking in through the glass doors.

"Hey, ready to go?" Jamie asked, meeting him halfway.

"Yeah, just have to go collect my things."

"Same here," Jamie replied. She walked over to her desk, grabbing her purse and coat.

"You guys have plans or something?" JJ questioned, making sure only Jamie could hear her.

"I have to drive him back to the bar. He left his car there last night."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." JJ said.

"Okay, I'm ready," Spencer told Jamie, meeting her at her desk.

"Me, too."

All three agents left the sixth floor together, parting ways in the parking garage. Jamie and Spencer got into her car, Jamie starting the engine.

She turned on the heat, rubbing her hands to warm them a little before she grabbed the wheel. When she was ready, she put the car into drive and began the short journey back to Red Derby. While on the road, a thought came back to Jamie. She turned to Spencer and asked, "Are you hungry?"

The question seemed to have caught him off guard, as he narrowed his eyes. "What?"

Jamie took her eyes away from the road for a second, training them on her passenger. She laughed a little, "Does your stomach wish for sustenance?"

"Oh, yeah, I could eat."

"Good," Jamie said, "I figured since we're heading back into town and I'm starving, we could get a bite."

"Sounds good to me."

* * *

When they pulled into the parking lot of Red Derby, Jamie made sure to park her car right next to Spencer's. Since they were in the heart of downtown, there were plenty of spots to choose from to grab some food. They got out of the car, walking down the street, deciding where they wanted to eat.

"How about Chinese?" Jamie suggested, pointing at a little corner restaurant.

"That place doesn't have forks."

Jamie smiled and laughed whole-heartedly, "You _still_ can't use chopsticks?"

Spencer laughed, too, "Like I told the others, you can't pick up food with number two pencils." They walked a little further down the street, seeing groups of civilians go by. "What about that diner around the corner?"

"Oh, that one with the fifties' décor?"

"That's the one," Spencer clarified.

"I've never been there before. Sounds good to me."

The two strolled down the street, enjoying conversation like any other pair of people. Nothing seemed out of place at the moment. Here they were, two friends with a crazy, complicated past, going to dinner like nothing bad had ever happened between them.

Upon entering the diner, Spencer held the door open for Jamie and she gave a gracious thank you. They sat themselves down in a booth in the middle of the establishment. Thankfully, it wasn't too busy, so they had room to move and to speak as they wished. The décor was dedicated to the nineteen-fifties and it filled Jamie with happiness.

"This place is great," she said out loud, looking around at the unfamiliar surroundings.

Spencer nodded in agreement, "I come here quite a bit. I like to change my surroundings when I read-"

"…because one place for too long gets stiff." Jamie finished for him, earning a shy smile.

"Hey, you two. What can I start you off with?" an older waitress asked the pair.

"Can I get a chocolate milkshake and a plate of French fries, please." Jamie ordered without hesitation. She couldn't help but notice the chuckle that came from Spencer on the other side of the booth.

"You know what, make that two." Spencer told the waitress, holding up two fingers.

"Absolutely," The waitress spoke, writing down their order. "I'll have that out shortly," She walked away to the kitchen window, placing their order ticket on the ledge.

"What was so funny?" Jamie wondered, tilting her head at Spencer.

"Oh, nothing," he said, running one hand through his hair. "It's just…you still order that?"

Jamie smiled at him and laughed herself, "Um, what was that thing you said to me my first day on the job? Oh, that's right…some things never change."

"I did say that," Spencer admitted, clearly recalling the memory. "We've come a long way since then, though."

"I'm glad," Jamie told him, adding a small nod of the head and genuine eye contact. She licked her lips and thought, "This could've turned out completely different."

"How so?"

"Well, I mean, look at our past. It was hard in the beginning to not have what happened ten years ago, _not_ interfere with where we are now, you know?"

"I get it," Spencer reassured, "What was it you said to me on the flight back after you first case? Oh, that's' right…maturity and professionalism." he teased, using the same sarcasm she did just moments earlier.

Jamie laughed, smiling and shaking her head in slight embarrassment. "Yeah, yeah, I did say that."

"Here you two go," notified the waitress as she placed their milkshakes and French fries on the table. "Is there anything else I can get for you tonight?"

"I think we're goo here, thank you." Spencer told her before she walked away.

Jamie dug right into her food, starving from a day of constant typing and computer screens. "Ugh," she moaned, "this taste like heaven."

"I'm actually going to agree with you this time," Spencer said, eating his food as well.

Jamie slipped her straw in her mouth, drinking up her favorite flavor of ice cream. "Hey, how's your mom doing?" she questioned, turning the conversation.

Spencer finished chewing his fries before answering, "She's good. She, uh, actually moved back to Vegas a few months ago."

Jamie's eyes widened at the news, "Oh, that-that's…cool."

Spencer quirked one eyebrow at her and popped a fry into his mouth, "Cool? Seriously?"

"What am I supposed to say? Believe me, it was a genuine thought, but we both know she isn't my biggest fan."

"She's over that," Spencer informed her. "I mean, the next time you see her, she'll probably grill you again, but-"

"The next time?"

"Huh?"

Jamie took a fry from her half-empty plate and chewed on it. "You just said there'll be a next time that I see your mother…"

Spencer was obviously flustered. Either he meant it one way and she took it the other, or it was just innocent wording. "…it doesn't have to be taken out of context."

Jamie put her hands up in the air, surrendering, "Hey, it was an innocent question." she claimed.

The next couple of hours flew by, as they didn't even bother to looks at the time. Their conversation had taken a mind of its own. Both of the off-duty agents had a deep affection for intelligent conversation; they always had. Their ability to just sit and talk to one another was something that Jamie always admired about their relationship. Even though ten years had gone by, that didn't seem to change their ways. There in the booth, at that moment in time, they weren't bound by any obligations or barred by human limitation.

It was just…Jamie and Spencer.

* * *

By the time they had left the small diner, it was ten o'clock. They shuffled out after agreeing to split the bill and walked back the way they came to their cars through the dark night. The winter air was chilly and the breeze didn't help the cold feeling that overcame Jamie. Neither of them noticed that Jamie had moved in closer to Spencer's side as they walked, as they were still too busy in conversation. When they came to their vehicles, they both stopped in front of Jamie's.

"I'm glad we did this," Jamie told him.

"Me, too," Spencer agreed, "Kind of reminded me of old times, you know?"

"Yeah, I do."

Their eyes met in the gold beam of a street light. Jamie gave him a small smile and a hymn of laughter as she felt a little awkward. There was no doubt in her mind that he felt that same way, but at the same time, it felt familiar, almost confortable. It also felt like one of those cliché moments from the rom-coms. That moment where the two characters stare deeply and meaningfully into the other's eyes…and then they kiss.

Except that didn't happen here.

Spencer cleared his throat, banishing the awful silence that was surrounding them. "Uh, so anyway, it's getting late. I should probably…"

Jamie nodded slowly, her eyes cast downward at her feet. "Yeah, me, too." She moved her eyes back up and offered Spencer one last smile, which he returned. Then, it was like Jamie couldn't control herself. She stepped forward, throwing her arms around Spencer's neck and pulling him down to her height in a tight hug. They stayed like that for a moment, wrapped in one another's arms.

"Good night, Spencer." Jamie said, releasing him from her hold.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Spencer replied, leaving Jamie with one last, beautiful smile as he made his way to his own car.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review! I would really appreciate it.


	22. Old Friends in Strange Places

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. It's shorter than the last, but its still just as good (at least I think it is...). I got lots of good feedback on the last chapter, so thank you for that. For everyone in the states, I want to wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving!**

 **By the way, these next few chapters were written with the help of my old friend, Darcy. She's great and I think you'll enjoy her writing. With that said, I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Twenty-two: Old Friends in Strange Places**

 **January 5th, 2015**

The sound of her clicking boots must've been familiar, because when Jamie Carter entered the bullpen with a travel mug of coffee in her hand, she was instantly greeted with a bright smile from Dr. Spencer Reid.

"Good morning, Dr. Reid." Jamie quipped as she stepped up to her desk. The coffee was set on the far side of her desk, she trudged off her coat and placed her purse on the desktop.

"Morning, Agent Carter."

Jamie let a smile slip onto her face as she sat down in her wheeled chair. Opening her laptop, Jamie squinted as the bright screen greeted her still-adapting eyes. She typed away on the keys, sending clicking noises throughout her vicinity as her nails tapped on the letters and numbers. A notification in the bottom right hand corner caught her eye as it appeared. She clicked on it, letting it lead her to her email. She sighed silently to herself, seeing that it was from her mother. It had been awhile since Jamie had called her. The last form of communication that was passed back and forth between the two was a "Happy New Year" text. Clicking on the unread email, Jamie braced herself, not knowing what kind of content the email would contain.

 _"Jamie,_

 _How are you? I haven't heard from you in some time, besides our one sentence text messages. Let me know you're doing okay. I also thought you'd like to know that everything is okay here at home. No need to worry about anything. Again, let me hear from you. I miss you and love you._

 _Mom"_

"Everything okay?" Spencer wondered, eyes peering over the divider towards Jamie's desk.

Her hazel eyes lingered on the white screen for a moment longer. There was a tinge of guilt flowing through her. She was usually so good with keeping in touch, but with the new job, her contact with those outside of the workplace or those not within law enforcement diminished. Jamie turned her head slightly to Spencer, but not all the way. "I got an email from my mom."

"Oh, how is she doing?"

"I wouldn't really know…"

"…did something happen between you two?" The change of tone in the genius' voice was clear.

Jamie shook her head, saying no. Her eyes turned back to the screen and she inhaled through her nose. "I just…haven't been good with keeping in touch these days."

"It happens to the best of us," Spencer told her, "Some of us tell ourselves that the job comes first."

Shutting her laptop, Jamie leaned back in her chair and turned to face her friend, "That's not too far off for me, actually."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't have a family to take care of like some of these guys do," Jamie explained, "So, what else am I supposed to give my all to?"

Spencer nodded slightly, his mind picking apart Jamie's words. "Well, maybe you will someday." With that, he turned away from her, getting up from his seat and collecting papers into his hands. He walked away, leaving to some place outside of the big, glass doors of the sixth floor.

Jamie watched him leave, her mind picking apart Spencer's words. _"…maybe you will someday."_

* * *

"The Las Vegas Police Department has requested our help with a series of murders that have been taking place over the past two years," Garcia briefed the team, passing out the case files as she did. "The last five murders have occurred within the past two months. The bodies have been found in very public areas and have been spread throughout the state of Nevada. The most recent are clustered in this area," she motioned to a bunch of red dots on the screen. "The medical examiner has confirmed that each victim had been incapacitated with a large dose of Haldol before the unsub…slit their throat and left them to bleed to death."

"What exactly is Haldol?" Morgan questioned, his eyes immediately adverting to Spencer, knowing he would have the answer.

"Haldol or Haloperidol is a drug that's used in hospitals and psychological institutions to keep a patience from acting out violently," he explained, "It's used to treat certain types of mental disorders, but can also control the symptoms of Tourette Syndrome."

"Why did it take the department so long to classify it as a serial?" Jamie wondered.

"In the beginning, there were no discernable similarities at all between the victims," Garcia continued, "They're all different ages, different ethnicities, they all had different occupations, and none of them seem to have ever crossed paths with one another. For some reason now, the murders are closer together, too."

"Have they found a connection now?" Rossi asked, setting down the file onto the table top.

"Yes, so, after the medical examiner was through with all of the bodies, it was clear that each of the victims were being medicated for some enfeeble mental illness. In your files, there is a list of each of the victim's names, along with a list of diagnosis and medications."

"Do you think it's possible that we're dealing with an "Angel of Mercy" killer?" JJ offered.

"That would make sense," Spencer spoke up, flipping through the loose-leaf paper in his hand. He took out one of the pictures, studying it for a moment. "Look at the pattern of the victim's wounds. See, there's little to no bruising around their injection sight of their medication…"

"I see it," Jamie agreed, "The cut on the throat looks clean, precise, like they knew what they were doing. We don't see any overkill here, either. So, it's likely they have some form of medical training."

"That's uniform with what the medical examiner found, too," Garcia said, nodding her head. "The report says that the cuts were more than likely made by a surgical scalpel and the unsub cleanly cut through the major artery that's there."

"Garcia, when we leave, I need you to cross reference all of our victims' psychiatric _and_ psychological treatment facilities and see if any of the same individuals worked at all or most of the treatment centers." Hotch ordered, giving her his classic, stern look.

"Consider it done."

"What about the way the blood is sprayed on the wall in these photographs?" Morgan wondered out loud, pulling a couple from his file. "These victims weren't cut until they were completely immobile. It's possible that this unsub is smaller or maybe physically handicapped in some way..."

"They need some way to overpower their victims." JJ finished his thoughts, earning her agreeing nods from the other members.

"Also, note that the first five victims were all suffering from bipolar depression and were killed either in or around their homes; but the others ranged from depression, schizophrenia, lunacy and those victims were killed in public places." Rossi mentioned.

"So, something happened and the unsub had to change the way they killed their victims." Jamie added.

"Precisely, see here, initially the victims seem to have been specifically selected to fit a certain need and the unsub had to have been somewhat familiar with their home."

"Then, the selection became much less specific, seems random, right along with the increase of moderate risk victims."

"So, we need to figure out what happened that prompted the unsub's change in their pattern," Hotch said, standing from his seat at the table. "Reid and Carter, I need you two to go to the morgue, see what you can find from the latest victim. Morgan and JJ, go interview the latest victim's families, and Dave and I will go straight to the police station to begin the victimology. Wheels up in thirty."

As everybody was collecting their papers and shoving them back into the folders, Morgan bumped Spencer on the arm playfully and asked, "You going to see your mom, kid?"

Spencer moved some of his hair out of his face, hands busy placing his file into his bag. "Probably, it'd be good to see her."

"She'd like that," Jamie agreed, poking into their conversation, "It's been a few months since you've seen her, right?"

"More than a few."

"Oh, Carter isn't in the loop on this?" Morgan teased.

"Ha, ha," Jamie faked, "Get your kicks somewhere else, Morgan."

"Yeah, I don't think anybodythinks that's possible." JJ joined briefly before walking out of the briefing room.

"I'm just saying, "Morgan continued as he, Jamie, and Spencer exited the room, "It just seems that the two of you have gotten a little…"

"…a little what?" Spencer asked, face a wary form of confusion.

"Don't read into it, Spencer," Jamie told him, speeding up her pace to pass the two, male agents. "Don't feed his habit!" she hollered with humor, leaving the others to watch her hair bounce as she strutted away.

* * *

When the team landed, everybody got into their respective vehicles and drove to their destination. At the morgue, Jamie and Spencer were face to face with the latest victim. A woman, Jody Williams, a thirty-eight-year-old mother of two who had just been released from her third stay in a facility due to a fourth, unsuccessful suicide attempt. With that, came her delusions, relating back to her schizophrenia.

Jamie stared down at the woman's body, feeling sad for her. If it weren't for the illness that took over her life, how would she live it? Where would she be, or what would she be doing at that very moment? Those were questions that ran through Jamie's mind. The medical examiner's report sat on the counter behind her. She turned around and grabbed it off the surface with her gloved hand, opening it to read its contents once again. As she read on, Jamie couldn't help but shake her head to herself. "Besides the four suicide attempts, it seems like Jody was just beginning to get herself back on track…"

"You know, statistically, the strongest predictor of successful suicide is the number andseverity of previous attempts," Spencer informed. He took one of his gloved hands to turn out Jody's wrist. It revealed a collection of old and new jagged, vertical scars in different lengths. "Schizophrenia is a lifelong debilitating illness and judging by these here, her next attempt would likely have been her last." His voice trailed off a bit and he seemed to be talking more to himself than to Jamie. Spencer straightened up and paused for a second, his eyes glued to the ghostly corpse on the table.

Jamie didn't pretend not to see it, either. She studied him for a moment, her eyebrows coming together in confusion. She couldn't remember a time in her employment with the BAU where he froze like he did; thinking harder, she came to realize that she couldn't remember, because it had never happened before. Setting the file back behind her, Jamie stepped out from beside Spencer and looked at him in the face. "Hey..." she tried, noticing how Spencer's posture was very stiff. She took one of her hands and slowly, but gently, placed it on his shoulder in comfort. "What's wrong, Spencer?"

Then, somehow, he shook himself out of his bizarre freeze. He looked down at Jamie's hand on his shoulder, then he let his eyes trail to meet her. "I'm fine," he claimed.

"…are you sure?"

"Yeah, of course," he answered, pulling off his gloves and disposing of them with Jamie following suit. He cleared his throat, something that Jamie had picked up as one of tells, letting her know that he was uncomfortable. As she was about to say more on the matter, they were joined by a woman in a white lab coat. Her hair was shiny blonde and neatly pulled back into a ponytail on her head.

"Do you agents need anything else today?" she asked, eyes focused mostly on Jamie. The female agent noticed the sad looks in her blue eyes as she spoke to her, but when the woman turned and saw Spencer, her whole demeanor changed.

"No way…" she practically gasped, still staring at Spencer. Her mouth was dropped open, but her hands remained in her coat pockets.

"Hanna?" he questioned, not seeming to believe who was standing right in front of him. Then, he almost toppled over as the woman came at him with a tight embrace, which he returned.

"Spencer, what are you doing here?!" she questioned him in a high, sunny voice. Releasing him from her hug, but keeping her hands on his shoulders, Hanna looked at him with her now, bright, blue eyes.

"I'm here in town working on this case." Spencer told her, pulling out his shiny badge from his pocket and flashing it, which made Jamie mentally scoff to herself as she watched the scene play out.

"Oh my god, you're with the FBI?"

A smile came onto Spencer's face as he cast his face downward. He nodded his head and laughed a small laugh, "Yeah, yeah, I am."

Hanna patted him on one shoulder, "That's amazing! You're dream came true, huh?"

"So, what are youdoing here?" Spencer wondered, repeating her question from moment earlier.

Hanna took a step back and slide her hands down her white lab coat. "I'm the assistant M.E." she declared, not skipping a beat with the open proudness. "God, how long has it been? Twelve, thirteen years?"

"Fifteen, actually." Spencer corrected her. The short moment of silence that occurred between the two seemed to make Spencer realize that there was still another person in the room with them. He looked at right side, seeing that a warm body didn't occupy the space anymore. So, he craned his neck behind him, turning his body with it. There was Jamie, leaning against a counter with her arms crossed over her chest on the other side of the room. Her face played an amused look, but underneath the façade, she was mildly annoyed.

"I'm so sorry," Hanna apologized, walking towards Jamie with an extended hand. "My name is Hanna Lynch. It's nice to meet you."

Jamie undid herself, her mood still sharply intact, but extended her hand to shake with Hanna's. "SSA Jamie Carter."

"Sorry about that," Spencer said to Jamie, walking towards her and Hanna.

Jamie didn't respond to it, instead, she changed the subject completely. "We should go meet with the rest of the team." she told Spencer, a tinge of authority coming through in her voice.

"Right," Spencer agreed. He turned to Hanna, giving her an apologetic smile, "I'm sorry, but we really have to go."

"It's alright," Hanna told him. Jamie watched as the woman's hand went into her coat pocket and pull out a business card. Hanna looked around not seeing what she needed. She turned to Jamie and smiled a little, "Do you have a pen I could borrow for a second?"

Jamie showed no emotional reaction to her request. While she kept eye contact with Hanna, Jamie reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a blue pen. Her boots clicked on the hard floor as she walked to hand it over to Hanna.

Hanna took the pen with a thank you and wrote down her number on the back of the white card. "Call me," she told Spencer, handing him the card with flirty eyes. "We should catch up if you have the time."

Spencer accepted the card, looking at her writing for a moment and placed it in his back pocket. "For sure. I'll let you know," When he turned around to see Jamie, he didn't see her at all.

Jamie had left the room, deciding to give the "old friends" a moment to themselves. She stationed herself out side of the building, knowing that Spencer couldn't miss her when he came looking for her. The wait for her colleague to come out didn't take too long, so when Jamie heard the doors click open, she turned her head to see Spencer exiting the building. "Are you finished, Romeo?" she questioned, kind of bitter.

"Huh?" Spencer asked, not catching onto her tone or her slight assumption.

Jamie let her eyes roll slightly, "Never mind, let's get going." She walked back to their SUV with the keys in hand and Spencer following right beside her. They got into the vehicle and Jamie wasted no time starting the engine and began to drive, not even bothering to buckle her own seatbelt.

* * *

There wasn't a person in the world, who would disagree about the amount of tension that was filling the air between Jamie and Spencer. Jamie kept her eyes on the road in front of her, her knuckles sometimes going white as she clenched the steering wheel. She wasn't going to bring it up, until she saw Spencer pull out Hanna's card from his back pocket. Her eyes diverted from the road for a moment, being pulled to the sight next to her like a magnet. She pursed her lips, focusing her attention back on the road ahead. "Are you going to call her?"

"Yeah, I don't see why I wouldn't." he answered, spinning the card between his fingers.

Jamie didn't want to push it, but at the same time, she wanted to know. "How do you know her, again?"

"We went to school together," He answered, his tone indicating that the matter was now settled.

Jamie couldn't help the laugh that came out of her. "You went to school together?" From that statement, a lot of things went through Jamie's already busy-as-ever mind. "We went to school together." … now if that didn't sound familiar.

"I was also friends with her brother, Ryan. Hanna was two years behind us. I haven't seen her since we were kids."

Jamie spared a glance at Spencer, raising an eyebrow at him. She didn't comment for a while, letting the drive go silent once more.

"Do you think she liked me?" Spencer wondered, breaking the silence.

"Um, well what's not to like? I mean, I would know, right?" Jamie joked, knowing that it wasn't remotely funny to either of them. She sighed loudly, eyes still frozen to the black pavement in front her. "Spencer, call the girl if you want to," From the corner of her eye, Jamie could see Spencer turn in his head and look at her. She didn't have to see his expression to recognize the tone in his voice as he spoke.

"Is that supposed to be like, you giving me permission or something?"

"You're joking, right?" Jamie asked him, not fully convinced that he was serious.

"Not at all," he answered. "I saw you in the morgue, in front of Hanna, and you didn't look too happy."

"We have a caseto work, Spencer. You don't see the others picking up girls or guys while on the job, do you?"

"Pick up? No, Jamie, she's an old friend," Spencer tried to reassure.

Jamie shrugged her shoulders, "You don't have to explain yourself to me."

"…good." Spencer whispered, tucking the card back into his pants pocket.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.


	23. Jealousy & Uncovered Truth

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. I thought I'd take a moment to hare with you that I just finished writing the chapter we've all been waiting for...seriously, its about time. It's coming up soon, so stay tuned. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Twenty-three: Jealousy & Uncovered Truth**

When Jamie pulled into the parking lot of the Las Vegas Police department, she was the first one to exit the vehicle in a swift manner. She stomped into the building, her hair and jacket flying back as she went against the windless air. Her eyes caught sight of where the rest of the team was and she turned a sharp corner, entering the room. Promptly, she seated herself in such a way that she received wondering looks from JJ and Morgan.

"What?" she asked them, pretending that she hadn't just stormed her way into the precinct.

"Uh, are you alright?" JJ wondered.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

Then, Spencer had joined the rest of the team in the room. He made brief eye contact with Jamie, but dropped it as he sat himself down in a chair on the other side of the room…away from Jamie. It didn't go unnoticed by their teammates, but they had other issues at hand.

Jamie stood up and walked herself over to their whiteboards that were filled with pictures, maps and push-pins. She crossed her arms over herself, bringing her leather jacket further around her as she did. "What did you guys find here?" she spoke, leaving it open for anyone to answer.

"Apparently, none of the victims have worked at any three of the facilities that treated the other victims." Hotch informed her.

"We did find one other similarity between the victims, though," Rossi claimed, "They all have at least one child under the age of eighteen who lived with them at the time of their death."

"Reid was right about the wounds," Morgan added, getting up from his seat and joining Jamie at the whiteboards. He took one finger and pointed at the photographs, "The wounds on the throats of each victim are positioned to sever the carotid and there is almost no over kill, like we said earlier."

"So, we have a controlled unsub that definitely has medical training…" Jamie concluded.

"The last victim's family confirmed that the she had been released from the hospital only three days prior to being attacked and had mostly been staying at home except for a trip to the hospital pharmacy to have prescriptions refilled the day she died," JJ mentioned, "Unfortunately, the other victim's children were either already living out of state with relatives or were too young to be able to contribute much information."

"What if we're thinking about this the wrong way?" Spencer said, getting to his feet and walking over to the maps on the whiteboards. "Think about it for a minute, who would have access to information that told them someone was mentally ill and where they reside?"

"Social workers." JJ offered.

"Pharmacist, too." Jamie contributed.

"Pharmacy Technicians," Rossi volunteered, "They don't have access to medical records, but they can certainly learn about someone's illness by their prescription."

"And where they live." Morgan finished.

"Look here, the killings are all bunched around these shopping centers, all of which have a pharmacy in them and the most recent murders have all been with in a one mile radius around the hospital that the latest victim went to get her prescription filled." Reid pointed out, indicating the three busy areas on the map.

"I'll have Garcia see if anyone has worked at any or all three of those pharmacy locations," Hotch said, standing to his feet and looking at his team. "We're ready to deliver the profile.

With that, everybody left the room and gathered in front of the local police officers and the lead detective on the case, Detective Younan. Once everybody was ready to listen, Hotch made the team introductions and began the profile. "The unsub we're looking for is most likely white, between the ages of thirty and forty, and while it is possible that it is a male who is small in stature, it is more likely a woman. That way, the unsub is able to control their victims."

"The type of killer we're dealing with is what is known as an 'Angel of Mercy' killer," Rossi informed, "She most likely works in a helping or caretaker profession that has exposed her to a great deal of trauma and pain. It is likely that she views killing these people as a way to spare others and _herself_ from pain."

"Since this unsub targets the mentally ill and specifically those with children, we believe that she had or has a family member or other type of dependent with a mental illness that she cared for over an extended period," JJ said, "It's likely that she felt that this relationship robbed her of her independence or youth and is trying to prevent the victim's children from suffering a similar fate as the one she endured."

"Does the unsub believe that she's doing the victims and their families a favor, then?" one officer asked through the crowd.

"Oh, she _thinks_ she is," Jamie answered, stepping a bit out of the lineup, arms covering her chest. "But it goes so much deeper than that. This unsub feels as though she is saving these children from a situation that she wished she could have been saved from. So, she's ending the lives of those who she sees as her caretaker, the one who robbed her of a childhood or protection for that matter."

"The unsub likely lives alone, but is able to maintain social relationships very well. She will appear to be normal and kind, maybe even overly so." Spencer added.

"We have our technical analyst back at Quantico going over employment within the pharmacies that each victim had their medication prescriptions filled," Hotch mentioned, "If you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask any of us."

After they completed the profile, the team allowed time for questions and encouraged the officers to place extra security in and around the hospital where the latest victim had resided before her death. Along with that, they also forwarded a copy of the profile to all of the hospitals and institutions in the area, asking them to report anybody or anything that seemed out of the ordinary. It was late in the day and everybody was tired from their work. Luckily, it was time to call it quits.

"There isn't a whole lot we can do until we hear back from Garcia," Hotch told the team as they were gathering their belongings. "Everybody get a good night's sleep and we'll meet back here, seven sharp. Goodnight." He left the room first, leaving the rest of the team.

"I feel like I could sleep for two days straight," JJ said out loud, stretching her arms outward.

"Hey, what is that?" Morgan asked, looking over Spencer's shoulder.

Jamie looked up to see what was going on and not surprisingly, he was curious about the small, white card in Spencer's hand. She watched, not saying a word.

"I, uh, a friend of mine is the assistant M.E. and she gave me her number to call her." Spencer explained, seeming wary.

"My man!" Morgan cheered, slapping Spencer playfully on his back. "You're calling her, right?"

"Wait, what?" JJ wondered, leaning herself on the conference table, interested in the rare conversation. "Who's _her_?"

"Reid has a nice lady friend." Morgan teased with a sly smile.

Rossi walked up to Spencer, patting him on the shoulder in a fatherly way. "Good for you, Reid."

"So, what's her name?" JJ asked.

"Hanna," Jamie answered for them, standing from her seat. She walked over to the group, her face not showing any amusement, "Her name is Hanna."

"Yeah," Spencer nodded along, "And she's not my 'lady friend', either. Hanna is just a girl I used to go to school with and I was friends with her brother, Ryan."

"Go call her!" JJ encouraged with a smile.

"Yeah, have fun 'catching up'." Morgan teased, using air quotes as he spoke.

Spencer regarded everyone in the room for a moment before inhaling deeply and exhaling. He picked up his bag and put it over his shoulder. "You know what? I will. I'll see you guys later." He smiled to himself and headed out the door.

"I'm taking off, too," Rossi informed the other three. "There's a glass of scotch that's calling my name." The older man walked out the room, leaving Jamie alone with Morgan and JJ.

The room felt crowded, even though it wasn't and Jamie felt like she needed to escape before anything could be said. "Alright," she said, clapping her hands outward in front of her. "I'm going to get going, too." She walked as fast as her feet could take her, but apparently, it wasn't fast enough.

"Hey, Carter!" Morgan called just as Jamie exited the room.

As much as Jamie wanted to walk off and pretend that she didn't hear his booming voice call her name, Jamie backtracked and popped her head into the room. "What's up?"

Morgan shook his head, "Nope, you can't play innocent with me. Get in here."

Jamie made a confused face at his sudden authority and she spared a look at JJ, who just shrugged her shoulders. So, Jamie slowly stepped back into the room and stuffed her hands into her jacket pockets. "Oh, no. Am I in trouble?" she asked, the sarcasm hard to miss in her voice.

"What's going on with you?" Morgan questioned, looking at Jamie sternly.

It was Jamie's turn to shrug her shoulder, "What are you talking about?"

"You're upset, aren't you?"

"Okay, Morgan, you're going to need to be a little more specific, please."

"About Reid and Hanna?"

Jamie dropped her mouth to say something in response, but no words came out. There was nothing to say, other than a stone-cold "yes" and she didn't want to admit it. "If I pretend to not know what you're referring to, am I free to leave or did someone die and make you boss?"

Morgan scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "I knew it," he claimed.

"Jamie, are you jealous?" JJ asked her, eyebrows raised slightly.

Jamie broke the eye contact she was holding with them and let her eyes wander around the room. There was no escaping this conversation now, so, she just had to deal with it. She sighed and took her hand from her warm pockets, using them to pull out a seat from the conference table and sat herself down in it. "It's not that I'm jealous-"

"Oh, really?"

"Fine! Just stop with the third degree, okay?"

"So, you are jealous, then?" JJ asked for confirmation.

Jamie ran her hands down her face and used one hand to prop up her chin on the table. "So, what if I am? It's not like it means anything."

"Did you talk to Reid about it?'

"Not really. I mean, you know him just as well as I do to know that he's sometimes clueless when it comes to this kind of thing."

Morgan gave a small chuckled and sat down on the table next to Jamie. "I'm not trying to argue with you here, Carter, but let me ask you this. Why are you jealous?"

"What do you mean _why_?"

"There has to be some reason as to why you aren't happy for the guy."

Jamie rolled her eyes, "It's not that I'm not happy for him. It-it's just that…"

"There's a lot of history there…" JJ finished for her, sounding sympathetic.

"Thank you," Jamie told her, standing from her chair, "At least someone gets it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with my hotel bed." Jamie walked off, not saying another word or waiting to be interrogated by Morgan.

Yes, she was jealous. She would admit that to herself and only to herself. After New Year's, Jamie thought that she and Spencer had gotten a lot closer than they were before that. They joked around more with one another and they shared smiles when the others weren't looking. Even though it had been what seemed like a lifetime, Jamie couldn't deny that their recent interactions had stirred up some old and new feelings. There was no way to tell if Spencer felt the same, the only way to do that would to be to speak to him about it…and she was avoiding that at all cost. It would be awkward, no doubt; therefore, the only conversation she would have with him, would be inside her head. Although, if he did feel the same, he wasn't admitting to it, either; but, Spencer was busy "catching up" with Hanna. Just the name alone, Hanna, made Jamie cringe and all she could see was the woman's shiny blue eyes and her bouncy blonde hair.

Jealousy had never looked good on Jamie.

* * *

It was one o'clock in the morning and Jamie couldn't go to sleep. She sat on her bed, the television on, but the volume on mute. Her mind was running ramped, which she hated. It wasn't good for her health, mentally or emotionally. She was supposed to be focused on the case and getting a good night's rest, but, of course, it seemed impossible in the moment.

She was only human, for crying out loud.

 _Knock, knock, knock_

Jamie's head moved towards the sound before her mind even processed what had just happened. Realizing that someone had knocked on her door in the middle of the night, Jamie got out of bed. She slowly tipped toed over to the door, looking out the peephole. She was confused, but at the same time, a feeling of relief came over her. Unlocking both locks, Jamie turned the door knob, pulling open the door and came face to face with Spencer. They didn't say a word to each other, Jamie just stepped aside, giving Spencer a silent "come in".

He walked into the room and stood in the middle of it, not saying a word.

Jamie closed the door behind her, locking one of the locks out of habit. Her eyes raked over Spencer's sleepy form and eventually she came to look at his face. He looked somewhat sad, twisted with some kind of disappointment, maybe. Suddenly, Jamie felt vulnerable, as she was just in her pajamas with the unwelcome tension flowing through the air. Taking a step closer, Jamie covered herself with her arms and asked gently, "Is everything okay?" It was a genuine question. She didn't care that he had gone out with some other girl, she just wanted to make sure that he was alright. When he didn't answer her right away, Jamie stepped closer and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe you should sit down…"

"Huh?"

"Spencer, what's wrong?"

"It's just something that Hanna said to me when I dropped her off at home."

Jamie wasn't sure where to go from there. He had come to her room for a reason, right? "And you came here to talk about it?"

Spencer didn't answer her verbally, but when he sat down on the edge of her bed, she took that as a yes. She sat down beside him, placing her hands in her lap, "Did everything go alright, or…?"

"Yeah, no, things were great," he started, "We went to a diner, had dinner and coffee, talked about all kinds of things."

"Am I being pushy if I ask you to elaborate?" Jamie half joked.

"I probably shouldn't tell you this, because its personal, but…"

Without any warning or thinking whatsoever, Jamie grabbed Spencer's cold hand in her warm one and locked their fingers together. "Hey," she told him softly, "Come on, it's me."

Spencer squeezed her hand slightly, and Jamie could practically see the gears turning inside his head. "She was telling me about how her dad moved her and Ryan out of town when we were younger. That explains why we haven't seen each other in so long, at least. But that's not the point. She got really defensive when I told her I was sorry about her dad having to be put in a facility."

"A facility for what?"

"Addiction, he was also suicidal."

Jamie scrunched her face and shook her head, "Sound like a cheery reunion."

"Listen to this, after we-when I dropped her off, she said that she didn't need those people in her life and that she's better off without them."

"Okay, who was she referring to?"

"Her dad, her brother…"

Now, Jamie was confused, "What do they have to do with anything?"

"I'm not sure," Spencer admitted, still squeezing Jamie's hand.

"So, what's bothering you about the whole thing?"

"Just-it was the way she held herself, the way she spoke like she needed to defend herself…"

"Well, maybe something happened that made her change," Jamie offered, "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about."

Spencer nodded, agreeing with Jamie, even though he didn't really want to drop the subject. "And I'm sorry for earlier, by the way," he told her, dropping her hand.

"Are you kidding?" Jamie asked, laughing slightly. "I'm the one who should be saying sorry. I was…excuse my language, but, I was such a bitch. I had no right to act the way I did."

Spencer turned his head, looking at her with his tired, hazel eyes, "Why _were_ you acting like that, anyway?"

Jamie gawked at him, incredulous, "Seriously, Spencer?"

"Am I missing something here?"

Jamie sat back further on to bed, crossing her legs. "You know what, I'm just going to say it, okay? We're adults here and…"

"…and what?"

Huffing, Jamie prepared herself for any kind of reaction that Spencer could have. In her mind, the situation could go two ways: One, he would run for the hills and two, maybe he would feel the same way. "I was jealous, okay?"

Now, it was Spencer's turn to gawk. The doctor stared at Jamie, unsure of what to say. He cleared his throat, three times too many, "You-you're…huh?"

"…I know you have a better vocabulary than that."

Spencer shook his head, as if he was trying to get himself out of a daze. His eyes met hers again and he said, "Are you messing with me right now?"

Jamie scoffed at his question, "Are _you_ messing with _me_ right now?"

"No, not at all."

"Ditto."

"I just don't understand why, though."

Jamie rolled her eyes and sighed, "It shouldn't be that hard to believe…." The two sat in silence with one another for a few moments and then something came to Jamie's mind. "Somebody once told me and I quote, '…feelings, like the ones I had for you, don't just go away.'." Jamie knew that he would remember those words, but she wasn't sure if he knew that she remembered. He knew it now, though.

"What are you saying?"

Jamie shrugged, "I'm just telling you the truth. I guess…I don't know, just seeing you with somebody else brought back more feelings."

His eyes got wide and he turned his body to fully look at her, " _More_ feelings?"

There was no verbal response from Jamie, she just gave him her doe eyes and a small, sideways grin in the corner of her mouth.

"You-you can't just mess with my head like that," he told her, standing up from the bed.

"I'm not messing with you, Spencer," Jamie claimed, she too, getting up from the bed.

"How did we even get here? Like, how did this conversation turn into this?"

"You're the genius here, you should know."

Spencer sighed deeply, and ran a hand down his face, the other placed on his hip. "I think I should go now," he said, beginning to walk towards the door, but Jamie stepped in front of him.

She stared up at him, literally and shook her head, "Can I ask you a favor?"

"What?" he asked quickly.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't feel anything, that's there's nothing here, whatsoever."

Just as she expected, he gave no answer. So, she turned around and unlocked her door, opening it for him to exit and he wasted no time leaving the room. Jamie poked her head around the door frame, watching him return to his room without a word. Where that sudden bravery came from, she had no clue, but she was positive that it had done more damage than she intended it, too. Closing the door and locking it once again, Jamie returned to her bed, turning off the light and shutting off the silent television. She wrapped herself in her blankets and silently shamed herself as she laid in the dark. The team had an early morning and she was sure that when she woke up, everything would be screwed up with her and Spencer like it had been in the beginning.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.


	24. Nobody is Better Off

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. I have finals this week and they're kicking my ass-to say the least. I want to give a big thank you to those who have followed and/or favorited this story. You're all amazing! My friend Darcy is all gushy over your reviews of her writing. So, thanks for making her feel great. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and please remember to review! Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Twenty-four: Nobody is Better Off**

 **January 6th, 2015**

Jamie's hand searched her bed for her buzzing cellphone and when she found it, her eyes could barely handle the bright screen that read five o'clock. "Hello?" she answered, her voice a little raspy.

"Carter, we're meeting in the lobby in thirty minutes. There's been another victim." Hotch told her from the other end of the call.

Jamie rubbed her face and pushed her hair away out of her eyes. She inhaled a deep breath and let it go gently, "Okay, I'll be right there." She ended the call and groaned, pulling a pillow over her face. Laying there for a few more minutes, Jamie's head immediately flooded with the memories of four hours prior to her wakeup call. Throwing the pillow off, Jamie rushed to get dressed. There was no doubt that the rest of the team would look like sleep-deprived zombies, but it came with the job. Jamie quickly brushed her teeth, combed her hair, throwing it into a ponytail and put on some casual, but work appropriate clothing. Grabbing her badge and her gun, placing it in her holster, she left her hotel room and made her way down to the lobby.

Jamie's feet exited the elevator, her eyes automatically catching sight of her team members, all but one. "Where's Spencer?" she hesitantly asked the group.

Morgan shrugged, "He should be here. Hotch said he had to call him a few times before he picked up his phone earlier."

"Have you talked to him lately?" JJ asked her.

Jamie scratched the side of her head, knitting her eyebrows together, "…about what?"

"He had that date last night, didn't he?"

"Yeah?"

"Look," JJ said to everyone else, "Maybe he's just tired. Nothing some coffee and a pound of sugar can't fix. So, let's just give him a couple more minutes."

Jamie looked around at her tired and somewhat already impatient team. She sighed and crossed her arms over herself. They had a place to be and none of them had time to be waiting around for one lagging member. "You know what, I'll go get him," Jamie declared, walking with a fast pace to the stairs, knowing it would be quicker than waiting for the elevator.

Reaching the same floor as her own, Jamie sped towards Spencer's room. She paused for a moment, her mind returning to the conversation they shared not too long ago, but she shook it off. She wouldn't let their personal problems get in the way of their work. Jamie raised her hand and balled it into a fist, pounding it into his door.

 _Bang_

 _Bang_

 _Bang_

When it didn't work the first time, she tried it again, her fist delivering three more loud bangs, which she was sure the others could hear from the ground floor. She stood there, waiting for him to answer the door, but there came no reply. Just as she was about to yell through the door, it opened swiftly, causing her to jump back. Spencer stood in front of her, looking more terrible than all of them combined.

"What?" he asked, as if they had nowhere to be.

Jamie scoffed, "Did you not here me banging on the door?"

"No, I heard you."

"Spencer, we have somewhere to be and everybody is waiting on _you_."

Spencer stepped out of his room, closing the door behind him and looked down at his watch. "Hotch said thirty minutes. It's only been twenty-eight." He walked past Jamie, obviously mad at her from hours earlier and walked casually down the steps to the lobby.

Jamie followed him, letting her face show no emotion that their situation was weighing on her conscious. When they got to the lobby, they spoke nothing of what had just happened. They all simply exited the building, getting into their respective vehicles and made their way to the crime scene.

* * *

"This body was found about ten feet from where we're standing at the delivery docks. There isn't that much traffic from trucks this time of the day," Detective Younan told them, "This space is usually reserved for the delivery vehicles, but there's the occasional foot traffic through here."

"You can see drag marks here," Morgan pointed out, kneeing down to the ground. He used his finger to point out the pattern, "Victim wasn't strong enough to carry them, so they had to go with their next best bet."

"Okay, so the unsub drugs the victim in a decently lit area and then drags them back here before they were fully sedated?" Spencer asked, clearly trying to work through the logic.

"Either that or they're getting over confident," Jamie responded, eyes still trained to the drag marks in the dirt.

"Or maybe the victim has some sort of appeal that makes the extra risk worth it."

"What do we know about the victim so far?" Rossi wondered, walking towards Detective Younan.

The detective cleared his throat and put his hands on his belt. "Her name is Mary Connors," He pulled out a small notepad from his pocket and flipped through the pages. "She's thirty-five years old. She just spent a month in the hospital for another suicide attempt, has one son who lives with her and her mother."

"That's pretty detailed for just having found her." Hotch said.

Detective Younan nodded and focused his attention behind the BAU members, "That's the nurse who found her here. She claims to have known her from her stay at the facility."

"I'd like to speak to her." JJ told him.

"Sure, she's right there, but she's pretty shaken up."

"Morgan, go with JJ." Hotch told him. The two compiled and made their way to the nurse.

"Do you mind if I take a look at the body?" Spencer questioned.

"Follow me," Detective Younan told him. Spencer followed him, leaving Jamie with Hotch and Rossi.

"Jamie, go with him." Hotch told her.

"What for?"

"You don't need to question it, just go." he told her, turning to Rossi, discussing something else.

"Sorry," Jamie said, pretty much to herself. She sighed and jogged until she was able to reach Spencer's side. They walked over to the loading dock where the body could be seen with a sheet covering it.

"The officers wanted to wait until your team got here before we move anything," Detective Younan told them. He grabbed three pairs of latex gloves from one of the coroners on site and handed them out to Jamie and Spencer. He knelt down with one knee on the pavement, pulling back the sheet that had been covering the victim.

Jamie shook her head and looked away for a moment. When her eyes returned to the gruesome sight, she could clearly see the woman's hair was matted with her own dried blood and it puddled around her. There were contents of her purse and prescriptions bottles scattered beside her and to make matters worse, her eyes were wide open.

Jamie was pulling on her gloves, ready to approach the body when Spencer stepped up before her. She watched him as he walked over, but paused while looking down at the body. Jamie moved over to him and saw his face. She looked at him questioningly before attempting to say anything.

"I'm fine," he said firmly, stopping her before she could show concern. While he, himself believed it to be true, Jamie knew better than that.

Jamie let her eyes go back down to the body and she instantly saw something unusual. She took her finger and pointed down, "Look, there's something in her hand."

Spencer noticed it and crouched down to the ground. With his own hand, he took the victim's hand and very gently, pried open her fingers. In her hand was a picture and what appeared to be a handwritten note. Spencer grabbed the note from her hand and uncrumpled it, reading it out loud.

"You all should be thanking me."

"I think that's her son in the photo," Jamie said, holding the victim's wallet in her hand. As she looked through, she noticed that there were other pictures of the same little boy.

"What do we have?" Hotch asked out loud, walking over with Rossi.

"There's a note and a picture of a boy who I assume is her son," Jamie filled him in.

"The unsub might have been using the picture as a way of addressing the role of Mary's son. With Mary being suicidal, the unsub could be...sorry; they could be telling us that the kid's b-better off without her."

"There hasn't been any other notes with the other-" Jamie began, but ultimately stopped at the sound of Spencer emptying the contents of his stomach, despite there being very little to let go of. She watched him tear off his gloves and throw them to the ground.

Those around him were shocked. They had never seen him act this way at a scene before. His sudden lack of composer put Jamie on her toes, her mind trying to work through what could be causing him this sort of trouble. There was definitely more to it than Spencer was letting on, but Jamie knew she would get to him eventually.

Spencer took several deep breaths and ran his hands over his face. He walked over to Hotch, who watched him with stern curiosity. Hotch waved off Detective Younan and the coroner, letting Jamie and Rossi stand by, though.

"I'm sorry," Spencer told him, his eyes watery and red from the vomiting. "I don't-I can't handle this right now."

"No need to apologize," Hotch told him, "If you need to sit this one out, I understand."

"No, no, but you guys need me here."

"We need you focused and it looks like you can't do that right now. Take some time to clear your head. We'll meet you back at the precinct later, unless you need more time."

Spencer just nodded and hung his head. He walked slowly past his other teammates who just arrived to see the scene. As much as he wanted to sit down and talk about it, he couldn't look one specific person in the eyes at that moment. He could feel her eyes trained on him as he walked by her, but he was grateful that she just let him go and didn't try to say anything.

"What was that about?" Morgan asked Jamie, standing by her side.

Jamie shook her head and pulled off her gloves, balling them up in her hand, "I don't know."

"You guys alright?"

"No, not really, but this isn't the place to talk about that," she told him.

"Carter," Hotch called out, catching Jamie's attention.

She rushed over to him, looking back the body on the ground. "Yes, sir?"

"I need you to go with the coroner to the morgue. Get the toxicology reports filed and make sure that we get the cause of death. If it matches the other's, we shouldn't be that far from catching this one."

"Right away," Jamie complied.

Hotch nodded at her acknowledgement and gathered the others to return to the precinct. They had more work to get done.

* * *

When Jamie returned to the precinct, it was around two in the afternoon. She had spent all morning beside dead bodies and she was glad to be away from it. Being successful with the orders that Hotch had given her, she was content that she was able to bring back the information that he wanted. Exiting her SUV, Jamie closed the door and began her walk to the front door. As she entered, her eyes searched for her team, finally seeing them through the crowd of officers in the back of the building. When she entered the conference room, she was quite surprised to see Spencer had returned to the field.

She walked in slowly, placing her file down on the table and removing her jacket. "You're back?"

"Yeah."

Jamie looked around at the others in the room, Morgan and JJ. They weren't paying attention to their conversation, but if they were, they weren't showing it. "You feeling okay?"

"Better, I guess."

Jamie tilted her head with sympathy. As she walked over to Spencer, she reached out and placed one hand on his shoulder. "You know you can talk to me, right?" she told him, making her voice somewhat quieter.

He nodded at her words and gave her a half-hearted smile.

"Carter, what did you get from the M.E.?" Morgan asked.

Jamie quickly removed her hand from Spencer's shoulder and walked over to where Morgan was sitting with JJ. Grabbing the file from the table, Jamie handed it to him, "It's the same C.O.D. as the other victims, a clean cut to the carotid. This victim was also dosed with Haldol, but not as much as the others."

"That explains the dragging of the body." JJ concluded.

"Sure does," Jamie agreed. "What're you guys up to?"

"Hotch has us going over more victimology, in case we missed something. Reid's being going over the note, looking for anything we can profile."

"Where is he anyway? What about Rossi?" Jamie wondered.

"They have a suspect in custody. They're interviewing him right now." Morgan informed her.

"Wait, seriously? Do they think this is it?"

JJ shrugged, "I'm not sure. They're still trying to get something from him if you want to go over."

Jamie nodded and left the conference room, on her way to the interrogation room. When she found it, she stood quietly on the other side of the glass, watching Hotch and Rossi work over the suspect.

The man looked shorter than average and he was bald. From what Jamie could hear through the speaker, his name was Chuck.

"Look man," Chuck said, putting his hands in the air, "I don't know anything about dead people with their throats cut!"

"You work at one of the pharmacies near the location of the victims and you were working in the hospital pharmacy where Mary Connors had been killed. You expect us to believe that you know nothing about this?" Rossi questioned him, hands gesturing to the gruesome photos laid out on the table.

"You don't think that Mary's son would be better off without her?"

"I just told you I know nothing about _any_ of this!" Chuck claimed.

Jamie could see through the glass that the guy was telling the truth. He wasn't giving justifying statements for any of the killings and he was beyond antsy, something that guilty people usually aren't.

"Look at this picture." Hotch told him, placing it down in front of him.

"Wha-what am I supposed to do with this?"

"All of the victims had children. We believe that our killer is convinced that he's doing the children a favor."

"Christ," Chuck sighed, rubbing his face hard with his hands.

"Now, thanks to you, her son will have to grow up without his mother. Or were you counting on that? This child not having to grow up with a burden like his crazy mother?"

Chuck slammed his hand down on the table, making Jamie jump from the other side of the glass. "Do _not_ use that word!" he screamed, his tone threatening. "Family is not a burden! I would never do this to someone!" His yelled turned into sobs, which caused long withheld tears to be shed.

Jamie watched as Hotch and Rossi shared knowing looks, then exited through the door of the room, leaving Chuck to drown in his tears.

"He's not our guy, is he?" Jamie questioned her boss.

Hotch shook his head, "No, he's not."

"He didn't offer any justification for the murders. Our unsub believes that they're in the right and would be desperate to explain their actions." Rossi added.

"Okay, so we look somewhere else," Jamie said to them, following their lead back to the conference room.

"We're still waiting on that list from Garcia about the employees." Rossi reminded him.

When they entered back into the conference room, all three of them noticed Morgan and Spencer looking closely at the note that was found with Mary's body.

"You have something, Reid?" Hotch questioned him.

"Will you come here a second?" Spencer asked him. "Do you see how the ink blots as if the pen stopped periodically along the letters?"

"Yes," Hotch acknowledged, scanning the note with his own eyes.

"That's very common in forgeries. It indicates that the writer is pausing, typically in an attempt to imitate someone else handwriting."

"Why would our unsub need to forge someone else's handwriting?" JJ wondered.

"Maybe they're trying to frame someone." Morgan offered.

"Possibly," Spencer agreed, looking back at the note, clearly deep in his thoughts. "It's weird…"

Jamie looked at the others around her, then spoke for all of them. "Don't leave us hanging there, Spencer."

"Sorry," Spencer said, shaking his head a little. "It's just this handwriting looks familiar."

"How is that possible?" Rossi questioned.

"I don't know. I just know that I've seen this writing before and it's bothering me, because I can't remember where."

The room was silent for a moment before Spencer sped off, saying, "I need to check something really quickly." He left the whole room looking perplexed.

"Does he seem okay to you guys?" Morgan asked the room.

"No, but that's not surprising. Running into his friend from years ago looks like it's affecting him," JJ said, "Things seem to be out of perspective."

"I just wish he would talk about it."

"He will," Jamie answered, "He'll talk when he's ready."

"I know, I just hate seeing him like this."

"We all do," Hotch spoke up and as he did, his cellphone rang. He took it from his jacket pocket and put it on speaker phone, letting the others know it was in fact, Garcia. "What do you have for us?"

"Remember how you asked me cross reference all of our victims' psychiatric and psychological treatment facilities to see if any of the same individuals worked at any or most of the treatment centers?"

"Yes, we've been waiting for the list."

"Right…well, I have it now and there is one person that stands out. Hanna Lynch is her name."

"Garcia, did you just say Hanna _Lynch_?" Jamie asked, putting extra emphasis on the woman's last name.

"Sure did. Apparently, she was an _intern_ at the first hospital, a _resident_ at the second, and now she works with the medical examiner's office which is run out of the morgue of the facility that treated the most recent victims. I'm sending you her picture now."

Everyone's tablets dinged, signaling the incoming photo. When Jamie opened the message, her heart dropped into her stomach and she felt sick. "Son of a bitch…" she said, not able to tear her eyes away from Hanna's picture.

"Carter, what is it?" Hotch asked her.

Jamie looked up from the tablet and saw all of them staring at her with wondering faces. She held up the picture and pointed, " _This_ is Hanna. As in Spencer's friend, _Hanna_."

"Where did Reid go off to?" Hotch quickly asked.

"When he said he recognized the handwriting on the note he took off." Rossi informed.

"He's not answering his cell, either." JJ claimed, trying to get Spencer on the other end.

"Garcia, we need an address for Hanna Lynch." Hotch instructed, more like demanded.

"It's already on its way, sir. Is Reid okay?"

"We hope so, good work, Garcia." Hotch said before hanging up the phone. "We all need to split up. Rossi, take JJ and Morgan, go to her house. Carter, you're going with me to the morgue."

* * *

As Hotch drove through the traffic on the road, sirens blaring, Jamie couldn't help but feel sorry for Spencer. Here, he thought he was reconnecting with a long, lost childhood friend, but in reality, he was reconnecting with a murderer. Thankfully, the drive to the morgue wasn't too long and they were pulling into the parking lot before they knew it. They jumped out of their vehicle and ran together towards the entrance. Hotch entered first, going around every corner with stealth, sending signals to Jamie to let her know it was okay to proceed. As they came down the long hallway that lead to the morgue, both agents stopped abruptly, as they could hear conversation going. One voice definitely belonged to Spencer and the other, Jamie recognized it as belonging to Hanna.

While they listed sharply, they moved forward against the wall.

"I can't let you stop me!" they heard Hanna cry out.

"W-why?" Spencer asked, sounding different than usual.

"Someone has to continue my work. Someone should keep the children safe. I can't ever stop, not even for you..."

That was it. With the right opportunity, Hotch rounded the corner first into the open door. The sudden burst scared Hanna and the scalpel in her hand went to Spencer's throat.

"Hanna Lynch, drop it and put your hands where I can see them!" Hotch yelled, aiming his gun.

Jamie entered right behind him, eyes wide and gun drawn as well. She was steady, but that didn't mean her mind was. Her eyes were going back and forth, from Spencer to Hanna; and she prayed to God that if Hanna knew what was best for her, she would listen to Hotch and allow herself to be brought in.

Hanna sat there on her knees next to Spencer, eyes watery and scalpel still in hand. "I can't stop."

"Yes, you can. Just drop the scalpel and put your hands in the air." Hotch said, not faltering in his words.

Hanna shook her head as tears went down her face, "No..." she whispered, looking back at Spencer and then at Jamie, "Take care of him, okay?"

In one smooth movement, the hand that held the scalpel, shot away from Spencer's throat and was brought to her own, with the intention of ending her life.

Which was ultimately successful.

Hotch and Jamie watched in shock, their guns still trained, but not ready to shoot someone who did the unexpected.

Jamie slowly lowered her gun, watching as Hotch placed his gun in his holster and helped removed a limp and very dead Hanna from on top of Spencer. When she was off of him, Jamie saw it instantly. There was a pool of blood around Spencer and it was soaking through his clothing. Jamie threw herself down to the ground and put her hands over his bleeding abdomen.

"What did she do to you?" she asked, trying to remain calm, but kind of failing.

"Sh-she stabbed me with t-the scalpel."

"Hang in there, okay? You're going to be okay."

"Hold on Reid, we have a medic coming, should be here shortly." Hotch told him.

"Al-alright." Spencer replied, trying to sit up from the floor.

"No, no, what are you doing?" Jamie questioned him, not letting him sit up.

"I don't know…"

"Keep your eyes open for me, okay? Promise me?"

"I promise…"

* * *

Jamie's attention was taken from the window when she heard groaning coming from a bed-ridden Spencer. She walked over to him, placing her hand gently on his, "Spencer, don't try to get up, okay? You're safe in the hospital."

Spencer took his free hand and wiped at his eyes, "What happened?" He was still groggy and looked like he was trying to make sense of his surroundings, even though Jamie told him where they were.

"She cut you pretty deep," Jamie told him, creating a tighter grip on his hand. "You had some internal injuries, but the surgeon was able to patch you up."

"Where is everybody else?"

"They're outside," Jamie told him, wondering if she should drop the bomb now. "Hotch really needs to speak to you, Spencer."

Spencer nodded, "Will you go get him?"

"Of course," Jamie replied, letting go of her hold on his hand. She gave him a reassuring smile and left the room.

She found everybody in the same exact spot as they were in when she left. They were all sitting in the waiting room with coffee in hand, waiting for him to wake. When they noticed Jamie, they all stood up from their seat. "He's awake," she informed them.

"How's he feeling?" Morgan wondered.

Jamie shrugged, "I'm sure it hurts, but um, Hotch, he's asking for you."

Hotch nodded, walking past Jamie and leaving the rest to head for Spencer's room.

Jamie didn't look back at him, instead she sat herself down in an open chair and placed her face in her hands. She wanted to cry, but she wasn't one for the dramatics-at least right in the moment.

"Hey, he's going to be okay." JJ said to her, rubbing her back as she sat next to her.

Jamie nodded, pushing her hair back from her face. "I know. I just-I don't know. I feel like I should've seen it. Like, I should've known or-"

"That you should've protected him." Rossi finished for her.

Jamie didn't respond, but she knew that they all understood. The remaining minutes before Hotch came out were silent. Nobody wanted to be the one to say the wrong thing or cause any more stress than they were already under.

When Hotch did reenter the waiting room, they were also graced with the presence of Diana. Everyone looked surprised for a moment, everyone except Jamie.

Diana approached Jamie and to Jamie's dismay, pulled her into a hug. "Thank you for calling me."

"Absolutely," Jamie replied.

"How's my son?" Diana asked, making the question open.

"He'll recover, but he won't be back in the field for about a month," Hotch informed her, "I'm sure he'd love to see you."

Diana nodded and gave one last look at Jamie, "If you need anything, you know where to find me, Jamie."

Jamie gave a small smile and crossed her arms over herself, "Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" she asked, wary with her humor.

Diana didn't reply with words, just a soft, grateful grin before leaving the waiting room.

* * *

Jamie felt as if her heart had jumped out of her chest as she heard Spencer startle awake. She rushed out of her chair, over to his bed side, "Relax, Spencer. It's just me."

"It was just a dream…" he told her, catching his breath and wiping the sweat from his forehead. He looked around the room, noticing the open window revealed a dark sky. "You didn't go back with the team?"

"Um, I thought I'd stick around, make sure that you get back alright."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be," Jamie said, earning a grin from Spencer. She was echoing his words from when she was in the hospital after being shot. "Besides, I'm sure you would get bored of crappy hospital television."

They shared a small laugh, easing back into a calm demeanor. Jamie pulled her chair up closer to his bed and sat down in it. She looked out the window and then back at Spencer, who's eyes were shut tightly.

"You know that what happened isn't your fault, right?

"Oh yeah, and how did that work out?" he bit back.

Jamie sighed, "Hey, that girl was hurt and damaged _long_ before you came back around. She let that hurt destroy her, but it's over now and it wouldn't be if it weren't for you."

"Those women…"

Jamie grabbed his hand, sighing as she was finally able to recognize hours earlier where his uneasiness was coming from. "They looked like your mom."

He nodded, sniffing so he wouldn't shed his tears. "Your mom is fine, she was here earlier."

"She told me you called her."

"I did."

"Thank you for that. Jamie, thank you for everything."

Jamie tightened her grip on his hand as he did the same, "You don't have to thank me…you never have to say that to me. Just know that I'm here for you." Her eyes closed, her mind wandering to their place before. "And I'm sorry about the other night, when you came to see me. I-""

"Don't be," he told her, "It's not like you were wrong…about any of it."

* * *

Thank you for reading and please remember to review! I would really appreciate it.


	25. New York, New York

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. I've put its been almost two weeks since I've updated, and that's because I was debating on whether or not to wait until after the holiday season to update again. As you can see, I decided against it, but the next update won't come until 2018! I've hit a bit of writers block for this story and I want to take some time and outline everything again; that way, I am delivering (somewhat) quality chapter for you all. Don't worry, I'm not going to forget about this story, as there is an insane chapter coming up and you won't want to miss it (I couldn't even bring myself to write the original ending...)! One last thing, this is the last arc that my friend Darcy has written, but I'm sure we'll see more of her in the future.**

 **So, I wish everyone who celebrates the holidays a wonderful time and I'll see you all in the fresh, new year. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review! Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Twenty-five: New York, New York**

 **February 4th, 2015**

"Seriously, let me pay this time!" Jamie practically begged through a laugh, digging roughly into her purse to try and grab her wallet. Her efforts proved to be too slow, as Spencer grabbed a ten-dollar-bill from his pocket and handed it to the coffee shop employee.

"Enjoy your day," the cashier told them, handing Spencer his change and sending them off with a smile.

"One of these days, I _will_ pay for these three dollar cups of coffee," Jamie declared, sipping from her hot cup.

"Three dollars isn't anything, Jamie." Spencer replied, finding humor in her words.

"Um, you've bought my coffee four days in a row. So, I mean, I'm no mathematician, but I think that adds up to _twelve_ dollars."

Spencer let a smile slip as he drank from his to-go cup, "Nice to see that those extra math classes came in handy." he teased.

"Oh, aren't you a funny one?" Jamie remarked, sarcasm not missing beat, "We're going to be late if we don't hurry."

With that, the two FBI agents got into Jamie's car and made their way to the Quantico office. The drive there was filled with witty, yet intelligent banter and jabs at Jamie's music selections. Ever since the case and Spencer's injury in Las Vegas, the two of them proved to be _almost_ inseparable. Since Spencer wasn't allowed to be in the field for about a month, he stayed behind at the office and was put on desk duty; and while Jamie was traveling with the team, she made sure to check up on him (not too much to be borderline smothering) and filled him in on case details that she knew he would want to know. When she would arrive back to Quantico after grueling cases, it was like her and Spencer were attached at the hip. They would leave the office together and arrive together the next morning. If any of their coworkers suspected anything, no one said a thing, but they could all see through the falling façade that was the wall of Jamie and Spencer's rekindling relationship.

Not every aspect had been thoroughly discussed or even thought about, though. When Jamie had her declaration of feelings for Spencer back in Las Vegas, she was sure she had ruined one of the better things in her life. Yet, when Jamie had stayed with Spencer in the hospital, she could've sworn that he was reciprocating the same feelings. It hadn't been brought up and part of Jamie was grateful for that. She would sometimes admit to herself that it was frustrating, not knowing where the two of them stood, or what exactly they felt for one another; but all in all, they were closer than before and it felt like only goodness could come out of that.

* * *

It was a regular Thursday morning as Jamie and Spencer walked into the bullpen. Other agents were scattered about, working at their desk, delivering paperwork and reports back and forth through the offices. They walked over to their adjacent desk, unloading their belongings for the day.

Jamie plopped herself down in her chair and opened her laptop to check her email. She snuck a side view of Spencer, who was simply sitting in his chair, doing nothing. Her head turned to face him in full and she cocked one of her eyebrows. "You alright?"

Spencer glanced at her and nodded, "I think so."

"You _think_ you're alright?"

"I've been out of the field before, but for some reason…it just feels different this time."

Jamie took her hands away from her keyboard and placed them in her lap. Her face had sympathy written on it as she said, "Care to elaborate a little bit?"

"I don't really know how…" he admitted, his face in deep thought.

Jamie huffed a laugh, "Says the guy with an IQ of one-eighty-seven." She sat there, wondering what was going on in that big mind of his. She kept her eyes on him, silently wishing she could say something to make him feel better. A tilted her head in concern and she shrugged her blazer covered shoulders, "You passed your psychological evaluation, right?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't really mean anything." he tried to wave off.

"It means that trained professionals see you as being fit to go back into the field," Jamie sighed and got out of her chair. She moved herself over to Spencer's side, sitting down on his desk with him sitting right in front of her. "You didn't exactly ask for my opinion on the matter, but I personally think that you wouldn't be here right now if you weren't ready. Then again, if you do jump back in too quickly and the situation goes astray, let someone know, please."

Spencer looked up at the woman, his eyes meeting her soft looking green ones. "How are you doing?" he asked, catching her off guard with the question.

"...me?" Jamie questioned back, placing a hand on her chest.

"Yes, you. How are you doing since your…situation."

Jamie adjusted herself on the desktop and tore her eyes from Spencer, the softness seeming to disappear from them. She let her eyes wander around the bullpen, letting them take in the controlled chaos that was the BAU. "I would say I'm fine, but I think I use that phrase too often," she admitted, ending it with a laugh. The topic seemed to make her nervous, causing her to bounce her leg and tuck some hair behind her right ear. "In all seriousness," she began, settling her eyes back on Spencer, "I try not to think about it and I haven't dreamt about it for a while. Then, there are times where I look into a mirror and I can see where I was shot, so it comes back, almost unwillingly."

" _Almost_?"

Jamie nodded, "Like I said, I try not to think about it, but sometimes I let it flow back in. You can't keep something like that buried and I learned that the hard way. You on the other hand, your situation was personal. Hanna was your friend…"

As if he was saved by the bell, both of their cell phones went off at the same time. Jamie took her phone from her jean's pocket and read the message as it appeared on the screen.

 **From: P. Garcia**

 **8:15 A.M.: Heroes assemble! Briefing in 15!**

Jamie stuffed her phone back into her jeans and hopped off Spencer's desk. "Come on," she told him, gesturing with her head towards the way to the debriefing room. She held out her hand and offered him a smile, "We've got work to do, hero."

* * *

"In the past three months, three people have been beaten, tortured, and stabbed in different New York alleyways," Garcia informed the team, passing out their case files.

Jamie opened her file folder and fished out multiple photos of the victims and their crime scenes. Her eyes grazed over the gruesome photos, cringing internally, but giving them equal amounts of attention. Her hand picked up the M.E. report from the file and she read over it, her face forming a looking of confusion. "The M.E. doesn't know what the victims were stabbed with?"

Garcia shook her head and she walked back to the front of the room, "No, they haven't figured out what exact weapon was used, but all three causes of death were the same for each victim, as they were each stabbed through the heart."

"The weapon of choice was smooth along the edges, but very sharp…" Rossi read from the report.

"Any leads yet?" JJ asked.

"None yet, that's why the local New York office is calling you in."

"Wait, this is an FBI case?" Morgan questioned, lowering his case file. "It's hard enough for local police departments to admit they need help, now we've got a branch of the FBI?"

"This case is under the authority of Taylor Emmison. His claim is that he's at a dead end and he doesn't know what to do, so he's looking for more assistance."

"Look at the victims," Spencer said, looking intently at the photos. "The victimology is all over the place."

"Samuel Roberts, age thirty-one, Lindsay Chambers, age forty-four, and Ian Willard, age twenty-four," Garcia recited, clicking her remote to make pictures appear on the screen behind her. The photos included one of each victim, where they looked happy, simply posing for a picture, and another photo of their mutilated corpses. "Samuel Roberts was missing for five days before he was discovered, Lindsay Chambers was missing for eight days, and Ian Willard was missing for one week."

"The unsub was…vaguely creative with his methods," Rossi chimed in. "He stabbed, beat, burned, even electrocuted them."

"Not very consistent with the methods…" JJ added.

"Says here that there were traces of Acepromazine Maleate in their system," Hotch read from the M.E. report.

"It's an animal tranquilizer," Spencer chimed in. "Back in the nineteen-fifties, it was used as an antipsychotic for institutions. It has a depressant effect on the central nervous system, which causes the sedation, muscle relaxation, and it acts fairly quickly."

"So, that's more than likely how the unsub subdued them," Jamie said. "They were taken outside of their places of employment, kept for multiple days while being tortured…then eventually stabbed."

"These crimes don't appear to be sexual of nature," Morgan said. "Also, it's obvious that age and gender don't matter to him, so it has to be something else that's the motivator here."

"We'll figure it out once we get to New York," Hotch told the team, standing from his seat. "Wheels up in thirty."

* * *

When they arrived in New York, Jamie couldn't help but stare at the city in admiration. Despite the nature of the work they were there to do, she found herself eyeing the surrounding area. She had been to New York before, but there hadn't been a time where she went to the city just to go. She told herself that she definitely had to visit The Excelsior State for fun at some point in her life.

When the team arrived at the FBI branch office, it was bustling with organized chaos. There were people running back and forth, people at desk with phones to each of their ear, papers flying from some desk in the back as if someone has thrown them. The team walked in further, each pair of eyes observing the field office. Hotch was leading and took the team to an office that was somewhat in the back, away from the crazy activity. There was a plaque with a name engraved on it: _Taylor Emmison_.

Hotch knocked a few times and when there was no response after he waited, he opened the door, finding the office empty. He was about to say something to his team of waiting agents, when a feminine voice sounded from behind them all.

"I'm going to assume that you're all from the BAU," the woman said, keeping a stoic expression as all of the agents turned to see her. She extended her hand to Hotch first, "Charlotte Cooper," she introduced herself.

"Nice to meet you," Hotch greeted, "I'm SSA Hotchner, this is SSA Rossi, Morgan, Jareau, Carter, and Dr. Reid."

Charlotte shook hands with each of the BAU members, then she sighed. "I'm sorry that Taylor isn't here at the moment, but he should be back soon. He's in a real bustle about this case."

"You call him _Taylor_?" Morgan asked, eyebrows knit together.

Smiling slightly, Charlotte nodded her head and said, "I guess I'm the exception, but to you he'll be Agent Emmison and I also don't think he'll appreciate you intruding on his office."

"He's not even in there," Jamie pointed out, crossing her arms.

Charlotte chocked her head and Jamie, "Yes, well, were you taught manners as a child?"

Before Jamie could reply, she felt a hand on her shoulder and it felt like it was attempting to hold her back, telling her to let it go. When she looked back, still caught off guard by Charlotte's attitude, her eyes met with Spencer and he didn't even have to use words; Jamie just understood him.

"Anyways, I should also tell you that Taylor has a bit of a…temper," Charlotte warned, a small smile on her face. "It's a whole pride thing and the _last_ thing he wanted to do was call in you guys, but…here you are."

"Why did he call us in if he doesn't want us here?" JJ questioned.

"Just because he's not happy about the fact, doesn't mean that he can't admit when he needs help."

"Tell us again why he isn't here?" Hotch said, frowning.

"He was called to a crime scene."

"…another?" Rossi asked, stressing the word.

"There was a forth body found about an hour ago." Charlotte answered.

"There's another victim and we weren't told?" Morgan confronted, voice raised in is disbelief.

Charlotte shrugged her shoulders, "You all were already on your way here and he had just planned on telling you when you arrived."

"Where is he now?" Hotch asked, in a slight scowl. He had his glare aimed at Charlotte, but she didn't seem to falter under the look.

"Listen-" Charlotte began, holding out her hand to tell Hotch to wait.

"Agent Cooper, we were called into the city to do a job and we can't do that job if we are not informed of new information."

Charlotte sighed as her eyes crossed over each member of the BAU. They were all waiting for an answer, standing and staring directly at her. "He said to wait until you were here so he could talk to you personally-"

"We don't have that kind of time, especially if there's been a _fourth_ victim." Jamie glared, uncrossing her arms and walking up to Charlotte. She stood in front of the other female agent, looking right into her brown eyes, which looked sort of amused. "You need to tell us where the scene is so we can go there… _now_."

"Fine," Charlotte surrendered, peeling her eyes away from Jamie. She looked back at the rest of the team, "But I'll warn you now, don't get on Taylor's bad side."

* * *

From inside of the dark SUV, it wasn't difficult to spot the crime scene. There was the cliché, but necessary yellow tap blocking it off from the public, but that didn't to stop people from trying to look. Jamie had gone with Hotch, Morgan, and Spencer to the scene, as JJ and Rossi stayed behind to work on the geographical profile. The four exited their vehicle and approached the scene, flashing their badges to get by the tape. They were all handed latex gloves when they entered the vicinity, for precaution.

Jamie was walking along the scene and simultaneously shoving her hands into the sticky gloves. Her eyes wandered about and when they landed on a certain individual of the male variety, she tilted her head and watched him for a moment. He was tall and brunette, but the way that he was seen giving orders to others around him, told Jamie all she needed to know. She walked back over to Hotch and the others, who were talking with CSI and nudged her head back to where she saw him. "That's him, over there." she told Hotch.

Hotch, Morgan, and Spencer all looked towards the direction she was speaking of.

"Emmison?" Spencer asked.

"What makes you sure?" Morgan wondered.

Jamie turned to look back at Emmison and then back at her team members, "Considering the way that Charlotte made him sound at the office and seeing that guy being a jackass…I kind of took a guess, but I'm pretty sure."

"Let's go," Hotch directed them, giving a thank you to the CSI personnel. All four of them walked towards the angry looking man, who spotted them coming as he ordered away some agents.

"Agent Emmison?" Hotch asked as they approached.

"Maybe," he answered back, snappy. "Who's asking?"

"I'm SSA Aaron Hotchner. This is SSA-"

"Oh, damn, you're the BAU," Emmison interrupted. He shook his head a bit and ran a hand over his face. "I specifically told Charlotte-"

"Well, calling us here and then not providing us with new information on the case isn't a very great way to start," Jamie said. She stepped forward, taking off the gloved and held it out, "SSA Jamie Carter." she introduced herself, sincerity in her voice.

Emmison looked taken aback by her, but he tried to subtly gave her a once-over before he shook her hand. "Taylor Emmison…"

"And this is SSA Derek Morgan and Dr. Spencer Reid," Hotch finished, "Now, I want to know why you didn't tell us about this recent murder."

"Because you weren't here yet, and as far as I'm concerned, you can ask someone else to give you the low-down, because I'm a bit busy here."

"Agent Emmison, you're the one who called us in for assistance and we came to do just that. So, if you don't want our help, just let us know and we'll be on our way."

Emmison stood stiffy with his hands on his hips. He looked gruff, but conflicted at the same time. "Yes, I want your help," he admitted, "This just hasn't been the easiest case, alright? This person seems to have no motive for these murders and there's no obvious connection between the victims."

"It's never easy," Morgan retorted, "but that's where we come in."

"Right…" Emmison replied sort of sarcastically.

"What's the victim's name?' Spencer asked, bending down to get a better look.

"This is Sophie Andrews, age twenty-nine. She was reported missing three days ago," Emmison answered, looking down at the woman's body. "She's been severely beaten, electrocuted, then there's the cause of death, the stab wound."

"And nobody has been able to identify what's being used to stab the victims?" Jamie asked.

Emmison shook his head, "Not yet, and to make things _more_ interesting, the coroner said he's never seen anything like this before. Whatever the hell is being used…it cuts clean through the bone _and_ muscle."

Jamie nodded, listening to what Emmison was revealing. She looked down at the woman, Sophie, and felt a tinge of sadness for her. Her face was practically destroyed. Whatever she looked like before she was taken and murdered, there was no knowing, unless it came from a photograph. Her body was a canvas of bruises and electrical burns, including blood all over her body.

"We have more agents back at the office working on the geographical profile, so that should help move things along." Hotch informed Emmison.

"Fantastic, more BAU agents…" Emmison said under his breath. "If something like this happens again," Emmison pointed to the dead body, "Make sure you have your ringers on."

"Of course," Hotch replied, seeming slightly annoyed when Agent Emmison walked away from the group.

"He's a character," Jamie joked half-heartedly, but not letting out a single laugh.

"We're going to have to get used to it," Morgan said, walking back to the SUV with Hotch.

Jamie watched them for a moment and spared her eyes to Spencer, who hadn't said much. She eyes him for a moment and when he caught her gaze, she gave him a small smile. "You're doing alright?"

Spencer nodded, taking off his latex gloves, "Yeah, I'm good." He took his arm and moved it around Jamie, but not touching her, leading her so they could follow Hotch and Morgan back to the car.

"It's going to be a real joy working with that guy, isn't it?" Jamie said, looking at Agent Emmison demand more orders out of more agents. She shook her head and looked away, taking off her one glove.

"Maybe he'll ease up," Spencer replied, watching Emmison after Jamie looked away. Spencer and Emmison made eye contact for a moment, but Spencer released his stare and looked forward; but that didn't mean that he couldn't feel Emmison's eyes boring into the back of his head as he walked away with Jamie by his side.

* * *

Back at the field office, the group and Agent Emmison were gathered in a conference room. Everyone seemed on edge, not wanting to say the wrong thing or take unauthorized action.

"What do we have so far?" Emmison asked the room. He had been pacing back and forth, not taking a second to sit down and cool off.

"Well, we know that these crimes aren't sexual in nature," Morgan answered, sitting at the large table. "There's no sexual fantasy involved in this, which means there's another motive."

Emmison gave no verbal response, he just gave Morgan a raised eyebrow, telling him to continue.

"We don't know what that motive is yet, but trust us when we tell you that we're working on it." JJ added.

"When we figure that out, we'll be able to find out what connects these victims and what this unsub is after." Rossi informed, eyes going over their evidence board.

"I have been over every damn aspect of these people's lives that I can think of," Emmison defended, no longer pacing around the room. "We've had agents talk to their friends, family members, we looked at their work history, credit reports-"

"Sometimes it's not enough," Jamie cut in, standing up from her seat. "When we figure out the motive, more clues will come through that we've simply glanced over. It happens more often than not."

"We've also sent everything we have to our technical analyst back at Quantico," Hotch told Emmison. "If there is something that we've seemed to miss, she'll catch it."

Agent Emmison didn't reply, but he kept a frown on his face, one that seemed to be permanent.

"What if the torture is a way of getting something out of the victims?" Spencer questioned.

"This isn't a horror movie, Dr. Reid," Emmison spit out.

"Hey, hear him out." Jamie bit back, giving Emmison a tiny glare. She looked back at Spencer and gave him a nod, telling him to continue.

Spencer cleared his throat, "Think about it," he continued, going over to the evidence board. "That would explain why there is no consistency for how long the victims are tortured. Once the unsub is given what they want, he kills the victims."

"That would explain why they're all reported missing for different periods of time."

"So, the longer the victim hold out, the more time they have…" Emmison thought, nodding in agreement. "But what would they have had that this unsub wants?"

"That's what we need to figure out," Hotch said. "I want a few of you to go back and speak with the victim's families."

Morgan, JJ, and Rossi volunteered for the job, seeing themselves out to go speak to the victim's families.

"The rest of you, keep working on the victimology and the geographical profile. I need to go and work up the current report on the most recent murder."

Jamie and Spencer nodded, looking back at the work behind them on the boards.

"Uh, Agent Carter, may I speak with you for a moment?" Emmison asked, using one finger to call her over.

"Of course," Jamie answered, walking over to the superior agent. "Is there something you need?"

"I don't appreciate the attitude I received from you while we were debriefing."

Jamie let her eyebrows knit together and placed her hands on her hips, "Well, I don't appreciate the disrespect that you give my team members."

Emmison gave a dry laugh, "Listen, this is my stomping ground and if you can't respect that, you can bet your ass I'll have you kicked out of here."

Jamie laughed internally, but eyed Agent Emmison with understanding, yet hard eyes. "Yes sir."

"Good," he replied with snark and walked away, yelling orders at some other agent that was handing him a stack of paper.

Jamie rolled her eyes and turned back into the conference room, meeting Spencer back at the board. "What a joy…" she mumbled.

Spencer glanced at Jamie, then back towards the door. "What was that about?"

Jamie had a marker in her hand, circling areas on their big map, "Oh, just a regular threat, no biggie."

"Wait, what?"

Jamie sighed and dropped her marker, looking at Spencer. "He said that if I can't respect him, then he'll have me kicked off the case."

"Where does he get the authority to do that?"

"I don't know," Jamie shrugged, "I guess since it is technically his case and we're just here to help…"

Spencer didn't give a reply, as he was going over the file in his hands. "Hey, look at this," Spencer called Jamie to his side, showing her the folder in his hands. "He's probably going to kidnap someone else."

"How do you figure that?" Jamie questioned, looking back at their boards.

"It's the pattern of escalation. This unsub waited three days between the first two victims, two days after that, and only one day after the last."

Jamie nodded her head in understanding, "So, now that he's dumped off another body, he's more than likely already looking for a new victim."

* * *

The whole work environment was uncomfortable. The members from the BAU were like fish out of water in the New York office. With all six agents coming and going throughout the day, they were no doubt exhausted not only physically, but mentally as well. As for Jamie, she had been keeping a close eye on Emmison since he threated to kick her off the case. She still wasn't sure if he could do that, but she didn't want to chance it. The hazel-eyed agent was sitting at the large table in the conference room with JJ, a pen to her lips, eyes looking over the scattered papers all along the table-top, and her beautiful, bemused mind, seemingly running a thousand-miles a minute. The pen on her lips tapped away, like she couldn't control her own hand. The windows in the conference room gave a wide view into the office and Jamie could see into the office of Taylor Emmison, who was sitting at his desk, looking even more distraught than he did earlier.

Jamie put down the blue pen and stood from her seat at the table, "I'm going to get some coffee, you want any?" she asked JJ.

The blonde looked up from her case file, "No, I'm good, thanks."

Accepting the decline, Jamie left the conference room and walked over to the break room. It was later in the evening, around six-thirty, almost seven; so, the office had calmed down just a tad. Entering the break room, Jamie was relieved to find a full, hot pot. She grabbed a styrofoam cup and poured it full of the liquid, bringing it to her lips, not caring about the sensation from the heat. Then, something dawned upon her. _"This could be a suicide mission…"_ she thought to herself. Eyeing the stack of cups on the counter, Jamie quickly grabbed another one, filling it up and took it in her hand. She inhaled and exhaled a deep breath to prepare herself, Jamie began walking to Emmison's office. With each step she took, it felt like the earth was crumbling into rubble behind her, but she knew it was just her nerves. Yet, she didn't even know why she was nervous, he was just a person...with a bad attitude.

Reaching the office, Jamie wondered how she was going to knock when both of her hands were full. So, she took one hand and used the knuckle of her pinky finger, knocking fairly lightly, but enough to get Emmison's attention. She saw him glance up from his paperwork and give her a confused look, but he stood from his desk and walked over to the door, opening it.

"Yes?" he asked, voice sounding plain and dry.

"Thought you could use a cup," Jamie said, holding up the cup she poured for him. She held it out to him with a small half-grin.

Emmison looked from her to the cup, then back to Jamie, finally taking to coffee. "Thanks," When Jamie didn't go away after that, he raised an eyebrow at her. "Did you need something?"

 _"…crap."_ Jamie said, internally. Did she even have a reason for going to his office, for bringing him a coffee that she wasn't even sure he would drink? Jamie let her eyes wander to the back of Emmison, seeing the chairs in front of his desk. "Do you mind if I sit?" she questioned, hoping for the best.

Agent Emmison looked back into his office, obviously taking a minute to consider. He sighed, "I guess, but I do have paperwork." He motioned with his head for her to enter and closed the door behind them.

Studying the office, Jamie noticed the mind-numbing colors; several shades of grey and some white furniture. She assumed he liked it neutral, then again, she also thought it was because of his personality. "Nice office…"

"You're not a very good liar, Agent Carter," Emmison said, sitting back at his desk.

"I've been told differently," Jamie played along, sitting herself in one of the white chairs.

The room went silent for a moment, neither of the agents speaking, holding their breath.

"Look," Jamie began, breaking the awkwardness, "I just-I wanted to apologize, I guess."

"You guess?" Emmison responded, giving her a skeptical look.

Jamie shrugged her shoulder, "For the way I came off earlier. I'm not usually so defensive…or at least I don't think I am," she went off, thinking to herself. She shook it off, "Anyway, it's not my place to tell you what to do. You called my team and I am here to help you on your case, so I intend to do that."

Emmison looked surprised, linking his hands together on the desk top, "You know-"

"All I ask is that you don't leave us in the dark about anymore murders. We really need to know about those." Jamie interrupted, face going a little red.

"Understood," Emmison said with pursed lips, nodding.

"Can I just ask…" Jamie began, but hesitating at her question, "Actually, never mind."

"No, please, go ahead." Emmison told her, sounding sort of genuine.

Jamie huffed a laugh and let her eyes wander around the sad looking office. "I just don't understand how you became supervisor, the top-man with the sort of attitude that you have."

Emmison looked a little amused, not angry for the first time since the BAU arrived. He leaned forward in his desk a bit, hands still on the top of his desk, "I got where I am by being good- _the best_ at what I do. Just as you did."

"Well, I wouldn't say I'm the best." Jamie joked with fake flattery.

"I'm not someone who likes asking for help, Agent Carter. And to be completely honest with you, I'm not even sure I like you…but I needed to call for more help. From what I've heard, your team is one of the best, if not _the_ best and there is no doubt in my mind that you'll help me solve this case in a timely manner."

Jamie watched him intently, "…but?"

"But I'm not going to become a submissive pooch just because the infamous BAU comes to town. Like you said, it's _my_ case."

Jamie nodded, looking down and making indents with her finger nail in her coffee cup, "We understand that," she told him. Then, she looked up, creating stern eye contact, "But we can't do our job if you don't let us. We need to be able to do _our_ job, so that _you_ can do yours."

He nodded with acknowledgement, with a tiny smile twitching on his mouth, "Got it," he took his hands from the desk and ran them over in his hair, "I suppose I'm just being territorial."

"Kind of typical," Jamie replied, sipping the coffee in her cup.

"How so?"

"You're completely playing into the stereotype of dominate male authority figures."

Emmison shrugged, "Not the first time I've heard that one."

"Oh?" Jamie sounded, looking intrigued. "Who beat me to it? This whole field office?"

"My wife-or my ex-wife," he told her.

Jamie was genuinely surprised, but didn't want to show it, afraid it might offend him. "How long were you married?'

"Seven years," he replied, looking off into nothing. "She said I loved the job more than my own family."

"You've got kids, too?"

"Yep, two boys…" He took a sip of his coffee, then looked back at Jamie. "Any other dented cans you want to break open?"

"To be fair here, I didn't ask for you to tell me those things."

Emmison let out a huff and started stacking the papers on his desk.

"Wow," Jamie drew out, letting herself smile.

"What?"

Jamie shook her head, "For a second there, you almost sounded like a human with feelings."

"I'm just someone who knows what they want."

"I think you've giving a pretty good example of that today," Jamie looked at Agent Emmison and saw him looking out of his office window. Her eyes followed his gaze and she saw the rest of her team enter the conference room across the way. "Oh, they're back," she said out loud to herself. She watched for a moment longer, seeing as JJ was speaking to Morgan and Hotch, motioning over in her direction. She waved through the window when she saw some her teammates eyes go over to Emmison's office.

"Maybe we should get back to work," Emmison suggested, almost sounding embarrassed.

"Of course," Jamie said, getting up from her seat. She was about to open the door to exit when Emmison called her back. "Yes?"

"Agent Rossi…" he said, giving no explanation.

"I'm sorry?"

"That's not _the_ David Rossi out there, is it?" Emmison asked her, motion with his head towards the window.

Jamie wanted to laugh, but held it in and instead let a smile form on her face. "Oh, you mean the David Rossi who was a part of starting out unit, wrote several books, became famous, made millions, and then returned to the FBI?"

Agent Emmison gave no verbal response, only a tiny head nod.

"Yeah, that's him out there."

"Jeez," Emmison said, scratching the back of his head, "Never in a million years would I have thought that I would meet David Rossi."

"You're a fan?"

"You could say that…"

Jamie nodded in understanding and crossed her arms, "Trust me, I felt the same way; but don't tell him that."

"It's safe with me."

"Good to know," Jamie said, looking back through the window to the conference room. "I'll let you get back to work."

"Have a good night, Agent Carter."

"You too, Agent Emmison."

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.


	26. Dumb Luck

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. I seriously pray that you like it, Darcy worked hard on this one. Also, a huge thank you to those people who have followed and/or favorited this story. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

 **P.S. Happy New Year!**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Twenty-six: Dumb Luck**

 **February 5th, 2015**

Jamie sighed while looking at all of their work from across the room by a window, "I don't get how this unsub can manage to just… _kidnap_ someone in broad daylight when there is all of this going on," She held one arm out, gesturing to the large cityscape on the other side of the glass.

"You'd be surprised, Agent Carter," Emmison told her, "Guns go off here all the time, especially in the shitty neighborhoods. And whoever this person might be, he has enough nerve to execute his plans whenever he wants."

"He more than likely choses the alleyways due to their seclusion," Rossi included.

"Is it too careless to compare this unsub to a mugger?" Morgan wondered.

"A mugger who drugs people, kidnaps them and then tortures them for several days?" Jamie retired, eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"He's not too far off," Emmison said. "Muggings happen all the time in this area, but this guy hasn't kidnapped anyone from this vicinity…yet." Emmison was at the whiteboard with the map, circling the area they were currently in, that included one of the city's biggest and busiest parks. "People are reported missing every day in the city, so when the cases come to us, we're never one-hundred percent sure if it's related to one of our open cases. We get a second body before the M.E. report comes back from the first victim."

"This guy is smart," JJ jumped in, "He has to be watching these people, picking them out before he acts. There's got to be something that he sees in these individuals, something that connects them to something we haven't caught onto yet."

"What if the victims are just random?" Emmison questioned.

"Not likely," Spencer said, "The unsub is messy, but he's also smart. He manages to grab these people without being seen, he drugs them, takes them to wherever he's hiding and tortures them. Nothing about his methods of torture says that he doesn't know what he's doing or he doesn't know what he wants to do to them."

"We've also developed that its personal," Hotch said, "He uses close contact."

"He wants to be the one to cause suffering."

"Okay, so the guy's a sadist." Morgan pointed out, with everyone else agreeing.

"I thought you all profiled that he wants something from these people," Emmison claimed. "He tortures them…but why?"

"We know that he believes the victims have information that he wants," Jamie began, rejoining the group by the table. She sat down in a chair and began thinking to herself, "…kind of like the CIA." she said, giving genuine consideration to the outrageous thought.

"The CIA?" Hotch and Emmison questioned at the same time.

"Uh, I was kidding."

"No, you weren't." Rossi declared, causing Jamie to glow red.

"Explain, Carter," Hotch told her.

Jamie shifted uncomfortably in her seat and looked at the others in the room. She met eyes with Spencer and she gave him a look, telling him to help her out, but he only gave her a slight shake of the head. "Okay…so, you know how the CIA is known for like, 'torturing' people for information?"

"What kind of claim are you trying to make?" Emmison questioned her, the tone in his voice not faltering.

"Someone's been watching too many movies." Morgan joked.

Jamie held up her hands in defense, "I'm not claiming anything, it's just a thought…a mere comparison."

"That's actually…" JJ began, but trailed off.

"Agent Jareau?" Emmison called, "Don't tell me you're on board with this."

"Think about it for a minute," she told him, letting it be heard by all, "When an enemy is captured in war by the opposing side, what happens to them?"

"The ones who captured them usually ask for information to get an upper hand." Rossi bit, but seeming a bit confused by the comparison.

"They're not asked, they're tortured." Spencer said, understanding where the girls were coming from. "What if this unsub thinks he's doing a job? That killing is something he has to do, because no one else will?"

"He'd be delusional," Emmison professed, "But someone who's suffering a psychotic break isn't going to be able to pull of a crime like this."

"That could explain the randomness of the victims," Morgan offered. "Not bad, Carter."

"Well, I did learn everything I know from the movies. I'm more than happy to let you borrow some just in case…you know, if you need to brush up." Jamie teased.

* * *

When the day drew to evening, Agent Emmison took out JJ and Morgan to scout the streets. The others were back at the field office, working on the geographical profile and continuing with trying to tie the victims together. The civilians were thinning out in the city, which caused Emmison to feel a tinge of hope that they would catch their unsub. He was becoming slightly agitated, with having waited around for a couple of hours. Roaming the streets seemed as good as a strategy as sitting around the office, piecing together what they had already put into place hours before.

Emmison was tapping the tip of his right shoe on the pavement, causing JJ and Morgan to take notice.

"Hey, you alright, man?" Morgan wondered.

Letting out a huff, Emmison rolled his eyes a little and turned to Morgan, "Fine. Just really want to catch this bastard."

"We all do." Morgan shared a glance with JJ, who looked a little weary.

"How long have you been in New York?" she asked, walking and talking with the two men.

"All my life," Emmison answered, not skipping a beat. "Born and raised. My ex-wife and I decided to stay in the city, raise the kids. Thought it would be great to raise them were we grew up."

"I didn't know you were married."

"Not a lot of people do," Emmison added, keeping his face forward and stoic.

"What about law enforcement? How'd you get started in that?" Morgan jumped into the conversation.

"What is this, an interrogation?"

"Just trying to make conversation. Nobody needs to stand around in an uncomfortable situation for two more hours."

Agent Emmison stopped and placed his hands on his hips. He turned to face the two BAU agents, running a hand down his face, "I'm sorry," he apologized, sincerely sincere, "I appreciate you trying to distract me, but…"

JJ looked cautious, "But what?"

"Nothing, just forget it," Emmison said, sighing. He started walking down the street again, passing a couple of civilians past an alleyway. Slowing down a step, he waited for JJ and Morgan to catch up beside him. "If you really want to know," he began, "My dad was with the NYPD for twenty-seven years, just retired a couple of years ago. I suppose I just wanted to be like him. I looked up to him as a kid, and I guess it just took me a little farther."

"I think that's nice," JJ said.

"Yeah, also helping those who can't help themselves keeps me kind of sane."

"Sane?" Morgan teased.

Emmison laughed a bit, "That's fair," he replied, turning his body as he was walking, facing the other two. "I wasn't always an ass, you know."

"You could probably scar someone for life with that attitude of yours."

"Well, I find that being…overly assertive and blunt causes people to do what you tell them to, with little mishap."

"Agent Cooper seems to like you," JJ said, wondering if there was more behind the scenes.

"Oh, I know," Emmison claimed, sounding a little full of himself, "She isn't very subtle in her…flirting, I guess." He laughed to himself, "I've known her since I started though, same class at Quantico."

The three of them were invested in their conversation, genuinely enjoying getting to know the coldest agent in the New York field office. What they failed to notice, was that the sky had gotten significantly darker, the streets were emptier, and their street became fairly narrow.

A scream rang throughout the city. A scream that came from the opposite direction they had come from.

Immediately without hesitation, all three agents had their guns drawn, running towards the cry.

Agent Emmison didn't wait for the others. Instead, he sprinted towards the scream, gun drawn into the air, full force ahead.

"Agent Emmison!" Morgan yelled, running after him, JJ right next to him. "You need to wait!"

All three of them ran towards the alleyway that they had passed minutes earlier.

When Morgan and JJ finally caught up to him inside the dark, damp alleyway, they were almost out of breath.

"Jesus, why didn't you wait?" Morgan asked, a bit of bite coming through.

"Agent Morgan, someone's life is at danger and I'm not about to send another body to the M.E.!"

The alley was empty as they looked around, not seeing the threat. Then, as JJ was facing the entry way, her eyes went wide and her instincts kicked in. "Put your hands up, now!"

There was a dark figure at the end, attempting to drag something along the ground. When he heard JJ yell, he straightened up and dropped the body's limbs, letting them drop to the ground.

"That's him!" Emmison growled, taking off towards the figure, causing him to run away.

"Son of a bitch…" Morgan muttered, looking back at JJ, "Stay here!" he told her, pointing to the body on the ground as he began running.

Morgan and Emmison followed to unsub down the street, meeting him at another alleyway. What they didn't expect, was that the unsub was packed and about to aim his gun at them. When he did, he didn't hesitate to fire four shots from his gun.

Morgan and Emmison went for cover, Emmison cursing loudly, because of the shots.

On the other end of the street, JJ rushed over to the body at the end of the alleyway, kneeling next to a woman and flinching when she heard multiple gunshots through the air.

She saw the woman was still conscious and brushed the hair away from her face, "Ma'am, I'm Agent Jareau. Can you tell me your name?" JJ's hands were shaking as she let her hands find the wound on the woman's chest. It was on the side were her heart was. She thought that maybe the unsub decided to just finish the job, since he was interrupted. Her eyes were bleary as she looked over the woman.

"An-Angela…" the woman spoke softly.

JJ nodded her head in understanding. She took her hands and firmly pressed them onto the woman's wound, hoping to influence the blood flow. "I promise you that help is on the way."

Angela coughed, spitting up a bit of blood as she did. "He-he stabbed m-me…"

"I know, help is coming," JJ tried to assure her. She ignored the feeling of warm, wet blood slip through the gaps in her fingers. JJ noticed Angela's eyelids begin to flutter. "Hey, you need to stay with me, alright?"

Angela nodded, understanding what JJ was saying, but that didn't stop her eyes from closing.

* * *

Jamie was the first one to rush into the sliding hospital doors. Her eyes wandered rapidly around the first floor, finally seeing JJ standing by the entry doors to the emergency room. She ran over, taking in the sight of the scarlet blood on her white button up. "Oh my god, are you okay?"

JJ's eyes were down, her hands mindlessly scrubbing away at the blood on her hands, "I'm fine," she said, "It's not my blood. It's Angela's…" She stopped talking when she looked up and noticed the rest of the team arriving as well, along with Agent Emmison.

"How's the victim?" Emmison questioned, the softness in his demeanor from earlier was long gone.

"She's in surgery," JJ answered, "They think that when she was stabbed that her lung was punctured."

"Did you catch the unsub?" Hotch asked.

"No, we didn't," Morgan said, sounding bitter.

"Son of a bitch ran away," Emmison added, "We chased him for a couple of blocks, but…"

"Did the hospital call anyone for the victim?" Rossi wondered.

JJ nodded, crumpling up the wipes in her hands, "Yeah, they called her mother. They said she should be here before she gets out of surgery."

"Okay," Hotch began, "Let's get back to the office. Rossi and Morgan, stay here and try to talk to Angela when she wakes up. We need to finish this and you need to get cleaned up." he said, pointing at JJ.

* * *

"There has to be something we're missing here!" Emmison shouted, causing everyone to jump. He was pacing back and forth, hands kitted together on the back of his head. "I'm sick of letting this damn guy walk all over me!"

Jamie shared a look with Spencer, Hotch, and JJ. She wanted to open her mouth, say something witty and relax the environment; but then again, she had been warned before.

"Have we cross referenced these cases with others in the state? Like, across different police departments?" JJ questioned, standing in fresh clothing.

" _Of course_ , we have," Emmison huffed, "There's nothing else like this in the state. Lucky us…"

"What about over stateliness?" Spencer said, earning mixed looks from the others. He gazed back, slightly confused, "What?"

"If something like this was or has happened in another state, don't you think we would've already known about it?"

"It's not a bad idea, though," Jamie defended. "If something else like this has happened before, it's bound to show up now."

"We've been so engulfed in trying to find a connection between the victims, we're practically sabotaging our own investigation," Hotch said, pulling out his phone.

"Calling Garcia?" JJ asked, already knowing the answer; but asking for Emmison's relief.

"Who's Garcia?" Agent Emmison questioned, still slightly pacing the room.

"Penelope Garcia is out technical analyst back in Quantico. She basically a magician." Jamie joked, but not giving away any humor in her own face or voice.

"Speak and be spoken to!" Garcia answered over Hotch's speaker phone.

"Garcia, we need you to cross reference any cases over the New York state lines where random victims were drugged, tortured, and stabbed. The same M.O."

"Uh, jeez, okay…" she said, her fingers already typing away on her keyboard. "Wait, did you want a nation-wide search?"

"Yes," Hotch answered, "Please hurry."

"I'm working, I'm working…"

A few moments of silence in the room felt excruciating, for everyone involved.

"Oh-oh god," Penelope sounded from the other end of the receiver.

"What is it, Garcia?" Spencer asked, standing next to Hotch.

"If this is the same unsub you're looking for, then there's a little problem. I put the parameters in and cross referenced the M.O. that you asked for, and the first one that matches was in Atlanta in nineteen-ninety-eight. One man, Harvey Wilkerson and one woman, Mandy Johnson; both found beaten, bloody, and stabbed behind a dumpster. Then, again in two-thousand, four people in Boston, found in the same condition. Two-thousand-and-three, six people in Philadelphia, Two-thousand-and-five, seven-"

"Okay, Garcia, I need you to send that information over to us as soon as you can." Hotch told her.

"Already done, sir."

"Thanks…"

"Jesus Christ, how the hell did we miss this?!" Emmison roared, sounding angrier than ever.

"From what Garcia told us right now and what we already know, that's at least twenty victims." JJ claimed, looking shocked.

"Crossing states lines…that's smart." Jamie chimed in, crossing her arms. "He puts time in between his killings, lets the attention of the crimes go down. Then, he starts back up again and increases his body count in a new city."

"This bastard is delusional." Emmison declared.

"What makes you say that?" Spencer asked.

Agent Emmison raised his eyebrows at the younger agent, "Well, for starters Dr. Reid, he's going city to city and torturing people! His reality is distorted, no doubt!"

"Okay, maybe you should go get some air." Hotch told him, starting to stand in front of this agents.

Emmison stood in front of them, hands on his hips. He raised his hands in surrender, "Maybe I should…" He walked out, not bothering to look back.

"I'm going to go talk to him," Hotch said, walking away towards the door.

"Are you sure that-" JJ began to asked, but stopped since Hotch apparently didn't hear her.

"Excuse my language, but _holy shit_ …" Jamie breathed out, sitting herself down in a chair.

As she did, Charlotte knocked on the door to the conference room. She poked her head in, "Pardon me, but I need to talk to you," she said, pointing at JJ.

"What for?" JJ questioned.

"About what happened out in the alleyway. We have paper work to get done, honey."

"Right," JJ whispered to herself, exiting with room and following Charlotte.

Jamie watched as JJ walked out, leaving her with Spencer. "And then there were two…"

Spencer gave a light laugh and sat down in a chair next to her, "Seems to happen a lot, doesn't it?"

"Oh yeah," Jamie agreed. "The universe works in mysterious ways."

"You know, there's just something I don't understand about what happened out on the street…" Spencer said after a few minutes.

"What's that?"

"We never profiled that this unsub carries a gun around."

"Yeah, you're right…"

"It just doesn't make sense."

Jamie shrugged, "We can't always be one-hundred percent. Maybe by being chased, he got scared off."

"Maybe he got scared off and he's already on his way to a new city."

"Okay, Negative Nancy."

"I'm just saying-"

"No, no, I know what you mean…" Jamie swerved in her chair, "Do you think we'll catch him?"

"I hope so," Spencer told her, looking at Jamie with genuine eyes.

Jamie stared back, feeling weird tension in the contact. She smiled a bit and quickly looked down, tucking some hair behind her right ear. "We should get started with that information Garcia sent us."

"Oh, right," Spencer said, grabbing a tablet and opening it to gather the information and place it on the boards. He stood from his seat, grabbing a marker to being writing everything down and then, it was like something wired together in his brain…or his heart. "Hey, Jamie?"

"Hmm?" she hummed, eyes focused on the reading in front of her.

Spencer cleared his throat, "I-I know this probably isn't the best time to do this, but do you want to…"

Jamie didn't need to hear anymore. Her head snapped up, any faster and she would've sprained herself. Her eyes locked on Spencer, who was red and sounded like he was struggling to breath.

"Do you think that maybe you'd want to-"

"Spencer Reid," Jamie said, a big smile on her face. She stood from her seat, setting down the tablet on the table top and walking over to his side, "Are you asking me on a date?"

"Uh, trying to..."

Jamie couldn't force her smile to go away herself, there was no use. Though, when she heard two gun shots, clear as day outside the building, her smile melted away instantly.

* * *

"Everyone is trying their best, you know," Agent Hotchner claimed, walking towards Agent Emmison, who was leaning against the side of the brick building.

"I called in the best, so would expect so." The air sent a chill through Emmison, a different vibe than what he was getting from the case. He shook his head, bemused, "This is…this is without a doubt the most prolific serial killer I've personally dealt with. This bastard manages to go state to state in the past what, fifteen years? Goes around killing people for kicks I bet…"

"We're not going to let the body count go any higher," Hotch told him, shoving his hands into his pants pockets.

"He has to be looking for another victim," Emmison declared. "Especially, since we stopped him from taking Angela."

"He's bound to become sloppy. Hopefully he'll be more noticeable now."

"How do you do it?" Emmison wondered, looking at Hotch.

Hotch knit his eyebrows together, "What do you mean?"

"How do you deal with the ones you can't stop?"

Hotch shook his head, "We _are_ going to stop this one."

The foot steps behind them caused both agents to face the sound. When they did, their hands went to their guns without hesitation, pulling their weapons on a man.

The man was older, in a dark sweatshirt, a gun at his side.

"Don't move!" and "Stop right there!" rang through the night, as Emmison and Hotch yelled at the same time.

"Sinners…" the man mumbled.

"Excuse me?" Emmison asked, voice on edge.

"They're sinners…and you're trying to stop God's work."

"You think that God wants you to kill people?"

"He told me himself…"

"Maybe you should think about going to a different Sunday service."

"He told me you're the devil, too. Both of you…all of you!" The man began to raise his voice and started to raise his gun.

"Don't move the gun!" Hotch shouted, tightening his grip on his gun.

"I have to get rid of you…"

"Nobody else is dying. This is it for you."

No explanation, just the swift motion of the unsub's gun rising and one released shot.

* * *

The gunshot from Agent Emmison's hit the unsub right in the heart. _"Serves him right…"_ he thought to himself. He lowered his gun and slowly approached the dead body on the ground. He knelt down next to it, placing his cold fingers on the unsub's neck, internally praying for no pulse.

There wasn't one.

He let out a sigh of relief and tucked his gun away. Emmison ran back to Hotch, staring at the blood that was blooming through his shirt and jacket.

"It just grazed," Hotch informed him, looking down at his wound.

"I'm calling an ambulance," Emmison stated, pulling out his phone. As he did, several agents from the building came out of the doors.

Jamie, Spencer, and JJ came out in front, eyes wide at the sight before them.

"What the hell happened?!" Jamie exclaimed, not knowing where to look. There was a dead body on the ground and her boss was bleeding.

"Unsub…" Emmison said calmly, nodding his head towards the dead body. "He took a shot…and so did I."

"He just…what exactly happened?" JJ questioned, arms covering herself.

"We were out here talking and he came up behind us," Hotch explained. "He said that he was doing God's work, cleaning up the sinners."

"So, there's a religious aspect that we didn't even catch onto?" Spencer asked.

"Guess so," Emmison answered, shrugging. He looked down at his phone when he saw other agents in the background on their cell phones. "Someone already called this in, huh?"

Jamie nodded, "More than a few."

"Hotch, are you okay? You're bleeding!" JJ told him, unaware that he already knew.

"I know, it's just a graze though."

The sirens could be heard before anyone could see their flashing colors. Red and blue flashed into the dark of night. A couple of ambulances and the local police arrived on scene, taking to Hotch and the unsub's dead body right away.

Emmison insisted on riding to the hospital with Hotch. Even though he would never admit it to anyone, he felt a little guilty for him being shot at; especially, since it could've ended up a lot worse.

* * *

 **February 6th, 2015**

The unsub's name was Charles Bradbury.

According to his grandmother, Charles had been very religious his whole life, thanks to his mother. She had brainwashed him into thinking that those who lived a lifestyle that wasn't like theirs, deserved to go to hell and that's where Charles thought he was sending his victims.

His last victim, Angela, had survived and was recovering from her surgery in the hospital.

"I want to thank all of you," Agent Taylor Emmison said out loud into the room. He stood in front of the BAU agents, eyes down, hands in pockets, but sincere gratitude running through his mind. "With your help…and the stupidity of the unsub, we were able to stop another serial killer from roaming the streets; from crossing into another city and adding to his body count."

Emmison walked over to Hotch and shook his hand, his grip firm. He shook hands with all of the agents, sharing their sense of relief.

"If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask," Hotch told Emmison, who smiled as he watched the best of the best, exit his field office.

* * *

The plane ride out of New York was quiet.

Everyone did their own thing as usual, reading, listening to music, sleeping, or absent mindedly staring out the window.

Considering that the case was over, Jamie couldn't help but think about Spencer and his adorable attempt to ask her out; and she realized that she never gave the guy an answer. She looked over the seats in the plane from hers in the back and saw him, sitting next to Morgan, reading a book she knew he had read some thousand-and-one times before. Smiling to herself, she whispered, "Spencer…" When that didn't work, she grimaced a little, but tried again, a little louder this time, "Yoo-hoo, Spencer..."

That sing-song voice caught his attention…and the attention of a couple other. Jamie flashed red for a moment, but when she looked back at Spencer, he looked at her with curious eyes. She motioned with one finger, signaling for him to come and meet her in the back, in the seat across from her.

He did just that, with his book in hand of course. Arriving at the seats, he grinned at Jamie and sat down in the seat. "Need something?"

Jamie laughed a little, nerves flowing throughout. She licked her lips and moved her eyes to the window, seeing the city lights from below. "I know this probably isn't the best time," she dragged out, "But does your offer still stand?"

Spencer brightened, closing the book in his hands, "Of course, it does."

Jamie bit her lip, an attempt to hold back an eager smile. "Good, that's good," she said, feeling her heart racing.

"So, I'll pick you up tomorrow night?"

"What?" the question caught her a little of guard. They had just finished a case.

"Well, we have the weekend off-hopefully. So, I thought we could rest up, then go out later tomorrow evening?"

Jamie nodded, not even bothering to hide her happiness. She shrugged her shoulders, "You know where to find me."

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.


	27. Ask & You Shall Receive

**Hey all, here is the next chapter for this fic. Okay, let me tell you that this chapter took me _so_ long to write. I feel like I did an alright job, but I genuinely pray that you'll love it. I'm keeping this note short, so I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Twenty-seven: Ask & You Shall Receive**

 **February 7th, 2015**

Saturday night came quickly and Jamie was in her room, giving herself a once-over in her mirror. Her eyes went to every part of her body, but at the end, she sighed and tugged it off, throwing a fourth dress onto the floor. She simply wanted to look nice, but that was looking like a challenge. There was no doubt in her mind that she was nervous. A majority of her emotions were variations of happiness; yet, her mind never let her forget about things that could possibly go wrong. For instance, they could get lost and end up in the forest somewhere, or the car could get a flat tire; but, the worst thought of all, was the thought that the night would crash and burn, ultimately ending Jamie and Spencer's newfound relationship.

Then again, Jamie was confident with the direction they were headed. Even though the two old flames had a rough start when she started on the team, they had no doubt grown, not only as people, but as something more; something that not even Jamie could put her finger on. Perhaps it was the nature of the job that caused their reconnection. After all, going through traumatic experiences leaves you vulnerable, but they had each other to lean on and graciously accepted that the other needed some form of comfort; whether they realized it or not. Jamie and Spencer still had a connection, there was no denying it. Sure, they were both stubborn at times and wouldn't out rightly admit to anything, but old feelings and emotions were being dug up. Their connection went beyond understanding, even their own and as time went by, the connection went deeper, despite the looming grey of their difficult past. Yet, coming back around, it felt like a fresh and pure reconnection of two old souls from another lifetime.

All these feelings, they scared Jamie a little bit. One thing that she wouldn't allow herself to do, was hurt Spencer, again.

No, she couldn't think negatively. If she did, her mind would be crowded with those type of thoughts all night. She brushed them away, willing them out of her mind. Standing in her underwear, Jamie looked down at the floor, as it was littered with clothes and had shoes thrown about. Jamie shook her head and ran her hands through her hair in frustration. It shouldn't be so damn hard to find something to wear for a night out. So, she gathered up the loose clothing items and threw them into her closet. _"Out of sight, out of mind…"_ she thought, as she picked up her shoes and placed them in their respective spot in her room.

Jamie walked back to her closet, turned on the light inside so she could see better and pulled out her favorite black leather jacket. She adored this piece of clothing, because it went with the majority of her wardrobe and she always got compliments on it. When she bought it, the cashier at the store told her that it reminded him of a television show- or most of them these days, because black leather jackets are usually vital to a character's attire. Jamie laughed at the comment when she remembered it, but didn't think much of it. Walking to her dresser and pulling out the bottom drawer, she grabbed a dark pair of denim jeans and from her second drawer, a plain, white V-neck. She held up the articles of various fabric in her hands and nodded to herself in approval. Jamie was never one to be too fancy, unless formal attire was expected. She was comfortable in her basics and she knew it looked good, too.

After putting on her clothes, Jamie put on her makeup. It was minimal, but you could still tell that it was there. She did her hair, her long, brown locks falling down over her shoulders and down her back. Giving herself one more look in the mirror and approving, her phone buzzed on her nightstand by her bed.

 **From: S. Reid**

 **6:48 P.M.: I'm about 10 minutes out. See you soon.**

Jamie placed her phone in her back pocket and walked back to her messy closet. Her eyes wandered down to her shoes and her hands reached out, picking up a pair of black boots. She slid her feet into the boots and she zipped up the sides, then made her way to her full-length mirror, giving herself another once-over. Her hands smoothed down her shirt and down her thighs, then she put on her jacket and a tiny grin made itself appear on her face.

Jamie stared at herself, "Don't screw this up…"

Sighing, more out of nerves than anything else, Jamie turned off the bedroom light and went down the stairs to her kitchen. She was halfway into her kitchen when her doorbell rang. Jamie stopped for a moment and twisted her body around. Her eyebrows knit in confusion for a second, but then her feet carried her towards the large front door. She looked out the peephole and rolled her eyes at herself for being so suspicious. When she opened it, her face lit up with a bright smile and met a similar, shyer smile on Spencer's face.

"Hi," he spoke first.

"Hey, come in," Jamie told him, motioning into her home with her left hand, while her right held the door. When he was inside, she shut the door and before she could completely turn around, Spencer stepped forward and placed a small kiss on her cheek.

"You look really great," he told her, keeping his eyes on her.

Jamie couldn't help but blush, "Thank you," she smiled and cast her eyes down at her feet. "You look really nice, too," she returned, eyes meeting back up with Spencer.

There was a silence that entered the room as the two stood by the door. Jamie let out a small, breathy laugh, "I was just about to get my purse, but I'm ready to go if you are."

Spencer nodded quickly, "Yeah, I'm good, but take your time."

Jamie walked back into her kitchen and grabbed her purse from the counter. She opened it up and looked into it, seeing her keys, her badge, and her other necessities she kept in there at all times. "Okay…" she trailed as she walked back out, purse in hand. "I just need my keys and we're good to go."

"Heads up," Spencer said, tossing her keys in the air, which he grabbed from the key hook by the door.

Jamie caught them easily and sent him a smirk. The two walked out the door, Jamie locking it behind them as they went. They walked down the lengthy driveway to Spencer's car and before Jamie could put her hand anywhere near the door, he ran beside her, beating her to the door and opening it for her.

"Why, thank you," Jamie joked, all in good nature.

"You're very welcome," Spencer said, shutting her door and rounded the car to the driver's side. He started the car, put on his seat belt and began driving into town.

"So, where're we headed?" Jamie asked, turning her head towards the driver.

"Um, you know, I was thinking…"

Jamie waited for him to finish his sentence, then she realized, "You have no idea, do you?"

"No, not at all," Spencer claimed, eyes on the road, but a smile on his face.

"Well, I'm not expert, but I think food is in order."

"Say no more," Spencer told her, going through a green light, "I know the perfect place."

* * *

"A dive bar, Spencer?" Jamie stood next to Spencer outside of a bar called "The Smokehouse". The outside didn't look like much with its brick walls, small sign, and dirty windows. "Since when do you go to dive bars?"

Spencer laughed and walked up to the door of the establishment. He stopped before opening it, "What? You're telling me that you don't want to go in?"

Jamie scoffed in amusement and her face showed some sort of bemused confusion. She lightly shook her head, " _Hell yeah_ , I want to go in!"

Spencer opened the door for her as the pair walked into the bar. The inside was dark and there was smoke lingering in the air. There were patrons scattered about, not clustered together. Jamie and Spencer found open seats at the bar and sat on the stools. Jamie was scanning the place, intrigued and a little wonderstruck at the fact that Spencer brought her there.

Spencer leaned closer to her, "Morgan brought me here before. It kind of grew on me, I guess."

Jamie smiled brightly, breaking the dark of the bar. "We've only been here like, less than ten minutes and I'm loving this!" she told him through the music in the building.

The bartender came up to them, "What can I get you guys?" he asked, wiping down a glass in his hands with a white towel.

Jamie turned to Spencer, silently asking him what he wanted, but he said, "I'm driving.". So, she turned back to the bartender and asked for a bottle of Samuel Adams. He cracked it open right there and handed Jamie the bottle. She thanked the bartender and put the bottle to her lips, drinking the beer. Before he could leave, Jamie asked for a food menu. "Hm, let's see," Jamie said, letting her eyes go over the menu. "Oh, definitely will be needing some cheese fries and mozzarella sticks, please."

"I'll have that right out for you guys," the bartender told them.

Jamie took another sip of her bear and turned around on her stool facing the open space. "This is so great," she said.

"I told you that you'd like it," Spencer replied, drinking on his bottle of Coke. "I'm really glad you decided to come out with me."

"Me, too. Honestly, I was so nervous earlier, but this is pretty much in my comfort zone."

"Here you go," the bartender told them from behind. He set down a basket of cheese fries and one full of mozzarella stick.

"Thank you," Jamie said, not waiting to dig into the food. She put the baskets between her and Spencer, the two enjoying their deep-fried foods. "Ugh, this is so good."

"Hopefully we're not called into the office tomorrow," Spencer noted, taking a bite of some fries.

"Oh, no, don't jinx us!" Jamie joked.

"Well, if we get called in tomorrow, I'll take the blame."

Jamie threw some fries into her mouth and wiped her finger on a napkin. "Did you ever think we'd be back here?" she asked, not thoroughly thinking.

"Here as in…where?" Spencer teased her, lifting one eyebrow.

"You know what I mean," Jamie said, nudging him on the shoulder. "Like, here we are in a dive bar, eating fries and drinking beer like we're twenty-one, again."

"But when's the last time you got to do something like this?" he wondered. "Our job demands so much, so this is probably a good thing."

Jamie put her hands up, "Okay, I agree. I'll just enjoy these carbs and live my life carefree tonight."

"Hey, how's your pool game these days?"

Jamie paused and let her eyes meet Spencer's, "Uh, probably pretty rusty."

"I bet you still hold the record for most games won in a night back at Fender's in Pasadena."

Jamie huffed a laugh, "I wouldn't argue with that one."

"Come on," Spencer told her, leaving his seat. "Let's see if you still got it."

"Now?"

"Yes, _now_. Let's go," Spencer started walking to a free table, looking back at Jamie as he left the bar."

Jamie looked back down at the counter of the bar, eyeing her food. "What about my mozzarella sticks?" she whispered to herself. She got up from her seat, dusting her hands off on a clean napkin and grabbed another beer before walking over to Spencer. He was racking up the balls, putting them in order.

"Ooo, so those pool lessons I gave you stuck, huh?" Jamie teased.

"Maybe they'll be enough to beat you." Spencer handed her a pool stick with the chalk.

Jamie dropped her jaw in fake surprise, "I'm taking that as a challenge, you know. So, beware…"

Spencer pulled the rack away from the balls, "Ladies first," he said, standing back behind Jamie.

Jamie bent forward a little bit, lining her eyes with the cue and the first ball. She inhaled and on the exhale, she released the stick and hit the cue ball, which sent two solid balls into the bottom left and right pockets. She stood back up and looked over her shoulder at Spencer, "Maybe I still got it."

* * *

Last call came and went, but so did the time. Jamie and Spencer were too engulfed in the night, they never bothered to pay attention to the passing minutes. Spencer was right, the night was a good thing, because with their job demanding so much of their time, they didn't know when they would be able to go out like this again. With Spencer still sober and Jamie having only a few drinks in the beginning of the night, the two left the bar, walking back to Spencer's car and made their way back to Jamie's place.

"That is so not what happened!" Jamie shouted, stumbling through her front door in a fit of laughter.

"I beg to differ," Spencer replied. "I clearly remember you and your one friend, uh, oh jeez, what was her name?"

Jamie put her keys on the hook and shook off her jacket, "You mean Alex?"

"Yes!" Spencer exclaimed. "See? You know exactly what I'm talking about! You two left me and her boyfriend-"

"Erick," Jamie reminded him.

"Right, you left Erick and I in the diner, even when you knew we didn't have our wallets."

Jamie looked at Spencer, a cheesy smile on her face, but she tried to hide it by biting her bottom lip. She shook her head and put her hands on her hips, "What can I say? I was rebellious back then."

"We had to call Erick's mom, his _mom_ out of all people, to come and save us."

"Good times," Jamie said, a little sentimental as she made her way into the living room. She plopped herself down on the couch and when she realized that Spencer wasn't following, she looked back at him, still standing by the door. "Are you going to come sit?"

Spencer hand his hands in his jacket pockets as he shrugged his shoulder. He was obviously thinking about the offer, but he was conflicted. Yes, the night had been fantastic and he wouldn't admit it out loud, but he didn't want it to end just yet. "You know, I think I should get going," he told her, contrary to his own desires.

Jamie turned fully on the couch, sitting herself back on her heels, "No, don't leave," she said in a whiny voice. "Stay, I'll make some coffee."

"Um-"

"And guess what? I just bought a brand-new bag of sugar last weekend. It hasn't even been opened yet…" Jamie started at him with hopeful eyes, silently praying that sugar would be a good enough bribe.

Spencer thought for a moment. He didn't know what it was, but he found that he couldn't say no to her. "Coffee sounds good, actually."

Jamie leaped from the couch with a grin on her face, "Yes! Okay, uh, just…make yourself at home," she told him, leaving for the kitchen.

Spencer did just that. He shrugged off his jacket, placing his phone and keys in one of the pockets before placing it along the back of her couch. Sitting on one of the end cushions, Spencer sat there, a tad nervous, even though everything was running smoothly. The guy still worked up the nerve some days to speak to Jamie, especially if it was not related to their work. Yet, he would often admit to himself that he was happy, enjoying her company, after not having it for so long. His gaze went around her living room, observing the neutral tones, his mind seeming to remind him that she had been sort of a minimalist. She had pictures on her walls and on the end tables, pictures of her family and friends, some who he even recognized. There was a vase of fresh flowers placed strategically on her mantel, right below her television.

"Okay, here we go," Jamie said, coming out of the kitchen with two mugs, pulling Spencer from his thoughts. She handed Spencer his mug and sat down beside him, crossing her legs under herself.

"I had so much fun tonight," she said, sipping carefully from the hot ceramic.

"I did, too."

Silence followed those words. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't relaxed. Despite spending most of the night together and seeing each other pretty much every day of the week, tension could still easily build a wall between the two.

"You know, I'm kind of curious…" Spencer admitted, eyes staring at the couch fabric. His statement wasn't too out of the blue, as he had been wondering since Jamie came back into his life.

"As are most human beings…"

Spencer chuckled, "What were you doing all that time?" The question was laced with a bit of humor, but it was all serious.

Jamie cleared her throat and wrapped her hands tighter around her mug. She knew what he was referring to, she just wasn't expecting him to ask in the moment. "Um, you know what? I'll tell you what you want to know, but all I ask is that you don't get too crazy with the questions."

"Fair enough," Spencer nodded.

"I mean, this is a lot…for the both of us. Heavy topic and all."

"Yeah, I know."

Setting her coffee down on the end table to her right, Jamie sat up straight and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes for a moment, mentally and emotionally preparing herself, "What do you want to know first?"

"When you left California, where did you go?"

"Uh, I ended up going back to Arizona."

Spencer's eyebrows creased in slight confusion, "Did you go to your parents?"

Jamie nodded, eyes cast down. She was just about embarrassed by the fact she had run home to mommy and daddy. "Didn't really have another choice."

"Wow," Spencer huffed out, placing his mug on the end table opposite from Jamie, "You must've been really desperate."

Jamie's eyes shot up at the comment, "Really, Spencer?"

"Sorry, it's just that…you thought things were so bad with me, that you had to go back home."

"They weren't bad," she was quick to defend. "They were just…I wasn't ready to be as serious as we were getting."

"So, you got scared?"

Jamie shrugged, "In a sense, yeah."

"What about work? You said you were a part of the NCAVC?"

"Yep, I actually loved that job, despite sitting at a desk for almost twelve hours a day."

"What'd you do there?" Spencer wondered, authentically curious.

"I started off in an assistant position," Jamie explained, "You know getting coffee, answer phones, the good life. Soon after that my boss gave me a very generous recommendation to _his_ boss, which allowed me to go higher up and I ended up with my own desk, my own assistant and _more_ paperwork."

"Ever go out in the field for the job?"

"It was pretty rare for me to go out, but every now and again I did- when I was needed, that is. I was a part of the psychological aspect mostly."

"Guess that came in handy then," Spencer said. "What about before that? What kind of jobs did you work?"

"I had lots of small, odd jobs before I ever applied for the academy. I saved up enough money so that when I did- or _if_ I got accepted, I would be able to afford the move."

"And how was the academy for you?" Spencer asked, a knowing smile on his face.

Jamie noticed it, "Oh, I know what you're thinking. Just because I wasn't the fastest or the most 'athletic' during college, doesn't mean I was the one at the back of the group."

Spencer raised his hands, "I was just asking," he laughed.

"Ugh, but seriously, I wanted nothing more to indulge in a pizza every day when I was there."

"I believe you," Spencer claimed, giving a small smile at the thought.

"But what about you? What has Spencer Reid been up to?" Jamie asked, leaning her chin on her arm that was propped up on the couch arm.

"Well," it took him a moment to think of something he deemed worthy. She was worth more than a single, vague answer in his mind; but his brain was stuck. "After you were gone, I threw myself into more schooling, joined the academy shortly after…been there ever since."

Jamie nodded her head slowly, accepting his words, yet still hoping for more. A smirk grew on her face, "Any girlfriends?" she asked, a playful tone.

Spencer went red in the face, "Uh, um, none that really stuck."

"Oh, come on, there has to be some woman whose worthy of Dr. Reid."

There was an internal battle erupting in Spencer. Should he tell her about one of his life's tragedies, or keep it hidden in the dark? "Her name was Maeve," he spoke, taking a deep breath in as he did. "Dr. Maeve Donovan. She, uh, we had been in contact for a while, then letters turned into phone calls…and the only time I ever saw her was…"

Jamie started intently at Spencer, waiting for him to finish. She could tell something was off by the way his eyes adverted around the room, and his voice had cracks in it. "Do I want to know?" she questioned, solemn.

"She was abducted by her stalker- a student of hers named Diane and when I tried to help her…she was shot…right in front of me."

"Oh my god," Jamie gasped, taking her head off her arm. Her eyes were wide, but her brows furrowed in etched seriousness. "I-I'm sorry." She didn't know what else to say. After all, what can you say when someone tells you their loved one died…let alone right in front of their eyes?

Spencer nodded his head, accepting her sympathy. He sniffled once, but shook off the emotion. "Thanks, but…you know, there's nothing we can do about it now."

"I know…"

Spencer cleared his throat, hoping to calm down from the slight buildup of sentiment, "What about you, though?"

"Huh, how much time do you have?" Jamie joked, fiddling with a loose thread on one of her throw pillows.

"I've got quite a bit of time." he replied, offering a faint smile.

"Let's see, there was Asher-"

 _"Asher?"_

Jamie huffed a laugh, "Yes, his name was Asher. We met at a business dinner our parents were having, but that only lasted for about four months. He was such a jerk," she explained, shaking her head at some memories flowing through her. "Um, then there was Elijah. That one lasted almost a year."

"Why almost?"

"He just wasn't very…I guess you could say towards the end, he wasn't into the whole 'having one girlfriend' aspect of a relationship; but then, I met Andrew…" The way she dragged out the thought gave away more information than she initially wanted to let on.

"There's more to that story," Spencer claimed, adjusting himself on the couch.

Jamie sprinted her eyes at him, "Are you profiling me?" The question had the tone of comicalness, but it was all serious.

"It doesn't take a profiler to know that Andrew was different."

"Different, huh? What makes you say that?" Jamie wondered.

"For starters, the way your eyes glazed before you bought him up, or how slowly you spoke when you told me-"

Jamie's mouth dropped slightly, but in good humor, "You are profiling me!"

"Sometimes I can't help it."

Jamie ruffled her hair, scratching her scalp, "Yeah, well, maybe that's a story for another time?"

Spencer got the hint, the hint that she didn't want to discuss whoever this Andrew person was. "I'll hold you to that."

"I don't doubt it."

More silence filled the empty spaces around them. Now, it wasn't too stiff, but not quite content. Being able to sit and discuss the one thing that affected _both_ of their lives was somewhat therapeutic. Of course, there were still many unanswered questions and question that weren't even a mere thought, yet.

"I was mad for a while," Spencer admitted. "I didn't understand and I still kind of don't, if I'm being honest with you."

Jamie didn't say anything. Instead, she took a pillow and held it over herself, waiting to see if he would say more. She knew he had the right to feel that way.

"I sat at home, in that apartment and I didn't know what to do," he continued, "but I knew that I couldn't sit around and feel sorry for myself. That's no way to live…"

"…I think the word 'sorry' has lost some of it's meaning between us." Jamie said, green eyes looking anywhere but the guy in front of her. "I could say it again, but the more I say it, it seems like it means nothing…like I don't even believe myself anymore."

"I told you I forgive you, though."

"Yeah, I know and I don't know why. We've been down this road, had this conversation a few times now and each time we do, it never seems to reassure me that you actually forgive me."

Spencer shrugged, "I do, just believe it."

Jamie licked her lips and sighed, "It's just going to take some more time, I suppose."

Spencer subtly looked at his watch, seeing the time read two-twenty-three. "I think I should get going, it's late."

Jamie nodded, not arguing with him, "Okay…"

The two stood up from the couch, stretching a little when they did. Jamie walked him over to the door, handing him his jacket from the back of the couch.

He took it from her, accepting it with some whispered thanks. Spencer checked his pockets, locating his belongings and walked closer towards the door, "So…thanks."

Jamie looked puzzled as she held the large door, "For what?"

"For being here," he told her. It was simple, but the meaning behind it was anything but simple.

"You're welcome…" she didn't know how to respond, except with the obvious reply out of respect.

Spencer turned to walk out the door, but he turned around before he was out of the house for good. He opened his mouth, forming words, but no sound was escaping.

"Are you alright?" Jamie asked.

"I just have one more question," he blurted out, "and it's something I've always wanted the answer to."

With a sudden declaration like that, Jamie wondered what storm would brew on her front porch. "…okay?"

"Did you ever regret it?" he questioned, the words coming out stern and fast, like the rest of his night hung on her answer.

Jamie closed her eyes and ran both of her hands on her face. She knew exactly what he was referring to and she knew she couldn't be short with him on this. "Spencer, believe me when I tell you that I regretted my choice the second I stepped foot on that bus to Arizona," she was looking his straight in his hazel eyes, not wavering one bit, "And I've regretted it ever since…but I _don't_ regret where it led me."

Spencer returned her intense gaze and in one motion, like he couldn't help himself, he took Jaime into a hug. It was tight, like he had been longing for it. Jamie reciprocated the gesture all the same.

"You can stop being angry at yourself." he whispered in her ear.

Jamie didn't say anything or move in his hold, but a lone tear ran down from her right eye. She succeeded in wiping it away as they pulled apart. She smiled at him as he let himself out the door, walking down to his car. Closing the door, Jamie put her back to it, letting her weight lean into the entry and exhaled a breath that she had managed to trap within her chest. She wondered if there would ever be an explanation as to why he was so forgiving, especially when she didn't deserve to be forgiven. He told her to stop being angry at herself, but Jamie wondered to herself if that was even possible.

She let herself up and walked back around to the couch. Gathering up the mugs, she walked them to her kitchen sink, rinsing them. She went back out, turning off the light as she did and made her way up the stairs; but before she could get halfway up to her bedroom, there was a frantic knock on the door. Jamie looked down the stairs prior to taking the steps back towards the door. When she was on the ground floor, she took caution and looked through the peephole. What she saw- more like _who_ she saw, confused her. She grabbed the doorknob, hesitating for a moment before pulling it open again. Her hand twisted the knob, opening the door once more and took in the sight of a panting Spencer on the other side. Their eyes met in the mix of the outside chill and the warmth from her home, settling for a minute, taking in what was in front of their eyes. Neither of them said a word, as Jamie swung the door open, silently giving Spencer the okay to go back inside.

She was worried, speculating if her answers to his questions from earlier had set him over the edge. It was a big deal, a heavy topic to talk about with one another, a topic that held a lot of emotion. Jamie closed the door, her back to Spencer for the time being. She could hear him breathing, like his heart was going a million-miles a minute. Her eyes met his once again, as she turned around to see him in full. Walking up to him took courage, her heart going a million-and-one-miles a minute. Her arms were crossed; she hoped it would give her some sense of security, that it wouldn't feel like he could see right through her.

Their eyes scanned one another, then it was like slow working gravity. Their faces coming closer to each other, hot breath could be felt and their breathing became more rapid. Lips grazed and hesitation was obvious, but it felt so familiar to the both of them. One was waiting for the other to move first and vice versa. As they stood there, Jamie unfolded her arms and placed her hands on both sides of Spencer's face. His skin was hot under her shaking hands, but they both wanted this, right? That's why it was happening?

In one smooth movement, Jamie moved, her lips meeting Spencer's in full. They lingered there for a moment after pulling apart, both pairs of eyes closed, their bodies feeling caught, frozen. Spencer opened his eyes first, then Jamie. Within the minute, it was like they couldn't hold back from one another. Their kiss was deep, their bodies twining together perfectly, like a match made in heaven. His hands were going down her back, while her hands were in his hair, reveling in the feeling. Their feet moved from the ground, as they walked backwards towards the stairs. It was a miracle they made their way up without incident. Jamie's bedroom door hit the wall behind it, causing a small hole in the wall, due to the force it was swung open with. It didn't matter, though, not in the moment, at least. The room was dark and cold, but Jamie and Spencer couldn't tell. It felt like they were making up for missing time, the way their hands grazed over one another, hungry for the touch.

As clothes were thrown on the floor and bodies hit the bed, neither Jamie, nor Spencer thought about anything else, other than that of their shared desire for the time being.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.


	28. Knock, Knock: Get the Door, it's Shame

**This chapter contains subject matter that might be offensive or sensitive to some readers. Please proceed with caution.**

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Twenty-eight: Knock, Knock: Get the Door, it's Shame**

The room was still, the heavy weight of darkness engulfing everything in its path. Jamie Carter laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling, hesitant to move. The other side of her usually empty bed was occupied. The heat coming from the body was different, a strange feeling compared to the normal coolness. She let her eyes drift over to the other side of the mattress, combing the form of Spencer's body under the ruffled bed sheets. Waiting for him to fall asleep had proven to be longer than she anticipated; but when he finally dozed off, Jamie's mind decided it was okay to go ramped.

 _"What did I do?"_

 _"What did I do?"_

 _"What did I do?"_

It was like her mind didn't know any of the other thousands of words from the English language. Her life was getting more complicated and at times she felt that the world was out to get her, or she deserved whatever she got handed to her- good _or_ bad. Yet, she never stopped to wonder if she was doing this to herself, if her actions had consequences. Perhaps that is a side effect of a closed off being, or an open heart; a heart whose vulnerable to anything that charges its way. Jamie was never too sure if what or who she let into her life was permanent, but she believed that she learned that lesson long ago. At times, she would rather go numb, than live a life full of emotions or satisfaction. Then again, she felt alive when she was around those who lit up her life, rather than step on the buds that would manage to grow through the cracks.

 _"What did I do?"_

 _"What did I do?"_

 _"What did I do?"_

It wasn't that she would shut down, she was just someone who didn't need the words of others to tell her how to feel, or what to do with her life. Jamie had decided long ago, that she didn't need others to help her find herself; but in time, that choice proved to be lacking wisdom. She had left one world behind, a world that was comfortable and welcoming, for a world that was cold and without genuine human interconnections. For a while, that was okay with her. Anything that helped her to forget what she didn't want to remember, was embraced.

When she began a new life without Spencer, it was painful. She would sit around with new people, watching movies, drinking till she couldn't stand, sharing Chinese takeout, pretending that he didn't exist. She would lose sleep, because her mind wouldn't shut up with thoughts of him. Closing her eyes only revealed the image of him and she would have to blink back tears as she sniffled in a coffee shop. After a while, she became accustomed to the pain. Everything stopped hurting and she just felt nothing at all, nothing except the tinge of sharp guilt within her being, a wave of shame. The pain turned into a dull ache overtime, when she uncovered a photo of the two of them or found his t-shirt that she accidentally packed in her suitcase. Things changed and Jamie realized that the pain was diminishing. Suddenly, it didn't hurt as much and the world seemed to stop spinning out of control. Everything in her mind turned quiet, except for that sad track of a heartbreak ballad playing on a loop. She knew the tune by heart and she would never forget it.

She wore it all beautifully, the pain. She kept herself smiling, kept a positive attitude, even when she felt almost nothing inside. It was like a well-fitted garment, tailored to her body and mind. Nobody ever really knew how heavy her heart was, she never let them.

A lone tear ran down her face, spilling into the lines of her skin. Watching him, it made her wonder how he was so content, how he wasn't wide awake and staring into the dark, too. She wouldn't dare get up and leave, especially not in her own house; but at the same time, she didn't know if she could stay there, beside him in the bed. She silently shamed herself and ushered more tears out of her eyes as she turned over, cradling the comforter over her body. Jamie shoveled her face into the fabric, muffling her sniffles, praying that she wouldn't wake up Spencer. She almost felt like she had no right to be crying, to feel sorry for herself…or even feel sorry for Spencer. It was burning and it wouldn't stop until she forgave herself, but she doubted that would ever happen. Carrying the weight of what she had done to him, it ate her alive at times, more in the past than the present; but if she got a second chance, there was no guarantee it wouldn't end up like the first.

 _"What did I do?"_

 _"What did I do?"_

 _"What did I do?"_

* * *

 _ **June 18, 2004**_

It was the last place she wanted to be. Going back to Phoenix was not on Jamie's list of things to do, but apparently, it was the cheapest ticket out of California. Just her luck, right? Jamie hadn't been back to the Grand Canyon State since her admittance to CalTech and in all honesty, she wasn't looking forward to being back. Then again, where else was she supposed to go? She felt a little bad for thinking of her parents as a "last resort", but then again, she wouldn't get it better anywhere else. Her arrival would also be a surprise on their part, because Jamie didn't even tell them that she was back in town- or more like running away from her problems. So, whether they supported her or not, Jamie knew she wasn't going back to California.

Her old neighborhood was filled with children in the streets when her cab pulled into the community. The kids scattered about, making way for the slow-moving vehicle. Jamie recognized a couple of them as siblings from old friends she kept in contact with. This housing community was one where everybody knew everybody and everyone knew of everyone's business, even if you didn't want them to know. Her parent's house, one of the biggest in the gated complex, came into view. There were gardeners working outside in the garden and one mowing the luscious green lawn. Jamie rolled her eyes, because her mother told her that she would get rid of the gardeners and get outside herself; but that had obviously been a lie to get Jamie to be quiet about the whole idea.

"Alright, here we are," said the cab driver. "Your total is thirty-six dollars and seventeen cents."

Jamie made eye contact with the driver through the review mirror and dug around her purse, pulling out her a couple of twenties. "Here, keep the change," she told him, "Thank you." After the driver took the money, Jamie collected her bags and made way up the driveway to her house. Stopping at the foot of the pavement, Jamie tried to collect herself. She was trying to decide whether to tell them the real reason she came home, or to wait until her mother was drunk on red wine, her father on scotch, to drop the news. Without making up her mind, Jamie proceeded to walk up the driveway, making her way to the large, red door. She grabbed the knob, turning it as quietly as she could. The door opened without struggle and Jamie popped her head in first, only bringing in her belongings when she didn't see anyone around. The place was just as she had left it. The floors were shiny and the chandelier above the entry way was casting small glimmers onto the wall from the sun. The family pictures seemed untouched, the plants alive and well, her favorite dog's ashes sitting in an urn on the table by the staircase.

Grabbing her one suitcase, Jamie began climbing the stairs to her old room. When she reached it, she opened the door and to her dismay, she found that her parents had turned it into a small gym. She huffed an unamused laugh to herself, but threw her suitcase and purse in there anyway, closing the door when she left. As she made her way back downstairs, she heard voices coming from the kitchen, so she walked towards them; but when she entered the kitchen, there was nobody there. Instead, the voices were coming from the patio. It looked like her mother was having tea with some friends, her father nowhere in sight. So, Jamie decided to raid the fridge. She hadn't eaten since…well, she couldn't remember. Opening the stainless-steel doors of the appliance, Jamie gathered the makings for a sandwich. She placed all the food on the counter, grabbed herself a plate from the cupboard and slapped together a sloppy, yet satisfying sandwich. With her back turned to the patio and being so indulged in her food, Jamie failed to notice the small group of women that had reentered the house.

"Jamie?" a familiar voice called to her, obviously shocked.

Jamie turned around, her mouth full of food, "Hey, mom," she said, talking around her chewed up food.

Jamie's mother looked a little displeased at her daughter's manners. She turned to her guest and said, "Perhaps we can continue this later, ladies?" Everyone agreed, but they weren't subtle in the way they stared at Jamie.

The recent college graduate waved bye to her mother's friends, her sandwich in hand. She gave them a grin and laughed to herself as they left the building. Going back to the fridge, Jamie pulled out a coke and cracked it open, taking a big gulp from the bottle. When she closed the door, her mother was standing there, hands on her hips, a stern look on her face.

Without missing a beat, or acting as if anything was wrong, Jamie said, "What's up, mom?"

"Jamison, what are you doing here?"

Jamie cringed at her real name and ate the last bite of her food. She dusted her hands off over the counter, "Seriously, literally _nobody_ calls me that."

"Well, that is your name. Is it not?" her mother questioned.

"It's not my fault you decided to name me after dad."

Her mother shook her head and stepped forward, "Sweetheart, what are you doing here? I thought you were in California."

Jamie nodded her head, confirming her mother's thought. She drank from her coke bottle, enjoying the fizzles in her mouth, "I was, but I decided to come home."

"Is everything okay? How about Spencer?"

There it was, the one subject she was hoping to avoid.

"Things are fine, mom. I just…I don't know. Can a daughter not come home and visit her parents?"

"Of course, you can," Jamie's mom replied, her face softening. She stepped forwards, taking her daughter in a hug, "It's so good to see you."

"You too, mom."

"Honey?"

"Hmm?"

"You smell like a bus…"

Jamie couldn't help but laugh as she pulled away from her mom. She looked down at herself, "Yeah, that's probably because I was on a bus for several hours."

"I'll tell you what, how about you go get cleaned up and when your father gets home, we can all catch up, yeah?

"Sounds good," Just as Jamie was walking away to go clean up, she stopped and turned back around towards her mother. "Um, what happened to my room?"

Jamie's mom stopped picking up the mess from Jamie's lunch, "Okay, so…we might've turned it into an at-home gym."

"Yeah, I saw that."

"Take your pick from the guest rooms, Jamison."

"No one calls me that!" Jamie called back, leaving her mother in the kitchen.

* * *

An old CalTech sweatshirt and some ripped jeans would have to do for dinner attire. Jamie didn't have a lot of choices as it went for clothing, but she was pretty positive that her father would change that. She looked at herself in the mirror, bare face and wet hair standing out like a sore thumb. However, she wasn't planning on going out anywhere, so being dressed up didn't matter. Sighing, Jamie turned off the light to her bathroom and exited the guest room. Walking down the stairs, Jamie heard the familiar voice of a man, who was no doubt her father. She walked a little slower, almost tiptoeing towards the voice. It wasn't that she was scared of the man, just sort of nervous, because she hadn't yet come up with a story as to why she had emerged all of a sudden. Rounding the corner into the living room, Jamie saw her mother and her father sitting on one of the couches.

"Dad," Jamie called out, waiting for him to turn around. When he did, she saw happiness in his eyes, which genuinely surprised her.

"There's my girl!" he shouted, walking over and scooping his daughter up in a tight hug. "How are you, kiddo?"

"I'm good, dad."

"You sure? We weren't expecting you."

Jamie scrubbed at her temple, "I know. I just…missed you guys."

"Hmm, okay, I'll take it," her dad replied, sitting back down on the couch with his wife. "How's that boyfriend of yours?"

"He's doing well."

"Did he do something wrong? Is that why you're here? Because you can tell me if I need to-"

"Jeez, dad, no. It's nothing like that."

"Alright, I'm just letting you know, because I know a guy-"

"Jamison!" Jamie's mother called him out, swatting him on the arm. "Our daughter doesn't need you hiring a hitman."

"He's not even a _hitman_ , Kirstin."

Jamie was laughing, enjoying the banter of her parents. "I promise, everything is good."

"Just making sure, sweetheart," Jamison told her. "So, how about some food?"

"I'm starving," Jamie said, standing from her seat.

"Didn't you just eat?" Kirstin asked her daughter, looking a bit confused.

"Yeah, but that was the first thing I've eaten since, like, yesterday morning."

"Oh god, Kirstin, we have an emergency!" Jamison shouted. "Our poor daughter is starving over there in California!"

Kirstin let out a small chuckle, standing from her seat, "Let me go see what I can whip up really quickly," she told them, leaving for the kitchen.

Jamie and her dad nodded in acknowledgment, watching Kirstin leave the room.

Jamieson looked back at his daughter, noticing her vibe. "Jamie, be honest with me. What's going on?"

"Huh?" Jamie tried to play it off, innocence being the best bet.

"You've never once came home because you 'missed us'. So, that's what gave it away for me."

Jamie sighed and went to sit on the couch with her dad, "I just needed some space, some time to…"

"To what?"

"To clear my head," Jamie replied. Then, she stood up from the couch and straightened out her sweater, "I'm going to go see if mom needs any help."

* * *

"We were at UCLA for a football game and my friend Liam, he literally threw up _all over_ these girls sitting in front of us!" Jamie told her parents. "It was so embarrassing. We couldn't show our faces at the school ever again."

"That dramatic, huh?" her dad asked, eating his soup.

Jamie shrugged, "It makes for a good story."

"It sounds like your last year was one for the books then?"

"You could say that. I wouldn't do it all over again though, too many sleepless nights."

"Studying of course, right, Jamison?" Kirstin asked her with knowing eyes.

"Absolutely, mother."

"By the way, I called Samantha so she could come visit you."

Jamie stopped eating and stared at her mother, "Samantha Barnes?"

Her mother nodded, "Yes. She moved back here not that long ago. Found a job as a social worker for juveniles or something."

"No way," Jamie breathed out. "I haven't seen Sam since…hell, I don't even know."

Samantha Barnes was Jamie's oldest friend. They grew up together in Arizona, always went to the same school, celebrated birthdays together, went through first hearts breaks together, the works of a life-long friendship.

"That'll be good," Jamie's father said. "You look like you could use a friend."

"Gee, thanks dad."

"Just an observation, Jamie."

"Right…"

"Now, you two. This isn't the place for that," Kirstin said, eyeing her family.

"Sorry, mom," Jamie told her, eyes cast down to her bowl. She used her spoon to stir the liquid, scooping and pouring it back into the bowl. Then, she felt it. No matter what she tried to do, the feeling wouldn't drop. Jamie didn't want to cause a scene, but if she didn't get to the bathroom quickly, her mother would get regurgitated soup all over her fancy dinner table. "Um, excuse me, please," Jamie said, trying to not rush out of the dining room.

"You alright?" her mother called out, but she didn't get a response.

Jamie made it to the downstairs guest bathroom, since she didn't want to chance it by going up the stairs. She knelt onto the bathroom floor, lifting the toilet lid just enough for her to stick her head in and release what was coming up. She was sweaty and heaving, even though there was nothing left to come out. The tears made themselves present in her eyes, but she blinked them away, as she didn't want to give her parents anymore reason to question her reappearance. Jamie closed the lid and flushed its contents, pushing herself up from the floor. She washed her mouth out and splashed water on her face. The doorbell could be heard on the other side of the door, ringing a few times. She leaned on the sink and prayed to whatever higher power existed that her parents weren't on the other side of the door, listening to her vomiting. However, she knew she couldn't keep up the lying forever. Drying her hands and face off, Jamie combed back her hair and forced herself to put on a smile, ready to present herself as happy to the world.

Jamie opened the bathroom door and turned the corner to go back to the kitchen, unexpectedly bumping into something- or more like, _someone_.

"So, you go away to California and turn into some binging stereotype?"

Jamie's eyes went wide and when she recognized who she was staring at, she lit up with joy. "Oh my god, Sam!" Jamie jumped onto her best friend, wrapping her legs around her, sending the other girl stumbling backwards until she caught her footing.

"It's good to see you, too, J," Sam told her through a laugh, using Jamie's nickname she gave her when they were kids.

Jamie let go of Sam, her feet touching the ground again. "I didn't know you were coming this soon!"

"Well, your mom called me and I couldn't resist."

"This is so amazing! I missed you!"

"I missed you, too." Sam took Jamie in another hug and squeezed her tight. "What brings you back to the old hometown?"

"Oh jeez, where do I even being?" Jamie said, shaking her head.

"How about we go back to my place? I want every detail of everything that's happened since I last saw you," Samantha began walking, pulling Jamie along with her towards the door.

"You want a year-and-a-half worth of a bunch of nonsense?"

"It's not nonsense!" Sam declared, pulling Jamie out the door. "Especially if it's coming from you."

Jamie was confused, "What does that even mean?"

"You're Jamison Carter," Sam said, using a mocking tone and motioning for Jamie to follow her to her car. Sam owned a beautiful, silver convertible BMW, a gift for her college graduation from her parents.

"That's never been a good thing," Jamie retorted, jumping into the passenger's seat, "And please, I beg of you, do not call me that."

"One, it was always a good thing and two, you gave me the okay to use that name when we were fourteen. Therefore, I have the best-friend right," Sam claimed proudly.

"Sure, Samantha…" Jamie retorted, not missing a beat with the sarcasm, "And being a 'Carter' was only useful about four years ago."

Sam shrugged and started her engine, "Fair enough, but that doesn't give you an excuse to leave out any details."

"Fine, fine," Jamie said, raising her hands in surrender, "but I get to drive the car after."

Samantha threw her head back and let out a genuine laugh, "Not a chance in hell, J."

* * *

It was later in the night, around ten o'clock and Jamie and Sam were enjoying a view of the stars from Sam's backyard.

"I wish we would've went to college together," Sam said.

"Then we would probably never have gotten our degrees."

"Ha, I'll give you that one."

"We aren't that bad, we've matured," Jamie claimed, but started laughing, because that wasn't entirely true. "Maybe a few years ago we could've gotten into some trouble, but I think it's a good thing we went separate ways for school."

"Oh god, don't tell me your all into that 'distance makes the heart grow fonder' crap."

Jamie scoffed, "Oh please, you love all that gushy crap."

"…yeah, I do."

The silence was nice. For the first time in a while, Jamie felt content, almost at peace. Being back in Arizona with her oldest friend, made her feel nostalgic. There was just something about Samantha Barnes that Jamie couldn't find in anyone else she had met. Though, at the same time, talking to Sam made Jamie realize just how much her life had changed. Moving to a different state, graduating from CalTech, and falling in love for the first time. Sam had never done anything to betray Jamie's trust, she never went behind her back and that why in this very moment, Jamie knew that she could trust Sam with what she was about to tell her.

She just needed to mentally and emotionally prepare herself to do so.

One minute

Two

Three

Four

Five minutes

Six

Seven

Eight

"…Sam?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm pregnant."

The silence was still calming. Jamie didn't mind it and she didn't mind waiting for her news to catch up to Sam. She would wait outside all night if she had too, but I just felt good to finally tell someone. She had found out a while before she left California, which gave her enough time to freak out and uproot her life, while ruining someone else's.

"…Jamie?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't know if-if I need to clean my ears out or if I'm just hearing things-"

"I'm pregnant, Sam."

" _Holy shit…_ "

Jamie huffed a breath and sat up in her lawn chair, "I know, crazy, huh?"

"Try freaking insane!" Sam yelled, sitting up as well.

"Hey now, you don't have to yell."

"Sorry, but I just-I can't…" Sam stared at Jamie, her eyes telling a story of pure surprise. "Oh my god!"

"Should we wait for the initial shock to go away to talk about it?"

"Oh no, the shock isn't going to go away," Sam declared. "One more time for me, like I'm _a child_. You're really pregnant?"

Jamie nodded, "I really am…". Her voice was monotone, seeming uninterested in the fact.

"Woah," Sam started out into the yard, collecting herself as she thought out the bomb her best friend just dropped.

"Found out a while ago, came back here to…I don't even know why I came back here," Jamie thought for a moment. Her eyes went back to the dark horizon, her eyebrows creasing together, "Actually, I do know why…"

"What's that?"

"California to Arizona was the cheapest ticket I could afford."

"J, that seriously blows."

"I don't know where else I would've gone."

"Wait a second…" Sam started. "It's Spencer's, right? Or did I miss something?"

Jamie looked at her best friend, giving her a look that said, "don't be dumb". "Of course, it's his. He's the only one I've ever been with."

"Wow, really?! I mean, those Cali boys jump at any opportunity to-"

"Sam, that's not even remotely relative to me."

"Right, sorry," Sam said. "So, what you up and left your guy?" The question came out as more of a joke, but when Jamie started at her without saying a word, her joke turned into something else entirely. "Jamie, you're freaking kidding me…"

"What?" Jamie asked, nonchalant.

"You _left_ him?"

"Basically…"

"Basically? J, there's _nothing_ basic about this situation!"

"Keep your voice down," Jamie growled, "You're going to wake someone."

"I don't give a damn! Why- no, _how_ could you do that?"

"It wasn't easy, believe me." Jamie's casual tone was getting under Sam's skin.

"And what? He just had nothing to say about it? About his own kid?"

Another round of silence followed and Jamie felt stuck. Had she made a mistake by telling Sam?

"I never told him, Sam."

"…you never told him that you were pregnant?"

"Nope, and in all honesty, I find it kind of hard to believe that he didn't notice the signs. I mean, the guy's got an IQ of like one-hundred-"

"You're a stone-cold bitch."

"…excuse me?" Jamie asked her, incredulous.

"I know I don't need to repeat myself," Sam said, standing up from her chair. "Do you not have a conscious?"

Jamie rolled her eyes and stood, to, "Of course, I do."

"Then what the hell, Jamie?!"

"I don't know!" It was Jamie's turn to yell now. "I know what I want and this," she shouted, using one finger to point to her stomach, "This is _not_ it!"

Sam's eyes went wide, "What're you saying?"

"I'm saying that I'm not sorry for wanting what I deserve and I'm not sorry for walking away to get it!"

"Who the hell are you, right now?"

"I'm a pregnant, twenty-two-year-old who isn't ready for a damn kid!" Jamie's words were pouring out, tears included. She wasn't lying to herself, or to Sam; she wasn't ready to have a kid, she didn't even know if she really wanted kids. What she did know, was that she couldn't be a mother, not when she didn't want to be. No child deserved that. "Samantha, please, I need your help."

Sam looked at her, eyebrows knitted together and arms crossed in a protective manner, "Help with what?"

"You know what…"

Sam scoffed and threw her hands into the air, "An abortion, Jamie? You can't be serious."

"But I am and I'm asking for your help!"

"Do you even know what you're saying?"

"Yes! Sam, oh my god, I'm not a child, but I'm also not ready to be a mother!" she screamed, arms wide open at her sides. Jamie was full on crying now, practically begging her best friend to help her end the pregnancy. "I just-I need someone on my side here."

"What about Spencer, huh? How's he going to feel about this?"

"He doesn't have to know and if I have anything to do with it- _which I do_ , he's never going to find out about this."

"So, what? You're just never going to see him again?"

Jamie sniffled and wiped her face. She took a deep breath, hands settled on her hips now, her mind in an avalanche of chaos, "It's not like I could go back to him, not after this. It wouldn't be that simple, it-it just can't be."

"My god, Jamie," Sam stood there shaking her head. She watched as her best friend sunk down onto the grass in the dark, crying into her hands. When she heard that Jamie was back in town, she never imagined their reunion to go like this. She had her own tears coming now. Walking over to Jamie, she knelt beside her and lifted her up from the ground, embracing her in a hug. "Let's go get ready for bed, okay?"

Jamie nodded into Sam's arm, letting herself lean on her as they walked back into the house. They made it up the stairs and into Sam's room. Jamie sat herself down on the bed, kicking off her shoes and laying down without changing her clothes. She pulled her phone from her pocket, texting her mom.

 **To: Mom**

 **10:37 P.M.: I'm spending the night at Sam's. Don't wait up. Love you.**

Jamie tossed her phone behind her and watched as Sam walked towards her from the bathroom.

Sam laid down next to her, bringing the box of tissues from her nightstand onto the bed. Jamie picked one from the bunch and wiped her nose, tears still coming down her face.

"Tell me one thing," Sam whispered to Jamie, "Did you love him?"

Jamie sniffled and began crying harder when she heard Sam's words, "I'll always love him…but I can't do this."

Sam took one hand and stroked Jamie's hair, not saying anything else, other than, "I'll be here for you, okay? Every step of the way."

* * *

 _ **June 23rd, 2004**_

The clinic wasn't too busy, which Jamie was grateful for. She walked in and filled out her forms, insurance and such. The beading eyes from other woman were obvious when Jamie looked up, she could feel their judgement; but who were they to judge? Sam nudged her, telling her to ignore them and finish filling out the papers. Jamie did just that and when she handed back the forms to the woman behind the reception, her body went ridged.

She was scared.

This was a decision that she had made before running back to Arizona, but now that it was actually happening, she had to wonder if she was losing her mind. She sat back down next to Sam and started chewing on her fingernails.

"Ew," Sam scolded, pulling Jamie's hand away from her mouth, "Don't do that."

"Sorry, mom."

"Speaking of mom, what does yours think you're doing right now?" Sam asked, keeping her voice low.

"She thinks that we're having lunch and shopping at the mall. That's why she gave me her credit card."

"What I wouldn't give for that to be true…"

Jamie turned her face, giving Sam an unfriendly look, "Really, Sam?"

"It's the truth."

"Can't blame you, I guess." Jamie replied, sighing.

Sam spared a glance at Jamie, then turned her eyes to a poster about the alternatives to pregnancy, "You know you can change your mind, right? We can walk out of here, no questions asked."

"I'm not changing my mind."

"Just…throwing that out there," Sam shrugged.

The wait to be called back into the clinic took longer than they had anticipated. The nerves never settled and with every second that passed, Jamie just wanted to get it done and over with. She knew she could do what Sam had told her; she could walk right out of that clinic and not look back, but she didn't think she was brave enough to do that. This action would be carried out due to her own selfish nature.

"Jamie Carter?" a woman called out to the room.

When she heard that voice call her name, her heart dropped into her stomach. Jamie stood up from her seat and when she noticed Sam doing the same, she stopped her, "Sam, you're not going back there with me."

"What? Are you sure?"

Jamie nodded and gave a small, not too reassuring smile, "Just wait here, okay?"

"I'll be here," Sam promised, sitting herself back down.

Jamie took in a deep breath and began walking back towards the nurse who had called her name. The hallway that she had entered was cold and sad looking, even though everything was white, it gave her an eerie feeling. The nurse led her to a small room and instructed her to sit on the examination chair. Jamie had her vitals checked, gave her history of health, the usual stuff they ask for. When the nurse left, Jamie was left all alone in the room. It was one of the most uncomfortable places she had ever been in her life and she knew, deep down, that this feeling would stay with her forever. This choice, to end her pregnancy, would be on her mind not just for a while, but for as long as she lived. She knew what she was in for, what pains she would possibly feel, what emotional toll it would take on her mind. Even though Jamie had thought about having kids- _someday_ , the thought of caring for one now, at her age, scared her to death. She didn't want to be one of those mothers who resented her child for coming into her life at the wrong time. A child deserves a home, a family who cares for their well-being, a forever place.

Just because _she_ didn't want to be a mother, didn't mean that _someone else_ didn't want to be.

That's why, as soon as Jamie heard the door to the examination room begin to open, she jumped off the chair and shoved past the doctor who was about to see her. She weaved in and around others as she made her way back to the waiting room. She ran over the Sam, who was just as surprised as Jamie was, when Jamie grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the building.

"Jamie?! What are you doing?!" Sam shouted, more confused than ever. Jamie was shoving Sam into the driver's seat and running over to the passenger's as soon as Sam got in.

"Remember you said, 'no questions asked'?! Just drive, Sam!"

Sam sped off, peeling out of the parking lot. She looked back over at Jamie a few times, wanting the girl to explain her sudden actions. "You want to explain to me what the hell just happened?!"

Jamie just shook her head, letting her hair fly in every direction due to the wind. She didn't know what to say, except, "What did I do?"


	29. Les I'm Miserable

**Hey all, I finally have a new chapter for you all! It's been about a month without a new update and I'm sorry for that. School is taking up most of my time and if it's not that, then it's something else; but there is not need to worry. As I said in my most recent Author's Note, this story is not abandoned, as there is far too much drama coming your way! Anyway, this took a different turn than I originally had planned, so therefore, the next chapters need to be modified to fit the rest of the story. If you don't like this, please bear with me. So, with that being said, I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Twenty-nine: Les I'm Miserable**

 **February 27th, 2015**

The agent sat in an office, one that looked just like all the others. There was a rather luxurious looking black leather couch against the back wall, a desk on the other side with a matching chair to accompany it, one window with the blinds wide open so you could see the entire bullpen, and personal artifacts casing the surfaces. Green eyes scanned the surroundings for what felt like the millionth time, but more so out of impatience than anything else. With her arms tightly crossed over her chest and her boots rapidly tapping against the floor, Jamie was becoming more irritated by the second. Hotch had pulled her from a meeting in front of everyone and his face showed nothing but seriousness as he did. Of course, she tried to get an explanation out of him, but the man wouldn't budge. So, she sat there in the office where no agent wanted to be, not even Hotch.

Jamie snuck a peek at her silver watch, realizing that she had been sitting and waiting there for almost half an hour. She let out a loud sigh and rubbed at her temples, feeling a headache coming on. While taking several deep breaths, the little voice inside her head was telling her to stay and wait, because that was the right thing to do; but her body had a mind of its own. Within a minute, Jamie had gotten up from the cushioned chair and took a mere five steps towards the doorway, her hand out to open the door. Before she could even take the action to turn the doorknob, the door opened from the outside, causing her to come face to face with Hotch…and Chief Strauss.

"Take a seat, Carter." Hotch told her, letting Strauss walk in before him and closing the door after he was fully in the room.

No matter how stunned Jamie was in the moment, she didn't want to drop her "tough agent" bravado. "I think I'll stand." she retaliated, crossing her arms over her chest once again.

"Take a seat, Agent Carter." Erin Strauss' voice was edged with venom. Her eyes bored into Jamie's, challenging the woman to try anything other than what she was being told.

Even though she wanted to stand her ground, Jamie obeyed her two bosses. She sat in the chair for the second time within the hour. Her arms uncrossed, becoming more relaxed as she settled her hands into her lap. "Chief Strauss, I'm sure you know that I was pulled from the mandatory unit meeting, yes?"

Strauss stared at Jamie, seeming high and mighty in her fancy office chair. "I'm well, aware."

Slightly taken aback, Jamie let her eyebrows rise gradually, making her confusion of the situation more prominent. "So…I guess my question is why was I pulled away?"

"Your behavior as of late is concerning," Hotch spoke from the back of the room, "Is there something we need to know?"

"Nothing of importance." Jamie answered, brushing down the wrinkles in her black blazer. Her tone had some bite to it as she responded quickly. She didn't even bother to turn around and look at him when she spoke.

"Agent Carter," Strauss said, her hands placed together on top of her desk, "You need to understand that this behavior of yours is not going to be accepted."

"And what exactly have I done?" Jamie dared, eyes narrowing.

Chief Strauss picked up her glasses from the corner of her cluttered desk and placed them on her face. She took a moment to search for a file, letting the papers slide out into her hand when it tipped over. Shuffling through them, she stopped when she found the document she was looking for. "Now, let's have a look…"

Jamie sat up promptly, straightening out not only her posture, but a piece of her attitude as well. "Wait, if this is-"

"February 17th, you were in Ohio with your unit when you deliberately left your position in the field-"

"Hold on just a second," Jamie interrupted, scooting closer to the edge of her seat. She whipped her head back and forth between Hotch and Strauss. "Everything you're about to read from that report is _completely_ justified."

"Is that so?" Strauss asked, then she began reading from the paper again. "You left your position in the field after Agent Hotchner had assigned you to a specific duty-"

"It's only because-"

"Agent Carter!" Hotch shouted. He was finished with her attitude and the constant interruption. He had no problem letting it be known, either. Agent Hotchner walked the few steps over to Chief Strauss' desk and stood in front of Jamie. "I've let your impulsive behavior and impoliteness slide long enough. I've been flexible, because I know that this job takes its toll on those who work it. But if you keep interjecting your two cents while Chief Strauss is speaking, we _will_ have a bigger problem on our hands. Is that understood?"

"…yes, sir." The last thing Jamie wanted to do was be seen as the rogue agent or as someone who is difficult. The past couple of weeks had been chaos and she knew she had to do something about it. Yet, there was a part of her that enjoyed the thrill of going off on her own. In the moment, she knew she was failing at showing she wasn't intimidated by the superiors in front of her. Her shoulders dropped and she faced forward to look at Strauss. "I apologize, Ma'am." There was little truth behind it.

"As I was saying," Strauss began for the third time, "You left your position and drove three miles outside the town of Dayton, to the known address of Randy Combs. Is that correct?"

Jamie inhaled and exhaled quietly, nodding her head as she did. "Yes, that is correct."

"Agent Carter, I want you to tell me what happened in the time that you left the precinct and when the rest of your team came to your rescue."

Silence ensued and it was uncomfortable for everybody involved.

"Answer her, Agent Carter." Hotch ordered.

Jamie let her heavy eyes drag over to Hotch, seeing him tall and reserved. Her eyes didn't leave him as she said, "I left the precinct around three in the afternoon. I drove to Combs' confirmed address and engaged with him."

"Explain what you mean by 'engage'."

It took Jamie all she had to not let her eyes roll to the back of her head. "I found him outside by the shed, approached him and attempted to talk to him. When I got closer, he pulled a gun and he ran." She stopped telling the event, only going as far as she was asked to.

"Go on…" Strauss waited.

"He ran and I managed to catch up to him. He shot a few rounds…" Jamie paused, considering if she should add one vital piece of information. "...grazing my shoulder in the process. But by that time, Agents Morgan and Jareau had shown up, involving themselves with Combs as well."

"And how did that turn out for you?" questioned Strauss, even though she already knew the answer. She had read two other reports about the incident already, each one containing different perspectives. "The others that became involved?"

"Look, I only wanted to speak to the damn guy." Jamie replied, hand placed defensively on her chest. "Yes, somebody else was injured during the shootout, but I did what I was trained to do in a situation like that."

"You are _not_ trained to go off alone without backup or limited knowledge about who you're going after." Hotch added.

"My knowledge wasn't that limited," Jamie defended, turning to Hotch. "We knew he was the unsub and I didn't understand why you still had the team working on geographical profiles!" Jamie was getting brash; her voice rang through the room and was probably heard by any agent outside the office.

"Agent Carter, do not raise your voice at us," Strauss ordered. "We're here because of your wrong doings. If you had followed direction, we would not be in this mess."

Jamie threw her hands into the air, obviously short-tempered. "Okay? I don't know what you want from me."

Chief Strauss shared a look with Hotch, a silent conversation going on between the two. Turning back to Jamie, Strauss took off her glasses and stood from her desk. "This matter has been discussed at length and we think it's best that you take some time off."

Jamie scoffed and accidentally let out a small laugh. She covered her mouth with her hand, amusement still playing in her eyes. Getting out of her chair, Jamie paced for a moment and ended up staring out the window of the office, "I-I'm sorry, did I just hear you correctly?" she wondered, turning to see the two higher-ups.

"This isn't optional, Carter," Hotch said. "As of right now, you're suspended for seven days and it will accumulate if you refuse to cooperate."

There was no longer any comicalness coming from her boss's words. Jamie felt frozen as her eyes took over, going back and forth between Strauss to Hotch, almost wordlessly begging him to reconsider. Yet, she knew she had gotten herself in deep this time around. Clearing her throat, Jamie began walking towards the closed office door, but stopped before she fully exited. "Well then, Chief Strauss, Agent Hotchner…thank you for this abrupt turn of events." She gave a smile with nothing but fake appreciativeness behind it. "I look forwards to returning."

Agent Carter opened the office door and she was hit with the view of the whole bullpen. Her head immediately turned to the cluster of her teammates. Jamie had seen them out the window while she was pacing. They quickly diverted their attention elsewhere when they saw her brooding face. Nobody could resist when one of their own was summoned into the Chief's office. Jamie proceeded to stroll down the catwalk, her steps heavy enough to rattle the floor. The anger inside her was bubbling and if for some reason she was pushed to the edge, she would explode, no doubt. She sped past her teammates, still huddled together like school girls in the courtyard. There was no acknowledging them as Jamie's legs took her to her desk. Opening the bottom drawer, Jamie yanked out her purse, not caring if everyone caught onto her demeanor. She collected her belongings and shoved them into her purse, not feeling bothered about the mess it was making inside. Her red jacket was hanging neatly on her chair until it was snatch up and thrown onto her forearm. With everything she needed in her hands, Jamie started walking towards the double glass doors of the bullpen. No words were spoken and no explanations were given. The only thing she left them with was the view of her leaving and taking her mandatory seven-day leave.

* * *

Jamie Carter needed a drink and she knew the perfect place to go. The Smokehouse had proven to be a reliable place where she could unwind and have a good time, despite how the place was made known to her. Entering the smoky building at eleven o'clock in the morning had never been done, but there is a first time for everything. Jamie strode up to the bar, claiming an empty stool as she sat down on it. Jamie waved down the bartender named Mick, who had shown interest in her more than once.

"Well, look what we have here. And it's not even dark yet." Mick teased.

Jamie couldn't help but let a small smile erupt on her face. "You know what they say…it's five o'clock somewhere." she said with a shoulder shrug.

"Alright, well what can I get for you?"

"Anything that's brown and burns when you drink it."

"So…you want a whiskey?"

Jamie nodded, "And make it a double."

Mick looked at Jamie with slight surprise, but got her the drink anyway. She thanked him and he went on to help the next customer.

Part of her couldn't believe that she had let everything slip from her hands. Then again, it wasn't like she didn't have control over her actions. She was grown and of course, she knew right from wrong. In the more recent days, she had been feeling sorry for herself. It was something she had been doing too often, but she knew the root of the problem. No, it wasn't a problem…it wasn't right to call it that. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the feelings, Jamie's approach just happened to land her in deep trouble. _"Whatever…"_ she thought to herself. Drinking down the rest of her whiskey, Jamie flagged down Mick again. "I'll have another, please."

Mick grabbed the glass from the counter and filled it, trying to give her a single.

"Hey," Jamie said, almost a warning tone. She held up two fingers, letting him know she wanted another double.

"Don't you have a job to go to?" Mick asked, handing the glass back to her that was now filled with another double.

Jamie took a decent sized sip from the glass. Her eyes met Mick's, "Don't you have your own business to mind?"

Mick huffed, "Ouch…"

"I'm sorry," Jamie told him quickly. She had never been given a reason to be rude to Mick. He was only trying to be nice after all. "It's been…a terrible day. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted," Mick replied, cleaning off a glass as he spoke. "Want to talk about it?"

Jamie drank the rest of the liquid in her glass. "Let's see…I overstepped in my job and…" She took a minute to think it through, what her actions had caused. "Basically because of what I did, I ended up with a bullet graze to the shoulder and I almost got one of my teammates killed. So, I've been put on mandatory leave for now."

"Oh…well, uh…I'm sorry?"

"Don't be."

"How long is the leave?"

"It's only a week, but I don't know what to do with myself."

"Ah, that explains why you're here before noon on a weekday." Mick concluded.

"Aw, look at Sherlock Jr." Jamie gibed.

Mick laughed, "Well, I don't know a whole lot about your life; but from what I do know, you always manage to fix things."

Jamie gave him a side grin, "I don't know if that'll be enough this time." She stared down at her empty glass, then held it out. "How about one more?"

"How about no?" Mick replied.

"What?"

"You need to leave the bar and figure out what to do for the next week. You can't be here drinking and expect to fix your problems this way."

"You're kind of annoying, you know that?"

"Cutting people off is part of the job."

Jamie stood from the stool and leaned down on the counter. "What if I just crawl into the next bar where some random bartender doesn't know me and won't cut me off?"

"Then I'd have to go home and reevaluate my faith that people do the right thing."

"…we'll see." Jamie said before leaving The Smokehouse.

* * *

Chardonnay, Riesling, Merlot, and Pinot Noir were four of Jamie's best friends. Since she couldn't be in a bar, she took herself to the safety of her own home and dug out her wine stash. Jamie changed out of her work attire and into some shorts with a tank top. Her phone was blasting the music of Bon Jovi from the kitchen and after dancing her way down her stairs, she grabbed all four bottles of wine and cracked open the Riesling. Perhaps her favorite wine would help her come to her senses and aid her in figuring out what to do. She poured the wine into a glass, up to the rim and chugged it. Her right hand lifted to bottle in front her face and in within the moment, the bottle was attached to her lips. She came up for air when the bottle was almost empty and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Her head bopped to the music for a minute and turned up the volume, then she finished the bottle…only to open another right after.

Nothing good ever happened when Jamie drank Pinot Noir. She told herself she would be fine since she was at home and if she really needed help, she could always call someone. Her mind would be too ridden with the effects of alcohol to feel ashamed. She danced around to Bon Jovi telling stories about Tommy and Gina. The wine sloshed inside the bottle, thankfully not hitting the floor since it was too low from the top. After that bottle was finished, Jamie actually had to decency to tell herself to slow down. She was drunk and it didn't matter that it was barely past noon. The option of letting herself get blackout drunk passed through her mind more than once, but thankfully she didn't want to go that far.

Her job was her life. All of her time and energy went into the BAU, day in and day out. She was a respected member of the unit and even though she had been through some fairly traumatic events, her team never treated her as if she was incapable. Jamie's recent actions could be blamed on bleeding wounds within her emotions. Again, everybody has their own way of dealing with their issues and they're not always the right choices. In her early twenties, her mom would always tell her that she was one decision away from a completely different life. Back then, Jamie never took those words to heart and now that she was older, she could place those words into her own meaning. Outcomes depend on choices and if you want a certain result, you have to make the right choice. Sometimes Jamie thought that her own life was a punishment for the things she had done. If that was true, she told herself she would have a terrible ending, because she deserved it. Sometimes she would be stuck in a never-ending cycle of self-pity…and she was sick of it. Even in her drunken state, Jamie's thoughts were rational. She knew her mind wasn't healthy and her coping mechanisms needed some work.

She picked up her cellphone and turned off the music. Her mouth her feeling dry, but water could wait. With her phone still in hand, Jamie began scrolling through her contacts. People she used to know still existed in the list. Her eyes skipped over the now irrelevant names and finally, she got to the one she needed. "Okay, remember that this is for the best." she said, clicking the name and letting it dial.

It rang three times before someone picked up on the other end. "Hello?"

"Um, Dr. Ross? It's Jamie Carter…"

* * *

 **February 28th, 2015**

It was nearly ten o'clock in the morning. Jamie was wide awake and despite having a tiny headache, she was ready for what was about to come. During her drunk pity-party, Jamie had called Dr. Elise Ross. The two had barely spoken since Jamie had to have her psychological evaluation redone; but Dr. Ross had told Jamie that if she ever needed anything at all, she was just a call away.

Now, Jamie was playing the waiting game. She was nervous and didn't know what Dr. Ross would have them talk about. Last time, Jamie's emotions got the better of her and there was no telling if this time would be different. She hoped it would be.

 _Knock, knock, knock_

Jamie calmed herself down and headed towards to front door. She took a couple of deep breaths before she opened it. Dr. Ross was on the other side, seemingly happy for a Saturday morning. Jamie smiled back at the woman and invited her inside her home.

"Thank you so much, Dr. Ross. I'm sure this isn't the way you imagined spending your Saturday."

"Don't even worry about it," Dr. Ross told Jamie. "Remember I told you, I'm only one phone call away."

"I remember." Jamie said shyly. "Um, here I can take your coat if you'd like."

Dr. Ross took off her black overcoat and scarf, handing it to Jamie who put it on a hanger inside her closet. "You have a very nice home, Agent Carter."

Jamie laughed lightly, "I'm off duty. You can call me Jamie."

"If that's what you want."

Jamie motioned for Dr. Ross to follow her into her kitchen. "Would you like some coffee before we get started?"

"That'd be wonderful, thank you."

Pouring the coffee for two, Jamie tried to make small talk. "I didn't know you made house calls."

"I don't," Dr. Ross responded, "But I thought I'd make an exception."

"Hm…" Jamie sounded, handing the coffee to Dr. Ross. She offered creamer and sugar while taking some for herself. "So, where do we begin?"

Dr. Ross looked surprised. "You tell me," she said, " _You_ called _me_ here and I'm more than happy to help out."

"Right…"

"I'll give you a starter. How about you tell me _why_ you called me here?"

Jamie swirled the spoon in her mug. "I called you because I was drunk…and I was feeling sorry for myself." It hurt her a little to admit that, but it was good to get it out in the open.

"Okay, now why were you drunk in the beginning of the afternoon?" Dr. Ross sipped on her coffee, patiently waiting for answers to her questions.

"Um, well..." Jamie huffed and let her shoulders slump. "I don't know if you know this, but I've been put on a seven-day mandatory leave from work. And I guess I don't really know how to handle it."

Dr. Ross' eyebrows shot up, clearly showing that she didn't know that information. "Now, why were you put on leave?"

"Why is everyone of your questions asking 'why'?"

"You called for my help, Jamie. Here I am giving it to you…"

"Okay, okay." Jamie backed down. "Um, so about a week ago, or more than a week ago, my team and I were on a case in Dayton, Ohio. We had this unsub who was kidnapping young boys from their families and claiming he was saving them. Anyway, everyone we were working with and the whole unit knew that this guy, Randy Combs, was the unsub, like no doubt about it. So, I uh, went off by myself to go find him and what ended up happening was when I found him, things took a turn for the worse. We ended up in a shootout and soon after it started, two of my team members inserted themselves and one of them…"

"One of them what?"

Jamie could barely bring herself to say it, but she knew she had to. "One of them could've died. I mean, we _all_ could've died, but they were lucky to get out alive."

"Who was it, Jamie?"

"It was JJ. Agent Jareau was shot in the shoulder. Had to have surgery to get the bullet out."

Dr. Ross took a sip of her coffee and questioned, "And how is she doing?"

"She says she fine, but when she talks to me I can tell she's pissed off. It's not like she doesn't have to be, though. She's in an arm sling for now and she's going to need a few weeks of rehab." Jamie stared into her counter top and silently shamed herself for her actions. "She has children, Dr. Ross. And she has a husband. If I was the one who took her away from them, I would never forgive myself."

"It seems like you're having a hard time forgiving yourself now."

"Of course, I'm having a hard time. My friend was shot…"

"What about that bandage on your arm?" Dr. Ross pointed out.

Jamie looked down at her left shoulder, seeing the white bandage. "It's just a graze, no big deal."

"And you're okay with getting yourself injured?"

"…no, I never said that." Jamie thought back.

"You don't seem too worried about that graze, though."

"Exactly. It's just a graze."

"Okay, we'll move on. Why do you think this all occurred?"

"Um, I literally just told you. I did something I wasn't supposed to do."

"And that's what I'm getting at. Why did you take those actions that day?"

"I guess I felt the need to take some action. Agent Hotchner had us working on other things, even though he knew that Combs was the unsub. There was technically nothing stopping us from making an arrest."

"So, your behavior is Agent Hotchner's fault?"

"Okay, no," Jamie tried to take it back. "You can't put words into my mouth."

"I'm doing no such thing, as all I did was ask a question." Dr. Ross claimed.

Jamie stared down Dr. Ross, but not in a rude way. "You have a funny way of working, you know that?"

"It gets the job done, doesn't it?"

"I suppose," Jamie shook her head. "Would you like to move into the living room? It's more comfortable than bar stools."

The two women left the kitchen and settled into the living room sofa. Jamie on one end and Dr. Ross, sitting proper on the other.

"I want to bring up a topic that was a bit touchy for you last time." said Dr. Ross.

"…okay?"

"How is your relationship with Spencer?"

"There is no relationship there." Jamie spat out.

"Really? Not even a friendship?"

"Well, okay fine. We're friends, but lately it's been…I don't know."

"Complicated?"

"Yeah, you could say that." Jamie huffed.

"So?"

"So, what?"

"Go on, tell me about him." Dr. Ross insisted.

Jamie lightly rolled her eyes, but complied. "Um, things were good. We were working well together, he even asked me on a _date_." A smile crept onto her face at the mention of that night.

"That's wonderful. How was it?"

"It was really great," Jamie said, thinking back into her memory, "We went to a bar, ate some good bar food, and played pool till they closed for the night."

"It seems like the two of you were working it out then, hm?"

Jamie nodded in reply.

"Then tell me, Jamie, why are we speaking in past tense?"

The young agent wasn't ready for that question. Hell, she didn't even realize she was speaking in past tense until Dr. Ross pointed it out. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. You're using words such as 'were', which is telling me that things aren't going to well anymore. Why is that?"

This was a chance for Jamie to open up. She never liked to be judged or misunderstood when she spoke, but here she was in a safe place with somebody who was there to listen, someone who was there to help her. Jamie shifted in her seat. She could feel it, the sting of tears wanting to drop down from her eyes. "That night that I went out with him," she started slowly, "we came back here and he was about to leave, but I asked him to stay. Then we started talking and…I know I don't need to finish the tale for you to understand"

Dr. Ross sat on the opposite end of the couch, listening intently. " _Have_ you said it out loud?"

"What?"

"The thing that you don't want to say, Jamie."

"No, I haven't actually and I don't think I need to."

"But maybe you should." Dr. Ross pointed out. "Correct me if I'm wrong, all of your rogue behavior started after the two of you had relations, yes?"

Jamie shrugged her left shoulder. "I guess so, yeah."

"And I take it you haven't spoken about it with one another?"

"No, we never did." Jamie admitted.

"Jamie, do you know what a defense mechanism is?"

"Sure, it's something people use to…avoid facing how they feel." She grasped the idea that Dr. Ross was putting forward. Although she wasn't going to disagree outright, there was no harm in listening to a professional explanation.

"That's one way to put it." Dr. Ross declared. "There is one specific mechanism that I would associate your recent behavior with."

"And that is...?"

"You're acting out." The answer came out smoothly, like there was nothing else to it.

"Acting out? Like what a child does?"

"Yes, but not necessarily. Acting out is usually defined as extreme behavior in order to express certain thoughts or feeling that someone is incapable of expressing."

"Incapable?" Jamie questioned. "I'm not incapable of expressing emotion."

"Maybe not, but tell me, how do you deal with the stress of the situation?"

Jamie pushed herself further into the pillows on the couch. "Um, I go to the gym, I…drink."

"When a person acts out, it can also act as a stress or pressure release. What did you feel when you ran after Randy Combs?"

"Like I was doing my job."

"That's not what I mean and you know it."

"I felt scared," Jamie admitted, "But I also felt like I could handle it myself. Like, there was some sort of adrenaline rush from the whole thing, from going off by myself…"

"And did it help you feel more at peace with yourself?"

"No, it definitely didn't."

"What about that injury on your shoulder there?"

"We already talked about that. It's a puny graze."

"I know we did and I'm not saying this happened purposely," Dr. Ross said, almost in a wary tone, "but self-injury is associated with this specific defense mechanism. You let the physical pain take over so you don't have to deal with the emotional pain."

"…that's sort of far-fetched, don't you think?"

Dr. Ross shook her head. "No, I don't think that. Jamie, you need to let these emotions go. You need to talk to Spencer, you need to talk to Agent Jareau, and tell them how you feel. You claim to be able to express emotion, _this_ is your chance to prove it."

No matter how much Jamie wanted to disagree, she knew Dr. Ross was right. "It's not happening today."

"That's fine, but when you do talk to them, I want a full report from you. If I don't get one, Agent Hotchner _will_ be hearing from me."

Jamie narrowed her eyes in disbelief. "You wouldn't…"

Dr. Ross smiled, but also let it be known that she wasn't kidding. "Try me, Agent Carter."

* * *

 **March 1st, 2015**

The Sunday afternoon sky was cloudy and the air was chilly; but it was only a short drive from her place to that of one of her coworkers. On the drive there, Jamie kept going over two possible scenarios in her head. One, she could have the door slammed in her face, and two, all would be forgiven and maybe everything would go back to normal. Whichever way it went, Jamie prayed that she would be able to hold herself together.

She parked her car on the curb in front of the home. Jamie exited the car and closed the door behind her. Deep breaths were taken as she walked through the yard and up the steps. Her right hand came up to the door and she knocked before taking a second thought. Jamie's hands found their way into her jacket pockets, her head turning to look at the surroundings behind her. The sound of footsteps could be heard through the door and when the door opened, Jamie had a hard time looking the person in the eyes.

"Hi, Will."

"Jamie," he greeted in his accent. Though, it was kind of monotone. "What can I do for you?"

Jamie's breath hitched, but she was there for a reason. "I was hoping to…um, is JJ home?"

Will stood in the doorway for a moment. It looked like he was studying Jamie. "Give me a minute." He was about to close the door, but opened it back up for a moment. "Do you want to come inside?'

"No, that's okay. It'll be quick."

"Alright." He resumed to closing the door, until Jamie spoke again.

"Will?"

He stayed silent, waiting for her to speak.

"I'm sorry."

Will nodded, "Good…"

He shut the door and within the minute, JJ appeared on the other side and Jamie's eyes instantly went to her arm in the sling. "Hey, Jamie. Everything okay?"

"Not really, no." Jamie cleared her throat and tried looking anywhere but JJ's face. It didn't work, though. "JJ, I owe you an apology," Jamie began, "I never meant for you to get hurt and I hope you know that. I-I've been going through some dark, personal stuff lately and It's making me miserable. I let it project onto the team and I let it affect my work. But JJ, this wasn't supposed to happen to you. It's my fault and I am _so_ sorry."

JJ stood on there, wondering if there was more to Jamie's apology. When no more words were spoken, she said, "I know you're sorry. But if I told you that I didn't blame you, I'd be lying and I don't want to do that."

Jamie's vision became blurred with tears. "I understand and I'm not asking you to forgive me. I just want you to know that I'm sorry…"

"Whatever stuff you've been going through, you could've come to me or anyone else for that matter; but you didn't. You need to get it taken care of. Our team cannot afford anymore drama, Jamie."

"I'm handling it…" Jamie replied. She blinked and a tear fell, but she quickly wiped it away. "I have somewhere else to go, so I'll leave now."

JJ nodded, but kept her face firm as she watched Jamie walk down her steps. "Maybe this time off will do you some good."

Jamie looked back at her friend, but didn't reply. She got into her car and looked to see if JJ was back inside her house. When the coast was clear, the tears fell and landed anywhere they damned pleased. She wiped at her makeup free eyes and started her car. Her mind wouldn't shut up and she felt exhausted, mentally and emotionally. So, instead of going to her next stop, Jamie drove herself home and slept the rest of the afternoon away.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please remember to review. I would really appreciate it.


	30. Choices

**I'll just leave this here... There might even be a sneak peek at the next chapter down below.**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Thirty: Choices**

 **March 9th, 2015**

Walking into the bullpen on a fresh Monday morning gave Jamie a tinge of optimism. It was a new beginning and she had every intention of making it a good day. The elevator to the floor of the Behavioral Analysis Unit was seemingly packed. A couple of times, with sheer luck, Jamie had managed to balance her cup of coffee and not spill it on some of the higher-ups. She was eager to get back to work and her nerves shot through her body. It was like she was entering the place for the first time again, the new agent. That was almost a year ago. Agent Carter had come a long way since then. Finally, the elevator opened the doors to the sixth floor. Jamie waited for everyone else to exit, as she was cramped in the back. When it was clear, she walked swiftly to the double glass doors, pulling one open with her free hand. It was like she was back home. Jamie's heels clicked on the floor as she walked, which was music to her ears. Even though it was a Monday morning, people in the bullpen seemed to be on top of their work. She approached her desk and placed her belongings on top. As her eyes went around the organized chaos, memories of the last time she was here began to flood her mind; how she was called into Strauss' office, yelled at by Agent Hotchner, and then put on a week of mandatory leave. _"Don't think about any of it…"_ she told herself, taking in a deep breath. She commanded her thoughts, even while the little voice in her head told her it was her fault.

Jamie saw Derek across the room, having a conversation with JJ. They were the only two of the team in sight and it made Jamie a little anxious. The last time she was here, she stormed past Morgan without a word and the last time she saw JJ, Jamie cried on her porch steps. JJ had a reason to still be angry with her. Her actions had put people she cared about at risk. All because she was having a hard time dealing with her emotions. Jamie knew she would have to tread lightly. With the second, deep breath of the morning, Jamie picked up her cup of coffee from her desk and began walking over to Derek and JJ.

"Morning guys," Jamie spoke as normally as she could, "how are you?"

"Well, well. Carter, good to see you back." Morgan greeted, giving a small smile.

"Hi, Jamie." JJ said. She looked at Jamie quickly, then turned away. Jamie knew her welcoming was more out of politeness than anything. Her quiet tone gave it away, along with the cold shoulder.

 _"_ _Okay, I deserve that."_ Jamie said to herself. She didn't want this to be awkward. There was no reason for it to be difficult, but it was. The conversation between Derek and JJ ceased to exist and Jamie prayed for something to happen. "How's the therapy going, JJ?" Out of all the topics to be discussed, of course she had to bring up the source of the anger JJ had been harboring.

JJ's face remained stoic as she faced Jamie again. She shrugged her shoulder, the one with the sling wrapped around it. "The wounds still healing. Can't start therapy yet."

"Oh…" That's all Jamie said and then she left it alone.

"You know what, I forgot I had a phone call to make. See you guys in a little bit." JJ said. She walked away with stride, probably glad to leave the situation.

Jamie watched her friend walk away and shook her head. "She hates me."

"You kind of did get her shot." Morgan replied.

Jamie turned to her other friend. She gave him a look that said "seriously?", but she knew he wasn't playing around. "I can't apologize enough."

Morgan shrugged, "She'll come around."

"And to mention…I never even apologized to _you_." Jamie realized.

"It's fine," he told her, "I'm fine. Just don't do something stupid like that again."

Jamie nodded and took a sip of her coffee. "I am sorry, though. Genuinely sorry."

"I know. How're you, though?" he asked, sitting straighter in his desk chair.

Jamie thought for a moment. She had done half of what she promised Dr. Ross she would do. Plus, she had no idea how to approach the idea when it came time to confront it. "Um, I-I'm doing better."

Morgan gave her a skeptical look. "Really? Because you don't seem too sure of yourself."

"Okay, fine. I'm working through the issues. It'll take some more time."

Would it really, though? Jamie knew her personal problems stemmed from way back and when they were brought to the surface, it was hard to get rid of them. The ringing of her cellphone in her pocket sounded and brought her out of the daze she was going in. She took out the device and saw the caller. It was Hotch.

"Hello?" Jamie answered, tone neutral.

"Carter, have you come into the office yet?"

Jamie turned her head around and let her eyes search the room. "Yeah, I'm here now actually."

"I need you to come to my office when you have a moment."

"Sure thing. Be there in a few."

Jamie hung up the phone and slid it back into her pocket. "That was Hotch." she told Morgan. "I'll see you later."

There was honestly no telling what Hotch wanted to talk to her about. Of course, she thought, it's going to be about her coming back to work; but it would be nice to know what she was going into. So, Jamie quickly finished her half cup of coffee and began up the catwalk. She didn't want to keep her boss waiting. The door to his office was slightly ajar when she got there. Her hand knocked on the door and she stuck her head in.

Hotch looked up from his pile of papers. "Carter, come in. Shut the door."

Jamie entered the office, a little hesitant. She hoped it didn't show. "Should I sit?"

"If you want to."

Jamie sat down in one of the two chairs. She sat up straight, ankles crossed and hands placed together on her lap. No words came from her. She wanted to wait and see how he would begin.

Hotch waited a moment and finished signing a document. He flipped it over, before he spoke. "How've you been doing?"

"I'm doing better." Jamie answered. "Just glad to be back at work."

Hotch nodded, acknowledging her statements. "I need you to understand that the behavior you were exhibiting will not be tolerated again." His eyes were focused, head bowed slightly.

"I know that, believe me." Jamie told him. "I put lives in jeopardy and that's not something that'll just be forgotten." She waited a moment, debating if to tell him about her visit with Dr. Ross. It was written all over her face…and Hotch noticed.

"Is there something you need to tell me?"

Jamie met eyes with the man. "While I was on leave…I had a session with Dr. Ross."

Hotch seemed slightly surprised by the fact. "That's good."

"It was. It gave me some insight and shed some light on a few personal issues I've been dealing with."

"Should I be concerned?"

"No," Jamie replied quickly, "It's being dealt with."

"Okay, I just want to make sure that you're going to be able to work. We've got a big case."

That made Jamie perk up. "Where at?"

"Kansas."

Jamie nodded. "When do we start?"

Hotch stood up from his desk, straightening his suit. "Now, we need to debrief."

Jamie stood as well. "I'm ready." Her tone was breathy and she had a few seconds where she needed to convince herself everything would be alright.

"Let's go then." Hotch said and the two walked out of his office and down to the debriefing room together.

Down the hallway, Jamie could hear everyone already in the room. Her nerves started to act up again. There was no reason to be nervous, though. When the two agents entered, all eyes went to them. Hotch, of course, had no problem with it and neither did Jamie. It was just a tad uncomfortable.

"Oh, you're back!" Penelope exclaimed. She clicked her way through the room in her bright heels and hugged Jamie. "We missed you!"

Jamie smiled and hugged her back. "I missed you guys, too."

"Good to see you, Carter." Rossi spoke, as Penelope released Jamie from her warm embrace.

"Thanks, Rossi." Jamie said. She took a seat at the table and grabbed the case file in front of her. She looked around the table and saw Spencer. He hadn't said anything to her, or even give her a nod of acknowledgment. Jamie didn't know if he was mad at her, too, or if he just didn't have anything to say to her. As she was handed a case file, Jamie kept glancing Spencer's way. There was a piece of her that wanted him to look her way.

"Okay, we need to get started." Hotch said. "Garcia?"

"Right." She turned on the big screen and three pictures of different women came up. "For the next few days-or however long it takes to solve this one, you're all wanted in Wichita, Kansas. These three women, Victoria Shannon, Everlyn Meyers, and Josie Cortese have all been discovered dead along the shore of the Little Arkansas River. These events have all taken place over the last four weeks."

"And they're thinking it's the work of a serial killer, correct?" Rossi asked, tapping his fingers on the cold table top. "Says in the report their mutual cause of death was bunt force trauma to the skull."

"Yes, sir. Each of these women had the same ligature marks on their wrist and ankles, along with similarly placed blunt force trauma on their abdomen as well."

Jamie listed and looked over her file with great intent. She felt she had something to prove, that she had to make some sort of comeback. Even with those ridiculous thoughts in her head, she stared at pictures of the ligature marks on one of the victim's bodies. She brought the picture closer to her face and wondered. "Am I crazy or do those scratches on the wrist and ankles look like they came from barbed wire?"

"Could be." said Morgan. "Anyone who's willing to handle that stuff is either very prepared or they straight up don't care."

"You can see all those similarities in the photos and another one is that all these women held high authority jobs as well." Garcia relayed.

"Shannon was a divorce lawyer, Meyers was a CEO of an organic clothing company, and Cortese was a well-known college professor."

"None of those seem to be related at all." JJ said, confused and flipping through her file.

"They never do." Hotch added, standing from his seat. He walked to the front of the room and stood by Garcia. "The time frame for these victims is changing as we speak. The first two victims had a time frame of five days between their disappearances and their bodies being found. With the last one it only took three days for it all to happen."

"So, the kill cycle is speeding up which could indicate that the thrill isn't enough for him anymore." Spencer noted.

"Or maybe he's getting bored." Jamie countered. Spencer shot her an annoyed look and she didn't miss it. Jamie cleared her throat and sat up straighter in her chair. "When a person commits a murder, most of the time it's intentional and for a predatory reason. They have choices to make and maybe killing people isn't what he thought it would be."

"Let me get this straight," Reid lightly challenged, "you're saying that our unsub just decided to stop killing out of-what? The kindness of his heart? I don't think so."

"That's not what I'm saying at all, but it is important in this line of work to have an open mind."

"Maybe he's scared he'll get caught." Morgan suggested before Spencer could reply to Jamie.

"If this unsub was scared of getting caught then why would they murder three women with high profiles?" JJ questioned the group.

The tension was floating around the room, no fault to any specific person.

"These are all questions we can discuss on the flight to Kansas. We need to get going." Hotch said, looking at his watch. "Wheels up in forty-five."

The group began to disburse. Everyone picked up their files and coffee cups to leave the room. Jamie lingered a bit longer while keeping her eyes on Spencer. She scooped up her belongings like the others and waited for him to do the same. She watched him make his way out of the room into the small hallway and she was right behind him. "Spencer!" she called out.

Spencer didn't stop walking. He only looked back over his shoulder at her, but continued walking.

"I know you hear me! Stop acting immature."

That must've gotten his attention because he stopped walking. Spencer turned around as they were now in the middle of the bullpen. "Do you need something?" The tone was cold and seemingly uninterested.

Jamie finally stopped in front of him. Her short legs not able to keep up with his angsty strides. "What the hell was that in there?"

Spencer looked around the bullpen, like he was looking for a way out of the conversation. "What was what?"

"Oh my god..." Jamie tried to keep her cool. She placed her left on her hip, pinching the bridge of her nose and taking a deeper than necessary breath. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, so don't act clueless. I wasn't trying to challenge you or anything. This team benefits on different perspectives and I thought you respected that."

A thought process was going through his mind, but Spencer thought it best to not bring up any of the topics that would cause a fight. Although, one already seemed to be forming. "I do respect that. You're well aware of that." he pushed back. "I just don't agree with you."

"And you made it very clear." Jamie was taken aback with his attitude. If they were discussing their own personal issues, then she could understand. This was work and they were currently having this talk where all of their coworkers could see them. "Let me make it clear that I'm back here to do my job. I need smooth sailing, okay?"

Spencer rolled his eyes and shook his head. It was very out of character for him. "You wouldn't need smooth sailing if you had done your job right in the first place." Once more, he looked around the room but this time he made his exist from the conversation.

Jamie was left there, emotionally wounded. She had to remind herself to keep her composure but couldn't argue with the internal thought that he was right. Smoothing down her blouse and catching the spying eyes of Jennifer, Jamie walked hastily to her desk. She snatched up her go-bag from the bottom drawer and walked out the doors of the fourth floor.

* * *

The team sat closely together on the plane, discussing specific points about the case that they found interesting.

"There's obviously some place where the unsub keeps these women. We need to be more methodical in how we piece this together." Hotch told the team.

"We have three high profile women and they're all around the same age. Maybe our unsub has authority issues, more specifically with women."

"Certainly, a possibility." Spencer agreed, "You know, I find it strange that the medical examiner hasn't found the cause of death yet."

"Same here," JJ jumped in. "For now, we only have what's in these files and what we can theorize ourselves. We need to do some research before we land."

Everyone simultaneously agreed. They needed to get more information on each victim. Where they lived, where they worked, the people in their lives. It was a lot to dig up in a short period of time.

Jamie moved to the back corner of the jet. She usually sat in that spot when something was wrong. Which seemed to be happening to her more often these days. The isle seat allowed her to see everyone on the plane as they did their part of the work.

A couple of hours into the flight, people were taking a short break. Morgan and Spencer were playing checkers and of course, Spencer had Morgan beat every time. Jamie enjoyed listening to the banter. It made her heart lighter.

A smug "check mate" came from across the jet and Jamie looked up from her tablet to see Spencer rise as victorious once again. Morgan folded his arms and pouted at his growing losing streak. "That's it, I'm out." he called. "This game is rigged."

"Oh, come on." Spencer chimed, setting up for a new game. "Any other takers?" The question seemed open, but Jamie didn't dare answer to it. "Nobody?"

Jamie tried to keep her head down and eyes glued to her tablet screen. She knew it was coming, though.

"You game, Carter?" Morgan asked her.

Jamie took a breath and looked up from her electronic device. She gave him a slight smile but shrugged. "I'm more of a checkers kind of girl." She could hear Spencer scoff from her seat. "Is that funny to you, Spencer?"

He looked over his shoulder at Jamie. "Yeah, a little bit." He faced back around and asked JJ if she wanted to play. Jamie held her tongue and got back to her work. Now she knew where the tension was coming from and it seemed to be following her no matter where she went. Yet, she knew she had to persevere. Her energy and her mood were completely up to her. Everything is a choice, and everybody has to make them.

The silence was cut by Hotch's ringing cell phone. "Hotchner." Hs greeting rang through the air. Without a doubt, everyone on that plane was trying to listen to the call. The team would get the news once the call was done, of course. "Thank you for letting me know. I'll fill in my team. See you soon."

"What happened?" JJ asked for everyone.

"There's been another report of a missing women. Came in last night for a woman named Taylor Schillings."

"Do you think he's going to speed up his process? Make it quicker than the last victim?" Jamie questioned.

"I'd say so." Hotch answered. "We're still about an hour out. We'll know more soon."

* * *

The team landed in Kansas and had SUV's ready for them on the blacktop. When they arrived at the Wichita Police Department, they were greeted by the lead detective on the case, Detective Grady.

"You must be the BAU." Grady stated as he shook the hands of each member. "I wish we were meeting under better circumstances."

"Likewise," Hotch replied. He introduced the team and they went to work. Like any other precinct, there was a conference room that served as their work station.

"So, what exactly has been going on since you got hold of the case?" Rossi wondered.

Grady scratched the back of his head. "Honestly, not a whole lot. We're still waiting on the rest of the ME reports. Should be back in a couple of hours. We've been trying to interview Taylor Schilling's boyfriend, but he's not being too cooperative."

"He's got to be worried sick about Taylor, Detective Grady." JJ stated, a serious and almost unbelieving look in her eyes. She was always passionate about the feelings of those involved in cases.

"I'm very aware, Agent Jareau." Grady defended. "We just want to get as much information as we can before this guy takes another girl from who knows where..."

"We're _all_ aware of that," Hotch intervened, shooting a subtle look to JJ, "and we want the same thing that you do, Detective. Rossi and Morgan, stay here and begin the victimology and geographical profile. JJ and Reid, I want the two of you to go and interview the victim's families. Start with Taylor's boyfriend and see if you can dig up a connection. Carter, you're with me and Detective Grady at the latest crime scene."

Jamie nodded at her boss and watched everyone else go to their assignments.

"I need to grab one thing from my desk and take it to HR really quick." Grady told Hotch and Jamie. "I'll only be a few minutes." He left, leaving the two others alone.

"I have to ask," Jamie said, curiosity coming through. "Did you assign me to you because you're worried?"

"No," Hotch answered back. "I put you with me and Grady, because I had everyone else where I wanted them. As long as you don't run off, we won't have a problem."

Jamie huffed and crossed her arms. "I'm never going to live that down, am I?"

"Probably not."

* * *

The river was a bit of a distance from the precinct. It was remote, but Jamie assumed that's what the unsub liked about the location. Jamie, Detective Grady, and Hotch rolled onto soft dirt by the river. When Jamie got out of the car, her heels sunk into the dirt like it was sand. The scene was grey and cold. Jamie wrapped her jacket closer around her. The wind chill still got in, though. "They were just laid along the river?" she asked, looking around the scene.

The three of them walked towards the place the bodies were found. "Pretty much. There was nothing too significant to how they were put here." Grady replied. "Here's where Cortese was found. Shannon and Meyers were down some ways." Grady gestured down further at the river.

Jamie kneeled down at the bend. There was nothing there. Not even a spec of blood or something that was left behind by mistake. The only thing that was left behind was faint outlines of footprints from the investigators that had been there earlier in the week. Jamie looked out towards the water. She enjoyed the sleek look from the ice on top. "I think I might be underestimating this unsub."

"Unsub?" Grady asked.

"Unknown subject. It's the name we use for our perpetrator." Jamie replied. "In this case, it's the man who did this."

"And you know for a fact that this was a male?" Grady questioned. He seemed skeptical.

"Not for a fact, but more than likely it was a male. The use of the barbed wire and the nature of blunt force trauma on their bodies cause for a higher chance of it being a male. It's very violent. Females tend to be more passive or clean."

"Wow, that actually makes sense." Grady said, somewhat under his breath.

"You seem surprised." Jamie stated, a playful half-grin on her face.

"That's because I kind of am."

"We don't have a lot of time here, Detective." Hotch told him. "With the unsub taking less time to murder these women, we likely don't have as long to find her before he actually does kill her. What information had you gotten from the victim's families?"

"You know, the usually." Grady vaguely said, rubbing his hands together for heat. "Questions about why it had to happen to them, who did this, and are we going to find the person responsible." Grady looked at Hotch and Jamie, knowing they were waiting for something more. "Trust me, if there was anything of importance you would be the first to know."

"Maybe JJ and Spencer got something out of them." Jamie said.

"Well, we can walk down to where the others were found, but I'm going to tell you now that those scenes look just like this one." Grady let them know.

"We'll take a look, then head back to the precinct." Hotch informed.

The trio began walking down the river, keeping their eyes peeled for something- _anything_ to give them some information.

* * *

When Jamie and Hotch got back to the police department, Grady had left them to give his hand in another case. The team was in the work space, looking sluggish. Spencer was slumped over the long table, head in his hands working on the geographical profile. JJ was sitting next to him, nose buried deep in the files of the victims and attempting to learn everything she could about the victims and their lives. Morgan and Rossi were still working on the geographical profile. There were a lot of pieces to fit together, but there were too many missing pieces.

They all knew time was running short for Taylor Schilling.

It was just about the hit eleven o'clock when Hotch had told the team to go to the hotel and get some sleep. Jamie didn't have to be told twice. She hopped in an SUV with Morgan and Rossi and thought about a big, fluffy hotel bed.

"How was the first day back, Carter?" Morgan asked her.

Jamie kept her eyes out the window of the back seat. "It was good...considering the circumstances."

"That's good."

"I'm just glad to be back." she added, letting her body rest into the leather behind her.

"Good, because we need you here."

Jamie didn't respond. The rest of the ride to the hotel was quiet, the only noise being the soft playing of the radio. When they pulled into the parking lot behind the other SUV, Jamie got out and quickly got her go-bag.

The team all got their rooms and headed up to the third floor. Jamie was in room three-sixteen, while Hotch was beside her in three-fourteen and Morgan on the other side in three-fifteen. She unlocked the room and walked in, kicking off her heels and letting them land wherever they pleased. Her go-bag was tossed onto the floor beside the bed and Jamie let herself fall face first into the white comforter.

She groaned slightly and could feel herself already wanting to fall asleep, but she couldn't. Being at a crime scene all day wasn't the cleanest thing ever. Jamie headed to the bathroom, stripped her clothes and took a quick shower. It was definitely a night for a scolding shower. The steam felt incredible as it hit her. If she could've stay in a there forever, she would've. Stepping out from the tub, Jamie went through the rest of her night routine and by the time she was done, it was only almost twelve-thirty. Yet, that wasn't going to stop her from catching some decent sleep.

It was peaceful in the dark and she felt content. Everything would be okay.

 _"_ _Shots fired! Shots fired!"_ _the words rang through her ears as she took cover behind one of the doors of the SUV._

 _"_ _We need a medic! Right now!" Spencer yelled behind him. "She's losing too much blood!"_

 _"_ _Jamie, hey, no, no, no. I need you to keep your eyes open."_

 _Jamie gulped harshly, spitting up more blood as she did. It pushed past her lips, drawing red lines down her chin and out the corners of her mouth. The little effort that she was giving towards keeping her eyes open and holding her head up, seemed to evaporate all at once. Her green eyes rolled back and her head slumped to the side, out of Spencer's grasp_.

 _"_ _Jamie! Jamie! No, please, hey! Not like this…it can't happen like this."_

The dream-or more like vivid flashback had Jamie in a cold sweat.

 _"_ _Shots fired! Shots fired!"_

As she suffered through the flashback, the healed wound on her chest began to burn. She hadn't woken up completely yet, but she scratched at her chest.

 _Scratch_

 _Scratch_

 _Scratch_

Over and over again, harder with each pass. What finally woke her up was the wet, sticky feeling on her skin as she rubbed her chest. Her tired eyes flew open and Jamie rushed over to the left side of the bed where the lamp was, turning it on.

Red stained the white bed. It stained her clothes, her skin.

She clawed herself until she bled.

Staring at her hand, Jamie could barely breathe. She hadn't had that dream, relived that night for a long time; but it was evident that it would always be there to haunt her...among other things.

Jamie rubbed her fingers together, watching as the blood swirled on her skin. She looked down at her grey t-shirt, which had a big, red splotch on it.

 _"_ _Snap out of it, damn it."_

She couldn't stay there alone. It would make her more crazy than she already was.

Looking around the room, Jamie saw her keycard. Without thoroughly thinking about her actions, Jamie grabbed it and rushed out her room.

Three-twelve. Three-twelve. Three-twelve.

The person inside that room would know what to do.

* * *

 **On the next chapter of Not Like This:**

"Jamie?" the voice asked, clearly disturbed from their sleep.

Jamie stopped in her tracks and took a deep breathe. She didn't turn around just yet.

"Jamie? What are you doing? It's two A.M."

That's when Jamie spun around and watched as her friend's eyes went wide. Their face muddled in confusion.

"Oh my-what happened?"

There was silence as Jamie stood in the hallway in front of the other person. She had to say something...and soon; because there was no getting out of this now.

"Get in here before someone sees you covered in blood."


	31. Keep it Together

**Hey all, thanks for sticking around for my inconsistent uploading. I'm trying to get back on track with this thing. If you're still here, I want to say thank you. This story became something I wasn't prepared for, but I intend to see it through. I've known the ending from the start. Also, can I just mention that it's been two years since I first uploaded the rewrite? Seems like forever ago.**

 **Anyway, here is a new chapter. Writing original content is hard, so I apologize if this doesn't make sense. (insert nervous emoji here). I hope you enjoy and please remember to review. Happy reading. x**

 **All rights go to the owners of Criminal Minds, except for my original character.**

* * *

 **Not Like This**

 **Chapter Thirty-one: Keep it Together**

Three-twelve.

The numbers on that door seemed bigger than the ones on her own door. It was distracting.

 _"_ _That doesn't matter right now!"_

It took a minute before her mind came back to her. When it did, Jamie knocked on the door. The hits were soft, maybe not forceful enough to wake the occupant.

 _Knock, knock._

There was no answer. So, she tried again and knocked harder this time.

 _Knock, knock, knock!_

Wait, what was she doing? The person on the other side didn't want to deal with this right now, right? She caused them enough trouble already and this episode-or whatever this was, would just be adding to their plate. She turned around and started to walk back to her own room.

Then the door opened. "Jamie?" the voice asked, clearly disturbed from their sleep.

Jamie stopped in her tracks and took a deep breathe. She didn't turn around just yet.

"Jamie? What are you doing? It's two A.M."

That's when Jamie spun around and watched as her friend's eyes went wide. Their face muddled in confusion.

"Oh my-what happened?"

There was silence as Jamie stood in the hallway in front of the other person. She had to say something...and soon; because there was no getting out of this now.

"I, uh..." Jamie began, not sure where her words were actually coming from. It was a little difficult to form a sentence. "I don't know."

Her friend shook their head, but their face had sympathy written on it. They motioned with their hand for her to come inside the room. "Get in here before someone sees you covered in blood." Their command was whispered, as neither of them wanted the others to see or hear what was going on. "Hurry up."

Jamie followed them inside. When the door closed behind the two of them, something seemed to snap Jamie out of her trance. She turned around with large eyes and looked directly at her friend. "JJ, I'm so sorry." Jamie told her.

JJ wrapped herself in a black hoodie. She was standing in front of Jamie, pajamas a bright blue color. "What happened to you?" Her eyes scanned Jamie and ended up stopping on the most noticeable part of her colleague.

"Remember Texas?" Jamie asked her, nonchalant. There was no point in trying to hide.

"Texas?" JJ questioned, her face twisting in confusion. Then came a moment of clarity. "Are you talking about the Mills case?"

Jamie was nodding her head along as JJ spoke, confirming JJ's question. "Yeah..." she blurted out quickly. "It's like I was there. All over again an-and I was in his arms, bleeding...dying."

JJ stared at Jamie's chest where her gunshot scar would remain for the rest of her days. Now, it was covered in a deep, crusting red. "I understand that, trust me. And what happened in Texas wasn't that long ago. But what about your chest?"

"I scratched it in my sleep. It was... _burning_. Jennifer, it hurt so badly." There was no shame or embarrassment in saying those words. Jamie was vulnerable in the moment, but she felt safe in JJ's presence. No matter the situation between them, she knew she could count on JJ.

"Okay, okay." JJ told her quietly. "Let's get you cleaned up." JJ moved over to her go-bag and pulled out some wipes and a clean t-shirt. She handed them to Jamie. "Here, I'm guessing you can handle this alone?" There was a bit of humor behind her words.

Jamie nodded her head and accepted the items. "Yeah, thanks." She took one of the wipes from the container and began to wipe the blood from her hand first. She noticed JJ sit down on the edge of her bed and glanced her way for a moment. "I don't really know why I came here." she admitted. Her attention was on her hand, inspecting it, making sure the red was gone.

JJ didn't respond right away, but that was okay. Even though Jamie had done something incredibly reckless that had gotten JJ injured and could've possibly taken her life, she cared for her friend. "I told you, you can come to me if you ever need anything."

Jamie walked over to the small trashcan by the sink and threw away the few dirty wipes. She looked at JJ and gave a small grin. "I know." Her head dropped down, her attention on the odd patterned carpet. "I know I've said it already, but I'm really sorry that I got you hurt." Her eyes met with JJ's and tears were ready to fall from them.

JJ sighed and offered a similar grin back. "I'm not saying it's okay, but I do forgive you."

Wiping her eyes with her now clean hand, Jamie turned away from JJ and faced the mirror above the sink. She took off her ruined t-shirt, standing only in her shorts and bra. Taking more wipes from the container, she began to wipe the blood from her chest. It hurt a little bit, but that was to be expected when you scratched your skin raw.

JJ was still on the edge of the bed, watching Jamie as she worked. She wanted to ask her friend more about her situation, but she knew it wasn't her place. She wasn't one to pry...but the rules can change when one of your friends knocks on your door at two A.M., covered in blood. "Jamie, are you okay?"

Jamie let out a breathy laugh but kept her attention on herself in the mirror. "Considering I clawed my own flesh and made myself bleed, I'm a little on edge right now."

At least she didn't say she was "fine".

"Can I ask you something? JJ pressed. She didn't want to scare Jamie away. She knew Jamie wasn't the touchy-feely type.

"Go for it."

"Why have you been acting out?" The question was serious, but it was also cautious coming from her mouth.

Jamie threw away the rest of the bloody wipes and closed the package. She observed her wound in the mirror. It was definitely going to take some effort and incredible makeup skills to cover that up. "What do you mean?" Now she was trying to play cool.

JJ stood up from the bed and walked over to Jamie. She crossed her arms and looked at Jamie in the mirror, meeting her eyes for a moment. "I mean the running off and trying to catch an unsub yourself, getting yourself put on mandatory leave. That's what I mean."

"You sound like a mom." Jamie told her, putting on JJ's clean shirt. It was gray and baggy, just how she liked it.

"Well, I am a mom."

Jamie turned to face JJ now. She shrugged, "It's complicated. And I know I can't just tell you there's nothing wrong, especially after what just happened. But trust me when I tell you, it's _so_ damn complicated."

"Does it have to do with Spencer?"

"Okay, kind of a low-blow. Don't you think?" Jamie walked back towards the bed and sat on the edge where JJ had been. "Do you have a bandage?" Her question came out as if they weren't just about to discuss a somewhat forbidden topic.

JJ slightly rolled her eyes and moved back to her go-bag. She pulled out a small black bag and pulled out a good-sized bandage. It would cover Jamie's scratches for the time being. "Talk to me, Jamie." JJ told her, handing her the bandage. "You can't keep this stuff in."

Jamie opened the clean bandage and placed it on her chest. "I know that." she answered, patting the sticky parts down. "I've learned that the hard way."

"Apparently you haven't learned at all."

"Thanks for helping me." Jamie said. She stood up from the bed and grabbed her bloody shirt from the sink. "I'll let you sleep now." Her feet led her to the door and she paused before opening it. Did she really want to talk about this? JJ was kind enough to help her in a time of need...and she forgave Jamie for getting her shot.

Decisions, decisions.

"JJ?" Jamie asked, turning back around.

JJ stayed silent, waiting for Jamie to finish her question.

"Can we keep this between us? Please?"

JJ scoffed softly and shook her head. "If that's what you want."

"Thank you." Then Jamie opened the door, exiting and closing it softly behind her. She walked back to her room, clutching her shirt. When she opened her door with the key card, her eyes went immediately over to the red-stained bed. She closed her own door quietly and went to the bed. She grabbed the fluffy comforter, which had the most blood on it, and threw it on the ground. The sheet underneath had spots, but not enough for her to care about sleeping by the blood. Her eyes caught the time on the clock. It was two-fifty-three. There was still time to sleep. Jamie got into the opposite side of the bed, not wanting to sleep in the same spot as before.

Sighing contently, she wished for a peaceful sleep. Her chest ached, and her mind was busy. Yet, she snuggled into her bed like nothing had just happened.

* * *

By eight A.M., the team was back at the police station. They were debriefing on the information they had collected yesterday. Jamie looked around the room at the team. With only a short period of rest, they were back at what they did best. Coffee felt like a lifeline as she watched JJ stifle a yawn and work the victimology. They'd only exchanged a "hello" and "good morning" when they left the hotel. As far as Jamie was concerned, JJ was able to keep a secret.

Jamie's attention shifted to Spencer who was also clutching a cup of coffee. His attention was focused on case files and she was pretty sure he drank three cups of coffee already. Morgan and Rossi were in deep conversation regarding the relevant locations in the victim's lives. Jamie laughed to herself. She knew they all had a long day ahead of them.

"Agents, bad news." It was Detective Grady with Hotch by his side. "About an hour ago we got a call from two fellas strolling down the edge of the river. They came across a body."

"Taylor Schillings?" JJ piped up. She was feeling just as nervous as the rest of the team.

"It's not Schillings." Hotch confirmed. "I've asked Garcia to see if there are any missing person reports matching the description from the past month. She'll send us the information soon." He looked around at his team. Some confused faces and some seeming defeated. "In the meantime, I want Rossi and Morgan with me and Grady out at the scene. JJ, I want you to head out and talk to Taylor's family again. Carter and Reid, stay here and wait for Garcia's call. Add the information to the victimology and geographical profile."

The team broke and went their separate ways. Jamie and Spencer stayed seated on the opposite sides of the table. The room was silent aside from the sound of a paper flipping every now and again. Sure, Jamie and Spencer were both working but working often requires communication. Jamie looked up from the papers in front of her. She observed Spencer pouring an unhealthy amount of sugar into his coffee. "Want some coffee with your sugar?" she joked. At the same time, she hoped it would ease the residual tension from yesterday.

"How original." Spencer responded to her joke. If he had a dollar for every time someone asked him that question, he'd be rich. "Let's just do our work."

"...right." Jamie was partially reluctant to attempt other light-hearted conversation. However, they had been working together for a while and well, there were no plans for that to change. "Can I ask you something?" Jamie wondered. She slowly stood up from her seat and smoothed down her black blazer. Her eyes stayed on Spencer, but he wouldn't know since he didn't care to make eye contact with her. Walking over to the coffee to pour herself a cup, she waited for an answer. Even through the process of getting a cup of coffee she didn't truly want, Jamie couldn't stand the silence. She scoffed as she stirred in some sugar. "I'll take that as a 'no'."

Spencer met her eyes now as she was standing in the back, sipping her coffee. "Did you actually want something? Or is this your attempt to make up for your mistake?"

Taken aback, Jamie set her cup down and crossed her arms. Some might say that's a defense tactic but truthfully, she had a hard time believing what she had just heard. "What did you just say?" Her face was stern as she walked to the same side of the room as Spencer. "If you have something to say then say it. Now's your chance."

Spencer sighed and stopped the work he was doing. He was annoyed and had no problem letting it be known. "Every time we get stuck doing victimology or geographical work, you use the time to get out your feelings and use me like some kind of therapist. I'm going to tell you this time that I'm not doing it."

Jamie stayed silent. In a way, she was surprised at the words coming from his mouth.

"I know you've been through a lot since starting this job and us working together doesn't help much. But what you did was so irresponsible, and you got someone else hurt." Spencer went on, taking a breath as he was speaking to her. He never faulted his eye contact. "Frankly, I don't even think you should be here right now."

 _"_ _I deserve that."_ Jamie thought. If anything, she wasn't going to let Spencer see that hit where it hurt. She innocently shrugged her shoulders. Her face wasn't angry and it his words didn't seem to offend her that time around. "I just wanted to ask you how you're doing." She walked to her seat, sitting down and collecting her scattered papers into a pile. The sound of paper hitting the table was the only noise in the room until she stopped. Thinking for a second, Jamie took one last look at Spencer. "I have some things to say to you, too. You're right though, now's not the time." It wasn't in her nature to back down so easily. Maybe she was finally learning how to pick and choose her battles. Only time would tell.

If the call had come a few minutes sooner, they would've been saved by the bell. Even with the upset minds in the room, the two agents shared a look when the phone rang. Both Jamie and Spencer gathered around the phone to listen to it on speaker.

"What'd you get, Penelope?" Jamie asked.

"Cutting right to the chase, the victim that was just found is thirty-nine-year-old Michelle Anderson. She was a pediatrician at the local hospital and she had been missing for two days."

"Two days?" Spencer questioned. He was just as confused as Jamie.

"If Michelle had gone missing only two days ago, that means the unsub had her and Taylor at the same time."

"Which means he's evolving even more quickly than we thought."

"What does that mean for Taylor?" Garcia asked.

Jamie shook her head to herself before answering. "She might not even be alive."

* * *

The team was exhausted. They had been in Kansas about two days, but it felt like a week. Everyone had completed their given assignments and JJ had given a press conference to inform the public. Detective Grady was breathing down their necks asking for an update. Every time he asked, it was almost always the same. The team was confident in their profile, which they were getting ready to deliver to the department.

When everyone was gathered in the work room, Hotch began the profile. "My team and I know everyone is working very hard to find this unsub. We've narrowed it down to a profile with information we've gathered since we left Virginia. We believe that we're looking for a white male between the ages of thirty and fort-five. He's a sadist and likes to see his victims in pain. This could explain the wounds and blunt force trauma."

"He is or _was_ likely married to a women in a high-power position. The relationship ended for whatever reason and because of that, she left him which set him off. He's now kidnapping and killing these women to get back at one specific woman." Morgan added.

"And these are facts?" someone called out from the crowd of officers.

"No," Rossi answered, "this is a profile of characteristics and behavior that can ultimately lead us to this individual. The age factor, the positions these women carried, and the fact they were all killed the same way indicates specific behavior."

Jamie was next to speak. "This unsub has probably lived in this area most of his life and can easily go unnoticed by others. He carries himself high, seems like an all-around decent guy and is probably moderately handsome."

"He targets brunette women between the ages of thirty and forty-five. They all hold some sort of authority in their field." JJ finished.

"That's all we have for now," Hotch informed, "but we will continue to do our parts as I trust you will do yours."

The crowd disbursed, and the team was left surrounded by their own handy work. A few looked at the bored, wondering where they could pick out some clues. The others sat back at the table. Their tired eyes searching through files and piles of papers for anything they could use. It was late and the vibe in the room was unpleasant.

Hotch scanned the room, observing his team. "Anyone who wants to call it a night, take this chance." He left the opportunity open, assuming at least a couple of his agents would jump at the chance for some rest.

"I'm staying." JJ voiced, looking at her colleagues.

"Me, too." Jamie repeated.

Three more of the same response was repeated. Hotch felt proud of his team, sitting next to Rossi to continue working.

* * *

March in Kansas is no picnic. All she wanted was some fresh air. The stale smell and warm air inside the precinct had been making her nauseous. At three in the morning, she wasn't very optimistic for a lightbulb to go off. The cold hit her hard, feeling sharp when it sat over her skin. Her breath was coming out in large clouds. Her tired eyes wanting to sleep, but she felt it wasn't an option. Rossi, Morgan, and JJ had decided to take a power nap. She was sure it would last more than a fifteen-minute break. She inhaled a cold stream of winter air and sighed. Leaning back against the wall outside the door was peaceful. There hadn't been a chance for a moment alone yet. Then again, being alone made her think about how her life was too damn messy. She had bridges to burn, apologies to make, and a murder to solve. Lately, there were a lot of disappointments in her life and pain that seemed to grow stronger every day.

Jamie knew she needed to find a balance. She had to work hard but not let work dictate her life. Love was something she forbid herself to think of at crucial times like this. She also started to accept the fact that she needed professional help. The skeletons in her closet were so dark and seemed to keep multiplying. Her mind should've upgraded to a double-wide. Even is a situation wasn't directly her fault, she harbored some guilt. Somewhere in the gist of things, she knew she played a role. She kept a lot of worry in her body for situations she couldn't control. It was a bad habit that needed to be kicked. There would be even more guilt if she didn't find the person that was murdering those women.

Jamie shook herself out of her daze. She had work to do. Clearing her throat, she made her way back inside the precinct. Exchanging drained smiles with a few officers still in the building, she walked to her seat in the work room. She wasn't sure where to begin, or if there was even a place to begin that they hadn't looked over a hundred times. She glanced at Hotch who seemed to be reading some of the department's files.

"Everything okay, Carter?" he wondered.

No, everything was not okay. "Just stepped out for some fresh air."

Even with a case in the works and as broken as she felt, Jamie knew there was something to be said for how she'd kept going. It was hard keeping it together, but all the same, she kept moving. Healing in a world that was full of trauma wasn't ideal. All she thought for the night was that she had to keep it together. She had to keep it together for herself and the women who needed justice. They had a long day ahead of them.

* * *

 **8:23 A.M.**

It was eight in the morning the next day. The team and Detective Grady had been stuck in the same spot as the days prior. Not all cases were easy, but not all were this frustrating. Earlier that morning, JJ had been the one to give the reporters a run-down on their findings. After a thousand questions and dozens of microphones shoved in her face, JJ came back into the building even more upset than before. Hotch was grumpy, Rossi seemed annoyed, and the others had been down each other's throats for hours. The team had endured times like this, but for some reason this case was working them dead.

Everyone swore to themselves that they had gone through every nook and cranny of the case. Either there was something they were weren't getting, or exhaustion had gotten the better of them. No amount of coffee or Red Bulls seemed to make them work faster or harder. People didn't agree on certain parts of the geographical profiles or didn't see the logic in the victimology.

Some of the team started to lose hope.

 **1:30 P.M.**

Lunch time rolled around and Jamie jumped at the chance to ask anyone if they wanted food or coffee. Everyone agreed and Morgan asked to tag along. Jamie was hesitant but said yes. The duo walked out of the precinct with their coats in hand. With small talk as their third wheel, they drove down to a charming café down the road from the station. They ordered an array of foods and drinks, but not forgetting the coffee. The ride back was silent. When they brought the food to the team, Jamie hoped the tension would subside.

 **7:45 P.M.**

Exhaustion came in many forms. Sly tears of defeat, micro-sleeping, noticeable irritability. The room had gone silent hours earlier. You could probably hear a pin drop. When someone's phone rang unexpectedly, all six agents jumped at the sound. They looked around, searching for the person to blame for the blaring of an annoying ringtone.

Morgan dug out his phone from the pocket of his jeans. When he noticed it was Garcia, he put it on speaker for everyone to hear. "Garcia, you're on speaker."

"How is my favorite team doing?" she asked, happily.

Hotch stood from his seat, leaning over the table closer to the phone. "What do you have for us, Garcia?"

"Oh," Garcia reacted, not expecting such stern and hostile vibes radiating through the phone. "Well, after long hours of searching, I think I finally found some possibilities for your unsub. First up, Blake Denning, whose wife of ten years recently left him for her boss about four months ago. Second, John Campbell, whose wife passed away six months ago. Third, Harley Louis, had a sister who died three months ago. All victims fit the victim type and all three men fit your profile."

"Good, Garcia." Hotch praised, feeling bad about ignoring her question earlier. "I'm sure it'll get us somewhere. Thank you."

"I've sent information about each suspect to your tablets. Be safe, you guys." The call ended and the team seemed more eager than they had in days. Their attention was put on Hotch. He was ready to give orders.

"I want Rossi and Reid going to the home of Blake Denning, Carter and Morgan to John Campbells' residence, and JJ and I will go to Harley Louis' home. Interview neighbors and anyone else in the surrounding area that seems relevant."

The team was quick to be on their feet, grabbing their coats for the cold nighttime air and heading out the door promptly.

 **8:21 P.M.**

The address to John Campbell's residence had shown a twenty-two-minute drive on the GPS. Instead, it turned into a forty-five-minute adventure which included a stop for coffee and a wrong turn into a different neighborhood. Despite all the mishaps and unnecessary stops, the two didn't argue or banter. In the past couple of days, the team hadn't gotten a lot of sleep. Which left everyone willing to go with the flow.

Eventually, they found their way into Campbell's neighborhood. It wasn't the nicest part of town and Jamie was grateful to have a gun strapped to her waist. The streetlights flickered and some of the homes looked to be abandoned. The place that belonged to Campbell was in nicer shape than most of the homes on the street, but still has many identifiable flaws. Jamie and Morgan got out of their car, careful to not close the doors too loudly. Instead of going straight to Campbell's place, they went to the neighbor on the right side of him. Morgan knocked on the door, hoping the owner would be present. A light came on outside, shining on them both. It gave Jamie a headache. Someone could be heard on the inside saying they were coming to the door. A middle-aged woman answered the door, looking annoyed at the agents. "What?" She was dressed in a black robe and had her hair wrapped up in a towel.

Jamie and Morgan both pulled out their identification, flashing it to the women. "Sorry to bother you ma'am-"Jamie began, but was cut off.

"Don't call me ma'am. You can call me Marge."

Jamie flashed Derek a look, continuing her spiel. "Okay, Marge. We were wondering if you could answer a few questions about your neighbor John Campbell for us."

Marge furrowed her eyebrows and stepped back inside far enough to let the two agents in. "Is he in trouble?" she wondered, closing the door behind the three of them. "I always thought he was a good fellow."

"So, you do know him?" Morgan questioned.

"Not really," Marge said, gesturing for Jamie and Derek to take a seat, "he tends to stop by every now and again to check on his place. Losing his wife really messed him up." Marge made herself comfortable on her couch. "He used to come over and mow my lawn, but now I have to find someone else to do it."

"What was his wife like? Her personality, her mood, her appearance."

"Can't give ya' much detail. I only met her once or twice. Real quiet type but held a decent job. I know she wanted to be a big-shot doctor or something. They were just trying to make it here before they stepped out into something bigger. I heard she died in a car accident, but I don't know. Like I said, didn't know much about them."

"Are you sure it was a car accident?" Jamie questioned, seeming unsure of what she was hearing.

Marge looked insulted, "Look lady, I'm answering your questions like you wanted. I'm just telling you what I heard. So, are you here to get help or insult my competence?"

With that, Morgan stood up and Jamie followed suit. "No more questions ma'am. We thank you for your time. Have a good night."

Jamie led the way out of the house with Morgan right behind her. They got into their vehicle and sat in silence for a minute. "Car crash?" Jamie asked out loud. "There was nothing in our research that indicated such a thing."

Morgan shrugged while keeping his eyes searching through the windows. "Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if it flew over our heads. But what about the fact that she wanted to be a doctor?"

Jamie thought, "Maybe he was threatened that she wanted to leave? I mean, look at this place. I don't blame her."

Morgan silently agreed and called Hotch on his phone. "Hotch, Carter and I might have something."

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Thanks for reading and please remember to review, I would really appreciate it.


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